I really dont know
How i feel at all, but i
Want to feel loved please.

I'm 100% Fangirl mode right now
I'm not even gonna lie.
They're just both so... so...
******* CUTE AGH I'M DYING!!

An irreplaceable mirror
One of a kind
An irreplaceable memory
Stored in a photograph

The mirror, shattered
Shards lying on the floor
The photograph, tarnished
Smeared with paint

A room reeking of chemicals
Belonging to an asthmatic.
Being refused the refuge
Of sleeping on the couch.

A gouge in the wall
A long, scratched line
White smears across
A brand new, silver surface.

But we can't sue,
Or complain
Because your son
Runs our Real Estate.

My body is so tired
I'm exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally.
I just want a break
Is that too much to ask?
Apparently so, because
My brain is wide awake
And it wont let me sleep

Get ****** brain.
I'll just be tired and grumpy tomorrow
And that way everyone will get ****** at me.
Its not like you care is it? No.

You dont care.
You scream at me every time i eat something with sugar in it.
You whisper horrible things in my ears when i'm alone.
You convince me to hurt myself so i can feel something, after you've shut down all my other emotions.
You make me fall for people too late and too often and not enough.
You tell me i'm not enough.

*******
I just want to sleep
Stop putting these thoughts in my head and leave me alone.

I am pathetic
I will fall for anyone
Who is nice to me.

Shaking
Crying
Bleeding
Sighing

I need someone to hold me
In their arms
And tell me
That i'm going to be okay

Who knew I could be so
L
              O
                              W
But so
                                   H
                      G
           I
H
at the same time?  

It seems like my emotions are chosen at
               R                                      D
    N                    

                                      A
            
             O
                                                M

Thank you for trusting me enough
To tell me
Who you truly are
On the inside.

I love you,
No matter what your name is
If you're my sister or my brother
You'll always have a place in my heart

I am drawn to it
Theres no doubt
Now that ive glimpsed behind the curtain
Theres no way I could live without

The wisdom there, the fantasy
All grounded within reality
Cleanse a room with a loud noise
Poise is no longer mandatory

Crystals, carving sigils
This is where I belong
After so long
I have finally found a place

Time is non existant
The world around me shuts down
I transfer myself wholeheartedly
Into a fantastical adventure
For I am no longer myself
I am the protagonist
Sleep, I need not
But answers, well..
Answers I need to live

Dear Past me
I congratulate you.
You make me so amazed
And yet sick at the same time.
I am proud of your achievements
That much is true.
But you took advantage of your friends
Treated them horribly
And what did you get from it?
Nothing at all
So, i'm glad you learnt the error of your ways.
I can't believe you were ever that small.
I can't believe you wasted so much,
Yet saw so little.  

Dear Present me
You're a little ****** up
But thats okay, because you've admitted it
You've told people that you need help.
You need to do more for yourself.
You don't have to know everything yet,
Because, **** it, you are only fourteen after all.
Put a little bit more effort into things.
Be kinder
Take some time for yourself, don't worry about love
Love will find you when the time is right.
NOT YET!
For ***** sake, do your homework on time for once you lazy *****.
Help your mother around the house.
She need it, and you know it.
Keep improving, you can go two ways.
Hit rock bottom
Or keep going higher.
It's your choice which path you take
Please take the right one.

Dear Future me
Please say that you're successful
And living in a big mansion somewhere
Preferably on the beach
Or  that you own a private island
That would be nice too.
I hope you've gotten more mature over the years
Did you get the job you wanted?
If not, there's still time for you.
Go out and do stuff while you still can

Dear Me
I love you
Be strong, girl.
You can do it.

Sometimes...

Im dizzy and tired
My head is pounding
I'm ready to explode
I feel like i'm drowning.

Sometimes...

I'm awake and energetic
My feet are flying
I can't keep away the smile
I just don't feel like crying.

I'm going to the markets
In a group of homophobes
Dressed like a ******* lesbian
I am a secret Gaygent

I'm not tired
But my eyes are sore
That's bad right?
Oh well

We've gone so far now
We know each other

Floated amomgst the clouds together
Swam to the darkest depths of our minds
Ran on white sands and cheered each other on
Written ransom for unruly emotions

As the curtains close on the next act
Never are we wondering what to do next
We follow out hearts, and our minds
We are each enough for the other

We've gone so far now
We know each other

The touch of the body
The caress of the heart
The sync of the minds
We are enough and more.

I am Pansexual
No, that does not mean i am romantically or sexually attracted to kitchenware.
It means, simply, that:
I like boys
I like girls
I like everything other and in between.
I will support you and love you
No matter what you want to express yourself as.
You do you.
You are amazing.
Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Guys, I'm in Spain!
The S is silent.

Let me get this STRAIGHT.
Hold on, I'm gonna run this BI you.
I wanna see how this PANs out, ok?
LES just see how this goes.
I need you to TRANSfer those papers.
Come on, I bet you ACEd the test!

Darkness surrounds me
There isnt another way to describe it
I cannot hear anything
But does that mean i am alone?

A tail flicks past my eyes
Fur tickles my legs
Eyes burn red
Basked in shadow

Is that a man standing in the corner
Looking at me with his
Head tilted and smile wicked
Or is it my imagination?

You tease me
You trick me
You kiss me
You love me

Hate feeling like this
The dried tear stains on my face
I smile anyway

I just saw my first ever
Horror movie film
I texted my friends
Do you know what they said?

They congratulated me
A metaphorical pat on the back
They said, good job!
"Congrats on losing your Horror Movie Virginity!!"

If i express myself the way i would like to
It will be alright.
Because it is winter now
And with Winter, comes the excuse and need
To wear a warm, long sleeved shirt and jacket
Wherever you go.
So nobody will see
The artwork upon the middle of my arm
Nobody will take any notice
Of my nervous ticks
If the source of them is covered up.

It is Winter now.
It is Cold.

Why do i feel numb?
I used to be so happy
Now i feel nothing.

I want some good food.
Maybe ice cream? Some Tacos?
I'm always hungry

A heart of gold stopped beating
Two shining eyes now at rest
God broke our hearts to prove
That he only takes the best

My body is a canvas now
I need to express my feelings somehow
But where do i put
These little red lines tonight?

On my wrists?
On my thighs?
On my stomach?
Where?

Behind my knees?
Behind my arm?
Behind my back?
Where?

Where would bring me the most pain?
Where would be the easiest to conceal?
For not everyone understands my art.
And so i must keep it hidden.

Take me out into the starlight
High above the ground
Pull me close
Play an old french love song
Grip my hand in yours
Take my waist
Dance with me until we both realise
Neither of us are good at it
Hold me sweet and soft
Sway with me to the melody
Nobody and nothing else
Exists in that moment
But for you and I, my love

I'm not what you want
But I'm exactly what you need!
Take a bite and feed
Your satisfaction guaranteed.

I'm your sunshine, woah
I'm gonna burn down your parade!
I'm the shotting star that you wish,
You wished you never made!

I love you
I will always love you
I will love you until I die
And if there is life after that
I will love you still.

IT'S SNOWING
IT'S SNOWING
IT'S SNOWING
ONE OF THEM LANDED ON MY NOSE!!

For the first time in a long while
Today i smiled the first real smile

I'm doing much better now
Than what I was before
Every little thing used to set me off
But now I don't mind them anymore

Haven't had a mental breakdown
In a month and two weeks
I know exactly who to thank
And he knows who he is

He's made my life so much better
By just being there for me
Holding me, kissing me, telling me I'm beautiful
Oh, and the oversized hoodies.

New thoughts
Invading my mind
Help me
This is not what i would usually find:

Sick and twisted
Blood and gore
Things that i've never,
Ever thought before.

"You can't have slaughter without laughter!"
"What's a funeral without a bit of fun?!"

Stop it
I'm scared
Please
GET OUT OF MY HEAD

Absolute bliss
Sinking deep into the blankets
Sighing into the pillows
After a long, stressful day.

I wish i could do
The right ******* thing for once
But i guess i cant

The pain is still there
Sometimes, under the surface
It never quite completely went away
But it is fading.

Sometimes the burning itch
Reappears on the seam
Of my arms
But I tell it I do not need it

Thoughts about my weight
About my face
I cannot escape them
I can correct them

Eventually it fades  
I am trying my best

One friend persues the other
Cloaked in twisted fantasies
Oblivious to her discomfort
His ears unwilling to hear the word
                             "No"
Making comments unsolicited
Longing looks innappropriate

She doesn't want it.

My arm is healed now.
Thats a good thing right?
There are no more angry red lines
There is no more itching
There aren't even traces of the scars.
I can wear short sleeves again.  

I swore it was a one time thing.
"Never again, you have my word",
I promised to the loved ones i had shown.

So why do i feel like
I want to paint my skin in red stripes once more?

Alone in the corner
Workbook open
Pen limp in my hand
I can't bring myself to work.

To read is to breathe
To write is to drink
To listen is to eat and
To wonder is to believe

Darkness around me does nothing
I used to run in fear
Afraid of the thoughts in my head
Now i embrace them

They only make me stronger
The shadows want to protect me
If i get hurt along the way
It is my own fault

I knew a girl once...
Who is she? You'll see

I knew a girl once,
She was just like you or me
She never knew what was going on,
Didn't know how to act or to be.

I knew a girl once,
She was always really scared, unsure
Even though she tried her hardest
She was so insecure.

I knew a girl once,
She hated her appearance
She questioned every little thing
And wondered if people would care about her disappearance

I knew a girl once,
She was in a bad place
But then she got closer to you, and whenever you talked
It put a smile on her face

I knew a girl once,
Who waited by the phone
She texted you until three am
And suddenly she didnt feel so alone

I knew a girl once,
You helped her so much, you'll never know
Your kindness, your humour
As a person, it helped her grow

I knew a girl once,
Who came out of her shell
Now she can smile without trouble
And all is finally well

I knew a girl once...
Now shes Happy and Free
I knew a girl once,
And that girl is me.

Things are better when
I'm not there to **** them up
I'm really sorry

Vines are so funny
This ***** is empty, YEET, lol
Why am i like this

Pull out a knife
Stab someone in the head
**** me now
I might as well be dead

A wheel inside my heart spinning so fast it makes me dizzy
And the farther away he gets
The faster it spins
As if there is an invisible chord un-reeling from it
Stretching the distance between us
A real connection
I dont know what i would do
If the chord ever snaps

It sounds like someone
Is knocking on my window
If there is anyone there
Please go away

Homework looks at me
I really do not want to
... **** it. Tomorrow.

My arm is itching
My eyes are twitching
Your speech is slurring
As you scream at me

Tell me i never listen
Tell me i'm not good enough
Tell me i'm a disgrace
It's nothing new.