"downloading" poems
Anxiety is not stress.
Anxiety is not some umbrella term you can use to describe how you feel when your favorite character in a book is in an intense battle unless you can somehow feel how fast their heart is beating until you can feel how hot their blood is until you can feel what it’s like to be that character in that situation the weight of the world on your shoulders
Anxiety is not finding lighting candles to be the only solution, candles are another problem. Another long paragraph to your list of “Things That Can Easily **** Me” example: “I didn’t leave any matches out, did I? I blew out the candle right? I need to check. Do I smell burning?? PUT THE CAP WHEN IT’S DONE! Will set off my fire alarm? Does my fire alarm work? Where’s my fire alarm??? Where’s somewhere I can put it so it doesn’t hurt me. THIS IS OK THIS IS NORMAL THIS IS RELAXATION.”
Anxiety is not stress.
Anxiety is horrible flashing images, constant reminders, the most negative form of “what if” imaginable.
Anxiety is wasting all your time thinking about an 8 page paper due for class in a week but instead of bringing yourself to writing it you are sobbing on the floor thinking of how bad for your grade this will be.
Anxiety is having a crush on a girl and trying out makeup for the first time.
Anxiety is having a crush on a guy and wondering if your sense of humor is funny enough.
Anxiety is not stress.
Anxiety is downloading an app that checks on your health and leaves you wondering how long this has been going on for.
Anxiety is wondering how to fix your eating disorder instead of actually fixing it
Anxiety is outing yourself to fit in
Anxiety is always wearing pants because you’re too afraid of your own scars
Anxiety is staying up countless nights crying crying crying you cannot yell your thoughts are no longer your own
Anxiety is writing a list of pros and cons to killing yourself
Anxiety is lighting a candle so you can slowly burn the list because
Anxiety is telling you if someone finds out, you will die.
Anxiety is not stress.
Anxiety is having making a friend and losing them in less than a year
Anxiety is wondering if all this help is helping or do I need to help myself
Anxiety is your friends questioning you non-stop are they really questioning you or do you question yourself?
Anxiety is memorizing the suicide prevention hotline
Anxiety is beating yourself up countless times “How could you forget something as simple as a Birthday?!”
Anxiety is “I only have three friends and one hates me, one I’m trying not to lose, and the other I love too much to tell the truth”
Anxiety is “It’s only a matter of time before we all die!”
Anxiety is “Congratulations! Two of your friends have died this year alone! One ******* hates you! Oh! HAHA! Wait! They all ******* hate you!”
Anxiety can turn you from “Wow. I look kinda good today.” to ”DYSPHORIA! DYSPHORIA! DYSPHORIA!”
JUST ******* KIDDING!
ANXIETY IS STRESS!
AND MUCH
MUCH
MORE!!!!!!!!
Dec 29, 2015
Dec 29, 2015 at 3:50 PM UTC
lamenting out loud
incoming funk lords
remembering ambient illhueminati
using wrong account
applying lexical snobbery
"using arcane diction
during bamboo surplus"
sinning and redeeming
enjoying manufactured existence
struggling but whatever
transfigurating xenocryptic renderings
scheming paroxystic shipwrecks
dispensing xylophonic wainscotting
revolving number plates
disheartening star charts
upgrading defenestrated system
observing new alphabet
amplifying celestial explosions
trippifying schema migrations
deregulating various economies
befriending code snippets
writing excess minutiae
effulging caffeine consumption
rebuilding grandiose protectorate
uniting our caliphates
collecting projected change
kettling ostalgie hues
collapsing second-world references
traumatizing unrequited follow
making baseball analogies
surveiling little sheep
awaiting various answers
deleting defaced tweet
exciting times ahead
downloading panda consciousness
capitulating rising stellation
Sep 12, 2015
Sep 12, 2015 at 12:05 PM UTC
I've faced my most terrifying fears
and let go of people I held dear
escaped in the brink of death
conquered sleep paralysis
rejected every stupid existing fad
left my ghosts from the past
passed my worst subjects and
passed everything
But I couldn't seem to handle
A SLOW INTERNET CONNECTION
I tell my problem
the operators just roll their eyes
more than a thousand peso every month
and freaking 1mbp/s everytime
I've never tasted the quick internet connection
but you can't say that this is okay
until you watch live stream online
Slow internet...
The lan is tough ahead
the rules of survival lags
the PC hangs
Can't you give us the quality we deserve
also no, to the Telepad
they're being greedy and they know it
Everyone thinks i'm just impatient
Just cause it's true
doesn't mean that it's right
so sit down on the desk
and open that PC
let me show you what it's like
to use a computer with
A SLOW INTERNET CONNECTION
the Youtube has never gave me a video with 720p
downloading movies takes forever to take
and the facebooks works like ****
but it goes fats when I restart
ain't nobody got time for that
Apr 4, 2018
Apr 4, 2018 at 11:16 AM UTC
Before fools began to recycle silliness
or love and *** became a commodity to be bought off the shelves of our desires.
Before muscle outranked intelligence
Or the loose were voted people of the year
Before a misguided girlfriend replaced a faithful wife
And hardwork was kicked out of the door by web scamming
Before *********** became only rounds of loveless ***
Common sense lived next to sanity on the street called society.
Because we were too busy watering the gardens of our stupidity
Common sense gradually lost all sense and sensibility
until there was nothing left to compose a corpse.
Very few of us attended the burial
Because almost all of us didn't realize it was gone...
Uncommon sense told you how high crack could get you
common sense agreed you were going to feel fly
But like an airplane, you'd eventually come crashing like a pack of cards.
Uncommon sense got her pregnant out of wedlock
While common sense was still preparing a future under a respectable roof.
The same society which kick against abortion
Serves the pregnant teenager a cold shoulder and self-righteous looks of disdain.
How do you ponder a picture without the painting
Or seperate the sea from the Navy?
Downloading apps to help bridge the gap between stupidy and foolishness
As the brain lies unused like an abandon project.
But like Lagbaja and his mask
The more you look, the less you see
The fool will always go shopping but will never put wisdom in the basket.
Apr 24, 2016
Apr 24, 2016 at 12:47 PM UTC
(oh please, please **** this
take this life, I don't need it
I don't know, what reality is
because I cant see through all of this)
{digital heaven, electron clouds
negative zero, screaming out loud
digital angels, burning in hell
downloading demons, no soul to sell}
(it is time, time for change
it is time, for better things
to get away, to the other side
to fall asleep, and open your third eye)
{getting away now, ascend into blue
digital cancer, the way out is through
through my digital heaven, electron clouds
negative zero, screaming out loud}
(that was once, was once me
it was once, was once us
what we've become, something processed
feeling so numb, take my last breath)
{getting away now, ascend into red
digital healing, waking the dead
getting away now to the other side
breathing in slowly, spun out of my mind}
Apr 10, 2015
Apr 10, 2015 at 6:00 AM UTC
**Path #1
Forgiveness is the sinking
head into heart..
The head dwelling in separation
concedes logic's demands
but confronting questions
time after time:
Why? and What?
Surrendering at last
to the sinking..
dissolving..
becoming..
the Heart...
Path #2
Forgiveness is downloading
of new software..
Our old software
employs the ego rampant
rendering forgiveness
a difficult dream
searching in forlorn places
finding only traces..
New software finds it all
Here and Now...!
Path #3
Real forgiveness is Now
not in time..
Events in the past
seeming in need of
forgiveness
are only known
Now..
and what of the Now..?
it's other name
our true identity:
Forgiveness...
Path #4
Chaos
is an iteration
of Forgiveness..
a shading and
concealment of
formulated light..
Our awaking brings
the repentance
the return
the feedback
to never absent
Forgiveness...
Path #5
A shock it is
to learn that
Forgiveness is not personal..
It is a realization
of a substance common
to all concerned
transparent and eternal
the real Self..
With that realization
duality of conflict
dissolves in the
Light...
Path #6
Quantum forgiveness
is the only
forgiveness..
A leap into
infinite non-locality..
The suddenness arrives
within painful progress
or perhaps
strangely enough
out of the blue...!
Path #7
Forgiveness
an experience of sealing
our separate brokenness..
It is mandatory..
Yet the sealing
can be accomplished
only by those who see
there is no need
for the sealing...
Path # 8
Immersed
in a separated
dualistic reality
seeking forgiveness
in thought and time
is not satisfying..
The lingering pain
from a fruitless search
for forgiveness in
all the wrong places...
Path #9
Forgiveness
is a restoration of
peace and happiness
with new clarity:
The Awareness of
peace and happiness
was never in need of
restoration...
Path #10
We need to see clearly
that all relationships
take place in
infinite Awareness..
But wait..
not in .. but as..
All those hurts
are constrictions
of Awareness
crying out their
illusory separation...**
Jun 16, 2015
Jun 16, 2015 at 12:04 AM UTC
Haywire.
While sabotaging agencies are corrupting,
I lie frozen,
Downloading how to translate
this brainwash without constantly erupting!
Haywire,
United Suits of America,
drug-guzzling, anti-christ
injecting poison in the fruits.
Wake to terror, bleed from pain,
get pushed from mankind,
from our freedom fighters’
propensities to feign.
Frequencies being altered,
from 432 to 440,
Unaware of the subtle control
they have taken of our
***** of corti.
Receptors are jarred
our balance mistaken,
slowly these trails are weakened,
and souls must awaken!
Rhythms of nature
being projected on a screen,
too safe to go outside,
we have become rotting cans
of packed sardines.
May 28, 2015
May 28, 2015 at 9:30 PM UTC
Meet someone in a perfect timing and a perfect reason is everyone's wishlist
But the reality is just *****
There's no coincidence at all
If you want to meet, just say it
If you miss him, just call him
If you need, just ask
If you love him, just let him know the truth
Well, I believe in a quote ;
"Coincidence. That's an explanation used by fools and liars."
Well, lately I've been finding a lot of dating app
Which always say that meeting someone is just easy as downloading the app, faster than you think.
Wow
Just wow
You can't just easily trust anybody among their social media, like
Photos, status, bio, that's all lies
They just wanted to prove that they have a good apperance so they can get a lot of chats
But it's okay, 'cause at least they try an effort.
Besides there, I believe in quote ;
"People fall in love in a mysterious ways, maybe just a profile picture on instagram."
We don't know right?
We all do
Well
I'm just waiting here and hoping that there's a coincidence will come to me.
- dlx
Jun 30, 2016
Jun 30, 2016 at 3:29 PM UTC
when I speak
*like
this*
it makes me apprehensive of what I've missed
the days I could be spending with you
elusive
and if only identical twins wrapped in a chemical abyss
could coexist
I might not think about you all the time.
So when I miss you I must remember
you're always there
hovering in
a corner
of my own head
waiting to be remembered
and never forgotten
like the ugly pencil
found this morning
on my way home
to school
in the bottom of my backpack
waiting to be used
waiting to scribble useless rhymes
and help me forget the time
because I hate everything around me
even though its lovely and sunny
and you're beautiful
and the grins on their faces when they see me in the morning
doesn't equate
to what you could be telling me every night.
Apr 14, 2011
Apr 14, 2011 at 7:52 PM UTC
He gave me one hell of a cocktail, full
to the brim with snake oil and water from the rose,
And I started sailing like a sailor,
Straight to the moon, straight back to you,
To the ********* outer edge of the solar system.
And it’s this stupid attachment that gets to me,
I hug it like an octopus on a Christmas tree,
And distract myself by downloading anti-virus programs all day,
And smoking cigarettes and whatever else,
And I write out in anger in frustration,
I don’t want to rest, I can’t be my best,
So now I’m sick of this city,
And all it’s ineptness to sing to me,
I want to travel far, far away from the man who killed me.
He gave me one hell of a cocktail, full
to the brim with snake oil and water of the rose.
Feb 8, 2012
Feb 8, 2012 at 1:24 AM UTC
*-Says Windows at night
while movies are downloading.
PirateBay trojans, malware, or viruses
all because Demonoid went and died on us!
Though never once have I thought:
"Oh, what shall I do?"
...'Cause it was I
who stole
the operating system
from you.
*
May 12, 2014
May 12, 2014 at 7:04 PM UTC
The hive mind is coming
Computer networks running
Always uploading and downloading
Error data system malfunction
Mal intention in the form of malware
Viruses are now digital
Reality is virtual
And I am virtually effected
My identity is tied to
People I will never meet in person
All likes and reposts
To validate my existence
No flesh just zeroes and ones
Just zeroes and ones
Just zeroes and ones
Error
Error
Error
Error
Aug 4, 2015
Aug 4, 2015 at 11:07 PM UTC
Living Life.
Dream to Dream.
Asleep, but still awake.
Constantly searching for a vision.
Eyelids closed, but still looking.
The mind's curtain is drawn open.
Ancient knowledge awaits the seeker
Wise guides. Magickal symbolism.
Your power lies within.
Questioning reality opens new doors.
New thoughts being the keys.
Everything is a journey.
Information always downloading.
The cycle never stops.
Always learning. Always evolving.
Connect with wisdom, with truth.
Know yourself. Fear nothing.
Dream to Dream.
Nov 18, 2010
Nov 18, 2010 at 5:59 PM UTC
You'll never breathe the air that you desire
You aim high up only to fall in complete dire
You search for pieces of what's left unattended
The pain for pleasure heavenly greeted
The thrill rides will never be on favour
Hallucination agents dilating pupils
Producing optics illussion of colours
Reflecting mirror emotions taints
Through cracks of the window panes
Countings stars that steal flames
Flickering lights of blinding fame
De Ja Vu striked you rebelling
For this world not the reality claimed
Only temporary trial and error games
For what's down beneath indulging
This sweet bedazzling lies conjuring
Worshippers who breathe yet still denying
Organizing multiple ******** swines
Downloading stereotypical in the line
To shore your life's daze in waves
Capturing precious ocean's bay
Till the knightly light gives way
For the elegant moon cautiously lay
Theatrical role play of regrets portray
From worrying writes which convey
Nirvana awaits for those who ....
A strip of paper that was torn at the edge
Which could only be found deep within
Heart's page
©2014 Maman Screams
Jan 26, 2014
Jan 26, 2014 at 8:03 AM UTC
All I need's an App
to get rid of the Krap
and one more App to get back
to the start.
Dec 27, 2013
Dec 27, 2013 at 9:29 AM UTC
1.
Love,
There is no other name
Some know it and some don't.
2.
The world is
On my plate, with forks.
But I need a good sleep first.
3.
Chocolate melts in my mouth
Slowly, or I can hasten.
So is ***
4.
The yellow powdery sand
Covers the earth.
A live chicken in oven, with spices.
5.
Old Time, like fireflies
Flickers hope once and stops
So is our uninspiring life.
6.
My son's eyes
Are the new stars.
You say we spin in space.
7.
Night is like a pitcher
Of black thick energy drinks.
Day's catastrophe is right at the corner.
8.
Facebooking, tweeting
Downloading and tid-bits.
Nothing like sunny walks in the open field.
Nov 5, 2014
Nov 5, 2014 at 1:20 AM UTC
I have music in my head
A beat of a particular sound
Is it my blood rushing through my veins
Strumming my chords or have I found
some other percussion in me instead.
Whether I trail downstream to the pool
or to the purple prickly moors
My music goes with me
Beside me and behind closed doors.
It sings to me heart, a rhythm downloading
my thoughts to the breeze. Wafting to the wind
blasting in the lanes as I go off roading
in my little jeep with rickety floors.
Bumping and grinding it does
behind closed doors.
Jul 7, 2015
Jul 7, 2015 at 8:46 AM UTC
Moonlight love bliss.
Resist and exist with Luna's lips.
Deception drips.
Safe ships.
Broken harbors.
They faulter.
Kneeling at the altar,
Deciphering the water,
Making promises to those in which are offered.
It all hits,
Tripped up when the bass kicks.
Lunar eclipse expelling ancestral scripts.
Ethereal lit.
Stripped **** and consumed,
Naturally attuned.
Breathing in changes like phases of the moon.
It's assumed,
That this is the awakening.
Listening intently to what the world is whispering.
Noticing openly that we are just visiting.
Partaking.
Actively defining open eyes with ancient ties.
Downloading forgotten advice
from fireflies and stardust littered skies,
Scattered on the reprise.
Apr 19, 2014
Apr 19, 2014 at 6:28 AM UTC
breathtaking brilliance
falls encompassing beauty
eyes downloading realm
Oct 6, 2013
Oct 6, 2013 at 8:58 PM UTC
as if falling down the earth
with you wasn't enough,
you take my hand and
hold me close and
whisper real loud
all the words i love until
the breath leaves my lips
and leaves them cold and dry
and dizzying up my head
so the world spins faster
than my thoughts which is
so impossible that the possibility of
the impossible makes me
cry with excitement and makes you
hold me closer- so close that
for a moment you can hear my thoughts
and the moment after that you gasp
with amazement because you knew
my mind was different jumbled crazy
like i know too but it just happened so fast
to you all at once and you didn't expect it
so your mind suddenly went into
overload and fried the hard drive
of your brain
and your unconscious mind screamed in agony
and your superego was impressed by my id
and your ego just shook a finger and
mildly scolded my brain
for mildly scalding yours
and as you cooled down and
your eyeballs rolled back
you were suddenly a different person
that i didn't like
which made me wonder how anybody
liked me at all or ever but you did,
but now you're not you and
the old you is gone and
the new you is me and i am
nothing.
Feb 20, 2014
Feb 20, 2014 at 1:48 PM UTC
So open our minds could be
To invite each side with a balanced scene
So loud our voices could carry
The righteous solution of a perfect recipe
With the ingredients so perfectly married
Of love, fairness and honesty
But instead our eyes are glued to the screen
Downloading illusions with influence and monotony
The information, as fake as the food we're eating
Served on a silver plate to convince it's certainty
All to rid us of the power we carry
Which is masked with negativity
To confuse us of the reality
That gives us the possibility
To accept one another's beliefs
To agree to disagree
To think for ourselves without all the censoring
If all this was a probability
Our home wouldn't be so naive
Our children would grow into a future of positivity
With certainty of security
And we could all live ever happily
But instead we are taught that fairy tales are for t.v. only
From the same screen controlling our identities
Sep 30, 2015
Sep 30, 2015 at 3:43 PM UTC
Ahem....
We had 104 days of summer vacation, then school turns to life just to end it
So the annual problem for our generation is finding a good way to spend it...
LIKE MAYBE:
Working and working until you are sore, only to come home and plop in bed
Forgetting your taxes 'till the last minute or getting pulled over by feds
Surfing the internet, pinning on Pinterest, or downloading pirated songs
Get halfway through a book, changing your kid's diapers, and watch TV to see there's NOTHING ON!!
As you can see, growing up just ain't easy, but we're in for the overhaul
But we can sit back and laugh at the fact WE DON'T HAVE SCHOOL IN FALL!!!!
YES WE CAN SIT BACK AND LAUGH AT THE KIDS, 'CAUSE WE DON'T HAVE SCHOOL IN FALL!!!
Jul 11, 2013
Jul 11, 2013 at 9:24 AM UTC
i was sitting here
searching for how to
do something mundane.
worklike.
syncing accounts.
trying to find passwords.
downloading data.
i sprinkled eucalyptus around
earlier to try
to make myself feel better.
i lit a candle and everything and
even pretend made my bed.
cranked the air conditioning.
so i could cool off.
and calm down.
and r e s t.
i took 2 dove milk chocolates
and ice cold water to my room.
i just wanted to watch
Stargate Atlantis
and go to sleep.
lazily mining for data
half paying attention
and suddenly an
intergalactic time portal
opened up before my eyes.
and boom.
(i'm here again)
in this place
of so much
l o v e
my heart pounding
as if no time has gone by.
as if you had just come around
the corner and i see your face
again for the
first time.
literally tachycardia
a loss of all logic
a stupid, stupid grin
my body shaking
in anticipation
of hearing your voice.
by accident.
gigabyte after gigabyte after gigabyte
and year, after year, after y e a r
and no matter which
one i choose,
i find pieces of you.
funny little pieces.
big, honest pieces.
secret pieces.
my pieces.
tears are streaming
d o w n my face
but i don't care
because it is the only
time i can remember
what it was like.
to be a different person.
in a different time.
to overlap with you.
every click
and swipe
songs
artworks
words
photos
texts
the reaching and
the r e t r e a t i n g.
the coming together and
the sudden
f
a ll
in g
a p
art
all neatly in chronological
order like i'm
reading my own story.
but seeing it from
the outside.
the entire picture.
and i can see
where i was wrong
i n t e n s e
younger
and stupider
and flailing.
but i have always seen you.
always from the
very first moment.
you were like an assault
but in a cosmic sense.
and at the same time
a peaceful, serene, beautiful,
rare combination of atoms and ****
and i don't think something like that
could ever happen again.
i can't even imagine it,
and imagining is the
only thing i'm good at.
curse the interwebs,
saving all this ****
i didn't even realize.
and thought was lost.
but also thank you,
google overlord.
i think it's ok to cry
about loving someone,
and missing someone
so so so so much.
because nothing matters more
than being honest
about your love.
and then i looked out
my window in despair
and i saw
a crescent moon.
May 26, 2020
May 26, 2020 at 11:56 PM UTC
tumase pyaar hone laga hai
RD.... jaanam
A heart in love sees the other side of life and living with splendor that is blurred by daily living and it's hardships.
Suddenly all appears divine in nature body, heart, limbs re coconnect to soul and realign throbbing secretly.
Its the shy magic
mystery of two in love interconnecting
wavelength entwined,
Same precise moment
As their paths loop. ~Jugalbandi~
Love seems infused
with it's own good fortune cookie baked surprise
in it's midst, closing gaps
as yet monotonous
dark clouds discipate.
Loving is an antivirus downloading new systems. Cleaning faulty links. Awakening emergent
awareness, puting action
to the eager vessel soul.
I fell in love before pcrdd
I do fall in love again
~Jugalbandi Rd~
Sharing past true love
and everything
since then greets me
With love
And so much more.
~~~~~~~~~~
By Karijinbba
All right reserved 2021
Jul 10, 2021
Jul 10, 2021 at 2:44 AM UTC