you think you understand me
because of the size of my home
that comes from my fathers money
you think i grew up privileged
harbouring a “normal” childhood
without any shortcomings.

what you don’t understand is the
abuse, emotional neglect and fear
experienced
at the hands of my angry father
that caused me to become this way.

you think i’m happy, normal even,
because i don’t talk about what goes on in my brain
the racing thoughts that consume me,
the trauma memory that replays in my head,
the suicidal thoughts, voices that repeat just do it over and over
and how i cry every time im alone in the bathroom.

i'm afraid to open up like i had in the past
because every single time ended in abandonment,
followed by slit wrists and regret.

but,
maybe one day i'll tell you all about it
and hope you stay.

you are beautiful to me
a soul crafted
made of symphonies

although you hurt me
i am lucky to have met you
it was meant to be

growth
is a process
much like the sunflower
we are not simply born
a bright bursting flower
of enlightenment
we are crafted
into beautiful stardust beings
through pain
suffering
and the lessons
we are meant to endure
and learn from
we are reborn
into stronger
conscious beings
filled with light
bursting with love
exploding
into higher consciousness

i hope to never lose you
even when the sunset
seems bleak
please don’t leave
darling
my heart is weak

even when you push me
and call me names
just hold me again
let’s pretend
this will never end

can we start again?

open your eyes
we're living in 
a colonized culture
built upon 
oppression and lies

coincidence
no
this is
injustice faced
due to someone’s race

his eyes
the colour of
amber honey
looking into mine
the colour of
green emeralds

his lips
tasting of sweet
mango nectar
dripping
into my soul

our hearts
colliding
as the sweet breeze
of summer air
dances on
our bare skin

take down the mask
you have hid behind
it protected you once
but it serves you no more
you are divine.

let go of the shame
that has held you back
from embracing vulnerability
the world deserves to see
your beauty.

protect your energy
before anything else;
those who cannot
handle your authenticity
will be revealed:

let them go,
they weren’t meant to stay anyway.

i sit in the bathtub
surrounded by
lit candle wicks
allowing tears to flow
feeling the comforting
cleansing of the water
wash over me gently
as i connect to my breath

the new moon
allows for manifestations
and new beginnings
so, i grab pen and paper
and jot down:

when i see myself in the mirror
i want to look deep within
and see the divine being i am
instead of
someone i wish not to be

i wish to cultivate
self-love, stillness
and harmony;
giving myself the space
to slow down and reconnect
while loving myself tenderly
for all that i am

i wish to spread
this love of self
unto others in my life
and to the collective
beings on the planet

in hopes that they too
will see the beauty
that is already within them

thanking the four elements:
earth, air, fire and water
for their guidance
and protection,

i step out of the bathtub
blow out the candles
dry myself off and
step out of the sacred space
releasing my intentions
into the wild.

she tends to her own roots
she waters her own soul
she heals her own wounds
she is the keeper of her garden

cleansing stagnant energy
she brings softness into her being
transforming beauty inwards
she grows into her highest self

the moonlight shines above
her light is no longer dimmed
she becomes one with the night
blossoming into a being of light

she is blossoming
her truth
discovering the wisdom
within her higher self
channelling divine energy
she is mother earth’s child.

breathing in
the morning sky
feeling soft grass
beneath her feet
hearing the wind
whisper gently
her lover
by her side.

it was then
that she realized
she was not alone;

everything is interconnected.

sleeping softly next to me
i feel the pulsating of your heart
as i lay awake, reminiscing
the day spent together
thinking of ways to
put our love into words —
your presence keeps me safe
by the moonlit window
i couldn’t be happier.

she met him and everything
fell into place
each moment leading up to
one another
infinite timelines colliding
in space
creating galaxies
in their eyes
hearts exploding
across the night sky

naked bodies entangled,
souls intertwined.
she had never experienced
a love so pure and divine;
the essence of their first kiss
intoxicating as red wine.

he pulled her close on the hospital bed,
their delicate lips connected as one.
the universe spun on its axis
nothing was the same,
it had just begun.
she noticed his deep brown eyes,
glistening caramels in the sun.

i found the girl who
felt things too deeply
and instead of burying her
back inside
where she had resided
for a decade
i cherished and nurtured her
and told her it was okay to come out


i found the girl who bore
a fragile heart
and gave too much of
her soul away
she could only see
the good in others
and through loss and rejection
she learned she was too sensitive
to exist in this world


i found the girl who lost
her softness
she swallowed pills
and smoked
to stop feeling
she took a blade
to her own wrist
to make herself go away
she swallowed rivers of
emotion within
and wore armour over her chest
to be more like everyone else


but
i was no longer ashamed
of the little girl
with temper tantrums
broken daydreams
and sad eyes
who felt deeply —
all she ever needed
was love and acceptance


so i found myself
i found the girl who was once lost
i uncovered all the parts of her
and set her free

her tears fell to the floor
like rose petals,
covering the salty earth
with reddish hues.

she opened her mouth to scream,
but the words
refused to leave her burning lips.

she took another drag of her poison,
letting it fill the gaps of her soul,
drowning her lungs
in the harsh chemicals of the world.

she exhaled all the worries and fears
she’d carried with her that day,
hoping tomorrow would be better.

sometimes i miss you
i miss the way you’d sweep me off my feet
fill me with bubbly sensations
of false joy and freedom
make the darkness go away
and rid me of the pain that
consumed every inch of my being

i miss how it felt
when we were together
you were my partner in crime
you made me feel infinite
as if i could escape my body
and astral travel to a place
far away from here

i miss the way
you brought me comfort
when i needed it most
sometimes when the pain was
far too much to bear
you made me feel
completely and utterly numb
so i wouldn’t have to feel anything at all

i trusted you
i leaned on you for support
when i was broken and
nothing else seemed to work
as long as you were feeding me
i knew i’d be okay

but little did i know
you were leading me down a dark path
of more sickness and pain
our relationship was a toxic one
i lost myself in you
and i realized that in the end
you never truly wanted the best for me

so for two years
i starved our connection
i went into the wilderness
to find myself again
i put my broken pieces back together
i re-connected with
healthier ways of being

i appreciated how you helped me
through all those years
maybe you were what i needed to survive
during those dark and painful times
but you were never supposed to stay long

so this is my farewell for now
maybe we’ll meet again someday
but i’ll be more prepared then
to greet you kindly
and acknowledge your presence
yet stay strong enough
to not get carried away again

i still have days where
i can not accept myself
and i am filled with a collection
of broken thoughts

i still have days where
i can not move from the bed
or bring myself to go outside
and breathe in the crisp air
that i know can heal me

my spirit was broken for so long
depression consumed me for years
and although i have come far
from the dark, dark place
where i used to reside
i am constantly reminded that
the healing never ends

she has spent eternities despising herself
searching in the mirror for the existence
of an ethereal reflection
staring back into her ocean eyes
whispering soft lullabies
an abundance of external lies
for it could never match
the true beauty and radiance
that resides inside


the most impeccable love story
is the one she holds with herself
for when she comes to realize
the resiliency of her bones
the captivation of her words
the radiance of her dance
and the effervescence of her energy
she drips in empowerment
like sweet honey
drips from the wildflower

scrolling through
a colonized culture
that tells us to
stay busy
be productive
work hard
for what a shame
it would be to rest

a capatalist cornucopia
of brainwashing ads
making us believe
we are not good enough
simply as we are
that we should work hard to become
something we are not

the messages they spoon-feed us
travelling straight to the subconscious
where our deepest insecurities reside
secretly piling up in their favour
as they feed more information
ever so subtly and carefully

imagine living in a world where
“beauty products”
were non-existent
where being
the fullest expression
of yourself
was beauty enough

imagine a world where
human beings were not
shamed for the size of their bellies
defined by their number of “followers”
or judged by the colour of their skin

imagine a world where
we simply accepted each other as
the beautifully imperfect beings
that we are

lovesick thoughts
plague my mind
i can't rid myself of you

i still remember our first kiss:
you apologized before pulling me close
and pressed our lonely lips together

i remember how it felt
like a thousand fireworks
lighting up the sky with its perfect impermanence
my heart aches to experience it again

our hearts were
so broken
and so lost
but after that first kiss
we mended them together
maybe that's why it hurt so much when you left

beautiful things are created when people turn their pain into art
you are a beautiful thing
full of sadness and hurt
but i see through
to the white light hidden beneath
there is an angel hidden inside of you
concealed by a mask
cloaked in dark fog
but i see the beauty inside
i want to reach deep within and pull him out
but this is your journey
and he will appear when the time is right
so for now
i will wait by your side

i let you ignite a fire in my bones
and now i can't extinguish the flames

I just wish you had ******* stayed
Left my life, yet again
Leaving me with this ******* pain
In my soul, it starts to grow
Sleepless nights doing blow
Staying up so I don't dream of you
Staying high so I don't feel about you
But I still think of you,
when I'm high,
I still daydream.
I cant get you out of my ******* mind.
And I'm trying not to cry
but there's something about you I can't numb myself to
unlike everybody else in my life

Listening to Bob Marley's soulful voice,
My head on your soft chest,
feeling the vibrations of your beating heart
As our fingers intertwined and we shared souls,
closing our eyes
And escaping into a feeling of bliss