I know we’ve never been good at this
Telling each other how we really feel
Because in our hearts we know
That we both know the answer to that question
I can tell when something is wrong before you even set foot in the room
And I know you’re probably too scared to admit that
But know that I would do anything for you
And I know you would do anything for me
But what can we do
When we’re miles apart
And the letters on these pages won’t change that

I don’t remember the first time I got drunk
I just remember the sensation
The lightheadedness and the pirouettes.

You broke your arm
After you broke my heart.
And even though that may not be ironic.
Me loving you even more
Was.

I’m sorry.

I realized I never

kissed you goodbye this morning;

I thought I was coming right

back. I am so sorry.

I miss your lips.

Something about you makes me weak in the knees
You must be working for the queen of thieves

Something about you doesn't seem right
But I'll grab the apple and take the first bite....

Early minds turn to the sunrise
Wandering souls turn to the map
And the downhearted turn to the knife

Everything I hear is a blurred whisper
And everything I see is so distinct

a year ago
we were talking about my (then recent) breakup

He's such a poison it's not even funny

today i finally realized you weren't talking about my ex.
you were talking about the boy with the curly hair and dark brown eyes sitting across from me:
the one i just confessed my love to.

We made deals with boys,

Like one would with the devil.

We committed crimes to achieve:

Attention,

Happiness,

Beauty, and

Anything else they wanted.

But every deal has a price to pay

And I paid the ultimate price

When I realized I committed all the wrong crimes,

Because you still didn't love me.

I know every time you pick up the phone you want to call me
I’m always the first thing on your mind when you’re alone
When no one cares for you,
You care for me
I don’t understand why you come around;
Why you wanna make me want you
When you don’t even want yourself.

Even though I was the burning flame
You were still my only light.

How am I supposed to tell her,
"Yeah it turns out I do have feelings.
And it turns out they're with the boy you just ******" ?

All I could think about
Were all the poems I haven't written yet
And all the poems I'd already written that should have been for you.

I am not a toy you can throw away once you’re done with it.

But if you’re fine with that then I guess I am too.

Just one question…

Does she know?

Does she know that once you’re done with her you’ll leave her like you did me

With no rhyme or reason?

Does she know that you’re as big as an ocean wave and once you knock her down you’ll recede back into the ocean

Leaving her with sandy beach bottoms?

Does she know what you’re going to do once you get bored with her?

Or will you claim that after dealing with me you’re a changed man?

And that because of me you’ve learned your lesson and have become a better man?

Because God forbid you hurt her like you hurt me

Nobody told me
That disappointment was your body.
Nobody told me
That hope was something I shouldn't waste on you.
Nobody told me
That blood was a synonym for your name.
And nobody told me
How I should love you
or how I shouldn't,
But then again,
Nobody told me
That you are just like me;

Pushing people away
The second they ask for some
Honesty.

Nobody told me
That I needed to love myself
Before I could ever love you

Nobody told me
That you're the reason
I'm disappointed in every person
I've ever met after you.

You're the reason
Nobody told me.
Because no one told you.

I.
I need your lips on my lips.
I need your hands on my hands.
I need your skin on my skin.
I need to get tangled up in your love, baby;
I don't ever want to forget it.

II.
*******, I can't sleep
And I need you here next to me

III.
Your fingertips write the sweetest of poetry
Every time they touch my skin.

IV.
Letting myself love you
Has been the hardest
and easiest thing
I've ever done.

Just look me in the eye
And tell me you love me

All I got is Hennessy on my tongue
and, baby, you on my lips.

Sometimes I wonder if you could clean up the mess you’ve caused
In my heart.
And I have contracted disorders
That will linger in every corner of my brain and body forever.

I don’t think you realize the effect you have on me
You make me feel beauty
When I know I have none
You make me hurt
Until I am sure I will never feel again

You’re the storm that’s wrecked my soul
Tossed around my insides
Until I’ve spit up blood
Tore gashes on my skin
That a surgeon couldn’t even mend

You’re the reason this pen
Lingers on the paper
Because I am sure you will ultimately destroy this too.

Sometimes on particularly rainy days
I’ll find myself face down on a paper.
I’ll finger paint it will tear soaked pads
And I’ll brush a mosaic on my pillowcase
Letting
It
   Sink
           In
I’ll mail the blank page to your doorstep
And sleep comfortably in a sea of hasty brush strokes

Maybe this won’t change your life
But our secret will be kept safe.

There's a poem written inside of me
About all my heartbreaks
From all the boys before you.

There's a poem written inside of me
About all the ways
I pushed people away.

And then there's a poem about you,
Slowly developing,
While you take every brick out of my wall
While you cross the moat and walk past the dragon.

Out of death comes life
Something old is sacrificed so something new can begin
You will leave people
People will leave you

Darling, don't ever think that the death of you
Will recycle into something
New and good

You didn't sacrifice yourself
I sacrificed you
For my sanity.

Don't think that you opened the closed door before you left
I opened it myself.

I was never in love with you

I was in love with sleeping next you

I was in love with the way your body felt curled up next to mine

to keep my body warm

because the nights are cold

but no matter how close you get to me

my heart will always be colder

and I’m sorry you couldn’t be more than a body to me

no one’s ever been able to thaw me out

Your hands set my skin on fire,
Burning my flesh into something
You can easily mold.