Just beyond that frail, clear glass, a storm is brewing.
Newly emerald leaves shake harshly in a spring breeze.
The sky is troubled grey with rain waiting to let loose.
My childhood flashes before my eyes.
Images of frolicking happily as water poured from above.
There was no reason to be afraid.
Take me back to those days.
Let's go dancing in the rain.

Do you remember that sticky, summer night
The one where we stood hand in hand
In the middle of nowhere
In front of a sea of fireflies
The song of crickets swirling in the wind
You looked like an angel in the moonlight
Your eyes, so bright they looked silver
Do you remember that night?
I do.

from my lipstick
stains on your coffee mugs
to lipstick stains on your cigarettes

I never thought it was possible to love another human so much


and then i fell in love with you.

Rough patches are like the rain.
Once in awhile they pour down in sheets.
Other times they sprinkle themselves sporadically.
No matter how they arrive,
dark clouds always clear
and sunshine returns.

it's been another late night into an early morning
my mind is grasping to rationalize
the feelings you gave me today
perhaps by the time you ask
why i keep yawning
i will have my
answer

laying in bed all alone
while night seeps through window sills and door frames
a sea of never ending darkness
the silence is deafening
as thoughts race past
eventually blurring until
only one remains
why won't it stop
craving any answer
frantically grasping at
what sanity is left
sleep suddenly knocks
at the door
begging to be let in

Today the sky is lifeless,
the trees are barren,
and the world feels too quiet.
The sun is nowhere to be found,
no birds are singing,
even the wind is tired of blowing today.  
My body aches to be buried in a pile of blankets,
a warm place where no responsibilities can be found.  
Nothing sounds better than allowing my heavy lids fall shut,
forgetting about the long list of "to do's" sitting on my desk.  
Today, it has been extra hard to exist.

no matter how hard i try to hate you,
i can only feel sorry for you.

deep breaths.  racing heart.  what is the teacher saying?   bouncing leg accompanied by the tap tapping of fingers.  room needs cleaned.  check needs picked up.  how long until school is out?  the secondhand has a tick.  have tests to study for.  is that a new ring on her hand?  my appointment starts at 4:30.  the AC has kicked on.  when will the weather make up its mind?  need to pay attention to notes.  need more sleep.  my shoe came untied.  the wind is blowing the trees outside.  what college do i want to go to?  did I turn in my assignment?  this needs to stop.

my body is my cage
my limbs, running on auto pilot
my legs take me to the kitchen
my hands grasp the steaming cup of tea
back to my bedroom it is,
to sit crossed legged
in the center of my bed
my mind is no longer in control,
which, is for the best.
images of pill bottles
little capsules shaken into the palm of my hand
i lift my drink to my lips
warmer than i thought, my tongue burns
flashes of sharp objects on skin
and scorching flame to flesh
i swallow, the syrupy taste of
honey slipping down my throat.
my mind in a fog,
my weighted body finds the strength
to lay down, pull the covers to my chin
lights left on, clothes from that day
have yet to be taken off my body
my eyelids close as they do every night
it'll be better in the morning.

in hindsight,
i'm grateful for all the wasted tears and exasperating times.
you taught me that i deserve better
then fake love and disrespectful webs of lies.  
it wasn't until i untangled myself
that i could see how vicious you always have been;
sitting around waiting for another victim
for you to sink your fangs into.
if i could warn them, i would.
only,
i know the only way for them to learn,
is the hard way.  
like me, they will foolishly become addicted
to the honey that drips from your lips.  
they will melt under the gentle touch of your hands.
they will believe they are special to you.  
if i could save them, i would.
only time can show them who you really are.

The day you left, grieving clouds filled the sky.
A fog covered all corners of our little town like the blankets that covered every inch of my body that day.
Alone in my bed, nothing but the occasional bolt of lightening to illuminate an empty room.

The only sounds were the rustling of wind from outside and the constant, pitter patter, of rain drops clashing against the roof.  
Feeling anguished, I mistakenly challenged Mother Nature.
I spoke to her,

"Who can shed the most tears?"  
"Which one of us is able to flood a river faster?"  
"Who could produce enough water to drown out all those demons that like to haunt these dreary places?"  

At first, I felt nothing could beat the soul-deep aching within my chest.
Waterfalls poured from my eyes like the lies that once poured from your mouth.
Thunder raged on in my mind, my thoughts alone could have set a forest aflame.

Though as time passed, my tears slowly began to run out.
My tortured body felt too drained to produce anymore thoughts.  
My eye lids suddenly felt the weight of lead.  
Being pulled into a state of unconsciousness, I managed a few last words.

"You win."

If I’ve learned anything,
It’s that blue eyes lie.
Maybe green eyes don’t.

i can't stop myself
from missing your toxicity.
your venom has yet to
completely drain itself from my veins.  
your wicked ways are
still woven into my soul
your evil, encapsulates me
no matter how hard i try
i can't seem to untangle myself
from your love

They say two is better than one.
After meeting you,
that saying finally has meaning.
Imagine a painting of a world
in which everything exists in gloomy shades of grey,
a world in which colors no longer reside after long, weary years.  
This is a place where the word “happy,” has no home in the dictionary.  
Now imagine a new artist comes along,
repainting everything in the brightest colors they can find.
Grass is turned an emerald green,
the sky is a beautiful baby blue,
and the sun now lives in the top corner at all times.  
This, my dear, is how you have made me feel.
You brought your own ideas into my dull world and
all at once,
everything regained color.

Let's travel back in time to that first night
Where we danced in the dark under stars bright
Your hands on my waist, your eyes a blue glow
This love, I'm sure, we could never outgrow

before i go,
i would like to express my dearest gratitude
for all you never did for me.  
thank you for tearing my walls
all the way down to the ground
because after that,
the only direction i had to go was up.
i have been doing so much better these days
you have no idea how many times i've been told,
"you look so much better,"
"you look like yourself again,"
or my favorite,
"you're looking better than ever."
i wish i could say i did it all on my own.
But truth be told,
all those harsh words,
petty actions,
and looks of jealously that
i have received from you all,
have been to blame for my recent success.  
so please,
keep it up.
i promise it only makes me stronger.

Terrors keep you up at night.
The bags you carry under your eyes tell it all. That, and the somewhat frantic,
“Hey are you up? I just need to talk,”
2am texts.
It’s okay though,
The terrors keep me up, too.
Nothing feels worse than the sudden
JOLT that has you sitting up in seconds.
Followed by a pounding heart,
And a delirious mind,
Working to distinguish where you are
And what’s actually real.
I know the feeling,
Of being too afraid to close heavy lids
Out of pure fear of your own mind.
Thats why i promise to
try my best to keep you warm
and safe when the dark settles in.
If you let me,
I’ll even stay long enough
for the sun to rise again.
Maybe if we fall asleep together,
we won’t have as many nightmares.
And if we do,  
at least we’ll have
each other.

If you were the Romeo to my Juliet, I should have died the first time.

It would have been much less of a tragedy.

Yes,
There will be nights
You will say things
You do not mean.
There will be nights
Our words will set
The entire neighborhood aflame.
There will be nights
We cry rivers together.
I promise you,
There will never be nights
Your heart aches with loneliness.
There will never be nights
I make you sleep all alone.
Most importantly,
There will never be nights
I do not love you.

the bags under my eyes are almost as oversized as the t-shirts i've been living in.  upon waking, my choices consist of shakily making it through the day on cup after cup of coffee or putting myself through the misery of consciously keeping my eyelids pried open.  nights are filled with blankly staring at up at the ceiling and anxiety thoughts.
forgetting to eat has never been so easy, my waistline is shrinking daily.  they say to take it one day at a time, but each new day is more back-breaking than the last.