The pain is still there
Sometimes, under the surface
It never quite completely went away
But it is fading.

Sometimes the burning itch
Reappears on the seam
Of my arms
But I tell it I do not need it

Thoughts about my weight
About my face
I cannot escape them
I can correct them

Eventually it fades  
I am trying my best

I am drawn to it
Theres no doubt
Now that ive glimpsed behind the curtain
Theres no way I could live without

The wisdom there, the fantasy
All grounded within reality
Cleanse a room with a loud noise
Poise is no longer mandatory

Crystals, carving sigils
This is where I belong
After so long
I have finally found a place

We've gone so far now
We know each other

Floated amomgst the clouds together
Swam to the darkest depths of our minds
Ran on white sands and cheered each other on
Written ransom for unruly emotions

As the curtains close on the next act
Never are we wondering what to do next
We follow out hearts, and our minds
We are each enough for the other

We've gone so far now
We know each other

The touch of the body
The caress of the heart
The sync of the minds
We are enough and more.

You tease me
You trick me
You kiss me
You love me

Who knew I could be so
L
              O
                              W
But so
                                   H
                      G
           I
H
at the same time?  

It seems like my emotions are chosen at
               R                                      D
    N                    

                                      A
            
             O
                                                M

One friend persues the other
Cloaked in twisted fantasies
Oblivious to her discomfort
His ears unwilling to hear the word
                             "No"
Making comments unsolicited
Longing looks innappropriate

She doesn't want it.

A heart of gold stopped beating
Two shining eyes now at rest
God broke our hearts to prove
That he only takes the best

Time is non existant
The world around me shuts down
I transfer myself wholeheartedly
Into a fantastical adventure
For I am no longer myself
I am the protagonist
Sleep, I need not
But answers, well..
Answers I need to live

You used to go by another name
AMELIA
Now you're somebody new, and your name is
NIKOLAI

When i was with you
My heart was at W.   A.    R.  
Questions and screams and bloodshed
Now you have my friend
I just hope you treat him right
You made out with him in the park
But did you really feel?
He doesnt deserve
To feel what i felt
When you had my heartstrings in your hands

I write to feel
I read to breathe
I look at you for inspiration
The stars in your eyes
The gleam in your smile
The love in your heart

I write to feel
I read to breathe
You are my inspiration

Arranged in neat rows
Colours bursting from the ground
Such a sweet smell
All around us is the sound

Of tittering old ladies,
And boasting old men
Life is wonderful, the sun is bright
Here in the peony garden

His body is a temple
Sturdy and strong

His voice is beautiful
Deep and meaningful melody

His behaviour so heavenly
But his whispers and his touch sinful

To read is to breathe
To write is to drink
To listen is to eat and
To wonder is to believe

A wheel inside my heart spinning so fast it makes me dizzy
And the farther away he gets
The faster it spins
As if there is an invisible chord un-reeling from it
Stretching the distance between us
A real connection
I dont know what i would do
If the chord ever snaps

What a feeling it is
To see your friends talk without you
And believe that they don't want you
But to be told that they do

I love you
I will always love you
I will love you until I die
And if there is life after that
I will love you still.

I texted him
Yeah?

Three times
Okay?

He hasnt responded in two hours
So?

Hes annoyed at me
Hes not annoyed at you

Hes mad at me
Hes not mad at you

He doesnt want to talk to me
Hes probably doing something important

I dont want to bother him
*Then don't. Hes busy, you ******* baby. Stop whining

Whispered words
Hushed tones
Breath that quickens
Face that reddens

Trembles take over
Shaking, reaching
Sweat starts to form
Your touch frees me

A brilliant smile
A comfort like no other
And the sweetest kiss

Take me out into the starlight
High above the ground
Pull me close
Play an old french love song
Grip my hand in yours
Take my waist
Dance with me until we both realise
Neither of us are good at it
Hold me sweet and soft
Sway with me to the melody
Nobody and nothing else
Exists in that moment
But for you and I, my love

They have the chance
To dance and twinkle like stars upon the page
But most of the time
They get lost in winding passages, my train of thought derailed

Nothing comes to mind
I promised you a haiku
I'm sorry baby

Under the blankets
A cabin in the mountains
Curled up there with you

I sit here
And I'm overwhelmed with happiness
So I don't know why the tears in my eyes feel wrong

I knew a girl once...
Who is she? You'll see

I knew a girl once,
She was just like you or me
She never knew what was going on,
Didn't know how to act or to be.

I knew a girl once,
She was always really scared, unsure
Even though she tried her hardest
She was so insecure.

I knew a girl once,
She hated her appearance
She questioned every little thing
And wondered if people would care about her disappearance

I knew a girl once,
She was in a bad place
But then she got closer to you, and whenever you talked
It put a smile on her face

I knew a girl once,
Who waited by the phone
She texted you until three am
And suddenly she didnt feel so alone

I knew a girl once,
You helped her so much, you'll never know
Your kindness, your humour
As a person, it helped her grow

I knew a girl once,
Who came out of her shell
Now she can smile without trouble
And all is finally well

I knew a girl once...
Now shes Happy and Free
I knew a girl once,
And that girl is me.

Your touch lingers on my skin
A hand to my cheek
One passionate set of lips to another
Your teeth that grazed my neck so freely

You call me your siren
Beautiful and fair, a voice to match

To that, I call you my Sailor
For I am drawn to you as much as you are to me
I know in my heart that I chose you
And I'll follow you wherever you go

You call me your fae
Irresistable and enchanting

To that, I call you my Angel
You saved me from my darkest place
When I'm with you, my heart soars
And I feel so high above the clouds I forget my own name.

I have all i ever wanted
In the form
Of the most perfect human being
To ever exist

I love him so much
I never want to let him go
And now all I can hope
Is that he won't want to either

I'm reading through all my old poems
And uh
****
I can't believe I was that bad 0.o

I have somebody
He is perfect to me
Completely amazing
But he doesn't see what I see

Is anybody else
Getting dragged out for walks
Like a dog?
The whole family comes.

"Mum I have homework"
"You have to be active"
"We're in quarantine"
"I don't give a ****, get up!"

I'm doing much better now
Than what I was before
Every little thing used to set me off
But now I don't mind them anymore

Haven't had a mental breakdown
In a month and two weeks
I know exactly who to thank
And he knows who he is

He's made my life so much better
By just being there for me
Holding me, kissing me, telling me I'm beautiful
Oh, and the oversized hoodies.

Today i realised
That for the past month
I've been better and smiled more
Than i did all of last year.

I'm so much better now
Thanks to my friends
Who helped me through
My darkest times.

And even though i still sometimes go
To that dark, horrible place
They are still here
To take me home again.

I'm going to the markets
In a group of homophobes
Dressed like a ******* lesbian
I am a secret Gaygent

All my friends talk about
Is walking pigs down the street
And touching fake *****
Why are we like this

Thank you for trusting me enough
To tell me
Who you truly are
On the inside.

I love you,
No matter what your name is
If you're my sister or my brother
You'll always have a place in my heart

I'm not what you want
But I'm exactly what you need!
Take a bite and feed
Your satisfaction guaranteed.

I'm your sunshine, woah
I'm gonna burn down your parade!
I'm the shotting star that you wish,
You wished you never made!

*******
It's not my fault that Nan is ****** with you
Don't project your anger onto me

I'm 100% Fangirl mode right now
I'm not even gonna lie.
They're just both so... so...
******* CUTE AGH I'M DYING!!

I'm not tired
But my eyes are sore
That's bad right?
Oh well

Let me get this STRAIGHT.
Hold on, I'm gonna run this BI you.
I wanna see how this PANs out, ok?
LES just see how this goes.
I need you to TRANSfer those papers.
Come on, I bet you ACEd the test!

I feel the darkness
Creeping in again
I don't care
I embrace it

It is part of me
As i lie here
At three A.M
Without a care in the world

My thoughts are my own
Who are you to tell me
If they are
Right or wrong?!

New thoughts
Invading my mind
Help me
This is not what i would usually find:

Sick and twisted
Blood and gore
Things that i've never,
Ever thought before.

"You can't have slaughter without laughter!"
"What's a funeral without a bit of fun?!"

Stop it
I'm scared
Please
GET OUT OF MY HEAD

This is not me
I do not think like this
My mind is changing
Worse than before.

Absolute bliss
Sinking deep into the blankets
Sighing into the pillows
After a long, stressful day.

Pull out a knife
Stab someone in the head
**** me now
I might as well be dead

Is it possible
To smile and frown
At the same time?
For that is the emotion i feel.

Can't see
Can't speak
Can't write
Can't think

It's dark
It's cold
It's stressful
I'm alone

Alone in the corner
Workbook open
Pen limp in my hand
I can't bring myself to work.

Guys, I'm in Spain!
The S is silent.

My arm is itching
My eyes are twitching
Your speech is slurring
As you scream at me

Tell me i never listen
Tell me i'm not good enough
Tell me i'm a disgrace
It's nothing new.