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mars Dec 2019
i wish the things you told me 15 feet up were as concrete as the streets below us
your very existence is extraordinary to me
you came into my life like a meteor
beautiful from far away but also chaotic and damaging
sometimes chaos can be beautiful too though
the weight of your words is stronger than the gravity keeping my feet planted on this balcony’s ledge
you dared me to leap and promised you would catch me when i land
but you can’t catch us both can you
i know you’re running away from the darkest parts of yourself
i know you know the difference between right and wrong
begging for freedom begging for releases
i want so badly to believe the sighs and secrets of our past were as full of vibrancy and authenticity as the crowded city square
i wish time could turn back suns like the pages of a ***** magazine
i want so badly to replay the events of that night and question the transparency of your words
our worlds collided and my heart flatlined when you kissed me
i think i died that night and came back for you
10/07/19  3:25am
mars Nov 2019
i want to know your pain
i want to know your name your face
your touch is euphoric and

i’m in deep with someone who might be emotionally unavailable
and i guess i need to get over that somehow
or figure it out
or go to sleep


when i met you i set fire to my past
you struck a chord and i struck the match
have you ever met someone and known that you needed them to be a part of your life
and you wonder how you ever thought you knew passion or love or fear or pain
but i’m scared
i’m scared to lose that feeling that i didn’t know was possible to contain in me
i’m ******* enamored and ******* depressed
you’re exactly what i needed to walk into my life
and i know i was that for you too
unfortunately it seem you were not ready for me
and i feel my heart pulsating with passion
i don’t even need your touch
i’m just lacking from your gaze
but you’ve already walked out of the door

i have literally never ******* felt like this before in my life i feel like i can’t breathe but it’s not oxygen that i need


was this a mistake? i’m in pain that things are the way they are
and i know you are in pain because of life and loss of love
i can still taste you on my lips and feel your gaze imploring me
and all i want to know is what is going on in your ******* head
i could pour myself into your soul forever

left brain right brain
i hope i’m on your mind

but oh my god does it even ******* matter??? was this all just an experience made to build me up and drag me down? i’m scared to think that love like that can just come into your life and then be gone the moment you walk out of the door. love like that passion like that honesty like that raw like that truth like that. i have never felt so much oneness with another soul.

my thoughts are scattered across my bedroom and my insecurities are creeping through the cracks in the walls.

was it the drugs? or was it us?

at first i thought it was just the trip that was making you gravitate to me but then your mouth met mine and my heart exploded in my ******* chest. i refuse to believe that sensation was caused by anything other than you, but at the same time i’ll admit substance probably allowed us to make that connection.

i just want you to be able to talk to me. i know you haven’t let your past go and i fear you aren’t really ready to. and that is okay.

you’re on my mind.

my feelings are hurt but not only from you
you are an actual dream
and all my nightmares animated

i miss your touch

i would risk it all for another chance
weak in the knees and weak in the heart
you’re a dream and i don’t want to ever wake up

sleep here with me now and hold me in your arms
tell me that it’s okay and that i’m crazy
crazy for you crazy for me crazy for feeling this way
i want to know your plans
and how involved in them i am
when you wake tomorrow will i be forgotten?
your words reassure me but i’m poisoning myself
stabbing myself in the back
sabotaging myself

we lost ourselves and i found the best parts of myself when i found you
i have never felt so connected
so gravitated
towards another soul in my life
and i feel NAIVE for letting myself get so headass so quickly
very poetic


who are you? and how did you creep past my walls?
i crave your authentic self
i want to actualize your wildest fantasy
fulfill your every whim
please just make me feel good again ******* it
touch me


you always ask if what you do or say will make me hate you
but there’s not a **** thing you could do that would make that true
i’m ******* buzzing over you
are you thinking about me?
pollinate me
you’re on my ******* mind
running circles i’m getting fit

i am rambling
a conscious stream of raw thoughts and emotion
really missing that serotonin spike

i hate myself for feeling things
but i love the way it makes me feel
it’s ******* tragic and dangerous
getting off on my own pain
playing the most dangerous of games
i’m hanging on your every word

i just wanna sleep in your arms tonight again
09/24/2019 12am
this isn’t a poem it’s just a huge dumpster fire
mars Sep 2019
sitting in the dirt with my face turned up at the sky
i am thinking of you
i came to this place tonight to collect my thoughts
but i am only thinking of you
with eyes wide i open i came to the golden goddess        
begging her take away my fears and apprehension
i basked in her glory and warmth
and let a single tear roll down my cheek and back into the earth
but as she quietly crept behind the covers i am left with nothing more than my thoughts of you
the night is dark and cold and full of terrors
but i’m paralyzed by my feelings and held captive by my thoughts
insects are eating away at my insecurities and flesh
i want to know how to feel
looking down on the city lights and up at the moon it makes me feel small
i find myself thinking about your existence and how we both lived an entire lifetime before locking eyes
at this moment i am compelled, turning to the moon for comfort i see her and i feel the intensity of your gaze
you are coursing through my system like a drug like the blood that runs through my veins like the air i ******* need to keep breathing
all i ask is that you be kind to me
i try to understand the gravity of your existence and its separateness from my own
and i am thinking of you
09/24/2019 4:43am
Penguin Poems Sep 2018
You used to eat all the blue M&Ms in the package last.
Now I eat all the blue ones first to convince myself I’m over you,
Yet every time I do
I only think of you.
Natasha Sep 2017
soft-serve and sunscreen, sandcastles
old movies
played on reruns via VCR

top down, open highway
lined with trees
and sunshine

how did these days
pass me by
so quick?
AllAtOnce Aug 2016
I always hated Sunday mornings
So I cursed my retail job
Doughnuts and coffee couldn’t make up
For the sound of my alarm
But that day it was different
You came in with your sunglasses on
Tattoos on your arm
And that was what could have changed it all

You said you’d pick me up at seven
That I should bring my dancing shoes along
I should’ve asked what you were on
We walked into the restaurant
It had a ballroom inside
I must have stepped on your feet
At least a hundred times
Your hair smelled like citrus
Your breath smelled of gin
Your tattoos creeped up and around
As we began to spin

You showed up one Sunday evening
It was just a couple months in
Tears streaming down your face
And I just let you in
The story came out slowly
Each chapter worse than the last
I held you in my arms as I
Tried to erase the past

I wore a white dress one Sunday morning
Flowers in my hair
The Wedding March played overhead
There was excitement in the air
You held my hand and smiled
With a chorus of “I do”s
Now we’ve got nothing left to prove
We made it all the way through

I woke up early one Sunday morning
To the baby crying next door
I set my feet on the floor
But you had gotten there before
I found you in the rocking chair
And she’s tugging on your hair
And I fell in love again

He died on a Sunday morning
Sitting in a hospital bed
I never thought it would end
Our daughter was thirty seven
I didn’t know what to do
So I went and got a tattoo
To remind me of you
So I could fall in love again
Even after it all ends

I always hated Sunday mornings
So I cursed my retail job
Doughnuts and coffee couldn’t make up
For the sound of my alarm
But that day it was different
You came in with your sunglasses on
Tattoos on your arm
But then you stopped and turned around
And just like that
It was gone
One and Only Jul 2016
Hello stranger,
Can I tell you something?
Everyone's like a stranger to me.
So; you know,
it doesn't seem hard to open up to you.
'Cause all the people in my life
are becoming strangers to me.
I don't know who to turn to
One and Only Jul 2016
Hurts, all over..
Notice me, **** it.
Call me her name, it hurts.
It was the name you had for her,
It was the name you called her.
It destroys me,
It tears me apart.
It rips me into pieces
and now I've ruined your mood....
I'm sorry if I'm sensitive,
I'll change, I'll shut up
Just please don't replace me.
Not now not ever.
But you've already started haven't you?
I'm just there, but you've got videos to keep you happy.
I'm here uhm excuse me, you've got games to keep you busy.
Hi? Hello? Bye? Now, you notice me.
But you know what?
I keep silent because all the pain is worth you...
So am I worth it too?
HURTS, you were the one I could share my problems to before. Now, who do I turn to? Where do I go? When we fight, how can I be strong? How do I turn my emotions off like before?
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