Frank Sutton was an actor who died half a century ago.
He starred in one episode of "The Andy Griffith Show".
He starred in every episode of "Gomer Pyle: USMC".
Sutton died fifty years ago today at the age of fifty.
People were sad because he wouldn't be coming back.
Sutton's life came to an end when he had a heart attack.
He starred in "The Twilight Zone" and "Town Without Pity".
He starred in "Armstrong Circle Theater" and "Naked City".
He starred in "Love, American Style" and "Valentine's Day".
Sutton would be 100 years old if he hadn't passed away.

Arthenia was my aunt and she was as kind as she could be.
She was a loving mother and wife who lived in Sneedville, Tennessee.
She was appreciated by her husband and the three children that she had.
Now she's in Heaven which is a better place, she's with my mom and dad.
When we lose somebody special, we always ask why.
Her daughter and sons names are Hope, Dennis and Levi.
She was married to my uncle for 43 years.
It's really sad because she's no longer here.
When such a special person dies, it's a shame.
She was unique and Arthenia was her name.

Today is Mother's Day of 2024.
But you died and you can't celebrate Mother's Day anymore.
You were a wonderful mother and I'm your youngest son.
You died eleven years ago in 2013 when I was forty-one.
You were a kind and giving person and that is a fact.
Being generous was a trait that you sure didn't lack.
It broke my heart and it was painful when you passed away.
Even though you're dead, I wish you a happy Mother's Day.

My blind date became violent because I took her to Popeyes instead of KFC.
She didn't get her eleven herbs and spices so she beat the hell out of me.
I took her to Popeyes Chicken because Popeyes is cheaper.
She became so violent that I nearly met the Grim Reaper.
She jabbed me in the eye with a fork and crammed a salt shaker up my ****.
When she was done, she'd covered my body with wounds and cut off my nuts.
She actually wanted a second date but I strongly protested.
When she insisted on another date, I had the ***** arrested.
I'm having to pay to have my ***** reattached and for the removal of the salt shaker from my ****.
I'll never go on a blind date again, not only does she become violent, she also looks like Jabba the Hutt.

A man who made Youtube videos has died.
On April 16, 2020, Steve Cash committed suicide.
He made "Talking Kitty Cat" videos.
All of his fans hated to see him go.

Steve suffered from a mental disorder and sadly, so do I.
He was Bipolar and everybody is having to say goodbye.
He died because of a self-inflicted gunshot wound.
He was only forty and the world lost him too soon.

I filed for divorce because my wife did something strange.
She went behind my back and had a *** change.
When I came home one afternoon, a man answered the door.
I thought it was a burglar so I knocked my wife to the floor.
When I learned that she became a man, I got mad.
I lost the beautiful and **** wife that I once had.
She said even though she became a man, I should still love her.
I told her that I already have a ***** and I don't need another.
When I packed my bags and left her for good, she said it was a lousy thing to do.
If you're a man, keep an eye on your wife because she may have a *** change too.

Even though I'm a fan of the classic Doctor Who,
I must say that I'm not a fan of the new.
I wanted and tried to like the new Doctor Who show.
But if people ask me if I love it, the answer will be no.
I grew up watching the Doctor Who classics.
Unlike the new, I thought those episodes were fantastic.
If other people love the new Doctor Who, that is fine and dandy.
But if it comes on my screen, I'll lose my TV because I keep my shotgun handy.
Please don't ask me to like the new Doctor Who or I'll puke.
When it comes to the new Doctor Who, it's something I rebuke.

You hate Mexicans so you killed one because you're consumed by hate.
When I think about your personality, it's too horrible to contemplate.
You hated that man because of the color of his skin.
Your life has been ruined because of the trouble that you're in.

Another reason why you killed him was because he got promoted instead of you.
He had more experience than you and murdering him was a stupid thing to do.
You committed ****** because of the hatred you've been consumed by.
You're pathetic, you have no right to choose who lives and who dies.

As it turned out, that man had a heart of gold.
That poor man had a wife and a two year old.
You allowed hate to consume you and it took its toll.
Now you're doing life without the possibility of parole.

I charged a town full of hicks ten thousand bucks to make it rain.
They said if there was no precipitation, I would be in a lot of pain.
They were desperate for rain because of a three month drought.
They actually paid in full, I can't believe they paid that amount.
What they didn't know was that when it comes to making rain, I don't know what to do.
Those hicks knocked all of my teeth out and now I can't even chew.
Those hillbillies also lit a match after dunking me in a barrel of kerosene.
I knew they would be angry but I had no idea they would be quite so mean.
Now I'm in the hospital and I have 3rd degree burns.
Don't ever con hicks, that's a lesson I have learned.

He starred in two Apple Dumpling Gang movies and The Shaggy D.A.
He was an awesome comedic actor and his name was Tim Conway.
He starred in The Tim Conway Show and in one episode of 7th Heaven.
He starred in McHale's Navy and a few episodes of Married With Children.

He was a recurring guest and became a cast member of The Carol Burnett Show.
He starred in several episodes of Yes, Dear and The Billion Dollar Hobo.
When he entertained people, he improved their lives.
Sadly, we've lost a legend at the age of eighty-five.

When I got a job, the boss didn't tell me what he would pay.
That low life piece of **** only gave me three dollars a day.
That **** ******* dirt bag actually thought that I would love it.
Just like the song says, I told him to take that job and shove it.
I couldn't even buy a meal for three bucks.
He got mad when I told him that he *****.
That S.O.B. black listed me so that I couldn't get another job.
When that **** looked in his safe, he saw that he'd been robbed.
What he did made me madder than hell and he soon got the picture.
I may be unemployed but at least I'm twenty-five thousand dollars richer.

Something happened and my son is ******.
He found out that he's on Santa's naughty list.
But he's not only on that list this year, he's on it permanently.
When I tell you why he's been banned, it will be clear to see.
My son put hair remover in my shampoo.
And when I sat in my chair, I sat on super glue.
Thinking about what he'll do next, fills me with dread.
Yesterday, the brat put a live rattlesnake in his sister's bed.
He sold all of my clothes and bought an XBOX One.
Now I have to go out in public in my underwear because of my stupid son.
He spiked his mother's coffee and when she drove to work, she was drunk.
My son is on Santa's naughty list forever because he's nothing but a punk.

Something bad happened in 1990 on the 28th of May.
It turned out not to be such a great Memorial Day.
I saw a very beautiful girl who looked like she was sixteen or seventeen.
She was one of the most beautiful girls I had ever seen.
I wrote a note and put it in her storm door.
She was younger than I thought and her parents were pretty sore.
She was only fourteen, that was four years younger than me.
They told me to leave her alone and I agreed.
But I really liked her and it was painful not to be able to date her.
I wonder who she's with all these years later.

The year is half over, today is the 30th of June.
The first half of this year went by pretty soon.
In just a few days, we'll celebrate the 4th of July.
Firecrackers will pop and bottle rockets will soar into the sky.
Because of this **** Coronavirus, America has been gripped with fear.
I certainly hope that things will get better during the second half of this year.

My eight year old son was sick and I'm falling apart.
My eight year old died and it has broken my heart.
Even though he was just a child, he died of cancer.
You may be wondering why and I may have the answer.
Cancer is something that runs in my family.
And because of that, my wife blames me.
I begged God for a miracle but my son didn't get what he was needing.
He died and his mother hates me, she has started divorce proceedings.
Why do things like this happen, why has my life been so unfair?
I lost my only son and my wife and it's too much for me to bear.
Please don't feel bad because of what I just did and please don't cry.
I've taken an overdose of pills to end my misery, I intend to die.

Today is one of my favorite days of the year.
Today is March the 20th and Spring is here.
I'm glad that Winter is over, cold weather brings gloom.
Leaves will grow on the trees and the flowers will bloom.
If you ask me when I'll enjoy the Winter, the answer will be Never.
Today is the first day of Spring and we'll start to have warm weather.

He starred in 'Wonder Woman' as Steve Trevor.
Sadly, he passed away and he's gone forever.
He guest starred in 'Charlie's Angels' and 'The Love Boat'.
He also guest starred in 'Happy Days' and '******, She Wrote'.

He made guest appearances as himself in 'The Golden Girls' and 'That '70s Show'.
He also came close to being Batman and millions of people hated to see him go.
He starred in 'The Carol Burnett Show' and this man had style.
He died in March of 2020 and we have to say goodbye to Lyle.

I didn't die when I was struck by lightning but it was a terrible fright.
The bolt of lightning struck me in the head and gave me second sight.
I saw my neighbors daughter drown in a vision.
Her parents ignored me and it was a bad decision.
If they had listened to me, their daughter wouldn't have drowned.
They don't believe in second sight and their girl is buried in the ground.
Tears rolled down my cheeks when their daughter died.
I couldn't save that poor little girl even though I tried.
Some say I have a special gift but it's irritating when people don't believe.
When I'm ignored, bad things happen and misery is what people receive.
I told a man that I saw him being killed by a train and he flipped me a bird.
He told me to go to hell and he said that my visions are fake and absurd.
He tried to beat a train the very next day and it hit his car.
Because of ignorance, cemeteries are where two people are.
I just had another terrifying vision and it's about you.
You'll die in a plane crash and my vision will come true.
If you ignore me, you'll die but if you listen, you'll remain alive.
You better take what I say to heart or you won't survive.

A man has cancer and he has been given only six months to live.
Years ago, he did a man wrong and the parents and siblings are refusing to forgive.
He became angry because he lost at checkers and he evicted that poor man.
Even though he wants them to forgive, he said if they can't, he'll understand.
He evicted the man that day in January and the poor man froze to death.
When he decided to throw him out, it caused that man to draw his last breath.
The landlord felt remorse when he learned that the man died.
The guilt devoured him and he thought about committing suicide.
He screamed "WHAT HAVE I DONE?!"
He went to his closet and got his gun.
He put the gun barrel in his mouth but didn't have the guts to pull the trigger.
Those people will carry their grudge to their graves because they're so bitter.
Those people refuse to forgive, they won't even try.
I just hope they can forgive themselves when he dies.

He created The Incredible Hulk and The Amazing Spider-Man.
Stan Lee has died and it has devastated millions of his fans.
He also created The Fantastic Four.
But he didn't stop there, he created even more.

Fans are sad because he didn't survive.
But he did have a long life, he was 95.
If it wasn't for him, the X-Men wouldn't exist.
He was loved by many and he will be missed.

Some agree with what my brother did but others don't understand.
Something bad happened and he decided to cut off his right hand.
It all started when a boy played truth or dare with our stupid nephew.
When my brother walked outside on his porch, he found Blu-rays of the new Doctor Who.
He picked up the Blu-rays to throw it in the trash but it had been covered with Gorilla Glue.
When he saw that it was stuck to his hand, he started screaming and he knew what he had to do.
His doctor examined him and said the Blu-rays were stuck to his hand permanently.
It could never be unglued and my poor brother knew what he had to do immediately.
He knew if he carried around those Blu-rays, people would think that he likes the new Doctor Who TV Show.
He couldn't let people think such a terrible thing and he decided then and there that his hand had to go.
He couldn't afford surgery to have it amputated so he used an axe.
He closed his eyes and it was severed after he gave it two whacks.
Our nephew owned up to being the one who pulled the prank.
It wasn't a nice thing to do and the brat sure wasn't thanked.
Our sister is mad because our brother and I got revenge against her son.
When we were through with our nephew, people would point and make fun.
We posted a picture on Instagram of our nephew putting rolled up socks in his underwear.
He had a nervous breakdown because the humiliation was too much for him to bear.
When my brother chopped off his hand, some people said it was a stupid thing to do.
But it was worth it to prevent people from thinking that he likes the new Doctor Who.

Last year, the Grinch stole the presents and my Christmas Tree.
This year I'm making that green freak pay for what he did to me.
I've been turning the Grinch every way but loose.
What I'm doing would shock even DR. Seuss.
When he opened my door, his head got burned by a blowtorch.
Now his head has third degree burns because it is scorched.
I put a plank on the floor with nails sticking out.
He just stepped on those nails and the entire neighborhood can hear him shout.
If you could hear his naughty language, this poem would be Rated R.
He's green and furry so he's not Human, maybe he's from Mars.
I made an iron fall on his head and I'm pelting his head with bricks.
The Grinch is giving up and leaving because he knows when he is licked.
I got my revenge and I got it all on my own.
You may be wondering how I did those things, it's because I'm a fan of Home Alone.

A man didn't realize that even blanks will **** if a gun is put to the head.
He pulled the trigger and sadly it ended his life, he is dead.
He fired the gun at his daughter's boyfriend.
He wanted him to think that his life would end.
He started laughing and said it was only a blank.
Then his own life ended after he pulled his prank.
He put the gun to his head and pulled the trigger.
He died and his family was in need of a grave digger.
I wish I could say this poem is fictional but sadly, it's real.
He'd still be alive if he had known that even a blank can ****.

It was a day that classic Doctor Who fans would certainly hate.
We said goodbye to the man who starred as Captain Mike Yates.
His death was even more sad because he died on Christmas Day.
Millions of his fans have missed him ever since he passed away.
People loved his performances and Richard Franklin was his name.
Now that he's deceased, fans of Doctor Who will never be the same.
He starred in one episode of "Harry" and nine episodes of "Crossroads".
When he starred in "Emmerdale Farm", he starred in over thirty episodes.
He was a British actor with talent and that's something people can't deny.
It was sad and heartbreaking when his fans were forced to say goodbye.

I welcome 2019, I'm glad it's here.
I hope it will be an excellent year.
Many years ago on every New Year's Day, Mom cooked hog jowls and black eyed peas.
But I didn't like those meals very much, I wasn't pleased.
Sadly, I now spend New Year days alone because Mom is deceased.
I certainly hope that the year 2019 will be a year of prosperity and peace.
God has given me another year to live and for that, he deserves my praise.
I will love, praise and worship The Lord for the remainder of my days.
I hope that 2019 will be a good year for others and myself.
And I wish everybody a year of happiness and good health.

When I'm done with you, you'll need an undertaker.
Because of what you did, you will meet your maker.
You had an affair with my daughter but neglected to tell her that you have a wife and kids.
I found a suicide note next to her body, she decided to end it all because of what you did.
When my daughter learned about your wife, she begged you to get a divorce.
You said it would never happen and now she's dead, and you don't even feel remorse.
When I found my daughter, I held her lifeless body in my arms as tears rolled down my face.
I'm going to have to **** you because you are a scumbag, a low life and a total disgrace.
You're laughing because you think that I'm bluffing, but I just put a bullet in your head.
I pulled the trigger and now as I look at your corpse, I feel jubilation because you're dead.
When you used my daughter, you signed your death warrant as well.
I hate your stinking guts and I really do hope that you will fry in Hell.

I've been good to you and I let you live in my house rent free.
You did something even though you knew it would anger me.
You've really ticked me off because of what you did today.
You came in my house with episodes of the new Doctor Who on Blu-Ray.

You knew that the new Doctor Who show is something I hate.
You don't even like science fiction, you did it just to aggravate.
You're going to take it back to FYE and return it.
And if you don't, I'll take it outside and burn it.

I let you live here for free and I even pay for your food.
I told you from the start that I despise the new Doctor Who.
You knew how much I loathe that television show, you're a trouble making louse.
Return it or I'll burn it and if you do it again, you can get the hell out of my house!

I have a story to tell but it's not for the faint of heart, it is scary.
I bought a farm and discovered that it has a cursed Pet Sematary.
I buried my German Shepherd there and he came back to life.
But he was extremely violent, he killed my daughter and my wife.
My dog was foaming at the mouth and I shot him in the head.
He fell to the floor, this made the second time that he was dead.
My neighbor buried his son in the Pet Sematary and he too returned to life.
When he tried to hug his resurrected son, he got his throat cut out with a knife.
I told my neighbor if he buried his son in the Sematsry, things would become worse.
He didn't listen when I said that his son would be evil because the Sematary is cursed.
When his son saw me, he cut my left arm off with my own chainsaw.
But before he could finish me off, he was shot by an officer of the law.
If you bury something or somebody in this Pet Sematary, you'll have a lot to fear.
I've decided to sell my farm and get the hell out of here.

I agreed to do a lot of yard work for a man for 125 bucks.
I did the work but when I asked for the money, he said that I was ******.
Before he slammed the door in my face, he gave me the bird.
I'd never seen such behavior before, it was absolutely absurd.
To get even, I cut down two trees and they fell on his house and fractured his roof.
When he confronted me, I knocked his teeth out, he doesn't even have one tooth.
I'm a bad man when I get ******, people will pay me what they owe.
If I work for you and you don't pay, the hospital is where you will go.

There is something that I hate, and it's something I won't deny.
I hate the new Doctor Who TV show, I'd rather watch paint dry.
I even complained to the BBC, and told them that I hate their show.
If you're wondering if I'll ever watch it again, the answer is hell no.
I've written several poems about Doctor Who, and you may wonder why.
It's because I hate it with all of my heart and soul, I'd rather watch paint dry.
I hate it because the BBC uses it to cram political correctness down people's throats.
I'd rather watch a show about a man who is married to a goat.
I loved the classic Doctor Who TV show, but I hate the new, and that's not a lie.
I wish they would cancel the new Doctor Who because I'd rather watch paint dry.

I want to share a story of mine.
It's about how to never have to wait in lines.
If you listen to me, you will no longer have to wait in line at stores.
If you take my advice, you won't have to wait in lines anymore.
A few call me smart but most call me a punk.
Every time I go in a store, I always carry a skunk.
When people see my skunk, they always run.
When it comes to being in lines, I'm the only one.
The salesclerks get nervous as my items are being scanned.
Sadly, when I go in a store just once, I'm always banned.
A lady still stinks because when she screamed, it caused my skunk to attack.
The store owners put on gas masks and always tell me not to come back.
You should listen to my advice even though people call me a dunce.
But if you carry a skunk in each store, you'll only be able to do it once.

When Rocky Balboa returned from Russia, he'd been cheated out of his money, he didn't have a penny.
I was at his estate sale and I bought his Lamborghini.
But Rocky followed me home and said that he was ready to attack.
He said he'd break every bone in my body if I didn't give the car back.
Rocky was with his son and he was trying to prove that he was a tough guy.
I kicked him in the nuts and his son was shocked because Rocky started to cry.
Rocky's son thought his dad was as tough as a gorilla but he turned out to be a wimp.
He lost a lot of respect for his dad, now when he looks like him, he thinks of him as a chimp.
You may believe that Rocky is tough but he's not.
Rocky turned out not to be as tough as he thought.

I bought a shotgun at a flea market without knowing that it was used to commit a horrible crime.
The former owner used the shotgun to **** an entire family and I was about to have to do hard time.
The police came to my house and confiscated the shotgun.
They thought I was the guilty party, they thought I was the one.
The entire world turned against me, I was a person who billions of people hated.
People said that I should go to the gas chamber and if I did, it would be celebrated.
Even though the public had turned against me, I convinced the police to have doubts.
I told them over and over that somebody else was the killer and they decided to check it out.
They found the real killer and it wasn't long before he was placed under arrest.
The cops showed him the bodies of his victims and he broke down and confessed.
Even though I was put through hell, I'm not mad.
The real killer was brought to justice and I'm glad.
Many people have mailed apologies to me and one of the reasons why billions turned against me is because I'm mentally ill.
They thought I was a crazy ****** but now when it comes to committing ******, everybody knows that I never will.

When I died, I arrived in Hell and there was a lesson that I quickly learned.
Satan is using a new kind of torture, people are no longer being burned.
It's a rotten, terrible and cruel thing for Satan to do.
Now he tortures people by forcing them to watch the new Doctor Who.
I did some really bad things while I was on Earth and now I'm in Hell because of what I did.
I'm being forced to watch the new Doctor Who and I can't look away or even close my eyelids.
I've always known that Adolf ****** was evil but I was wrong when I thought that he's tough.
He screams like a little ***** as he watches the new Doctor Who TV show, it's pretty rough.
While I was on Earth, I was a liar, a thief and a despicable ****.
Now I'd do anything if I could receive a blindfold and earplugs.
As I'm being forced to watch the new Doctor Who, I scream and cry.
I didn't know that such a bad thing could happen when a person dies.
I'll tell people on Earth how to avoid my fate instead of just giving them a hint.
They'd better be on their very best behavior because Hell has a new torment.

The new Doctor Who TV show is a true masterpiece, a masterpiece of ****.
I have a son who was naughty and needed to be punished so I made him watch it.
He cried and cried, it has scarred him for life because it was too much for him to handle.
He said he'd never be naughty again if I would have enough pity to change the channel.
My son committed over 100 crimes but he always got off scot-free because of lack of evidence.
But he kept his side of the bargain, I changed the channel and he's been as good as gold ever since.
Unfortunately, I've received a lot of criticism from other parents who say I went too far.
One mother said that forcing him to watch the new Doctor Who was more cruel than cutting the brake lines on a person's car.
When I made him watch that *******, perhaps I was going too far, some say that I really blew it.
But if you have a problem child who needs to be taught the error of his ways, forcing him to watch the new Doctor Who will do it.

He brought laughter and he was important to many.
He died 50 years ago and his name was Jack Benny.
Mel Blanc appeared quite often on Jack's show.
At the age of eighty, it was Benny's time to go.
If Jack had died one day earlier, he would've died on Christmas Day.
He was a very talented individual who died half a century ago today.
Jack was an actor and it's an actor's job to pretend.
He went into a coma before he died and it was sad because it was the end.

We should thank God for each day we have to live.
We should thank him for every day that he gives.
He could take us twenty years from now or today.
Nobody knows when the good Lord will take us away.
But we should thank him for each day he gives to us.
We should thank him every day until we die when our bodies will return to dust.

I remember what happened 24 years ago.
I went to Walmart and bought a 3DO.
The 3DO was a video game console and it was 32 Bit.
Contrary to what some believe, it wasn't a *******.
It was almost as good as Sony's original Playstation.
I decided to buy a 3DO after some consideration.
I eventually bought the original Playstation but I bought the 3DO first.
It wasn't the greatest video game console but it certainly wasn't the worst.
It had some great games: Killing Time, Road Rash and the original Need For Speed.
But Plumbers Don't Wear Ties was so terrible that it will make your eyes bleed.
I was only twenty-four years old at the time, that was half a lifetime ago.
Panasonic, Sanyo and GoldStar were the three companies who manufactured the 3DO.

One year ago tonight, I had to watch as your life came to an end.
It was sad to witness your demise and I felt so much pain within.
You died in 2023 on the 9th of December.
You'll be a dog who I'll always remember.
When I saw you die, it was sad to know that you would have no tomorrow.
Each and every person who has lost a dog can understand my sorrow.
Last year, you didn't live long enough to see Christmas arrive.
Rest In Peace, Hazel, I certainly am sorry that you didn't survive.

In 1987, he starred in a movie that was called 'The Monster Squad'.
At a very young age, he died and went to Heaven to be with God.
Two other movies that he starred in were 'Home Free' and 'Dance 'Til Dawn'.
When he died of Pneumonia in 1997, it was hard to believe that he was gone.
He abandoned his acting career to study law before dying at the age of 22.
To die at such a young age is unfair and ridiculous, and that certainly is true.

Jerry Stiller has died at the age of 92, he lived to a ripe old age.
He starred in movies, television shows and also on stage.
Jerry starred in both "Seinfeld" and "The King of Queens".
He also starred in "My 5 Wives", "Hairspray" and "Sweet 15".

In 2012, he provided the voice of General X in "Foodfight!".
He guest-starred on "Rhoda" and "In The Heat of The Night".
He also guest-starred on "The Love Boat" and "Archie Bunker's Place".
Jerry was a talented actor and he was also a credit to the Human Race.

I was a rich tycoon who was obsessed with greed.
I wanted more and more money even though it was something I didn't need.
Something happened to me and I'd like to explain how but I can't.
My personality completely changed after I had a heart transplant.
Instead of wanting to make more money, I'm giving money to the poor.
Things completely changed after my operation, I'm nothing like I was before.
I own four apartment buildings and I was a slumlord.
The tenants hated me, I wasn't a man who they adored.
The apartments weren't fit to live in but I had all of them repaired.
In the past, I didn't give a **** about my tenants but now I care.
I learned that my new heart came from a man who was only twenty years old.
Before he died of cancer, he was the salt of the earth with a heart of gold.
He gave money to charities and always put his needs before the needs of others.
When I got his heart, I also got his personality and I think of all men as brothers.
I don't know how this happened but there is one thing that I do understand.
I've become a very good person because I received the heart of a good man.

The world lost a talented actor one year ago today.
After being on Earth for almost 83 years, he passed away.
He starred in 'Keeping Up Appearances' and 'The Old Guys'.
People also loved his performances in '1990' and 'Pack of Lies'.
He also entertained us when he starred in 'Othello' and 'Born and Bred'.
His entire fanbase has grieved for 365 days because he is dead.

When it happened, I was very angry and I was also stunned.
My wife filed for a divorce just because Donald Trump won.
My wife is smart, sophisticated and she's also very pretty.
But I learned that she's also superficial, shallow and petty.
My mother always told me to appreciate what I've got.
But if you're wondering if I still appreciate my wife, I sure as hell do not.
When she broke my heart, she didn't even feel remorse.
After seventeen years of marriage, she filed for a divorce.
I begged her not to leave but she packed her bags and walked out the door.
I was hurt at first but I've learned that I'm lucky not to have my wife anymore.
For a while I couldn't stop crying because what she did cut me deep.
But I'm a fortunate man to no longer have her because she's a creep.

When he was born, God gave him a special gift.
He was a British actor who was named Clive Swift.
He starred as Richard Bucket and Roy Bowden in 'Keeping Up Appearances' and 'The Old Guys'.
He was a remarkable actor and it's a **** shame when such a person dies.
Because of the talent God gave to him, he was extraordinary.
Sadly, this great man lost his life on the first day of February.

The Christmas of 2012 was the last Christmas that you celebrated on Earth.
You were a kind and loving mother for 41 and a half years after my birth.
When March the 6th arrived, you wouldn't have a tomorrow.
It took two years for me to get over the pain and sorrow.
I can't spend anymore Christmases with you, now I spend my Christmases alone.
You were a terrific woman and the best person who I've ever known.
March of 2013 was the worst month and year that I've ever experienced.
When you passed away, it hurt me terribly and I've missed you ever since.
But I feel much better now, time does heal a man's wounds.
Merry Christmas Mom, I'm sorry that you died too soon.

Judgement Day is coming, God will eventually have all that he can take.
People will pay for their sins and the Commandments that they break.
People will hide under rocks because they'll be so scared.
But they need not hide, God will know that they are there.
When certain people face Judgement, they'll be in big trouble.
I suggest that these people change their ways on the double.
You may not believe that Judgement Day is coming but it will be here.
And with all of the wickedness in this world, that day may be near.

This is the eighth Mother's Day that has come around since you died.
You were one of the world's greatest mothers and that can't be denied.
Time flies, it doesn't seem like eight Mother's Days have come around.
Life stopped being as good when you were lowered into the ground.
When the doctor said you would die, I didn't like what he had to say.
You're no longer with us but I still wish you a happy Mother's Day.

People should be thankful for their families.
We should be thankful not to be in a country that is plagued by starvation and disease.
We should be thankful for our Thanksgiving meals because starving people don't have it to eat.
We should be thankful to have our homes instead of being homeless and living on the streets.
We should be thankful to be healthy and to still be living.
We have so much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.

You've designed a new electric car and it's being built on the assembly line.
You've been pestering me to buy one but I never will, one of your cars will never be mine.
You want me to buy one but I'm going to pass.
Your car ***** and you can shove it up your ***.
It takes fourteen hours to charge it and it can only be driven for thirty minutes.
Your car is a joke and when it comes to one of them, you'll never see me in it.
If I couldn't design a better car than yours, I'd give up and quit.
I will never buy one of your cars because they are pieces of ****.