the street you walk down,
dim lights on every corner,
its dark out,
It's warm out,
You prefer the street
After hours,
You prefer the world
After hours,
When it's
Quiet outside and there's finally peace,
You prefer your body,
After hours,
You prefer your mind
after hours,
When you sleep then nothing,
Hurtful matters,

And you lived,
Happily,
After hours with me.

I don't regret anything,
Well except lying to myself,
There's that....

you with all you're ****?
i'm getting bored

Dear Josiah,
I didn't know you well,
I'd met you a few times,
I know your  siblings very well,
They're some of my best friends,

Dear Josiah,
Although I didn't know you,
i see you in the tears of sarah,
in the whimpers of grace,
in the scars on bethany.

Seeing the look on your mothers face,
Seeing tears in your fathers eyes,
A divorced couple,
Sets aside their differences,
For one thing they have in common,

They lost their  son.

Dear Josiah,
I watched your sister grow up,
i watched her try not to care,
To push the feelings out,
But tears,
And cries,
Made there way to her,

i hugged Your crying little brother,
Only ten,
who Has never known tragedy like this,

Dear Josiah,
It wasn't your fault,
But you will live on in the hearts,
Of many.
God bless

my bed,
how do i begin to describe,
the cotton sheets,
fluffy pillows,
and failed art projects,
yes they collect on my bed,
next to half empty water bottles,
that one loose yarn ball,
is where i feel at rest.
i can't help but be drawn to,
my constant resting place,
and it makes it so much easier,
with everyday hardships i must face,
clean clothes,
half scribbled notebooks.
that one book i haven't finished yet.
my laptop,
has all collected where i spend most of my time.
where midnight inspiration strikes.
my bed

It's hard to believe that you exist.
Outside of my own guilt.

I've been there,
I've walked that road,
I've had those feelings,
So many times before,
I've wanted to hurt myself,
Or someone else,
I've felt that pain,
That hate,
And I know,
How hard it is,
To let go of everything you have spent building,
Every nasty feeling,
I've been there,
I've walked that road,
So many times before,
I
Remember when I started punching walls,
Bleeding fist,
Inner anger,
I've been there,
Had those feelings,
I have been angry,
For not doing more,
Don't try and say,
I'm not gonna tell you what happened,
You won't understand,
You have probably never felt these feelings before,
I've been there,
I've walked that road,
We all have one,
A road we walk,
Not particularly knowing where we're going,
In the middle of the night,
Thinking,
What if I don't turn around,
I've felt those feelings,
I've MEMORIZED that road.

if my fingers could scratch past the glass,
to reach your bony hands,
i would never stop trying,
to hug your thinning body,
to rub warmth to your fingers and your soul,
you have shown me love like i have never known before.
i wish i could break the screens,
to get to you,
so that i could somehow save you,
i could be there for you no matter how bad things got,
we could stop fooling with i miss you's
i really want to see you,
if only,
i could get past the
SCREEN

i want to be your knight in shining armor on the nights your wrists are under attack

Once you've grasped it throw it up,
Toss it higher, and higher,
When it comes back toss it back up,
Throw caution to the wind,
Once you know that they're bad news,
But you choose to love them anyways,
You throw caution to the wind.

Let the wind push it farther from your grasp,
The closer you get,
The more you let yourself dream,
The less it all means,
Throw caution to the wind.

pink satin shoes,
i've wanted,
false;
needed,
since i was six years old,
i craved the bruises and the blood,
that comes with pirouettes
the hot blisters,
bubbling with possibility,
the possible pain,
that comes,
with my first pair of pointe shows

Will I be,
A prima ballerina,
Will I get that far,
By 19?
Will the world be my stage,
Will I dance every day,
Will I be strong.
Will my feet be blistered,
From the point shoes?
While the lights from the stage,
Warm my dead soul.

Will I be,

A prima ballerina.

We faked till we fought,
Then we fought and we fought.
We broke,
Trust.

It happens to the best of us.

shatter the mirror,
burn the rope,
bury knife,
get rid of the note.
remember your incredible individuality,
not that one idiot who doesn't know what he's talking about,
keep away from the blade,
throw it away,
you're fine,
just breath,
you'll be alright.

take it from a stranger,
who started at the bottom,
alone, afraid,
i won't even mention friends,
but now here i am happier then I've ever been,
please keep on fighting,
no matter how hard,

maybe one day, you'll be where I've found myself,
crawl out of the pit,
you might have just dug yourself.

"Do not confuse loneliness for love my dear,
Because one day,
You will mean a great deal to someone,
And they will not mean anything to you".

I still get little things that remind me of you,
And I wonder do you get that too?

sleep,
Sleep,
      Don't eat away,
  At my,
        Dreams,
   Don't let them fade away,

    By all means,

Don't forget to forget your face,
The way,
      
        HOME...

Love,
   Love don't,


    Eat away at me,

       ...please...

  Sleep,

     Keep my soul,
          My soul to keep....
Cause I can't fall asleep......

    Pain,
     Please try to refrain,
  

          From breaking,



      My bitter heart,
And time it's taking,
      
     To breathe,


Heart,


      Please don't let me,
                   Fall apart,
                                Catch me,
Before I


                  D
                     R
                        O
                             W
                                  N

Cause I might drown...

POINT YOUR TOES!
Lift one foot high up In the air!
Sashay left,
Sashay right,
Make sure to keep you legs up high!
SPLIT REASONS LIKE YOUR LEGS,
FOR GODS SAKE LIFT YOUR HEAD,
POINT, HEEL,
TUCK your ribs,
LETS GO ACROSS THE FLOOR,
QUICKER THEN WHEN YOU TRIED TO RUN,
COUNT.
one, two, three,
Hands around me.
Sunken faces,
You weren't drunk,
Just a water,
Was just enough.
LIFT YOU LEG OVER YOUR HEAD,
KICK IT HIGHER!
Try to kick away the pain,
Or set you memories on fire!
Burning hotter then your limbs!
Keep your form tight!
Keep your feet just right!
If only it would have stopped,

Him.

If,
They,
Kissed me,
Right here,
On my face,
My,
Objections,
Wouldn't,
Exist.

Hop in the front seat,
Take the wheel,
Make your eyes meet,
The edge of the road,
Great lakes,
Movie takes,
Photographic,
Opportunity,

Curved lips,
Make me want,
To Be kissed,
By the sun,
When all fun is done,
You'll take me,
By the hand,
We'll break bread,
By the land,
We will skip,
And dive,
Then we'll drive,
And drive,
Far away,
From our worries,

From our pain.

Bring me along!
To your road trip of fun!
I'll hop In the backseat,
Unbothered by the summer heat,
And we'll drive till your fingers blister on the steering wheel.

I can ride along!
S'long I can pick the music,
Ain't really nothing to it,
But we might hit some old superchic,

Oh! Bring me along!
My skin itches to touch the hot air,
Blooming through the window,
At 60mph.

Oh won't you let me tag along?

I find comfort,
In numbers,
The curved edges,
Displaying the amount of people,
You pushed away,
I find safety,
In numbers,
The cold night,
You hugged yourself tight,
Begging to get away,
I find frustration in numbers,
The same way you find frustration in feelings,
But they just don't go away,
Far to many,
Far to often,
Has it always been this way?

Do you ever get the feeling?
When you know that you won't sleep,
The a certain kind of quiet,
That seems to never leave,
A pounding in your ear and a whisper in the dark,
Seem to be the only things keeping us apart,
It's 1am and here I am,
Contemplating life,
Playing it off cool,
When I'm engulfed with fright,
And that's when it happens,
Your creative juice starts flowing,
Even though it can feel quite freaky and alarming,
You reach for pen and paper,
Bleed out your so called closure,
Continue to do this,
As the days get older,
And here you are with blood stains on your sleeve,
And demons in your sleep,
It feels like one of those night perfect to stay awake

Distractions?
Am I right?
Cuz ***** isn't enough,
And **** is too much.

Little boy inside
Fight, fight, fight,
How hard?
But, then you don't have to try
Just pretend
You have dry eyes
No eyes
Because you can't see
But you can smell
I smell ****
That you don't need
But can't just be
Tobacco free
Can you?
How hard did you
Get HIT
Knocked out
Your guts
One night
Every night
Fight, fight, fight,
In the time with no light
Scared little boy consumed by
Fright
Fight, fight, fight,
Glasses on your face
An outcast
GOOD, GOOD, LITTLE BOY
GOOD ,GOOD, LITTLE TOY
Sit There
Share
What you don't
Have
Fight, fright, fault,
and Then There was
A
CIGGARETTE

Because suicide isn't quirky.

I am a friend of indecisive,
Of misdirected,
Of **** infested,
I am a friend of pain,
I have an enemy,
Who bits my ****,
But he underestimates me,
He thinks I'm lame,
I am a friend of confession,
Depression,
Of bipolar,
Of anxiety,
You don't know who you are without me,
You become familiar with me,
You get close to me,
I'm the only thing you know,
With all certainty,
You can quote my regularity,
If other people push me out,
And your lost without me,
You'll invent me again yourself,
I am close cousins with stress,
But even closer to hate,
You will think of me In the wee hours,
You will miss my touch,
I have many faces,
Many things that keep me going,
Whether its your fear of failure,
Or you fear of any noise in the house at night,
Or Your mothers disapproval,
You weren't there for your best friend,
Why hadn't you read that text,
You have nightmares,
She's gone now she's dead,
I am best friends with PTSD
And abuse is my criminal partner,
You're scared of candles,
Scared of fire,
Because of the way you used to burn yourself,
You used to hurt yourself;

Everyone has bad days.
Some you want to take your life,

Others,
You can't believe,
You'd ever dream of it,
You'd ever think of it,
This is your last sunset,
But they never think that,
They only see bad things and i get it,
Suicide isn't romantic,
Depression isn't cute.
But my friends only think of reasons to die,
Never ones to live,
This is your last sunset,
This is your last sunrise,
Last baby's laugh,
Last tear you'll cry
And it sounds good at first,
At first it sounds so much better then Breathing;

But if you go on the bad days,
You'll never reach the good ones,
You're out,
You're the gender you've always felt inside,
You've found love,
You have a child,
You get sad to think,
That you could have ever thought that.

Stay strong.