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3d · 32
The Road Back
Takes the stride
It takes your weight
One print after the next
It makes no mistakes

You walk it to find the way
The way to clearing your name
Heavy breath and barren eyes
You speak the words to yourself
Rehearsing the lines

It’s your cross to bear
Because nobody else is there
To act out the forthcoming play
Still the road is neither forgiving
Nor condemning
It takes the weight

A son
A single one
A greater purpose
That cannot be declared

So the road understands
For many sons have walked it
And many more shall transpire
The same

Of how strange the condition of life is
The road doesn’t care
Of how frail and mischievous being is
The road doesn’t berate

The road back is persisting and weary
It’s spine torn by bushes and rosemary
It’s walks endless and more
The people who walk it
Unaware of its name
But still they walk
the same longing floor.
5d · 141
I’ve changed.
5d · 18
The Blood Orange
Does not bleed.
Funny how some things
Are quite indifferent to how they’re perceived.

Is this my blood then?
That I watch flowing out.
Since I was a kid,
I knew only one way out.

Matter to matter,
Ashes to dust
When you’re truly gone
It’s too late to regret
Giving it up.

But let’s not end on a sad note.
Instead let us rejoice.

For truly, if a blood orange doesn’t bleed
Then the pulp must be richer than its seed.
My thoughts are my cries to the world
The world of silence and solemnity
Nobody hears them
Nobody reads them
I am the only one that has to live them.

My mind is the fish tank of my thoughts
It houses them, judges them
Makes them worse than I am.

My body is the carrier of my disposition
It renders the thoughts, forgets the mind
Speaks through the heart.

What a curse this lonely existence must be.
For loved and unloved people the same.
I try.
Bruises worn
Not kept

Family gotten
Not deserved

Pain endured
Never shared

Words not spoken
Barely thought

A life is given
It must be lost
Poetry thats written
But never spoken
A two day leave
In a city of restless proportions
You took me from Rome
As if an empty promise

And so we walk the streets
And greet others
In broken Italian
And stumbling kindness

Its over now
But I don’t see why
So is this what love is?
A tirade so childish

Of whispers and rain
Of a heart so cursed
I wanted so much more
Than what just became

But I’ll endure

I’ll try and I’ll try
Forever as a foreigner
Replacing you for someone
Who doesn’t compare
Memories left, not taken
Philip V Feb 9
Describe myself?

I am reminded of a wave
That rides itself
Until
It doesn't.

It crashes
Cascades
And accepts;
downward must the way.

As if only to be plain
A body of still water
Once more
Again.

For no reason is given
No resolution needed
A wave is but a wave
Until it isn't.
the ocean is an endless certainty
Dec 2018 · 54
The Jig Is Up
Philip V Dec 2018
Cry, as only a child cries
Weep, as only the willows weep
Die, as only the dead can feel

There is a light that persists
There is a darkness
- it doesn't quit
The noose tightens, it weighs thick
Perhaps forever more, the glint
of grief

So I
fail, as only an adult can fail
Scream, let onto another scream
I am one, and I am me
My body is dead, and yet
I see.

I want too much, and that is the fault,

I want myself to be clear in thought,

I think badly of myself, late at night,

I hate what I've become
And I've become
what I want.
the empty bodies stand at rest
Sep 2018 · 72
Destroyer of Worlds
Philip V Sep 2018
I'm playing on the floor
I see myself
I see the toys

I have no regrets and no flaws
I am an innocent
An endless augur

The destroyer of worlds
I call myself
As I make the toys suffer
Suffer like a child suffers

For only a teenager knows
That what came before
Was without inhibitions
A playground of choice

As only the adult recalls
Perhaps with fondness
Without sounding any alarms

The days of purity and acting
The years of guises and comics
The halloweens and
empty promises

May they never come back
Nay,
For in the back of my mind
I am still that same child
The destroyer of worlds
The same wandering soul
A toy that was never
Left unturned
a life is born
a lie is heard
Philip V Jul 2018
I said to him
And he gave me one of those
looks.

Like he didn't know
What the **** I was talking about
As if I was the crazy one

It tears the soul
And it should.
To not feel happiness for years
To not remember the last time
you gave into a feeling of content.
"I'm good enough"
Were the words that couldn't
mend.

There is no point in lying
To the soul.
There is no point in trying
To forgive.
You're not crying for anyone
standing outside your door.
No one calling you when
you're walking home
alone.

As if I even for a moment
Could float on innocence
Could rest in optimism
Look myself in the mirror
And toast my own well-being.

No.

I'm sorry I didn't choose the other road
I guess I just couldn't see it from where I was standing.
I guess I'll probably find it again.
I guess life turns at some point.
But alas, I'm only guessing.
Jul 2018 · 183
Peaches On Ice
Philip V Jul 2018
She made me peaches on ice
Like it was the 1920's
She was Greta Garbo
And I Hemingway

We went out
And toasted to good will
Youth and prosperity
Innocence the norm
And carte blanche
The martini

Without the olive
Because she had to eat it
And laughed, while ever so
slightly teasing

I felt better than Paris on a spring day
I felt stronger than a million sympathies
I felt as if the world had a plan for me
Alas, I was served
Peaches on ice
By the love of my life.
Perhaps it would
all be alright.

All I knew
Is that believing it
Made it real enough
To my wistful eyes.
Jul 2018 · 5.8k
A Magicians Rule of Thumb
Philip V Jul 2018
She handed me a red dice.

If you're gonna run
She said,
You better run from
yourself.

You'll chase bliss,
Win your life,
Strangle fear
And conquer
heights.

But don't roll the dice
For just anything
quite.

When you're out of profit
An empty wallet
Ready to make a promise,
You'll find it
in your deepest pocket.

It will let you start anew
Like a star in a barren sky
You'll fly again
Perhaps even soon.

Just remember that
By the millions of odds
You got here in time
To be yourself.

No more
No less.

And so you
Do what you must
But you better do it right
There aren't too many dice throws,
Given here in life.

And so
I rolled.
Jul 2018 · 2.1k
Darker than a Pocket
Philip V Jul 2018
Needles?
They don't cut
They only leave a sting

For about a moment there
I was content meeting
The chills

And so,
What dies will soon
Become what is known
As the pain that separates
The heart from the soul

It's a pain that doesn't
Understand why it's there
Never have I loved so much
And never did you care.
the soul is forever. and ever.
Jul 2018 · 232
Fraction of the Sum
Philip V Jul 2018
I'm not a mathematician
But I know how to divide
And subtract
I saw you subtract your heart
From this chamber
Leaving apathy
To count in its absence

Not to say I wasn't to blame
But the numbers don't add up
And the scars don't match the wounds
Now I'm left being
A fraction of the sum
The value that came
Undone.

A common denominator
- Excuse the bad pun -
Wasn't fear of loneliness
Supposing we only made love
To warm ourselves
Is a distortion of the truth
In spite of what we said
If those words had no substance
Then I might as well have
Fallen into a different
Destruction

I'm not sorry
And I would want you to know
That not everything is squared
By you feeling brand-new
- Thinking I was old news -

I don't need to tell you
A fraction of the sum
Still has a beating heart
It's just not the same
As it once was.
pretensions will lure you into a false sense of peace.
if you let them.
Jul 2018 · 266
A Fools Spring Poem
Philip V Jul 2018
When the sun sets a few hours later
When your garden blossoms in sun
That's when you know
The season of loss has finally come

Prolonged by the body's resistance
Sunglasses slide and prove tears
You lost someone during winterfall
Now spring-cleaning throws you out
To newborn raincrumbs

In theory,
spring is but a transition between snow and beach
A deprecated definition without any shade
For us romantics, it was never so vague
But a cool-aired love story
That ended in May

I can't tell you I loved you, or that it was important in my life
I was broken and sentenced to leave before April was done
But two years later, I find myself in a state of certainty
Spring is here
And it's wiped me dry
Thank you for reading.
Philip V Jul 2018
I'm in Japan
With a
Cherry blossomed
Heart
And a sake
Breath

I see her every day
We talk
Sometimes
Most times

After

I find myself
Daydreaming
In high-corporate
Smoking rooms
And on
Tangerine rooftops
Looking at signs that
I can't read

Maybe

I can't read her signs
Speaking
Smiling
And waving too
I'm caught up in a ******
Lost in translation-cliche
But I'm not really
Bill Murray

I'm just whatever
The day paints me as
In love
With a girl
That takes too much
Color from
My palette
And paints herself
As foreign as this sun

As beautiful as she
Knows
She
Is
Going away for a while.
Philip V Jul 2018
Blink twice for yes
Once for no
Tell me
Did you ever stop
and think
You wanted more?

From this life you call
The big
Aluminum door
Not letting anyone through
Doesn't make it easier
To walk the floor

It's not like your parents
Are dead
Yet you haven't called them
Mom
And Dad
Since you were 10

You were always busy
But only in your head
The rest of the world
Missed you
They called and left you
Blind voicemails

This is Kathy and this is John
We were worried about you
Dear
Disappear
Don't call
Don't invite yourself

It's not the choice I made
It wasn't an offer
It's not agreeable
It's pathetic and
Inescapable

I don't paint vanilla skies
And cherry blossoms
I don't ask about the weather
Or even your grandson
I don't even ask about myself
Maybe I should

Maybe I should.
It's strange to not feel happiness for years. It's simply, strange.
Jul 2018 · 149
There It Goes
Philip V Jul 2018
There is a feeling of loneliness
Because you wanted it
You dreamed it and wanted to
Feel what it’d be like to lose
Everything

But you had everything
And nothing was taken
And nothing could be given
Back

Now you’re older
Dumber and uglier
And you have the tongue to ask
Where did I go wrong?

It isn’t what you didn’t do
It’s what you thought you needed
To be you

But now it’s over
And you can’t go home
Wash out your eyes little boy
You blew it all
On a selfish thought
Jul 2018 · 420
Don't go in there
Philip V Jul 2018
Don't go in there
Said he
Not yet

And so the man waited
By the door
Where the voice was

Why did you not believe in me?
Asked the voice, as a formality
And the man looked at his own *****, sinful hands

How could I believe?
Said the man
And the voice looked up from the newspaper

You took Max away
You took both of them away
And you took me away,
Now
Would you believe?
If I took your son?

But you already did
Said he, as a reminder
And the angels chuckled in a choir

And now
Spoke the man
You ask me to believe, when I still cannot see you?

And the voice wanted to show itself
But there was no faith
There remained only a tired and restless soul
That didn’t want answers
It never required answers
It only wanted
Max
Jul 2018 · 177
Be. Better.
Philip V Jul 2018
How can I be better
When I wasn't even good,
To begin with?

How can I not lie,
When it makes me real
When it gives me direction

I know there is a truth in fear
It plays the fiddle for guilt
When faced with it
Your body bets on red
You ignoring it
Doesn't make it go away

It's all turned to **** anyway
Maybe I'll die not even trying
To **** myself

I'll be ash and you'll be grey
What's the difference
Is all you'll say
Jul 2018 · 344
Suddenly it's there
Philip V Jul 2018
Suddenly it's there
Where it wasn't
You see the space
Let the black wings reach

You take a photo
It's not good
You try to understand
You fail

Suddenly it's clear
You're the center of attention
It's not a parade or a circumvention
It's a burial and you're present
You're lowered into the ground
And your soul is fleeting
It's not tragic or special
It's your next birthday
Jul 2018 · 382
Snowsky
Philip V Jul 2018
Heaven floats in black paint
Stars shine and the night wanes
And then the snow falls to bring the day
Jul 2018 · 243
Coulda, woulda, shoulda
Philip V Jul 2018
I am overcome with a sense of dread
An honest feeling I have never felt
It lingers and it strays
But it always comes to me
In a moment of clarity
I grabbed it
To set it free

If I weren’t so caught in the act
Of thinking what I should do next
I might have lived differently
I might have sounded out a spontaneous
Yes

To the question of taking leaps
Swimming in the seas
Where no feelings had to be hurt
To be seen

I could’ve been an addict
Or a Michelin chef
I could have fallen for sporadics
Been a sycophant for antics

But remembering fake days
Is what I live for now
Not as sad as it seems
I just wish I had followed
A better dream
Jul 2018 · 399
Three Pillows
Philip V Jul 2018
To want is to chain
And to have
Is to give

To bleed is to die
And to love
Is benign

Three pillows for sleep
But I sleep for you
I only want to wake up
With a body that's true

It's not unrequited
Or disenchanted

It's pleasure
And contempt

It's a farce and it's crude
That I'd die thousands of times
For someone that sleeps with three pillows
What's the distance to you?

— The End —