I lay here lonely, left to my thoughts as the house quiets down. I'm too stunned to cry, too alive to die; too lost to be found, but not enough to be missing. A year's not very long, it's there and then it's gone. Age doesn't matter if it's legal, and maturity isn't just for around other people. I'm hurt! but am I? How dare he! How dare they! but is it really? or am I all twisted again? telling lies and truths as if they were one. I'm trying to stay calm; Pretend nothing's going on. but I can't. I'm not the actress. I'm just upset, I guess. but about what exactly? The lack of trust? The disbelief in my self-defense skills? The attempt to go behind my back and make decisions for me? The insult to my intelligence? Or the complete and utter fail at maturity that has made me family lose faith in me? no. oh,no,no,no,no,no, it couldn't possibly be any of those! It's my fault. blame me. I'm the one who fought to not fall, yet lost that battle by saying 'yes' to you. I'm SO SORRY. It's all my fault.