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jules Feb 2022
you think you understand me
because of the size of my home
that comes from my fathers money
you think i grew up privileged
harbouring a “normal” childhood
without any shortcomings.

what you don’t understand is the
abuse, emotional neglect and fear
experienced
at the hands of my angry father
that caused me to become this way.

you think i’m happy, normal even,
because i don’t talk about what goes on in my brain
the racing thoughts that consume me,
the trauma memory that replays in my head,
the suicidal thoughts, voices that repeat just do it over and over
and how i cry every time im alone in the bathroom.

i'm afraid to open up like i had in the past
because every single time ended in abandonment,
followed by slit wrists and regret.

but,
maybe one day i'll tell you all about it
and hope you stay.
Sep 2020 · 89
she was...
jules Sep 2020
collapsing
engulfed in flames;
entangled like a milky way
in the universe

at the thought
of losing him.
Sep 2020 · 89
Untitled
jules Sep 2020
thank you for ending us
when i didn't have the courage
to do it myself

Sep 2020 · 795
the chaos in her mind.
jules Sep 2020
she is slowly losing herself
succumbing to the darkness
of her mental illness

she is plagued by
the chaos in her mind;
a constant struggle
between her sanity
and the bittersweet sadness
she had grown to adore

what a familiar feeling
this heart-wrenching despair
has turned out to be
Jul 2020 · 86
Untitled
jules Jul 2020
if i had the choice
i would do it all again
just to experience
that first kiss
on the hospital bed
that first time
in the tent
the day i fell in love
with your eyes
and the way
they would scrunch up
when you smiled

i would go back to that time
when we were slowly
and innocently
falling in love
come back to me.
Jul 2020 · 72
Untitled
jules Jul 2020
you are beautiful to me
a soul crafted
made of symphonies

although you hurt me
i am lucky to have met you
it was meant to be
Jul 2020 · 65
Untitled
jules Jul 2020
i never thought i could love again
i never thought i would open up
and trust someone with my heart
but you took away the fear,
helped me strip away the walls

i opened my heart to you
i bore my soul
completely and fully
i trusted you to not break it
and i trusted you to stay
even when things got hard

10 months later
you broke it
into pieces
you broke my heart
and didn’t even
******* ask
if i was okay
Jul 2020 · 61
Untitled
jules Jul 2020
i don’t want to leave
but
i gave so much of myself to you
i don’t know what’s left
of me and
i need to find
myself again.
thank you for ending us when i didn't have the courage to.
Jul 2020 · 102
first time.
jules Jul 2020
we touched each other delicately
exploring every inch
of our hearts and the way
they would beat in sync
Jul 2020 · 64
cigarettes after sex.
jules Jul 2020
the song came on and i thought of you
and our first time together in the tent
and those first few times at your house
when we were first getting to know
each other's bodies and souls

my hands would trail up your bare chest
my lips pressed against yours delicately
i was exploring your body yet
i wanted to get to know
every inch of you:
your heart, mind and soul
Jul 2020 · 54
.
jules Jul 2020
.
we’re going to be okay
that i know
within my heart
beating slow
the pace quickens
as i think of you and
i don’t want to be alone
Jul 2020 · 62
the sea.
jules Jul 2020
her anchor at rest,
the wind calm;
settling the turn
of the tide.

the beginning 
of the sea
and the sky 
welded together
in luminous space.

we affectionately 
watched
the waves that
resembled
tranquility.

between us was
the bond of the sea,
holding our hearts
together.
Jun 2020 · 107
sunflower.
jules Jun 2020
growth
is a process
much like the sunflower
we are not simply born
a bright bursting flower
of enlightenment
we are crafted
into beautiful stardust beings
through pain
suffering
and the lessons
we are meant to endure
and learn from
we are reborn
into stronger
conscious beings
filled with light
bursting with love
exploding
into higher consciousness
Jun 2020 · 64
can we start again?
jules Jun 2020
i hope to never lose you
even when the sunset
seems bleak
please don’t leave
darling
my heart is weak

even when you push me
and call me names
just hold me again
let’s pretend
this will never end

can we start again?
Jun 2020 · 61
sunset sinner.
jules Jun 2020
i’ve always demanded more from the sunset;
more spectacular colours when the sun hit the horizon
they say a woman’s heart is a deep ocean of secrets
but maybe i’m just a ****** up girl,
looking for my own peace of mind

that’s perhaps my only sin.
poetry prompt: create a poem using movie quotes.

(nymphomaniac vol.1, titanic, & eternal sunshine of the spotless mind)
Jun 2020 · 166
you.
jules Jun 2020
thunder storms and
soft rain on
a tuesday afternoon
reminds me of you
Jun 2020 · 151
jules Jun 2020
when you find yourself
lost and alone
look up at the stars
bask in the moonlight's glow
and let the milkyway sky
guide you home
remember: you are part of the universe too.
May 2020 · 262
injustice.
jules May 2020
open your eyes
we're living in 
a colonized culture
built upon 
oppression and lies

coincidence
no
this is
injustice faced
due to someone’s race
read it backwards.
May 2020 · 75
mango nectar.
jules May 2020
his eyes
the colour of
amber honey
looking into mine
the colour of
green emeralds

his lips
tasting of sweet
mango nectar
dripping
into my soul

our hearts
colliding
as the sweet breeze
of summer air
dances on
our bare skin
May 2020 · 174
how to set yourself free:
jules May 2020
take down the mask
you have hid behind
it protected you once
but it serves you no more
you are divine.

let go of the shame
that has held you back
from embracing vulnerability
the world deserves to see
your beauty.

protect your energy
before anything else;
those who cannot
handle your authenticity
will be revealed:

let them go,
they weren’t meant to stay anyway.
May 2020 · 155
Untitled
jules May 2020
the beauty of the forest
calms my spirit
with every step i take
closer and closer
towards the path
i was meant to walk on
May 2020 · 69
self-love.
jules May 2020
i wish to cultivate
self-love, stillness
and harmony;
giving myself the space
to slow down and reconnect
while loving myself tenderly
for all that i am

i wish to spread
this love of self
unto others in my life
and to the collective
beings on the planet

in hopes that they too
will see the beauty
that is already within them.
selflove
May 2020 · 812
new moon ritual.
jules May 2020
i sit in the bathtub
surrounded by
lit candle wicks
allowing tears to flow
feeling the comforting
cleansing of the water
wash over me gently
as i connect to my breath

the new moon
allows for manifestations
and new beginnings
so, i grab pen and paper
and jot down:

when i see myself in the mirror
i want to look deep within
and see the divine being i am
instead of
someone i wish not to be

i wish to cultivate
self-love, stillness
and harmony;
giving myself the space
to slow down and reconnect
while loving myself tenderly
for all that i am

i wish to spread
this love of self
unto others in my life
and to the collective
beings on the planet

in hopes that they too
will see the beauty
that is already within them

thanking the four elements:
earth, air, fire and water
for their guidance
and protection,

i step out of the bathtub
blow out the candles
dry myself off and
step out of the sacred space
releasing my intentions
into the wild.
May 2020 · 540
poets - prt 2.
jules May 2020
to the brave warriors
who reach deep within
their souls
turning darkness into
something beautiful
and whole

to the emotional empaths
who feel things
deeply
speaking their truth
wildly embracing
vulnerability

to the poets
who self-doubt
fearing they’re
not worthy:
the world would
not be the same
without your journey
💚
May 2020 · 369
poets.
jules May 2020
embrace the demons
that lurk beneath
the shadows of your mind
and turn them into
beautiful rhymes

your mind is poetic
and so is your soul
never stop writing
turn your darkness into
something beautiful and whole
May 2020 · 133
blossoming.
jules May 2020
she tends to her own roots
she waters her own soul
she heals her own wounds
she is the keeper of her garden

cleansing stagnant energy
she brings softness into her being
transforming beauty inwards
she grows into her highest self

the moonlight shines above
her light is no longer dimmed
she becomes one with the night
blossoming into a being of light
May 2020 · 230
human beings.
jules May 2020
we breathe the same air
we gaze at the same moon
we bask in the same sunlight
we drink from the same stream
we are children of the forest,
as beautiful as ocean tides
and galaxy skies.
May 2020 · 322
child of the universe.
jules May 2020
she is blossoming
her truth
discovering the wisdom
within her higher self
channelling divine energy
she is mother earth’s child.

breathing in
the morning sky
feeling soft grass
beneath her feet
hearing the wind
whisper gently
her lover
by her side.

it was then
that she realized
she was not alone;

everything is interconnected.
she is a child of the universe.
May 2020 · 140
moonlit.
jules May 2020
sleeping softly next to me
i feel the pulsating of your heart
as i lay awake, reminiscing
the day spent together
thinking of ways to
put our love into words —
your presence keeps me safe
by the moonlit window
i couldn’t be happier.
May 2020 · 852
pt. 3
jules May 2020
she met him and everything
fell into place
each moment leading up to
one another
infinite timelines colliding
in space
creating galaxies
in their eyes
hearts exploding
across the night sky
May 2020 · 4.4k
pt. 2
jules May 2020
naked bodies entangled,
souls intertwined.
she had never experienced
a love so pure and divine;
the essence of their first kiss
intoxicating as red wine.
May 2020 · 3.8k
first kiss - pt. 1
jules May 2020
he pulled her close on the hospital bed,
their delicate lips connected as one.
the universe spun on its axis
nothing was the same,
it had just begun.
she noticed his deep brown eyes,
glistening caramels in the sun.
Apr 2020 · 187
i found her.
jules Apr 2020
i found the girl who
felt things too deeply
and instead of burying her
back inside
where she had resided
for a decade
i cherished and nurtured her
and told her it was okay to come out


i found the girl who bore
a fragile heart
and gave too much of
her soul away
she could only see
the good in others
and through loss and rejection
she learned she was too sensitive
to exist in this world


i found the girl who lost
her softness
she swallowed pills
and smoked
to stop feeling
she took a blade
to her own wrist
to make herself go away
she swallowed rivers of
emotion within
and wore armour over her chest
to be more like everyone else


but
i was no longer ashamed
of the little girl
with temper tantrums
broken daydreams
and sad eyes
who felt deeply —
all she ever needed
was love and acceptance


so i found myself
i found the girl who was once lost
i uncovered all the parts of her
and set her free
based on a writing prompt:
"this poem urges you to look inward today and ask yourself what you found this year. begin with "i found ___"

(writing prompt: @airplanepoetrymovement on ig.)
Apr 2020 · 291
smoke.
jules Apr 2020
her tears fell to the floor
like rose petals,
covering the salty earth
with reddish hues.

she opened her mouth to scream,
but the words
refused to leave her burning lips.

she took another drag of her poison,
letting it fill the gaps of her soul,
drowning her lungs
in the harsh chemicals of the world.

she exhaled all the worries and fears
she’d carried with her that day,
hoping tomorrow would be better.
ig: @creativenloving
Apr 2020 · 373
a reminder.
jules Apr 2020
you are worthy of the deepest love
even the love you cannot give to yourself.
you are enough.
Apr 2020 · 533
letter to my addiction.
jules Apr 2020
sometimes i miss you
i miss the way you’d sweep me off my feet
fill me with bubbly sensations
of false joy and freedom
make the darkness go away
and rid me of the pain that
consumed every inch of my being

i miss how it felt
when we were together
you were my partner in crime
you made me feel infinite
as if i could escape my body
and astral travel to a place
far away from here

i miss the way
you brought me comfort
when i needed it most
sometimes when the pain was
far too much to bear
you made me feel
completely and utterly numb
so i wouldn’t have to feel anything at all

i trusted you
i leaned on you for support
when i was broken and
nothing else seemed to work
as long as you were feeding me
i knew i’d be okay

but little did i know
you were leading me down a dark path
of more sickness and pain
our relationship was a toxic one
i lost myself in you
and i realized that in the end
you never truly wanted the best for me

so for two years
i starved our connection
i went into the wilderness
to find myself again
i put my broken pieces back together
i re-connected with
healthier ways of being

i appreciated how you helped me
through all those years
maybe you were what i needed to survive
during those dark and painful times
but you were never supposed to stay long

so this is my farewell for now
maybe we’ll meet again someday
but i’ll be more prepared then
to greet you kindly
and acknowledge your presence
yet stay strong enough
to not get carried away again
Apr 2020 · 64
-
jules Apr 2020
-
i still have days where
i can not accept myself
and i am filled with a collection
of broken thoughts

i still have days where
i can not move from the bed
or bring myself to go outside
and breathe in the crisp air
that i know can heal me

my spirit was broken for so long
depression consumed me for years
and although i have come far
from the dark, dark place
where i used to reside
i am constantly reminded that
the healing never ends
Apr 2020 · 2.7k
wildflower.
jules Apr 2020
she has spent eternities despising herself
searching in the mirror for the existence
of an ethereal reflection
staring back into her ocean eyes
whispering soft lullabies
an abundance of external lies
for it could never match
the true beauty and radiance
that resides inside


the most impeccable love story
is the one she holds with herself
for when she comes to realize
the resiliency of her bones
the captivation of her words
the radiance of her dance
and the effervescence of her energy
she drips in empowerment
like sweet honey
drips from the wildflower
Apr 2020 · 219
brainwashed.
jules Apr 2020
scrolling through
a colonized culture
that tells us to
stay busy
be productive
work hard
for what a shame
it would be to rest

a capatalist cornucopia
of brainwashing ads
making us believe
we are not good enough
simply as we are
that we should work hard to become
something we are not

the messages they spoon-feed us
travelling straight to the subconscious
where our deepest insecurities reside
secretly piling up in their favour
as they feed more information
ever so subtly and carefully
Apr 2020 · 222
“beauty”
jules Apr 2020
imagine living in a world where
“beauty products”
were non-existent
where being
the fullest expression
of yourself
was beauty enough

imagine a world where
human beings were not
shamed for the size of their bellies
defined by their number of “followers”
or judged by the colour of their skin

imagine a world where
we simply accepted each other as
the beautifully imperfect beings
that we are
Nov 2019 · 204
.
jules Nov 2019
.
i wish you saw the beauty i see in you
you are like the ocean
full of mystery
and emotions that soar high
like tidal waves
yet your tranquility
can calm any storm
even the one within me
Nov 2019 · 252
survivor.
jules Nov 2019
two months spent
in the coldest of all winters
living in the wilderness
relying on flint and steel
to warm my bones
relying on strangers
to nourish my body
relying on mother earth's energy
to mend
what was left of my broken soul

two years spent
in treatment
recovering from
the abuse
the heartbreak
the trauma
the self-destruction

never once did i believe
that i would still be alive at twenty-one
but i recovered
i prevailed
i am a survivor
Nov 2019 · 147
abuse (tw)
jules Nov 2019
i miss the taste of your lips
your sweet tender kiss
warm hand on my wrist
the other balled in a fist

scream at me more darling
you know how i love the abuse
twist my arm some more
call me a stupid *****
is this what love looks like?

it's all i know
part of me didn't want you to go
now i'm all alone
and i want to go home
jules Nov 2019
there is a deep sea
of sorrow, anger and grief
buried within me
lately it keeps spilling out
like crashing waves
filling my lungs
crushing my chest
suffocating me with its intensity
i'm drowning in the memories
of my past
of the ones i've loved and lost
part of me wants to experience it again;
part of me wants to forget any of it ever happened

maybe if i went back in time
i could fix whatever went wrong..
but maybe things were meant to go wrong
if they didn't
would i still be the person i am today?
if i'm being honest with myself,
no
i wouldn't have learned anything
i wouldn't have grown
maybe this is the path i was meant to go down
maybe
it all happened for a reason
Nov 2019 · 125
about you.
jules Nov 2019
lovesick thoughts
plague my mind
i can't rid myself of you

i still remember our first kiss:
you apologized before pulling me close
and pressed our lonely lips together

i remember how it felt
like a thousand fireworks
lighting up the sky with its perfect impermanence
my heart aches to experience it again

our hearts were
so broken
and so lost
but after that first kiss
we mended them together
maybe that's why it hurt so much when you left
Sep 2019 · 505
love
jules Sep 2019
i am not sure how long this will last
and i am afraid
for i have been beaten and bruised
by so many lovers
but you my darling,
you are worth it

and
i love you
for all that you are
the madness
the chaos
in your soul
all your flaws
they are beautiful to me

i will wait for you
i will stand by you
i will be there
as you heal
as you grow
as you begin to love yourself
i will be with you
every step of the way
Sep 2019 · 424
a beautiful thing
jules Sep 2019
beautiful things are created when people turn their pain into art
you are a beautiful thing
full of sadness and hurt
but i see through
to the white light hidden beneath
there is an angel hidden inside of you
concealed by a mask
cloaked in dark fog
but i see the beauty inside
i want to reach deep within and pull him out
but this is your journey
and he will appear when the time is right
so for now
i will wait by your side
Jul 2019 · 174
heartbreak
jules Jul 2019
i let you ignite a fire in my bones
and now i can't extinguish the flames
Oct 2017 · 190
I think about you everyday
jules Oct 2017
I just wish you had ******* stayed
Left my life, yet again
Leaving me with this ******* pain
In my soul, it starts to grow
Sleepless nights doing blow
Staying up so I don't dream of you
Staying high so I don't feel about you
But I still think of you,
when I'm high,
I still daydream.
I cant get you out of my ******* mind.
And I'm trying not to cry
but there's something about you I can't numb myself to
unlike everybody else in my life
jules Oct 2017
Listening to Bob Marley's soulful voice,
My head on your soft chest,
feeling the vibrations of your beating heart
As our fingers intertwined and we shared souls,
closing our eyes
And escaping into a feeling of bliss
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