Blasting music in my ears
All of my emotions disappear
Turn the volume up, can't hear a thing
I don't care that it makes my head ring

IT'S SNOWING
IT'S SNOWING
IT'S SNOWING
ONE OF THEM LANDED ON MY NOSE!!

An irreplaceable mirror
One of a kind
An irreplaceable memory
Stored in a photograph

The mirror, shattered
Shards lying on the floor
The photograph, tarnished
Smeared with paint

A room reeking of chemicals
Belonging to an asthmatic.
Being refused the refuge
Of sleeping on the couch.

A gouge in the wall
A long, scratched line
White smears across
A brand new, silver surface.

But we can't sue,
Or complain
Because your son
Runs our Real Estate.

It sounds like someone
Is knocking on my window
If there is anyone there
Please go away

Who is this girl
Staring cold and lifeless
From within reflected glass?
She is not me.

Both legs under the covers
Nope, it's too hot.

Neither leg under the covers
Nope, it's too cold

One leg out of the covers and hanging over the side of the bed
Perfect
But the demon
In the shadows hiding,
Will get you
And pull you under
And eat you

I am pathetic
I will fall for anyone
Who is nice to me.

The darkness hides in plain sight
It has realised that i won't fight
Reaching fiercely as i might
My outstretched hand can't touch the light.

Is it too much to ask
For someone to hold me?
Running fingers through my hair
Kissing my forehead

Holding hands as we walk
Smiles that go up to our eyes
I don't want to be alone anymore.
Being alone *****.

I need to cry
I want to cry
So why won't the tears flow?

Do not mistake a cry for help
As a cry for attention

Knock knock
Is anybody home?
It seems as if I'm hollow
To be forever alone.

The hole in my heart
Never filling up
The tears in my eyes
Never drying

You scared me, jumping
At me from behind the couch
That was not funny

Shaking
Crying
Bleeding
Sighing

I need someone to hold me
In their arms
And tell me
That i'm going to be okay

Darkness around me does nothing
I used to run in fear
Afraid of the thoughts in my head
Now i embrace them

They only make me stronger
The shadows want to protect me
If i get hurt along the way
It is my own fault

For once in my life
Words are not enough
To express what i feel

It is as if I feel every emotion
All of them and once, and yet
None of them at all.

It happened again
I thought i was past these things
God ******* **** it

I lay here at night
Thinking about everything
Yet i feel nothing.

Nobody talks long enough to comfort me
Nobody stays long enough to help me
Nobody looks long enough to notice me
Nobody cares for long enough to love me

I am forced to watch
As the one i think
That i might love
Laughs with another

Help me
Im alone again
And about to cry

I just saw my first ever
Horror movie film
I texted my friends
Do you know what they said?

They congratulated me
A metaphorical pat on the back
They said, good job!
"Congrats on losing your Horror Movie Virginity!!"

Your hair so soft
Your smile so sweet
Your teeth gleam white
You laugh with me

The world dims when you're around
Everything stops, every single sound

I got yelled at
This evening
And i couldn't say
A single thing.

For the first time in a long while
Today i smiled the first real smile

Pillows muffle silent screams
Gone is the blood that fills my dreams
Im sick in the head, fevered whispers
A voice in my head i don't want to hear

Around me people laugh and smile
Ask me if i want to stay a while
I'm stuck so deep i'm barely moving
Once I was bubbly now i'm brooding

Biting lips and scratching arms
Nervous tick and lack of charm
I don't trust myself around a knife
I'm clinging to the side of life

Blasting music really loud
Blocking out all other sound
Panic attack in science class?
Thats easy! Drop and break the glass!

Press it deeper, deeper, on my skin
Its leaving marks, i'm sporting a grin
Whisper whisper, scream, shout!
Too much, too much, i need an out!

You are what i have always wanted
You wear the face i wish to have
You live the life i work so hard for
You love someone who loves you

You are carefree and strong willed
You fit into clothes i'll never be able to
You make anything look achieveable
You laugh so easily

And

You dont even know it

Darkness surrounds me
There isnt another way to describe it
I cannot hear anything
But does that mean i am alone?

A tail flicks past my eyes
Fur tickles my legs
Eyes burn red
Basked in shadow

Is that a man standing in the corner
Looking at me with his
Head tilted and smile wicked
Or is it my imagination?

My body is a canvas now
I need to express my feelings somehow
But where do i put
These little red lines tonight?

On my wrists?
On my thighs?
On my stomach?
Where?

Behind my knees?
Behind my arm?
Behind my back?
Where?

Where would bring me the most pain?
Where would be the easiest to conceal?
For not everyone understands my art.
And so i must keep it hidden.

Hate feeling like this
The dried tear stains on my face
I smile anyway

Zoe Grace curled in a ball
Zoe Grace wasn't able to deal with it all
All of her family and all of her friends
Couldn't put Zoe together again

I used to be whole
Now i'm far from it
The things that have happened
Are nobody elses fault.

It's all my fault
The way i am
Things that i have done
And failed to do

When i look in the mirror now
I see a forever heartbroken,
Incompetent, stupid,
Mentally ill teenage girl

When i look inside myself
All i see now
Are the broken pieces of my soul
That will most likely never be put back together again.

Why did I fall for you
If you won't
Even talk to me anymore?

You looked cute today
Why do you do this to me
You don't look my way.

**** yeah, it's snowing
Tiny specks of white float past
This is so much fun

If i express myself the way i would like to
It will be alright.
Because it is winter now
And with Winter, comes the excuse and need
To wear a warm, long sleeved shirt and jacket
Wherever you go.
So nobody will see
The artwork upon the middle of my arm
Nobody will take any notice
Of my nervous ticks
If the source of them is covered up.

It is Winter now.
It is Cold.

Mother is not home
She is more than two hours late
Mum is never home.

My arm is healed now.
Thats a good thing right?
There are no more angry red lines
There is no more itching
There aren't even traces of the scars.
I can wear short sleeves again.  

I swore it was a one time thing.
"Never again, you have my word",
I promised to the loved ones i had shown.

So why do i feel like
I want to paint my skin in red stripes once more?

Homework looks at me
I really do not want to
... **** it. Tomorrow.

The smiles hide the screaming
The laughter hides the hurt
The "love" hides the cruel intentions
The gifts hide the truth.

My mask hides me

The insults don't lessen
The arguments don't cease
The swear words are abundant
The yelling never ends.

My panic overtakes me

The tears won't stop flowing
My fingers won't stop twitching
My arm won't stop itching
Help me hide from My Family

I am Pansexual
No, that does not mean i am romantically or sexually attracted to kitchenware.
It means, simply, that:
I like boys
I like girls
I like everything other and in between.
I will support you and love you
No matter what you want to express yourself as.
You do you.
You are amazing.
Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

My body is so tired
I'm exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally.
I just want a break
Is that too much to ask?
Apparently so, because
My brain is wide awake
And it wont let me sleep

Get ****** brain.
I'll just be tired and grumpy tomorrow
And that way everyone will get ****** at me.
Its not like you care is it? No.

You dont care.
You scream at me every time i eat something with sugar in it.
You whisper horrible things in my ears when i'm alone.
You convince me to hurt myself so i can feel something, after you've shut down all my other emotions.
You make me fall for people too late and too often and not enough.
You tell me i'm not enough.

*******
I just want to sleep
Stop putting these thoughts in my head and leave me alone.

I know i need sleep
But im really not that tired
And also, **** school

I wish i could do
The right ******* thing for once
But i guess i cant

I really dont know
How i feel at all, but i
Want to feel loved please.

I do not understand
My thoughts are all twisted in my head
So the mere thought of untangling that mess
Fills me with dread.

Threads tangled together.
The red for love, the yellow for friendship, the blue for isolation
All of them tangled in a heap
Complete and utter desolation.

More strings form more confusion
The colours blur together and make things unclear
Is that red i see? Orange, yellow or maybe green?
I cannot work out my feelings using the imput i get from here.

I cannot tell if i love or like you,
If i simply care for you the way a friend would
But i certainly dont look at you
The same way a friend should.

You make me laugh like nobody has in a while
Make me rethink my actions and other things.
So you can see why im confused
To find you pulling on my heartstrings.

I know i need to wait a while
Before saying anything to you
This is because i know i need to find out
If my feelings for you are true.

And if they are true,
Then, pray tell, what are they about?
Which feelings are they?
This i D E F I N A T E L Y need to find out.

So ill spend a little time pulling on my threads
Finding out when and where each feeling begins.
Where they end and where they meet
My little colourful strings.

I want someone to look deeper
Than the surface
To see what i really feel
To look at my eyes
Instead of my smile.
Because about six times out of ten
That smile is fake.

When you look at me, the first thing you notice will be my smile.
Bright and gleaming, and a little lopsided.
But if you look past that
You will see the hurt in my eyes.
The hurt in my eyes
That means my family has been fighting again.
The hurt in my eyes
That means i've been yelled at again.
The hurt in my eyes
That means i've hurt myself again.
The hurt in my eyes
That means i know i'm not enough.
The hurt in my eyes
That appears almost every day.

But usually
My smile works too well.
I need someone
To look at my eyes.
Because it is my eyes
And not my face
That show my true emotions.

We aren't scared of an-
a wild magpie appears
Oh ****!! ****, GO!! RUN!!

What should i do when
My friends dont answer the phone
But i need them to?

Seriously guys,
You do know how a phone works,
Yeah? Please say you do.

You just press or swipe
The green button with a phone
As it comes on screen

It isn't that hard
Please answer the phone now. Please.
I'm alone, I need help.