I once drove a brand new car ,and lived in a nice apartment.
But now I'm dirt poor, and I live down by the lake in a tent.
I get angry because of people's attitudes.
People laugh at me because I eat dog food.
I eat it every day because it's cheap.
People laugh because they're creeps.
I started eating dog food because I saw David Letterman do it.
It looked mighty tasty when I saw him chew it.
I eat it at the beach, while riding on buses and subways, and at the park.
I'm getting worried because all of that dog food has started making me bark.
I've also started licking my ****, and fetching sticks.
When women see me eat dog food, it makes them sick.
If you're wondering if I'll quit, the answer is no.
I'll never stop eating dog food, I need my Alpo.
Please don't point and laugh at me, please don't be rude.
Everybody thinks that I'm a freak because I eat dog food.

A man has cancer and he has been given only six months to live.
Years ago, he did a man wrong and the parents and siblings are refusing to forgive.
He became angry because he lost at checkers and he evicted that poor man.
Even though he wants them to forgive, he said if they can't, he'll understand.
He evicted the man that day in January and the poor man froze to death.
When he decided to throw him out, it caused that man to draw his last breath.
The landlord felt remorse when he learned that the man died.
The guilt devoured him and he thought about committing suicide.
He screamed "WHAT HAVE I DONE?!"
He went to his closet and got his gun.
He put the gun barrel in his mouth but didn't have the guts to pull the trigger.
Those people will carry their grudge to their graves because they're so bitter.
Those people refuse to forgive, they won't even try.
I just hope they can forgive themselves when he dies.

Some agree with what my brother did but others don't understand.
Something bad happened and he decided to cut off his right hand.
It all started when a boy played truth or dare with our stupid nephew.
When my brother walked outside on his porch, he found Blu-rays of the new Doctor Who.
He picked up the Blu-rays to throw it in the trash but it had been covered with Gorilla Glue.
When he saw that it was stuck to his hand, he started screaming and he knew what he had to do.
His doctor examined him and said the Blu-rays were stuck to his hand permanently.
It could never be unglued and my poor brother knew what he had to do immediately.
He knew if he carried around those Blu-rays, people would think that he likes the new Doctor Who TV Show.
He couldn't let people think such a terrible thing and he decided then and there that his hand had to go.
He couldn't afford surgery to have it amputated so he used an axe.
He closed his eyes and it was severed after he gave it two whacks.
Our nephew owned up to being the one who pulled the prank.
It wasn't a nice thing to do and the brat sure wasn't thanked.
Our sister is mad because our brother and I got revenge against her son.
When we were through with our nephew, people would point and make fun.
We posted a picture on Instagram of our nephew putting rolled up socks in his underwear.
He had a nervous breakdown because the humiliation was too much for him to bear.
When my brother chopped off his hand, some people said it was a stupid thing to do.
But it was worth it to prevent people from thinking that he likes the new Doctor Who.

I charged a town full of hicks ten thousand bucks to make it rain.
They said if there was no precipitation, I would be in a lot of pain.
They were desperate for rain because of a three month drought.
They actually paid in full, I can't believe they paid that amount.
What they didn't know was that when it comes to making rain, I don't know what to do.
Those hicks knocked all of my teeth out and now I can't even chew.
Those hillbillies also lit a match after dunking me in a barrel of kerosene.
I knew they would be angry but I had no idea they would be quite so mean.
Now I'm in the hospital and I have 3rd degree burns.
Don't ever con hicks, that's a lesson I have learned.

Something bad happened in 1990 on the 28th of May.
It turned out not to be such a great Memorial Day.
I saw a very beautiful girl who looked like she was sixteen or seventeen.
She was one of the most beautiful girls I had ever seen.
I wrote a note and put it in her storm door.
She was younger than I thought and her parents were pretty sore.
She was only fourteen, that was four years younger than me.
They told me to leave her alone and I agreed.
But I really liked her and it was painful not to be able to date her.
I wonder who she's with all these years later.

He starred in two Apple Dumpling Gang movies and The Shaggy D.A.
He was an awesome comedic actor and his name was Tim Conway.
He starred in The Tim Conway Show and in one episode of 7th Heaven.
He starred in McHale's Navy and a few episodes of Married With Children.

He was a recurring guest and became a cast member of The Carol Burnett Show.
He starred in several episodes of Yes, Dear and The Billion Dollar Hobo.
When he entertained people, he improved their lives.
Sadly, we've lost a legend at the age of eighty-five.

When I built a time machine, I traveled back to 1977 and gave my younger self a hard smack.
When I was a child, I bought the Star Wars action figures and removed them from their packs.
I told my younger self not to do that because it ruins the value of the dolls.
Even though I traveled back in time, he ignored me, he didn't listen at all.
He continued to remove the figures from the packs and so I traveled back in time again.
This time I took a gun with me and I got so angry that I shot my younger self in the shin.
I begged him not to remove the figures from the packs but he ignored every word.
He told me to f* off and then the little ******* gave me the bird.
He thought I was bluffing and he left me with no choice but to pull the trigger.
That bullet was painful enough to convince him not to ruin the value of my figures.
That bullet is still in my shin and when I sit down, it really hurts and I cry like a little *****.
But it's worth it because a collector paid me $1,000,000 for my figures and now I'm rich.

You wanted revenge against a man because he was sleeping with your wife.
So you dragged him into a dark alley and stabbed him to death with a knife.
You felt pretty good because you got rid of your wife's lover.
But you killed the wrong one, you killed the man's twin brother.

You didn't know that your wife's lover had an identical twin.
You stabbed him ninety times, you stabbed him over and over again.
You must have been boiling with hate to stab him that many times.
Karma caught up with you, you're in jail for committing that crime.

You robbed that poor man's family of a husband and dad.
You killed somebody who was innocent and that is so sad.
When I look into your eyes, I can see the remorse that you feel.
You got life without parole so when it comes to being released from prison, you never will.

You come into my house and try to cram political correctness down my throat.
I'm sick and tired of hearing you run your big mouth, you're on a sinking boat.
You try to tell me how to talk and how to believe.
You're not welcome in my house, you'd better leave.
You won't force your views on me.
You say that my lifestyle is wrong but I don't agree.
You continue to run your mouth and you refuse to stop.
You're refusing to leave so now I'm going to call the cops.
When I put you in jail, you certainly won't be missed.
You call yourself politically correct but I call you a fascist.

Selena was a singer and she has been dead for three decades.
She was very talented and was murdered after being betrayed.
A former friend gunned Selena down.
She died and is buried in the ground.
The killer worked for Selena and she decided to steal.
After that lady was fired for theft, she decided to ****.
That terrible woman deserved to lose her job.
Selena didn't deserve to die or to be robbed.
It's sad to know that Selena is gone forever.
If you're wondering when she'll be forgotten, the answer is never.

He created The Incredible Hulk and The Amazing Spider-Man.
Stan Lee has died and it has devastated millions of his fans.
He also created The Fantastic Four.
But he didn't stop there, he created even more.

Fans are sad because he didn't survive.
But he did have a long life, he was 95.
If it wasn't for him, the X-Men wouldn't exist.
He was loved by many and he will be missed.

I have no father on Father's Day.
Six years ago, Dad passed away.
Dad died at the young age of sixty-five.
Because of Leukemia, he couldn't survive.

I also lost Mom just four months earlier.
It was sad to have to see their deaths occur.
Dad died in 2013 and he was born in 1947.
When Dad died, his soul went to Heaven.

The year is half over, today is the 30th of June.
The first half of this year went by pretty soon.
In just a few days, we'll celebrate the 4th of July.
Firecrackers will pop and bottle rockets will soar into the sky.
Because of this **** Coronavirus, America has been gripped with fear.
I certainly hope that things will get better during the second half of this year.

It was a day that classic Doctor Who fans would certainly hate.
We said goodbye to the man who starred as Captain Mike Yates.
His death was even more sad because he died on Christmas Day.
Millions of his fans have missed him ever since he passed away.
People loved his performances and Richard Franklin was his name.
Now that he's deceased, fans of Doctor Who will never be the same.
He starred in one episode of "Harry" and nine episodes of "Crossroads".
When he starred in "Emmerdale Farm", he starred in over thirty episodes.
He was a British actor with talent and that's something people can't deny.
It was sad and heartbreaking when his fans were forced to say goodbye.

I didn't die when I was struck by lightning but it was a terrible fright.
The bolt of lightning struck me in the head and gave me second sight.
I saw my neighbors daughter drown in a vision.
Her parents ignored me and it was a bad decision.
If they had listened to me, their daughter wouldn't have drowned.
They don't believe in second sight and their girl is buried in the ground.
Tears rolled down my cheeks when their daughter died.
I couldn't save that poor little girl even though I tried.
Some say I have a special gift but it's irritating when people don't believe.
When I'm ignored, bad things happen and misery is what people receive.
I told a man that I saw him being killed by a train and he flipped me a bird.
He told me to go to hell and he said that my visions are fake and absurd.
He tried to beat a train the very next day and it hit his car.
Because of ignorance, cemeteries are where two people are.
I just had another terrifying vision and it's about you.
You'll die in a plane crash and my vision will come true.
If you ignore me, you'll die but if you listen, you'll remain alive.
You better take what I say to heart or you won't survive.

The best thing that money is good for is that it tells us that God is who we should trust.
In the Garden of Eden, God gave life to Adam after creating him from dust.
But Adam and Eve didn't trust God when he asked them not to eat from the forbidden tree.
They trusted the serpent instead and ignored God's command and they both paid dearly.
Many people are obsessed with making money because it buys nice things.
But the world seems to have forgotten what putting on trust in God can bring.
We live in a world that has been consumed by greed, violence and lust.
The world would be in a better shape if God was the one who many more people would trust.

Your latest one night stand gave you a nasty STD.
Now you expect to receive sympathy from me.
People always have to reap what they sew.
You want compassion from me, but hell no.
Your wife is my sister and she's constantly being betrayed.
You're a slimy horn-dog who loves to get laid.
I beg her to leave you but she won't.
She loves you but I certainly don't.
You have an STD and I'm not surprised.
As far as I'm concerned, you're despised.

It was twelve years ago today when I found you dead.
I knew you had died because you were lying lifeless on that hospital bed.
I bought you a card and a toy easter bunny that were buried with you.
If somebody ever says that you meant nothing to me, it won't be true.
When I prayed for your survival, I decided to beg.
You died after the surgeon amputated your leg.
Even though removing your leg improved your chances of survival, you still died.
When the surgeon operated on you, he couldn't save you even though he tried.
Your life ended and you entered the Pearly Gates 12 years ago today.
Rest in Peace, Mom, I wish I could've stopped you from passing away.

I filed for divorce because my wife did something strange.
She went behind my back and had a *** change.
When I came home one afternoon, a man answered the door.
I thought it was a burglar so I knocked my wife to the floor.
When I learned that she became a man, I got mad.
I lost the beautiful and **** wife that I once had.
She said even though she became a man, I should still love her.
I told her that I already have a ***** and I don't need another.
When I packed my bags and left her for good, she said it was a lousy thing to do.
If you're a man, keep an eye on your wife because she may have a *** change too.

Today is one of my favorite days of the year.
Today is March the 20th and Spring is here.
I'm glad that Winter is over, cold weather brings gloom.
Leaves will grow on the trees and the flowers will bloom.
If you ask me when I'll enjoy the Winter, the answer will be Never.
Today is the first day of Spring and we'll start to have warm weather.

It's important for people to please God and Jesus.
We should please them because they please us.
We can please them by being honest and not cheating, stealing, killing or lying.
We may fail when we attempt to do these things but that shouldn't stop us from trying.
The world is going to Hell in a hand basket, it's like a disease.
But if we try to do our best, God and Jesus will be pleased.

She was my mom and I loved her with all of my heart and soul.
When she died, it was so devastating that I nearly lost control.
She always had my back, when somebody messed with me, they messed with her.
She was a very special and wonderful lady and I'm certain that you'll concur.
When she died, it sure did take its toll.
I loved her with all of my heart and soul.

When I got a job, the boss didn't tell me what he would pay.
That low life piece of **** only gave me three dollars a day.
That **** ******* dirt bag actually thought that I would love it.
Just like the song says, I told him to take that job and shove it.
I couldn't even buy a meal for three bucks.
He got mad when I told him that he *****.
That S.O.B. black listed me so that I couldn't get another job.
When that **** looked in his safe, he saw that he'd been robbed.
What he did made me madder than hell and he soon got the picture.
I may be unemployed but at least I'm twenty-five thousand dollars richer.

Even though I'm a fan of the classic Doctor Who,
I must say that I'm not a fan of the new.
I wanted and tried to like the new Doctor Who show.
But if people ask me if I love it, the answer will be no.
I grew up watching the Doctor Who classics.
Unlike the new, I thought those episodes were fantastic.
If other people love the new Doctor Who, that is fine and dandy.
But if it comes on my screen, I'll lose my TV because I keep my shotgun handy.
Please don't ask me to like the new Doctor Who or I'll puke.
When it comes to the new Doctor Who, it's something I rebuke.

He starred in 'Wonder Woman' as Steve Trevor.
Sadly, he passed away and he's gone forever.
He guest starred in 'Charlie's Angels' and 'The Love Boat'.
He also guest starred in 'Happy Days' and '******, She Wrote'.

He made guest appearances as himself in 'The Golden Girls' and 'That '70s Show'.
He also came close to being Batman and millions of people hated to see him go.
He starred in 'The Carol Burnett Show' and this man had style.
He died in March of 2020 and we have to say goodbye to Lyle.

Last year, the Grinch stole the presents and my Christmas Tree.
This year I'm making that green freak pay for what he did to me.
I've been turning the Grinch every way but loose.
What I'm doing would shock even DR. Seuss.
When he opened my door, his head got burned by a blowtorch.
Now his head has third degree burns because it is scorched.
I put a plank on the floor with nails sticking out.
He just stepped on those nails and the entire neighborhood can hear him shout.
If you could hear his naughty language, this poem would be Rated R.
He's green and furry so he's not Human, maybe he's from Mars.
I made an iron fall on his head and I'm pelting his head with bricks.
The Grinch is giving up and leaving because he knows when he is licked.
I got my revenge and I got it all on my own.
You may be wondering how I did those things, it's because I'm a fan of Home Alone.

It's sad when I say that Gene Hackman and his wife have died.
Gene starred in three Superman movies and Bonnie and Clyde.
In addition to Gene and his wife perishing, their dog died as well.
I don't know if it was foul play, only time will tell.
Gene starred in many movies, he was born to act.
When I say he was extremely talented, it is a fact.
It is very sad because he's no longer alive.
Gene Hackman has died at the age of 95.

When Rocky Balboa returned from Russia, he'd been cheated out of his money, he didn't have a penny.
I was at his estate sale and I bought his Lamborghini.
But Rocky followed me home and said that he was ready to attack.
He said he'd break every bone in my body if I didn't give the car back.
Rocky was with his son and he was trying to prove that he was a tough guy.
I kicked him in the nuts and his son was shocked because Rocky started to cry.
Rocky's son thought his dad was as tough as a gorilla but he turned out to be a wimp.
He lost a lot of respect for his dad, now when he looks like him, he thinks of him as a chimp.
You may believe that Rocky is tough but he's not.
Rocky turned out not to be as tough as he thought.

I have a story to tell but it's not for the faint of heart, it is scary.
I bought a farm and discovered that it has a cursed Pet Sematary.
I buried my German Shepherd there and he came back to life.
But he was extremely violent, he killed my daughter and my wife.
My dog was foaming at the mouth and I shot him in the head.
He fell to the floor, this made the second time that he was dead.
My neighbor buried his son in the Pet Sematary and he too returned to life.
When he tried to hug his resurrected son, he got his throat cut out with a knife.
I told my neighbor if he buried his son in the Sematsry, things would become worse.
He didn't listen when I said that his son would be evil because the Sematary is cursed.
When his son saw me, he cut my left arm off with my own chainsaw.
But before he could finish me off, he was shot by an officer of the law.
If you bury something or somebody in this Pet Sematary, you'll have a lot to fear.
I've decided to sell my farm and get the hell out of here.

You hate Mexicans so you killed one because you're consumed by hate.
When I think about your personality, it's too horrible to contemplate.
You hated that man because of the color of his skin.
Your life has been ruined because of the trouble that you're in.

Another reason why you killed him was because he got promoted instead of you.
He had more experience than you and murdering him was a stupid thing to do.
You committed ****** because of the hatred you've been consumed by.
You're pathetic, you have no right to choose who lives and who dies.

As it turned out, that man had a heart of gold.
That poor man had a wife and a two year old.
You allowed hate to consume you and it took its toll.
Now you're doing life without the possibility of parole.

The new Doctor Who TV show is a true masterpiece, a masterpiece of ****.
I have a son who was naughty and needed to be punished so I made him watch it.
He cried and cried, it has scarred him for life because it was too much for him to handle.
He said he'd never be naughty again if I would have enough pity to change the channel.
My son committed over 100 crimes but he always got off scot-free because of lack of evidence.
But he kept his side of the bargain, I changed the channel and he's been as good as gold ever since.
Unfortunately, I've received a lot of criticism from other parents who say I went too far.
One mother said that forcing him to watch the new Doctor Who was more cruel than cutting the brake lines on a person's car.
When I made him watch that *******, perhaps I was going too far, some say that I really blew it.
But if you have a problem child who needs to be taught the error of his ways, forcing him to watch the new Doctor Who will do it.

Something happened and my son is ******.
He found out that he's on Santa's naughty list.
But he's not only on that list this year, he's on it permanently.
When I tell you why he's been banned, it will be clear to see.
My son put hair remover in my shampoo.
And when I sat in my chair, I sat on super glue.
Thinking about what he'll do next, fills me with dread.
Yesterday, the brat put a live rattlesnake in his sister's bed.
He sold all of my clothes and bought an XBOX One.
Now I have to go out in public in my underwear because of my stupid son.
He spiked his mother's coffee and when she drove to work, she was drunk.
My son is on Santa's naughty list forever because he's nothing but a punk.

My eight year old son was sick and I'm falling apart.
My eight year old died and it has broken my heart.
Even though he was just a child, he died of cancer.
You may be wondering why and I may have the answer.
Cancer is something that runs in my family.
And because of that, my wife blames me.
I begged God for a miracle but my son didn't get what he was needing.
He died and his mother hates me, she has started divorce proceedings.
Why do things like this happen, why has my life been so unfair?
I lost my only son and my wife and it's too much for me to bear.
Please don't feel bad because of what I just did and please don't cry.
I've taken an overdose of pills to end my misery, I intend to die.

I agreed to do a lot of yard work for a man for 125 bucks.
I did the work but when I asked for the money, he said that I was ******.
Before he slammed the door in my face, he gave me the bird.
I'd never seen such behavior before, it was absolutely absurd.
To get even, I cut down two trees and they fell on his house and fractured his roof.
When he confronted me, I knocked his teeth out, he doesn't even have one tooth.
I'm a bad man when I get ******, people will pay me what they owe.
If I work for you and you don't pay, the hospital is where you will go.

I was a rich tycoon who was obsessed with greed.
I wanted more and more money even though it was something I didn't need.
Something happened to me and I'd like to explain how but I can't.
My personality completely changed after I had a heart transplant.
Instead of wanting to make more money, I'm giving money to the poor.
Things completely changed after my operation, I'm nothing like I was before.
I own four apartment buildings and I was a slumlord.
The tenants hated me, I wasn't a man who they adored.
The apartments weren't fit to live in but I had all of them repaired.
In the past, I didn't give a **** about my tenants but now I care.
I learned that my new heart came from a man who was only twenty years old.
Before he died of cancer, he was the salt of the earth with a heart of gold.
He gave money to charities and always put his needs before the needs of others.
When I got his heart, I also got his personality and I think of all men as brothers.
I don't know how this happened but there is one thing that I do understand.
I've become a very good person because I received the heart of a good man.

I've been good to you and I let you live in my house rent free.
You did something even though you knew it would anger me.
You've really ticked me off because of what you did today.
You came in my house with episodes of the new Doctor Who on Blu-Ray.

You knew that the new Doctor Who show is something I hate.
You don't even like science fiction, you did it just to aggravate.
You're going to take it back to FYE and return it.
And if you don't, I'll take it outside and burn it.

I let you live here for free and I even pay for your food.
I told you from the start that I despise the new Doctor Who.
You knew how much I loathe that television show, you're a trouble making louse.
Return it or I'll burn it and if you do it again, you can get the hell out of my house!

A man didn't realize that even blanks will **** if a gun is put to the head.
He pulled the trigger and sadly it ended his life, he is dead.
He fired the gun at his daughter's boyfriend.
He wanted him to think that his life would end.
He started laughing and said it was only a blank.
Then his own life ended after he pulled his prank.
He put the gun to his head and pulled the trigger.
He died and his family was in need of a grave digger.
I wish I could say this poem is fictional but sadly, it's real.
He'd still be alive if he had known that even a blank can ****.

He was very tall, he stood six feet five.
He died too young, he couldn't survive.
He wrote "The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy" and some episodes of "Doctor Who".
Dying at the young age of forty-nine was tragic and that's certainly true.
He died nearly a quarter of a century ago and he won't be coming back.
He was a British man and people were sad when he died of a heart attack.
When this talented man died, it was a devastating blow.
I wish he could've lived longer but it was his time to go.

I want to share a story of mine.
It's about how to never have to wait in lines.
If you listen to me, you will no longer have to wait in line at stores.
If you take my advice, you won't have to wait in lines anymore.
A few call me smart but most call me a punk.
Every time I go in a store, I always carry a skunk.
When people see my skunk, they always run.
When it comes to being in lines, I'm the only one.
The salesclerks get nervous as my items are being scanned.
Sadly, when I go in a store just once, I'm always banned.
A lady still stinks because when she screamed, it caused my skunk to attack.
The store owners put on gas masks and always tell me not to come back.
You should listen to my advice even though people call me a dunce.
But if you carry a skunk in each store, you'll only be able to do it once.

My dream came true when I became a referee.
But my heart is broken because they fired me.
I was told that I couldn't be a referee again.
They said it's because I can't count to ten.
1-2-3-4, that's as high as I can count.
I can't get to ten, I can't reach that amount.
I dropped out of school too early, that's why I'm so stupid.
I dropped out of Kindergarten when I was a five year old kid.
Kids shouldn't drop out because knowledge is a tool.
They will have a better future if they stay in school.

Jerry Stiller has died at the age of 92, he lived to a ripe old age.
He starred in movies, television shows and also on stage.
Jerry starred in both "Seinfeld" and "The King of Queens".
He also starred in "My 5 Wives", "Hairspray" and "Sweet 15".

In 2012, he provided the voice of General X in "Foodfight!".
He guest-starred on "Rhoda" and "In The Heat of The Night".
He also guest-starred on "The Love Boat" and "Archie Bunker's Place".
Jerry was a talented actor and he was also a credit to the Human Race.

When I died, I arrived in Hell and there was a lesson that I quickly learned.
Satan is using a new kind of torture, people are no longer being burned.
It's a rotten, terrible and cruel thing for Satan to do.
Now he tortures people by forcing them to watch the new Doctor Who.
I did some really bad things while I was on Earth and now I'm in Hell because of what I did.
I'm being forced to watch the new Doctor Who and I can't look away or even close my eyelids.
I've always known that Adolf ****** was evil but I was wrong when I thought that he's tough.
He screams like a little ***** as he watches the new Doctor Who TV show, it's pretty rough.
While I was on Earth, I was a liar, a thief and a despicable ****.
Now I'd do anything if I could receive a blindfold and earplugs.
As I'm being forced to watch the new Doctor Who, I scream and cry.
I didn't know that such a bad thing could happen when a person dies.
I'll tell people on Earth how to avoid my fate instead of just giving them a hint.
They'd better be on their very best behavior because Hell has a new torment.

I remember what happened 24 years ago.
I went to Walmart and bought a 3DO.
The 3DO was a video game console and it was 32 Bit.
Contrary to what some believe, it wasn't a *******.
It was almost as good as Sony's original Playstation.
I decided to buy a 3DO after some consideration.
I eventually bought the original Playstation but I bought the 3DO first.
It wasn't the greatest video game console but it certainly wasn't the worst.
It had some great games: Killing Time, Road Rash and the original Need For Speed.
But Plumbers Don't Wear Ties was so terrible that it will make your eyes bleed.
I was only twenty-four years old at the time, that was half a lifetime ago.
Panasonic, Sanyo and GoldStar were the three companies who manufactured the 3DO.

I welcome 2019, I'm glad it's here.
I hope it will be an excellent year.
Many years ago on every New Year's Day, Mom cooked hog jowls and black eyed peas.
But I didn't like those meals very much, I wasn't pleased.
Sadly, I now spend New Year days alone because Mom is deceased.
I certainly hope that the year 2019 will be a year of prosperity and peace.
God has given me another year to live and for that, he deserves my praise.
I will love, praise and worship The Lord for the remainder of my days.
I hope that 2019 will be a good year for others and myself.
And I wish everybody a year of happiness and good health.

When I'm done with you, you'll need an undertaker.
Because of what you did, you will meet your maker.
You had an affair with my daughter but neglected to tell her that you have a wife and kids.
I found a suicide note next to her body, she decided to end it all because of what you did.
When my daughter learned about your wife, she begged you to get a divorce.
You said it would never happen and now she's dead, and you don't even feel remorse.
When I found my daughter, I held her lifeless body in my arms as tears rolled down my face.
I'm going to have to **** you because you are a scumbag, a low life and a total disgrace.
You're laughing because you think that I'm bluffing, but I just put a bullet in your head.
I pulled the trigger and now as I look at your corpse, I feel jubilation because you're dead.
When you used my daughter, you signed your death warrant as well.
I hate your stinking guts and I really do hope that you will fry in Hell.

The world lost a talented actor one year ago today.
After being on Earth for almost 83 years, he passed away.
He starred in 'Keeping Up Appearances' and 'The Old Guys'.
People also loved his performances in '1990' and 'Pack of Lies'.
He also entertained us when he starred in 'Othello' and 'Born and Bred'.
His entire fanbase has grieved for 365 days because he is dead.

Coca-Cola launched their 'New Coke' forty years ago.
When Coca-Cola did this, it turned out to be a fiasco.
They launched their 'New Coke' in April of 1985.
It was not a success and it certainly didn't thrive.
Coca-Cola abandoned the old formula and released the new.
Millions of people were angry and some even threatened to sue.
When it came to the 'New Coke', it was something that most people hated.
Coca-Cola started making the original again because people were devastated.

When repo men come to my house, I order my Dobermans to attack.
They take chunks out of their butts and those repo men don't come back.
The finance company wants to repossess their stuff and other repo men are sent.
They're not going to get their stuff back, they should be able to take a hint.
They continue to send other repo men again and again.
They're going to have to stop, they're running out of men.
They want to repossess my car and my furniture as well.
But when my dogs attack the repo men, it hurts like hell.
One of my dogs bit a repo man in the ***** and gave him an instant vasectomy.
I saved him the money to have it done by a doctor and he is grateful to me.
Other repo men will be sent and I'll continue to order my dogs to attack.
Those people should learn that they're not going to get their stuff back.

There is something that I hate, and it's something I won't deny.
I hate the new Doctor Who TV show, I'd rather watch paint dry.
I even complained to the BBC, and told them that I hate their show.
If you're wondering if I'll ever watch it again, the answer is hell no.
I've written several poems about Doctor Who, and you may wonder why.
It's because I hate it with all of my heart and soul, I'd rather watch paint dry.
I hate it because the BBC uses it to cram political correctness down people's throats.
I'd rather watch a show about a man who is married to a goat.
I loved the classic Doctor Who TV show, but I hate the new, and that's not a lie.
I wish they would cancel the new Doctor Who because I'd rather watch paint dry.

I bought a shotgun at a flea market without knowing that it was used to commit a horrible crime.
The former owner used the shotgun to **** an entire family and I was about to have to do hard time.
The police came to my house and confiscated the shotgun.
They thought I was the guilty party, they thought I was the one.
The entire world turned against me, I was a person who billions of people hated.
People said that I should go to the gas chamber and if I did, it would be celebrated.
Even though the public had turned against me, I convinced the police to have doubts.
I told them over and over that somebody else was the killer and they decided to check it out.
They found the real killer and it wasn't long before he was placed under arrest.
The cops showed him the bodies of his victims and he broke down and confessed.
Even though I was put through hell, I'm not mad.
The real killer was brought to justice and I'm glad.
Many people have mailed apologies to me and one of the reasons why billions turned against me is because I'm mentally ill.
They thought I was a crazy ****** but now when it comes to committing ******, everybody knows that I never will.