i poured my sadness into you
although it wasn't fair,
i made you suffer the same fate
because i was so scared
to be alone.
and in this empty, desolated place
i stole your light,
abused your grace,
and then i took your life.
i know that it's too late,
there's no way home.
i'm sorry,
i'm just scared to be alone.

i don't want to be seen,
feel my touch on your cheek;
i don't want to be seen at all,
but the razors are sharp
and the curtains are drawn.
i don't want to be seen
lying down on the floor.
if you hold me, i'll break,
if you kiss me, i'll know;
but the panic runs through,
spinning out of control.
i don't want to be seen,
but my thoughts drown in ink
and the pages are torn.
i don't want to be seen,
feel my touch on your cheek;
i don't want to be seen at all.

...and every single day you're gone
hurts more.
i don't know what to do,
i've lost my purpose.
my name, when you don't say it,
is forgotten.
my face, when you don't look at it,
is blurred.
i couldn't recognize myself these days,
a shadow that protects your endless sleep.
i've hated you for years,
but now you haunt my dreams
and all my life's forever yours to keep.

your laughter's still alive on tape,
your room's a shrine,
our home - a prison.
i keep on planning my escape,
but when i do, it feels like treason.
dust settles down inside my lungs,
can't bring myself to change a thing.
it always takes me by surprise
when i come back and you're not here.
your footsteps linger in the halls,
your touch is felt through every surface.
your life is spread across the walls,
your shadow waits behind the curtains.
your voice is still alive on tape,
your room's a shrine,
our home - a prison.
i keep on planning my escape,
but when i do, it feels like treason.

i dream of setting things on fire
and watching as they turn to ash;
like lovers, tempted by desire,
surrender to the call of flesh.

some flames can never be extinguished,
some marks pierce skin right to the bone.
some pyres are better left unfinished,
some prayers make you feel alone.

but when the blazes take you higher,
the sky grows crimson in a flash.
i dream of setting things on fire
and watching as they turn to ash.

i used to love you but i don't know
if love's supposed to hurt this much.
and when you leave i try to stall you,
but lately it feels like a crutch,
and if i want to learn to walk alone
i have to let it go.
i have to let you go,
but you are wrapped just like a noose
around my throat.
i thought it was a rope to guide me,
now i know it's just a waste of time.
and all those years you have defined me,
now i can finally find out
how many of those fears were actually mine.
you're losing ground, you're out of touch,
and no, it definitely wasn't
supposed to hurt this much.
i think i've had enough for a lifetime.
i used to love you but i'm done.
figure it out.

you said that i'm wasting my time
on things that don't matter.
well, i'd rather be wasteful
than lonely.
the road to self-preservation
takes a lifetime and a half,
but on my third attempt
i think i'm finally getting
the hang of it.
and instead of shrinking in size
after every unpleasant comment
that makes no difference at all,
i expand into every direction
until there's no room to grow,
then a little bit more
afterwards.
and wouldn't you like to know
what i'm about to become,
wouldn't you want
to see me now?
well, i'm sorry for wasting your time,
but i'd rather be wasteful
than spend it
on trying to please
you.

you only seem to love me
when you're down.
an open wound can shape
the way you feel;
just like you never want me
when i'm here,
just like you always need me
when i'm not around.

but if you think i'll run to you,
you're wrong.
a heart that's broken once
needs time to heal;
you never say you're sorry
when i'm here,
you only seem to love me
when i'm gone.

do you know
when the party
begins to wear out,
when the laughters
don't burst as often,
and the fireworks
no longer ignite
in their eyes;
when the twilight
reminds of sunrise,
and their tongues
are too caught up
for talking?
when the clarity comes
with a bittersweet pill,
a prescription
from someone's pocket;
when the shatters of fun
are divided between,
when they lie
on the floor,
watch the couple
next door,
make some coffee
and make a scene;
when confetti
is covered in footprints
and balloons collect dust
in the corners,
and the fireworks
no longer explode
in their hearts;
do you know
when the party is over?

we got married in a small church
outside a big city,
a building that saw better times,
surely,
but got on the time's bad side.
we believed that love could save us,
that love would set us free;
and a few years later
woke up, like strangers,
on the separate sides
of one bed.
where did that love go?
when did it disappear?
one doesn't walk
into the same river twice,
but falls for the same flaws,
same vices.
we shared our vows in a small church
outside a big city,
naive,
wrote them with our hopes,
tied them with gold.
a few years later,
where did that love go?

you say it's just who you are
and if i love you so,
i should be able to accept it,
i should be able to dissect
my own feelings,
pour some acid
and watch them dissolve.
but you see, love,
it's not true though,
and every little sacrifice
makes me diminish in your eyes,
as if it ever was a valid
reference point.
i refuse to be appraised,
i don't accept being sold.
let go of my hand.
guess what? life ain't fair.
so take your overpriced baggage,
all your emotional damage,
and **** it up.
it might sound cruel,
but if you want to be a grown-up
you should stop playing the fool.
no kiss goodbye,
no sweet farewell,
i guess you'll never get to learn
that this is who i really am.

why don't you ever
say it as it is?
pull down the curtains,
let the light shine through.
why don't you close your eyes,
why don't you break the kiss,
why don't you read my lips,
why don't you?
call from a different life,
tell me how good it feels,
that you just realized
there wasn't much to miss
without me by your side,
not very hard at all.
it must be pretty great,
but what do i really know?
why don't you ever
say it as it is?
pull down the curtains,
let the light shine through.
why don't you wake me up,
why don't you make up your mind,
why don't you break my heart?
why don't you?

she faded in people
that she had known,
vanished within them
without a trace.
and being asked
of who she's become,
she smiles and says
she no longer exists.
it's all of them
that carry her heart,
dispersed and shared,
but never replaced.
she faded in people
that she had loved,
vanished within them
without a trace.

i can't breathe without you,
i can't think without you,
i can't feel without you,
stranded on my own.
breathing hurts my lungs,
thoughts in disarray,
every day is bleak,
knowing that you're gone.
i can't love again,
i can't hope again,
i can't dream again,
all i want is you.
with a heavy heart,
stripped of all my faith,
every wish i have
brings me back to you.
and i tried to pray,
and i tried to drink,
and i tried to wait,
but you don't return.
so i take the time,
it takes all my strength,
learning how to live.
god, it's been so long
since i slept without you,
since i talked without you,
since i saw without you,
stranded on my own.
breathing hurts my lungs,
thoughts in disarray,
but i'm still alive
even though you're gone.

my lips are cold,
but i still feel it burning,
the aftertaste of words
i didn't say.
i wish i knew
how to explain
this restless, hungry yearning
to be somebody's lover
for a day.

i feel like a fool
that you drove, blindfolded,
to a cliff in the middle of nowhere,
and asked
if i was going to step forward,
disappointed by my hesitation,
yet holding me back
with your cold hands.
and if i told you i knew
from the start
where we were going,
you'd probably leave me there
on my own.
but i feel like a fool,
a fool that loves you,
who'd take a long flight
over a short drive.
you asked
if i was going to step forward,
and the answer is
yes.

it's a feeling that hits you
in the back
like the firmness
of a stranger's handshake.
it's you.
it was always going to be you.
cold fingers beg
for some warmth,
and knees melt
at the very thought
of letting this one go.
and the temples pulse
in unison,
synchronized heartbeat
of the drums.
it's a feeling that hides
around the corner,
like the drunken haziness
of your mind.
it's you.
it was always going to be you.

i've been slipping into your skin;
what can i do when you expect
so much of me?
when you are all i want to be?
when i don't feel myself
whenever you're around?
and every cell inside my body screams
that you're the only one
i'll ever need,
and, piece by piece,
i'm losing more and more of me
just to get close to you.
i've been slipping into your life,
your heart,
your world,
tasting your touch.
what would it like to be you
just for a moment?
just for once?
i wish i could be good enough
to play the part you wrote for us;
i can't be me, and yet
i can't be you.
what can i do when you don't like
the way i am
when i'm not trying to please you?
what can i do when you expect
so much of me?
and you are all i want to be,
but even if i lay my life
down at your feet,
all that you'll ever love is you,
all that i'll ever be is me.

your image flickers in the dark,
you are so distant, yet so close.
i raise my hand to stroke your hair,
i try to hold this lifeless ghost,
but the illusion fades away
and leaves my loneliness exposed.
your image flickers in the dark,
you are so distant, yet so close.