I’m a total mess and need a shower
I have a meeting in less than an hour
There’s no hot water – we have no power
Should I **** it up and take one now, or
Call in sick to work?

Excitement - attraction, ***, love
Happiness - money, marriage, family
Contentment - bbq's, vacations, friends
Boredom - schedules, chores, commitments
Apathy - distant, separate, divorce
Loneliness - heartbreak, regret, resolve
Renewal - freedom, flexibility, growth
Excitement...

Your words are like an arsenic drip
  slowly destroying me from the inside

The most beautiful green
I’ve ever seen
is the one between
the budding of the trees
and their fully formed leaves.

The color of spring.

You woke me, Death, and I saw you -
standing at the end of my bed

A shadow darker than the dark;
faceless and looking right at me

I looked back
and my blood froze

I recoiled and you were gone,
but you haven't really left me

It's been days since I last slept -
I look as though I've aged by years

Your presence is taking a toll on me, Death

How much more must I endure?

You kissed me softly in the rain,
then laughed gently into my mouth.
It tasted like Spring.

Death lives within these walls.
It seeped up through the attic rafters,
Settled down in the furthest recesses,
And it waited for me.

I know you, Death.
We become more familiar with each passing day.
You are the movement in my peripheral in an empty room;
The whisper in my ear originating from nowhere;
The hair on my arms and neck standing, unprovoked;
The unease slowly building within me.

The cat knows you, too.
I see her watching you as you move throughout the house,
Never turning her back to you.
She is protecting me.
Even when you call her name, she will not leave my side.
She arches her back in warning when you get too close -
Is she warning you to stay away?
Or warning me that you are approaching?

I sense you are getting stronger, Death.
I feel you when you slink up beside me and linger there -
But yesterday you touched me.
It froze me to my soul, and to the spot where I was standing.
Unable to move.
Unable to breathe.
Gripped by a terror I've never known before,
But understand I will know again.

My light is slowly fading into your darkness
And I feel helpless to stop it.
What do you want from me, Death?
And how far will you go to get it?

The first of the warmest days of spring
A beautiful view stretched out before me
Sun shining, clouds drifting
Winter's brutal cold a fading memory

Red tulips standing at attention
Their soft floral scent fills the air
The sun's rays warm on my skin
A gentle breeze touches your hair

Sitting together hand in hand
Across the table from each other
We came together as though it were planned
Each one so in love with the other

How is it we are so blessed
Living this life of bliss
Our love envied by the rest
It doesn't get much better than this

I look back fondly at my twenties
A time between youth and responsibility
Moving through the world independently
Nobody counting on me

Now in my early fifties
I am all things to everybody
Wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, employee
Never a moment to sit and just be

When I'm in my eighties
Will I be content, my time completely free?
Or will I be alone in my thoughts and my home
Wishing, again, somebody needed me?

There's a spider in the corner
Spinning silk into structure
I'm repulsed by this intruder
Just the same I want to touch her

I watch her distrustingly
I must admit she frightens me
Weaving an intricate canopy
Above my ficus tree

She thinks she's safe there but instead
For fear she may drop on my head
I am going to have to **** her
Creepy, calculating, dead

I think I'm good at communicating
And getting my point across
But by the time I'm done drafting and analyzing
Sometimes the point can get lost
   in my head
And I forget why I wanted to talk

You don't seem to mind though
You listen anyway
To my rambling, rambling, rambling...
Like now

I would even **** spiders for you

We relaxed by the ocean
Walked on the beach
Laughed until our stomachs hurt
And our eyes streamed
We wrote poetry
Enjoyed some day drinking
And a little night drinking, too
We looked ahead to our future
And back at our long and lovely past
For a brief time we left it all behind
And you and I were all that mattered

Let's do it again

I watch you struggle day to day
  wanting more from your life
    but not knowing where to start
From your frustration comes my triumph
No longer need to make your problems my own
  and so I have grown

I used to be a mind reader
  but I gave it up
No longer feel the need to know
  what’s really being thought

With me you share
  the weight of your heart
and the flight of your soul

No need to pre-think
  what you think
because you tell me all

You’re loud and you’re rude
   and you embarrass me
I quietly put up with it

You demean me and you
   hurt my feelings
Yet I quietly put up with it

You raise your fists
   in anger at me
And I withdraw in fear

And pray for the day
   when I will have the strength
to stop being so quiet

I'll never see my age times two
Which means I'm more than half way through
This beautiful life I've built with you

You miss her.
Your recent visit did you good.
There is always guilt associated with time -
too long since your last conversation,
too long since your last visit,
too long since you last thought of her.

She is always with you.
Never faultering.
Never failing to hear your words
and know your heart.
All that is between you is time now,
and time is finite.

Calm has graced my days once more
now that “the four”
are healthy again.
Or dead.

I reach across the chasm between us
to see if you’re still there
Remnants of a nightmare
linger in the air
The sleep that fills my head
disorients me but then
I hear you breathing next to me
and I feel safe again

A fleeting wisp of time
when everything and nothing matter simultaneously.
We know when we’re having one,
or when we’re in one...
We instinctively stop to appreciate the now
and subconsciously allow our senses to take over.
The sights, the sounds, the smells...
And then it’s gone.
These moments, strung together,
tell the story of our lives.
They are what we will remember
as we take our final breath.

Piles of books and papers scattered over the floor
I can no longer see the carpet
***** dishes and empty fast food containers on every surface
Two desks on either side of an already narrow doorway
make it almost impossible to enter your world
of homework and YouTube and video games
Our office is a ******* mess
And you are perfect in it

Sing to me while I rest.
Sit, hold my hand, reminisce
about youth, and life, and love.
Fill my soul
and ease my fears.
Lay your head on my shoulder.
Know my heartbeat once more
and let me smell your hair.
I am preparing for my journey home
and I'll be leaving soon.

Jump
And think of your husband
The day you met
The day you married
The birth of your child
Your life together

Jump
And think of your son
The milestone he's achieved
First steps
First day of school
First time behind the wheel
First love

Jump
And forget the things you’ve left undone
Relationships
Apologies
Promises
Dishes

Jump
And know that whatever comes next
Will be better than burning to death
In this raging inferno

Silence is as loud as a monster truck rally
All distraction removed
No TV, no cell phone, no you...
Only my own single voice
Screaming inside of my head

Don't leave me alone