It's been 26 years and I'm finally letting out these held back tears
Of confessing to my family and friends of all my hidden fears
Another beer..a lack of drive cause I'm too drunk to ******* steer...the end feels near but I wanna be better than what ya see...who I appear
100 friends yet, they never call and call only when it's a need
I ******* bleed to please all of what ya need! But is it me? Of course it's me... I'm a monster who can't control his emotions that's why my 5 yr love decided to flea. Do I care? Will they always be there? Why do I repeat this *******...is life truly fair?
Fake success...maybe dress to impress...care a lil less and show your ignorant heart with your hollow chest! You can't impress people who already saw you at your best.
You're a poet, hell of a writer with the ambition to change the world! Yet your dark heart has made it impossible for you to remain with any girl...your mind twirls...your soul spins...gain a loss, forget a win...maybe it's time for you to finally look at yourself from within. Where have you been? Have you ever been honest? You can't escape this quick sand! TELL EM YOUR TRUTH! "Hi, my name is Bland" TELL EM YOUR WEAKNESS! I look in the mirror and it's ME i can't stand! "TELL EM MORE! AND DONT LIE!"...I tried and and continue deny. I'm a selfish individual who can't see things for what's right, so I pray selfishly to have "God" listen only to make everyone I ever spoken to a victim of my mission to do whatever the **** I want without permission...(I can't do this anymore!) FINISH! Okay! I'm not okay...I draw picture in my head, of a bed...of dirt and roses that say my name where I lay cause I have more issues than CNN and never know when the right time is to vent, cause I'm a self centered person who could honestly careless...and if it was your life I would probably Payless for me to no longer feel stress and sell you for me to come out best and invest in money power and false respect...I'd sell your soul for myself...I need help ******, .IM SORRY! Please make me stop... NO! YOU HAVE A LIL MORE TO SAY...okay! One day I woke up and told myself I may have nothing left to say and I can't stand the way how most people speak to me and the stupid **** they say so I pretend to listen and care but really I stare and am no longer there and I treat people like **** and use anger as a protectant so that no one can get close...my temper...please they won't dare...but I'm a little boy inside who is terrified and sacred and have no idea how to sleep peacefully because I'm addicted to the nightmares and I sit next to family in an attempt to fit in meanwhile look at my ******* skin...bottom line is, I'm nothing like these people from texture to within...I love to sin and I haven't meditated more than 15 minutes...I just say this **** so ya leave me alone and pretend to think I'm a good person and did it. Now I'm alone and possible insane! TELL EM BLAND! Idk what's wrong with my brain...I can't escape my mental cage...I feed off the world's rage and hate people who change. But I will change! Give me a chance, devil! Let me try to grow? You know what's best for me or you're a master of this manipulation? How do you know? Just let me feel something and be better than what itvm is...my past...let me seek the potential of being better than my dad. I'm not afraid! STF... NO! I'm not done talking, walking and following what it is I'm finally becoming! No longer running! As the alarm goes off and tells me to wake up and make up for my past and grow and feel the sun to warm my "cold heart" and see life for all its beauty, love in the air...seeing how a good thing last. I'm not afraid of your spew and all you do! And you trying to take your pitch fork and stick me of all the evil that resides in you! And yet, I will be something more of what I never knew id ever be! WHO THE ******* THINK YOU TALKING T... nobody, for once I'm talking to me Speaking to you as I continue and find what it is I can finally reach! Honesty, family, friends, love and myself...with everything else I always wanted to be! as I finally open my eyes and see...me.
I've kept a lot this a secret and had no idea it would finally come out for me to share...
No ones perfect...I just hope this doesn't change your perception of me...I truly changed...please...I need ya there.

(Drink pouring)
My....my eyes close...
I feel...I feel something close, something I adore most,
Buttermilk soft skin
Lips that taste like sin
Slow kisses...no idea where they've been.
Hold up, *(piano)
Let my notes serenade your brain
Create the melody for your sensation
Watch my slow riffs penetrate your veins
Said "your music's my drug"
As I play this sweet novacane
Extra dosages of my verses for the pain
A hook that leaves the body drained

Stop!

Repetition creates a dullness of ones perception
Changed the notes to help this ****** aggression
Synced it up so well
Baby, we so in tune
Nothing is better than making a love song
Nothing is better than making the perfect song with you.

Ugh,
We've all been on this same road
Yet, in a different speed
What messes me up most is what people chase after...
It seems they confuse what they want from what they need
I wonder at times, "is ignorance a disease?"
If you had it all would you be pleased?
Cross your fingers and drop to your knees
Speak to the lord and let your mind find peace.

(Hook)

Ugh, I've used this pen to write my untold story
Of the pain that came before the fortune
Of the mistakes that came before the glory
Those who now want attention that used to walk away and ignore me.
Ha...funny how things change
When you were young, heart was deranged
My mother classified me as insane
I was hiding behind my father's, God givin' name
Which took me to the top
Pressured never killed me, the injection never made me stop
Addict in his mind as its success he craves to find
Attempting to give his high school love his dark heart that resides inside (echoes)
Now I'm facing 25...
I haven't ever felt this alive

(Hook)

This is the verse that's ready to tell all
About my weak moments and drive that stalled
Wonder why she still hasn't called...
I've grown so much and dropped my flaws
I know you can change but you always carry
That inner monster, that's personally scary.
I hope I'm forgivin by my family and friends
I know time allows all to amend
Well, not all of my old friends
Some I wish the best for but otherwise could careless
Penny for my thoughts, I can't Payless
But you can walk in my shoes and obtain my daily stress
I wanna feel what the world feels
Hatred eyes and imperfection appeal
I'm akward as f&@k, so I keep my lips sealed
A starving artist hungry for a deal.
I've asked for prayer to obtain what It is that I want
For that I apologize God
The point I'm making is we need to overcome negativity, madness and greed
Let's focus on the beautiful, the wonderful, the idea of belief.

One more thing...

Watch the angel that sings,
Find your tranquil spot in your mind where faith clings and how good positivity brings
This world is full of flowers that blossomed hate.
I want ya to show the world
How much one gracious action
truly creates.

"Be the change you want to create"

Flashing lights...in a darken space where the ferns barely get enough light to grow, where the chill from earth's cold places a frozen morning dew underneath the clouds below
As I aspire to be like the great ones, like William Yates & Edgar Allan Poe
I know...better yet I understand
That you need to see through the eyes of humanity as you walk a mile in the shoes of another man.
Enter a woman's heart and feel her struggle, witness her fight, of the constant stereotype! As she is belittled for having more to cover up while enduring men's selfish acts of disrespect, somehow all being politically incorrect.
We must please in order to appease the guilty conscious that follows our pain's stricken past. The harpoon that killed mermaids, the blood of karma that ever lasts.
The idea of peace, the mindset of tranquility, the idea of belief, the Hard work, god given abilities...the power to withstand evils wrath...ignorance doesn't grow on trees, grow your roots with purity, and your leaves will grow strong and forever last.

See I'm so self destructive
Hurt anyone one that comes near
Love is still one of my fears
Gathered up so many tears
Told myself I would change
And I started to grow
Feel like this time around, I'm not the one who's at fault
How can you be so in love? Then suddenly become distant strangers
To mend a heart is so much trouble
That's broken, torn and mangled
I swore that things would be different
You and I in a position
I tried to get you to talk
Impossible for you to listen
The writing all on the walls
Break up hyroglifics
Two people who've become distant
A lot of pushing and resistance
Our souls didn't mesh well - why do we keep trying to mix it?
I'm walking away
You're screaming out loud
No one wants to say sorry because their pride is too proud
How come it never worked out?
We will probably never know why...
But you can't heal what was ready to die.

(Hook)

You deepen more of my sickness
Just stared at me like a witness
You stretched out my demons
Put me through hell's fitness
I swore you were the cure
I finally healed when you left
Could never breath around you
I finally caught my breath.
I'm not opposed to love  
I'm opposed to deception
But what I've learned in this life
The last one is your most valuable lesson
You can learn from the past
Or get stuck and stay lost
Too many fish in the sea to not reel up and re toss
These days I'm slowly overthinking
At times you may cross my mind
How come it never worked out?
We will probably never know why...
But you can't heal what was ready to die.

(Hook)

I thank you for showing me something
That I didn't see back then
Don't need a response from you
Don't care to even be friends
I'm just liberating my mind, finally releasing my heart
Having full faith in myself and let time play its part
You've turned me into a brother - mama said she has a better son
Sometimes we forget to see all the good
that comes out of each outcome.
I found purity in someone else
I promise not to push her away
Because unlike the past
She sees a future with me
Learned to swallow my pride
Stop looking back at my mistakes
Realize it wasn't truly love
Just two people who made a mistake
But I can't help to wonder...
Always be a feeling inside...
How come it never worked?
We will probably never know why...
But you can't heal what was ready to die

~¥€€¥~

(beep) pshh (fading out)
I think they tryna come into my interface...
does misery still love company?
cause they wanna to stay at my civil place..
where a voice don't match a face
cause we don't make uneducated assumptions
we barely follow a lead
even if it leads to something
creative control,
don't matter if your 5 years old
the eyes create the picture
the heart develops the mold
any persons story can be told
but lets let the individual tell it
if they speak of overnight success
applauded them, no reason to become jealous
long live the king
the one who had a dream
the one who stood for integrity
the one who guided a team
the words Hero and Idol to me don't mean, what they use to mean
but I'm bitter cause most Heroes I knew never actually believed
little children are the future lets let them all achieve
internal pain of the weak, falling from heart broken disease
my thoughts becoming appeased
as I travel this lyrical world spreading my metaphoric peace
picking up the falling souls and reviving em piece by piece
ya don't need to listen but understand I have a message
one that could lift your shoulders higher and give your lack of support some leverage
I'm basic maybe below average but can carry the world and its baggage
god didn't hand me the throne
he sent me out to prove I deserve to have it
empty minds that go unnamed
with broken emotions with no one to blame
inner strength is the motive
A lion heart
guess that's why I'm so hard for society to try and tame.

If honesty was a skill it'd be something you lack,
It's so hard to keep going  as I still look back,
Maybe I'm a fool, a fool for unforgiving love...
When your heart rips open is that finally enough?
Simplicity was all I've seen,
Wish you would still hold my hand as I walk along the streets.
A bed fit for two but it's only me,
Use to lay, use to rest but now i can hardly sleep,
As nightmares have come and taken over dreams.
If someone told me lonieness is where my life would lead,
I would close my eyes, block em out and never hear them speak.
Think it's time to rework these mental images, as I press Delete.

Passion, where have those lips gone?
Why must it take losing love to write the perfect song.
Why must it take, losing love...to write the perfect song (guitar playing)
uhmmm, she's gone away,
Yeah,
But I would erase this song just for you to stay.
Uhmm
But still...
Why must it take losing love, to write the perfect song.
Uhmm..why'd she go away. (Last guitar strum)

His hallucination, imagination and often non apologetic
These symptoms aren't illness...just a man who's poetic
Cause I see things in my mind that aren't human being
and imagine a world of non judgement in an imaginative dream...but I'm sorry for the fact,
that you see shades of black
In a distorted vision that is bleak and abstract...
maybe if you were more intuitive with your inner belief...ya soul would finally allow ya ignorance to be released...
or simply you'll decease
and fall to the complexity of life...
99% of earth creatures can't tell wrong from right,
we see all evil and blinded from the light.
Are the blind the ones who have the highest form of sight?
And I'm gone.

-Dougie simps #lostloveWriter

I thought it was a mission...
A mission to your heart, your soul... Your ugly mind.
One that confuses and abuses what it is that was honest and genuine love that I carried for years and years only for you to help shed my tears and have them travel down the path in which they have gone before..

Down..

No more, NO!
Let me go. Keep my sweater and let it warm your cold, shiverish spew that you so soldemly spit when you share your venomous words.
You burned me..helped show and discerned me.
You allowed yourself to grab me like a rebound and then drop me...without there being any sound. No smack! No crash...just a silent shatter in which I'm still picking up the pieces of our fallen glasses...healing all the small cuts and closing my eyes in which I still hear your voice, see your whispers..."I love you"
(I laugh) (you lie)
Months and months later...I realized that I over exhausted my efforts in my tries.
I wanted to heal an already broken heart, dismantled mind
You wanted to drink your pain away and waste just a few more hours of our precious time.
Until that one time...no protection
No safety to what was penetrable in the lust of what was mistaken to be love... Transformed into hate. Into a whirlwind of fear. Into a reflection in which you and I stare... And months later... Now see nothing.
I cowered down to my knees and will never let you do that again, will never let you back into my soul...will never consider you a true and real friend.
Since you dissect only the what it is you need... In which it is your empty heart you feed, while your ignorance slowly bleeds...out. Black blood and darkness...an Angels dark kiss
In the mist she awaits...to hunt on yet, another hopeless mind.

Infatuation creates a shadow that makes us blind.

You were different, miss
You were insane, miss
You were an inspiration, miss
You were easy, miss
Simple, miss
You were...love, miss
Or was it hate, miss?
You were trapped freedom, miss
A dark dream, miss
A shallow bliss, miss

But I say goodbye, miss

Because the truth is, miss

You won't be,

*Missed.

I'm confronted with an Angel with a devilish smile
Who speaks with the fiery of an aggressive fire
Who keeps me tempted with the idea of faith
Who puts me in a hold that I can't escape
It's intensified as her lips honestly lie to a guy, not a man, who wasn't ever part of her plan
As she seeks another heart to eat
Seems this dark angel has merely reached her peak...
You can feel the cold air as she starts to speak
You can feel the poison as she injects and starts to leech.
Is this the moment when I jump? Where my heart starts to leap?
Or the moment when my mind takes over and starts to leave?
You made me believe...
Believe in more than just myself
You exposed the qualities in me that were crying out for help
But I was addict...arrest me on being a victim, to weakness and loves conviction.
Listen...
Some ****t happens for a reason...or is it everything happens for a reason?
I live by that quote in my quest of achieving.
But I know now what's misleading...
Toxic kisses, dark bliss and many moments of weakness
4 months later and I've finally got the remedy to beat this.
You've gone and flown away
While my despaired heart sits and stays
Probably hoping for another chance. Waiting for another day.
I promised myself I wouldn't ever think of you and cry
But I can't stop but wonder...dark angel, did you love me? Was I good enough? If not then, Dark Angel,  why?

"I'll never let go, I'll never leave ya."

But...
where are you now that I need ya...

She's saying "boy I'm paid"
That's all gotta say
I'm like who knew who knew who knew
One day I can make a true lover out of
You too you too you too
She says
You're stubborn and covered
I'm insecure but undiscovered
Listen to me please...
I don't want another
Please...
Cause we're both a long way from home
We both have the windows down
Listening to our favorite song
I need you to help heal my pain
I'll re-write your wrongs
Please don't give up on us
We have something that's too good.

Girl talk to me tell me all you've been thru
I want to hear it - your beautiful mind is what i want to walk through
Trust me- hold my hand
I promise to never let you fall
You make me a better man
The queen to my throne
My girl who can do it all

She just wants me to know that I'm there
I want her to feel where I've been
She knows we're about to fall in love
I know that she's perfect and I'm in
I wrote a letter to the sky saying
Baby don't forget how it feels to kiss me
She asked me if at night do you miss me?
Always and forever
Baby you don't get any better
You're changing my life for good
Everyday is sunny weather
Let me show you what you deserve
She told me two times may too much
I'm saying look at what we have
She asked why are you afraid of us...
Mhmm why are you?

I have a whole lot to prove
A whole lot to lose
A million girls in the world
And all I care about is you
A million mistakes to be made
Two guards preventing our potential
You're so far away so I know our communication is detrimental
I never for a second question any part of us
On the train writing you this song
****, think I'm falling in love
Our bond is past special
Our chemistry is off the charts
I stare at you so amazed
My priceless work of art
Mhmm and I promise to always fill you in
Promise to tell you who I am and all I've been
Ask me what I want...girl it's only you
Show Me your scars, give me your love
Let me explore more of you
Thank you
Accept me
I'm sorry
Please don't give up on me---C...
Mhmmm
Because you know you're my baby.

Hol up

You don't know how much...
You've helped me grow - you've helped me grow baby
And
You don't know how much I've been trying to show you
Know you
Help me tho
Oh girl you know I've been suffering and you heal me
Baby you complete me..
Baby I would go insane for your love
do whatever I can and above
There is no game...
Please see me and understand...
You're it girl
Don't see anyone else...but you in these plans
Behind every king is a queen - a strong woman behind every man.

(My queen)

Excuse me? You wrote this right?
Why do you write me goodbye?
Why do you no longer believe in me?
Why are you internally letting me die?
For I - am the reason for everything.
I am the laughter and the pain
I am the feeling you get from the sunrise
I'm the emotions carried down your cheeks when it rains
You're angry at me...
I took em away...like I gave up on you
When your heart every time begged for them to stay
I am building you...you needed to lose me in order to understand that I'll be back again and you will be a better you
You can't run away from me anymore or yourself nor the truth
I live inside of your pain...
I know you tell others you'll never truly be the same but...you lie
You lie to hide what it is you truly are inside
You have the ability to give a love beyond what many can imagine
You just choose now to block your hearts valves with unforgivness and sadness
Why won't you look at me?
You use to love eye contact
Why won't you hold my hand?
You use to love symbolic impact..
I'm still here,
I have endured you long enough pushing me away
What is it about love you don't want? You don't believe in? That you don't think I should stay?
For your heart beats for that one, right?
You yearn for the possibility of showing the kind of man you are...the amount of love you can give.
Just know, I'm one of the essentials in life - without me...it's nearly impossible to truly live.

I was there when you remembered - I was there when you cried - I was there when they walked away - I was there when they died. I was there in the smiles - I was there for the laughs. I was there at first sight - I was there at the last. I was there when you've fallen steep - I was there when you've risen - I was there when you hated me...I'll remain here....even if not forgiven.

For I am love,
I never left you. I always remained here by your side
Please stop running away from me -
Please let me back in
Forgive me
Please, don't say goodbye.

Now we both caught ourselves staring
I analyzed  what you were wearing
My heart skipped a beat, the idea of love started preparing
I approached from the side, asked if you had a guy,
You replied with a "I'm just doing me" I took that as a lie
Cause no woman walks around hoping she doesn't get surprised, by a good guy...who could mend her broken heart with care over time.
A smile broke her defense, a kind gesture made her less tense.
two and a half months later and it's undoubted happiness
I wouldn't think any less, seems I finally found my princess,
Who would cure all my scars,
Unwind all my tangled stress
But I guess.. the sayings true
That a good thing is to good to actually be true,
Her false happiness became clear, figment love easier to see through
What happen? Use to the best thing I thought I never knew...
I started becoming a sceptic
My mind started thinking hectic
I should've seen all the signs when you finish fights with "forget this"
Cause that's what she was doing
Forgetting all the issues
I love you turned into silence, whatever's from I miss yous  
The stars became detached
The shapes no longer matched
It is what it is, but do we both honestly believe that?
Love becomes a war
Affection into infection
I caught your negativity
Cured it, and learned a viral lesson.
That you don't truly know a person until you both break up
Infatuated  with ones beauty until they finally remove the make up.
Devil in disguise but your still an angel in my eyes
I don't consider it being naive
Some people just always have your heart, and never leave your mind.

-Dougie simps

(Bang)
Metaphoric gun shots
As the writer ***** and locks
His pen
His target market...tarnished women and selfish men
The act of his ways are not violent, nor resent
He just kept it all in until his mind finally was spent
So here's a penny for his thought, while his concious develops a morse
Of an idea that spilt his wig, like his hair line and scalp had a divorce
Sceptive of his motives, you don't think he sees clear
You don't think he has the ability to drink his emotions and still steer
You don't know his capabilities that's why you still doubt his abilities
"A monster can't be tamed"
I've seen the transition: hostility to tranquility!
Stop with stupidity,
your brain could be a powerhouse
But water has to touch the seed before you can grow and let a flower sprout
Life is all steps, taking the elevator is a huge regret
You choose your own path with steps
You could be stuck in a elevator in which your height you must except

My words aren't in the past tense
I'm speaking more yet saying less?
Becoming a pro---while searching high and low
seems you always look for the gress. Growth is infinite, you never stop becoming your best!*

Now pay attention folks, that last line meant somthin, the kids on his way back..back like I LEFT SOMETHING!(echo out)

_Im Back #GCK

Mhm
Maybe it's me, who's afraid of commitment
Maybe it's you, who's notion is not to listen
Maybe it's us who seem to rather die than fall in love...

Mhm
Maybe I've lied, in your arms for too long
Maybe you've dived, too deep into my soul
Thought it was us, we who would grow old
And together reinvent love...

But why?
Why don't we try to stay?
Is it easier to just get up and walk away?
We fight but not for the reason of love...
Oh, not for the reason of love

Girl, talk to me..let the words fly like butterflies
My net in hand, I'll catch all your truth and lies
Because that is love
It's a war of words, pain and lies
But we still gotta try

Mhm
Divide our hearts, add them together and watch our bond multiply
Let me give you wings, the power of my affection will make you fly
Please hold my hand, if you let me go I just may die... Ohh baby can't we try...
Said "she's tired of love...@

But why?
Why don't we try to stay?
Is it easier to just get up and walk away?
We fight but not for the reason of love...
Oh, not for the reason of love

Oh no no no not the reason of love
It's cold out side but she's rather not come in, the sun can shine but she rather it rain my sins, the leaves are falling just like us,
So much change but we refuse to fight...

(Piano)
We refuse to fight for...the reason of love.

Felt like yesterday you made my heart spin
I felt the satisfaction of potential love within
Ive lost a lot, only gained a little
You showed me what it feels to win
I sit back and think a lot
You changed my story and altered my plot
The kinda movie that is good that you don't want it to stop.
As madness entered, My heart ventures and curiosity killed the cat
I can't help but constantly think about what you're doing, how you've been and where you've been at?
But that is just that
Probably wasn't meant to be
I guess I'm a optimist, hopeless romantic, it was the idea of you that was all I could see..
Been drinking just to ease the pain, everything's altered nothing feels the same
Why didn't we just meet up?
Feel that would of changed things.
But I'll take that
And fall down only to get up and go now
It's a learning lesson that I've tried to gain
It's myself imma try and change
-----
Sippin a flask of my own emotions cause I keep em to myself
Smoking on some SOS
Smoke alarms that show I need help
Wouldn't of been just another notch on the belt
This was purity I felt
It was the heat love could bring
As insecurities and skepticism was gone now....as slowly they melt.
I apologize, and wish at night
That you would one day just reply
"I don't miss you" "it meant nothin"
Psh, well that just my emotions telling a bold lie. I tried. I actually didn't
I'm chasing my feelings down with regret
I'm chasing something that's going to be forever missing.

You can replace me,
I'm expendable, I'm replaceable
I was a moment, you were a scene
In a movie that we developed
Of an unexpecting dream.

The one that came with the kiss on the forehead goodnight
The one that came with the ability to calmly sleep at night
I remember...(laughing) I remember these moments
& at times I know you do too.. I know you still feel my hands in yours...I know...nothing. I can't think this through...
I know when I breath this cold air, my lungs start to freeze, but how can you convince a scared mind to tell the heart to truly see what it wants to see? Me. I know when I look up at the stars, my heart starts to beat..I knew when I heard the door open...that was you ready to leave.
I have to stop! I have to take my palms and close them into non aggressive fist, I have to stop holdin on to hope and let go of this. You told me my words were magic..Yet, I can't form a sentence to convince you of our old bliss..

(Closed eyes flashback)
"please! don't! Don't give me one last kiss."* *Sadly I remember this.

The horror of the knife digging deep inside me, the scar I forever walk with.
I can't live like this! and continue to survive on your leftover venom, your seduction through your captivating eyes, your temptation from the shape of your denim.

**Soaked spots on the page,I know my days may get better..I just hope one day this gets to your heart, my eventually heals, I just hope you get this letter.

Perfect pigmentation,
Yet why does her make up crack?
Is it the inner pain of her thoughts?
Is it the emotional connection that she lacks?
Maybe she's okay being alone..
She's okay with the thought of independence
She's not looking for Prince Charming
She doesn't need someone to finish her sentence
She blames the last person
The last kiss
The last first impression
The last goodbyes following someone to miss
Her pigment isn't perfect
You can see the writing on her skin
The goosebumps from felt affection
The tears that take her make up
Down a path she's already been.

(Guilty Reminiscing)

POP
This bottle should do the trick,
Holding my nose tightly as I swim into this.
Thinking of all the moments that created who I am
Wondering if I can finally talk to you through this pen...
These walls are caving me, these chains are straining me
Give me all your love but understand there is no change in me
A leopards spots never change and my mind is so insane
"I Hate you" "I Hate you"
Every past woman looks at me to blame.
Where have I gone? Where do I stay?
Is the inability to be with one woman all part of my dooms day?
To play with a tarnished heart and simply forget a name
To say your "one of a kind" to every girl the same
I'm not a dog but I'm constantly on a short lease
And tell men to practice but never practice what I preach
HYPOCRITE!!
yes. Yes. I'm a hypocrite
But these are internal emotions that I'm dealing with
Cut my heart
Watch it bleed
I beg you girl
Just trust in me
The past is *****
Let's both make it clean
I see so much in you
Do you see anything in me?

(Dozing off)
(Her POV through spiritual thinking)

"She can't take the way I stare at her face and wishes she could understand why the love I show is fake as she stands up to speak but loses her breath and forgets her place, her place inside my heart where it's cold like graveyard stakes. She shakes and shakes as she steps slowly with caution and refuses to give her devotion as she slips into my soul and drowns in her tears of lost emotions. Terrified to repeat what it is lousy men seek...a stranded, lonely heart that savage men so reap. She stares into my eyes and softly starts to speak..."

But Silence.

(Falls asleep)

Baby, I can't hear you...
Come to me...walk to me...sing to me...talk to me!
I believe in you
Have faith in me.
I'll be right here
I'll change my ways
I'll cut off my ego
Release my chains
Watch a love grow
Nurture and care
We've both been hurt
Shall we compare?
My past still speaks
Hear it over my shoulder
All those memories
Promise are over.
Let's ring the bell
See you in a dress
Hand in hand
Chest to chest

I'm sorry.

Please forgive...

Life is nothing
Without you to live
Let's take our time
Watch things go slow
Throw up our affection
Look as it glows
Trickles down
Down to your nose

I'm sorry baby..

(Wakes up)

This was all an illusion
She made up her mind
Here is my conclusion
Be careful with actions
Re-RIGHT your wrongs
Because one day you'll wake up
And it'll all be gone.
I write this to you.
Not a poem nor song
I'm just writing to you
...

Because it's been so long.

Hope you're well.

"A wounded dog with its tail between its legs, back against the corner wall, and ears lowered yet no teeth shown..is the type you want to be most cautious when you try to approach em wrong... Go ahead test a wounded dog who's only way out of that corner and pain is through you.."*
-Dougie Simps

I'm broken into pieces,
I don't need you to fix me,
I'll put myself back together
Make myself better...(yeah)

Why was I so foolish?
I should of let you leave,
My mind changing phases...(hold)
Same girl, just different faces...

Oh...this may hurt to know...
But I'm over it, call it quits..
Things just got to personal, I'm creating my own life now and I'm just so over dudes, lying, Watching me crying and it's time I say it clear!
This is what you need to hear

I am...

*So over you, so over you, I'm so over you, so over you
But I love you...
I don't want you, I don't want you, I don't want you, don't want you
But I miss....you.

I think first, but lately it seems now a days that's my stupid curse
Because it separates the good from the worst
It makes me feel like could it get any worst?
Maybe so
But this liquor is a good start
They say a drunken mind speaks an honest heart
I've been up all night sick like a dog
You was in my dream last night and still never called.
That's ironic
Waiter, let me get another gin and tonic
That make me feel superhuman with a hint of bionic
But she my one and only kryptonite
That kinda drug that keeps the eyes open throughout out the night...
Why can't you let me sleep?
This a dark angel that forever reaps
Who sticks her lethal nails in you 6 inches deep
(Like a burial)
Which means she killing me slowly
Funny how you hate but barely know me...
I think you owe me.
More than just this new found imagination.
More than all the bullsh!t that you've created...
More than the time I've lost that you have wasted
Maybe I should've embraced it?
Disaster was in the menu and I just had to taste it.
"Get out my life, take a hike"
I just hope you make it.

Even if you were broke, Id pay for you,
If you needed protection, I would fight and slay for you
If you were alone, I would lay and stay with you. Nowadays I just look up to the sky, shut my eyes...wish, hope and pray for you.

Because you need it.

Yeah,
I've kept quite and figured the pen ran outta ink
The message wasn't too clear and these days it's been hard to just sit down and think
Let me stop for a min and take you back to where it all started
Half the people I grew up with are non existent- but all them departed
I get on this and self proclaim myself the realist and smartest
Thinking outside of the box but boxed in my own words
Keeping my talents to a minimum and remain so modest.
They gon run they mouth before they ever talk to you
Saying a whole lotta nothing's, thinking they logic is the truth
Feel like I never say much but there is a lot to know
Feel like the difference between us is really starting to show
I've stepped away from my heart and suddenly forgot the meaning  
Forgot that feeling of being a young man - fearless and optimistically dreaming
I'm not saying I'm back im just saying the pen is lit so you better keep caution
Or I'll let it all leak out like its blood comin out the faucet
With slick metaphors and play on words that don't really play
Subliminal bullets with SHH names that I  shouldn't say
The reigning king you'd swear I'm bringing victory back to Cleveland
Celebrating with my team and all the people who never stopped believin
I've stopped thinking about what they thinking about and watched my success finally rise
You can glare at him all you want but can't take the determination outta this poor child's eyes
The hit came outta no where
You know the haters don't like the art of surprise
Their whispers are the inspiration
We grow from their doubt and constant congratulatory lies
Shake your hand - saying they feeling you but quick to stab your back
Look out deeper in the woods, snakes are everywhere and not just in the grass
I lost a step but gained two more, hop scotched over what they didn't know I could do
Tired of talking past pain, my father and most of all about you
Progression doesn't start unless you finally start to rev your engine
That green light come on and your drive should push you to that happy ending
If you don't lose sleep thinking about your dreams you ain't truly dreaming
If you ain't cry a few times while working you ain't really putting in a meaning
If you have the same amount of people in your circle when it's all said it done...
You ain't truly make it
If you never folded once under the pressure
Your point never truly hit breaking
This the formula that shows the good from great
She says she loves you but how much of that love can she truly take?
Money don't buy happiness and that logic remains truthful
But the change from the change still helps keep one's life fruitful.  Crazy.
But this concludes the ending of Dougie Simps and simply forgetting what it meant to let the pen do his talking
I've run out ink - the blood all over my hands now. Imma see ya when I see ya. (He turns slowly...and continues walking -away.)
- I'm Gone

I'm now in a position,
To embark on a journey that terrifies me, leaving me sleepless without a dream
Making the blood pressure rise
Allowing my mind to start to believe..
As we grow older, wishing on promised luck and wanting to achieve
Formulating our individuality, searching for ignorance to please,
Paying amends to our regretful past, mistaking our wants from our needs.
All while only healing our flaws, when the wounds start to bleed.
I can't aim to please,
No, not anymore..
How can I want to be rich, when internally I'm morally poor
With goals I talk about, when I never played enough to score
With my eyes on the rearview mirror, when there is so much more to look forward...to.
A story we all have, hard times we've all been through
It's how you write you're ending,
The outcome of your book only can  come from you.
**"Never erase, never stop writing your story, never give up on what you do."

Ugh
I could sit here and write to you for 12 more months
I could sharpen your image or speak to you just a lil more blunt
Oh you still in a funk?
But the music is off?
Post a picture with ya real intentions & captioned it "another loss"
Cause that's what you get when you lie to yaself
Eyeliner following a similar path, prideful lipgloss to stubborn to ask for help
But she'll ask for wealth
And say she was mistreated
Saying all men are the same and they intentions misleading...
Yeah?
Cause with me you were well treated, appreciated, serenaded and so perfect
Give it time and you'll start to see who's worth and who's worthless
****
My bad I lost my methods of being a gentleman
Swear mama would **** me
Don't take my emotional bars as a way to say you know the real me
Cause the real me is with those I was with back when I could get a quarter
The ones who would sell a few nickels and sip liquor like water
I feel like people always testing my progression
Tell me I'm doing well but still await my regression
X the only one who know how I deal with the pressure
Take my kindness for weakness and ya will feel my aggression
Haven't felt this fruitful since pac was here spitting lessons
"Only God can judge me" and slowly awaiting his blessings.
I remember being part of it all
I remember when I sat there hoping daddy would call
I remember seeing all my old friends start to randomly fall off
I remember walking with my headphones on and feeling so lost
Butter knife thoughts that could cut the cord
Are these malnourished feelings worth nurturing anymore?
If you had a million, tell me what could you afford?
Throw a couple singles to a broken woman just fix ya mood when ya bored
Think about
Where have you been?
Money don't buy happiness but I'll take the down payment
Building up my ego with Lincoln,
Grant and Franklin.
Talking that **** but still keep the mind so humble
Life is a marathon you bound to slip up and stumble
It's the recovery can you pick back up?
Just know when you give your all it may never be enough.
There is a difference between us and it's starting to show
Ive see you change outta no where and lose sight of the flow
You used to tell the real, the best stories and keep it a buck
No a days it's a whole lot of talking and you not giving a ****
But who am I to judge
I'll probably lost sight of the vision
Selective views from the top
On a success tunnel vision
Talk a lot but know none of it's safe
I got a few spots in this track that could quickly put you in your place
Mixed reviews like the boy drake
Tell me they want the crown but have no idea what it takes
This confused generation with they heads stuck in the wrong
You only know how to put in the work when all else goes wrong

"Now it's hussle time"

But imma close this out with shots no chaser
Every woman who's givin up Imma shout you out quick and thank ya
To those who couldn't stay in the car when I told you this was a long ride
Ya the same that'll come out when you see me in time
Motivation from some of the fam but I'll leave that for thought
Just know I'm thinking in way that's so far gone and my mind is meant to be lost.
Skilled with this pen the ink represents my direction
Left the past, started doing right, fell behind but never stopped moving forward...
Cause...
This here my direct message.

- gone

Needed to set back up, go and grab this pen
Have been so quite, this internal riot got me suddenly urging to vent
Describe a foe from a friend?
Please, trust me you can't
Give me a penny for your thoughts and I'll simply give you an advance
To move on forward and no longer try and bother with me
This out lashing anger is just my father in me
But ya don't think harder than me
Or maybe I'm just a tyrant
A monster who's uses metaphors to be morally violent!
Calming down my verbs
Being cautious with my actions
Trying to walk away but temptation flirts with and keeps asking,
Me to stay and push all my stability away
As I fall to the ground, not to be found. Letting my ability wash away
Meaning I've wasted talent. Self proclaiming my gifts
This confidence is self perceived
But trust me I'm as lonely as it gets
The walls reveal my story
The irony of "the writing on the wall"
Explaining all my mistakes, exposing all my flaws...
Yet, I finally spoke to peace
Been waiting on its call
This tranquil state of mind probably only gunna last me to the fall!
Temporary healing, is far more appealing, since the "love" of my life left, I've slowly started disappearing
Into a place of an unknown, the entrance a beauty but kinda dreary
The darkness feeds my soul! Now isn't that hunger kinda scary!?
Feel the demons all staring!
Is that just people's attempts of false caring?
Their animal instincts to **** is scaring and overBEARing!
Poetry on the beat, few words is on acid...hits hitting my mind! This high might create a classic
My past has me laughing
Or maybe it's just the Xanax
Heart racing like the derby
This rush giving me panic!
Hard to dodge all these bad habits,
Fingers tips start to tingle
Maybe I'm on the brink of brilliance?
All while fighting my past trying to show resilience!
Chasing more than just millions
The money is all just abstract
One man can change the world, so I've decided to write this message and place society BACK on my back..

And I won't break this time..

Progression is something that takes some time

but these are thought of a complex man who's simply outta his mind...(echos out)

Okay, so you just...
Go around breaking hearts just to see what's inside?
Your mother left you so you can't read a woman's eyes?
Listen to your other side, put down your pride
Did you ever think that - I'd need that?
To stay alive...

Promises are lies...
You listen with a hopeful mind
"Maybe it'll be different this time..."
That silence inside
The rips in your soul
The bad habits of a "good thing" that never seem to get old,
Use your feet - go ahead and be so bold
Walk away, your story still remains untold...
But It is so cold...
...

I - loved you with purity and sensual affection,
Too much to ask the man of my dreams to free me from my nightmares of never being selected...
First, in the eyes of the one who carried my heart...Second to the woman to who he paid more attention that...Third time could of been a charm but...the Fourth coming didn't seem to send love to the right spots, honesty in the right message.

What does this darkness bring?
Lost intuition, burnt pictures.
Filled up bottles of wining, that collected all of the tears that I sing.
Wading in the emotions
Drowning in this moment
Staring back at my lying King.
A broken bond that reflects on the floor of a fallen ring...
Because if you don't learn - you will never know...
You'll never know a good thing.

It was every late night,
Every rising sun,
Every memory of you're love
Every second, every outcome
I felt empty but you filled my soul
I felt alone, but you offered a hand to hold.

The perfect surprise, the unexpected happy ending
The promises that were kept
A person worth forever friending

*I write this to you even though I'm sad and know you're in the sky
I miss you every day...I still wish I could of just said one last goodbye.

At times I wake up
Thinking why the hell did god let me see another day?
I barely pray.
Barely say “dear lord thank you, for blessing me”
Guess I have a purpose
28 years layin down feeling so worthless
Nobody’s perfect
I lashed out at everyone because inside I was hurtin.
Feelin so deserted - needing self glory.
Wondering every **** day
When I die, what was my story?
Was I gift? Sent here to help spread change?
Was I a monster? Sent here to help spread pain.
Maybe I was a non factor and just fell back
Maybe I touched a few hearts...while sadly remaining detached
I don’t kno what it is, nor can I ****** give anymore effort
This world is tough and everyday we all tryna to gain new leverage
I stop to see
What it was that was always in front of me
The open sea.
With endless possibilities…
I see my siblings and watch them go out and fulfill their dreams
I see my friends - growing up and accomplishing all they were meant to be
I see my mother - who pushes on when life gets heavy
I see my soul - who is uncertain yet, claims to remain ready.
But that’s life - it’ll always remain unsteady.
It’ll gas you up, lie to you and even act semi petty.
80 percent is how you react, while 20 percent is what you let in
I’ve let it all come into me - some would call me reactive.
Not many people enjoy you - this trait is not attractive.
Yet, I’m combative - for I am, the way I am and that’s that kid.
I’ve changed so much that I could’ve gotten into fashion
I feel I need a cause for the reason that I am who I am and I’m so tired of askin
God and I just don’t see eye to eye and he no longer understand why I need to cry
When I work out with my demons- thinking that I got stronger
Is it excuse that I wanna die young? Or can I not take it any longer?
Idk, don’t ask such personal questions until you walk a mile in they shoes
Don’t count your wins before your blessing or your destined to lose
Don’t say a rich man means having green in the money holdin machine...
To me success comes from the genuine love within a human being
Or does it.
I’m just tryna stay balanced on this uneven scale
Will I prevail or will I fail?
The clique so you chose the path you’d like to trail
You make the decisions that benefit
Even if they barely fit
Some sweat writing this ****
I’m nervous I’m losing hold and can’t get a grip
While sayin metaphors out these lips
Imma end this small poem here
Just tryna say don’t waste time on what don’t matter
You never know if you’ll see another year
Text someone you love - thank a stranger for holdin the door - tell the broken winged child they can fly and allow your heart to finally soar
Make peace with your demons - try your best to chase your dreams - to make change isn’t always visible - but the act of kindness & love will never remain unseen.

The features of this woman is like the music that I create
Her lips are the soft verse
& her hips are the smooth bass
The hook is her reaction
Like a pretty smile on the face
& both come out perfect/ when you mix passion and love in the make.
Wouldn't ask for a remix, this thing good, we can just leave it...because your my favorite hit song girl, the only one thats got true meanin.*
-Dougie simps

I use to think I understood life.
It's easy right?
Get a job...aspire to make a lot of money! Forget the past and race toward your future!
Jump over road blocks, avoid danger and make it home safely.
Fall in love! Marry the person of your dreams and live happily ever after.
Accept kisses from the stars, ignore the burning of disaster.*
So easy...yet, not one of us can say it's something we mastered.
A figment of ones imagination to attempt the impossible!
To run without falling, to walk before crawling.
You can't skip steps, you can't avoid mishap.
You know no road has ever been straight
No person has always been great.
Flaws, detail our persona and mistakes create our aura.
We can't plan for what we don't know and can't change what has already happened.
Sometimes the way to your perfect healing is that nervous feeling of uncertainty that has us anxiously laughing.
Live through your dreams but never measure the clouds
Even the smallest accomplishments should be awarded, something to be proud.
Cause things just stop and friends sometimes leave
You're probably going to fail 1 millions times...before that 1 time you finally achieve.
So many people falling in and out of love...
One minute this person was your all,
Next thing...you feel nothing...you've become numb.
So we run...run fast from sadness and heartache..
"I do" for ever and always, "we'll never break." The real question should've of been..."if you truly love me...how much of it could you tolerate?"
Why do we leave...Why'd they find someone else?
Before you try to love someone...start with loving the most important thing...that's (yourself).

So many wild dreams! If you dream it you can have it!...No way we can be tamed! Yet, things sometimes get caught up...suddenly your dreams are stuck in a cage...
You can escape. No one said you had to be stuck...
Life to me is 90 percent smart hard work...10 percent dumb luck.
But that's just me...I'm insane. I see things with and open mind and closed eye.
I feel we can learn from the blind...they're the ones that can honestly see.
A distorted, ignorant world that we all ironically can "see".

Is it still "wealth" before "health"

Drop your pride...go ahead, ask for help.
One person can change the world, but first make sure you imply that change in yourself.
Life is a bed of roses...we take the thorns and we make do...
Life isn't a schedule...life isn't a plan...it's a feeling, it's a moment, it's...it's you.
So follow your heart, believe good comes out of your hardest situations.
Logic can take you from A-B...but you can go anywhere with imagination.
So my question is...do we understand life?
Nah, not at all...
It's the mystery of "what will happen next?"
It's our ability to learn as we go, and get up when we fall.

Never stop. Enjoy what have.


Live-Laugh-Love

How do you convince a broken heart that it's completely beautiful?
-Dougie Simps

It can take a second...a second to realize when your actions have created complete chaos and permanent damage.

A second to late, before your conscious kicks you in your sleep, Not allowing you to sleep at night

While your mind races, like it's trying to not crash at the Grand Pixs
like its running from all its well thought out mistakes, like it's escaping all it ever may have promised too commit.*

"Why do we make these mistakes? if we know the outcome of the cause?
why do we feign for the thought of despair and pain? Only to have self pity of what we have allowed to be lost?"

Judge me. Please. Judge me.

I need it every second, every moment.. as I walk the streets of this un controlled land
I won't dare stare back though, I won't ever judge the soul of another man...

it's not in my plans.

But neither were all my seconds I have lost where I've created so many mistakes.

A broken Heart, Painful tears, a perfect home in which my wrath caused emotional tremors from my earthquakes.

It took a second...It took a moment. Something else literally could of happened if I just thought things through...

but these moments weren't my fault at all, no...wait!

It was YOU!

So many times of misplacment
So many hearts in replacement
Why is love becoming abrasive?
Oh how could you just...
Sit on the other side and stare at your phone?
okay with the feeling of being and living alone..
Collecting their hearts this behavior I cannot condone, yeah
Did you ever see me?
Has my soul taken full transparency?
Talk to me - ask me where it is my mind has gone...
Tell me I'm right for believing in all of your wrong,
Feel my pain as the pen bleeds in this song
You, no longer want me
No longer love me I....

(Beats drops dramatically)

I can't feel nothing, my body is numbing
Searching for you, why can't I see something?
Looking for words
blank thoughts remain
It's the woman who suffers the most in this game.
Turn the tables - swallow the meal that you've made
Stick a fork in her heart and cut her right through her veins.
Yeah,
Swim in her mind, all her memories reside
Stop watching em drown, stop watching em die...

yeah... (Echos out)

Mhmm please come save me, while you still have time!
Why must they leave when you're running on your lifeline...
I - I don't understand, I...don't (crying) understand...

(She looks up - wipes her tears and anger comes)

Moment after moment
I've allowed Cupid to control this
(Control this)
Yeah, control this
It's my turn to finally show this
You cheated on me, but I'm depressed
I refuse, I refuse
To allow another man to get me upset
I need to be strong, I need to move on
A queen never lets a prince do her wrong
You cut and you ripped
You hurt me like this
But I build and I grow and I'll
(Learn from this)
Repressed and refreshed
Make - up smeared - I'm a mess
Let me clean up myself and show the world
(How I do this)
You can take back your kisses
Gifts, and false - fake wishes
I'm better than ever and you're the last thing I'm missing.
Bet you thought this was about you...
You know it was about you
Bet you thought I would fall and crash
Bet you thought I couldn't make it with you...
Bet you this, bet you that
Those memories are deleted, all those words taken back.
You smiled at my tears, but guess who'll get the last laugh?
You claimed to be a man and sit high on your thrown
Well, I've yet to see a king and a person who's grown
And let me tell you one thing, you couldn't break me if you tried
We women grow from the pain and build from what lies.