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Nothing as mind described was sin,
suppressing was actual sin.
It kept coming in,
some days unwilled,
some days willed,
it gone leaving perplexed and guilt.
Flocked and bounced until it got exhaust,
left inside everything holocaust.
Innocent, unaware, bruised himself
in threads of twisted thoughts.
Unshared, whispered in thin air, shredded in half.
Coagulated and stranded thoughts,
bruised and bullied, ravenous remarked, fetched the tears in glass.
Distraught and regret pervaded, filled the state of mind with depressed art.
admonished till blood turned cold, still nothing could abolished the suppressed doubts, it still came out, healthy and curious, to demolish everything owned.  nothing as mind described was sin, suppressing was actual sin.
Written on 20th July 2020
Jul 6 · 138
New start
Irrespective of my irrational thoughts,
my bulging clot,
nothing can take away
anything away from my slot
it's still there within me,
whatever explored,
and whatever still unexplored,
I am therefore,
telling everyone,
I'll build my own plot
whether on grave or inside cave,
and with that,
I'll save my heart
and I'll become brave with this new start.
Hopefully I won't slip again. I won't harm myself. I won't hate myself. I won't. I won't. Sorry to myself.
Jun 2 · 168
Write
You can't ever write forcefully,
until it comes naturally.
It comes with hunger,
when your mind is tired and crossing out
every single thing  because it wants to feed something.
This hunger can turn sentences
into paragraphs,
and that's when you get full,
when your see your pages get full.

- Cadence Aurora
Jun 1 · 127
Full
You can't ever write forcefully,
until it comes naturally.
It comes with hunger,
when your mind is tired and crossing out
every single thing  because it wants to feed something.
This hunger can turn sentences
into paragraphs,
and that's when you get full,
when your see your pages get full.

- Cadence Aurora
May 28 · 337
How?
Sleepless night! those who are sleeping tight
tell me how do you sleep without thinking and sleep so light
don't you have any thought?
3:00 AM Thoughts
May 25 · 104
Hearts
Well I guess people aren't that bad,
Maybe I was just meeting the wrong ones or maybe I was taking them so serious that I forgot there exist some right ones.
Well I hope it doesn't restrict just to social media and its counterparts,
and people stays the same giving hearts and helping those who are in holes of rats,
and not poking and mocking with their hated darts.
Wrote it few minutes ago while thinking hearts that people give each other on social media and all the good talk and dm.
May 19 · 213
CHANGE
Change:
I hate this anxious feeling just before a change,
Hate to have this feeling when I feel overwhelmed and everything becomes hard to manage,
Heart beat runs faster than train,
this makes me feel so drain,
Man! Why it doesn't have a stop
just like a train?
It makes me feel dizzy,
when I try to control,
Makes me wonder
from where It comes,
all of sudden,
I lost in its thunder,
And it does rain,
When it makes me completely lose my brain.
Hate to have this feeling just before a change.
Cadence Aurora - 19th may, 2020
Time -  7:54 PM
May 16 · 85
Sleeping Dreams
Sleeping dreams:
Your dreams that you see
while you are sleeping is your
summary about your fears,
it is what you've seen just
before you've went to sleep,
it is what you've watched
this whole week,
it is what you've seen that
made you freaked,
It is what you've heard about
yourself that how much you are a creep,
It is what your mind told you
about you or about other.
That's how it becomes deep,
the more you think, the more you sleep,
It is everything that's planted within
you and how you are perceiving it,
mixed with no laces but  with so
many different faces.

- Cadence Aurora / Vampire Cadence
15-5-20
May 9 · 217
Scars
My tissue got a scar over all my weary skin,
my tears got not tissues to clear my sin,
bearing all those scars, I've been with none but with myself in war,
I killed myself over and over, those scars now is a shining surface,
I try to hide my face,
Because sometimes I feel disgrace.
I wish I could go back and replace.
9-5-20
May 6 · 202
OCD
OCD
OCD is a mind wreaking thing
that starts slow
just like a rollercoaster
but as soon as we think,
it's the end here,
there is another up and down motion
that controls our head.

It goes out of control
and the kind of restlessness,
it gives, is nobody can think of.
To think beyond its web,
becomes next to impossible.

You lose your sleep or either sleeps a lot
just to hide from the fears that lingers in your head.
Every breath ends with a sigh!
It's horrible!
I have felt it that's why I know it.
2:39 AM - Cadence Aurora / Vampirecadence
May 3 · 197
Brackets
Brackets:
These brackets,
Big and small brackets,
I don't like its taste..
that's why I hate,
It makes me show,
You have to keep your feet..
here and not there,
as If I belong somewhere
but no where..
I want to make things clear,
No one can show me
If I do belong or I don't belong..
Keep this thing in you clear.
These boundaries you created
is your own mind creativity,
Keep it up to you within
your mind shell,
and just go to hell
that's where you actually belong
and don't ever try to sing this same song.
3:30 AM 4th may 2020
May 2 · 184
It's Tea
Hey!
It's Tea!
Wake up!
Here is your tea
in your favourite cup,
now don't stare at me!
Get up!
Don't snuggle!
It's my last warning! I'll shake it and drink it
if you won't take it.
4:18 AM
May 1 · 222
Real Or Unreal
It doesn't feel what's real or unreal
once you lose the control of your breath,
It seems heavier everything inside
and no one to understand what it feels like,  
It's the real mess!
Just someone immersing you with its ******.
and you can't shout or speak out,
all you do is stare but no one look out
when you are trying to breathe,
but inside you are dead.
I wrote this at 3:09 AM. I love writing at night and that's when I feel more me and less the other me which I'm not. I feel peace within me. I had rough days where dark used to feel scary, now I'm loving night.
Apr 28 · 25
Suffered in silence
I suffered in silence,
but my gates were always
opened to help,
no one tried to sneak in,
no one tried to see in my eyes,
no one tried to look through the
broken ceiling of my house,
I was painting my walls
with grey and black
all this while,
while looking through that broken ceiling,
everyone's colorful walls made
me crumbled and I fell.
Apr 27 · 115
That place
I visited that place
where I was the loneliest,
Where I became a corpse,
Where I wasn't me but
like mirror glass,
Only reflection!
my presence was just
my hopeless depression.
If night would've been a girl,
I would've married her.
Night is beautiful,
don't look at her darkness, inside her,
it's her beauty that only those can see
who have sat with her.

I can see how pretty she gets
the darker she gets,
I have touched her
and she touched me too,
I have listened her
and she listened me too.

She made me hers
and I made her mine.
She made me feel I'm not alone
as she let me accompany her.
I love the way she stares at me
like I'm only hers.

- shivamrealmyself
NIGHT - 3:33 AM - 3:44 AM
Apr 23 · 302
Sleepless Night!
Sleepless night!
those who are sleeping tight
tell me how do you sleep
without thinking
and sleep so light
don't you have any thoughts?
3:00 AM written on 23rd april, 2020
Apr 22 · 114
Getting Back My Rhythm
I'm getting back my rhythm,
that flow that I missed,
kissed the wrong list,
I got so ******.

Punctured my own wheels,
walked up to the hills on heels,
got so tired, readily busted,
Nothing so far tested.

Preoccupied with disastrous hallucination,
I lost my sheer imagination.
took so many turns,
unguided blindly got hit by the red district.

So sorry, I missed my hit list.
Strange, where I got to sit next to the stranger,
followed the footsteps of my demons wicked derringer.

Oh my god, I've lost my mind, it's better to sleep,
Look who is talking, the loser who got easily broke and now he weeps.
Now I'm sleeping, not writing,  although I've got the rhythm and would try to write
better next time.

- shivamrealmyself
#poem #love #poetry #mental #illness #lyrics #hell #demon #back

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