Drawn blood,
From crossed lines.
It never fails,
The amount climbs.
The walls mark,
Targets; future sales,
Truth be told,
or it be written in brail.
The heart will always feel,
because tender, tend to fail.

my eyes burn
not only because they beg for sleep
but from the tears shed
too many have fallen
not just today
but in my (short) lifetime

my mind is all over the place
i can't fathom my thoughts very well
i don't know what i want or how i feel
i do know i feel alone
although i am not

i honestly love him
and know he's good to me
good for me

you are trouble
yet why do you continue to walk yourself into my brain?
yet why do i reach out to you?
yet why do you respond to my distress calls?

a few months ago
i would take back what we had in a heartbeat

now things are complicated

i don't know if i can trust you
do you only want me now that i'm with someone else?
would you still want me once you regained me?

yet they get even more complex

yes i may still love you
but i am in love with him as well
he's everything i thought he would be and more
but i'm not so sure the "and more" is positive

he is far mor ****** than i ever imagined
he is far more unstable than I could ever guess

i'm unstable
he's unstable
you're unstable

but you are by far the most stable out of us three
and i was the most stable with you
you were my stability
and when you left you took it with you

i cry a lot
i cry when i'm with him
not because he makes me upset or angry or unhappy
but because i am afraid
afraid to hurt him
and cause more unstableness in him
or get hurt
and lose more stability
or that I can't help him
that is my greatest fear

so why did i message you?
and why did you respond?
why am i feeling conflicted when i am in no dilemma what-so-ever?

is it possible to fall in love with someone while still in love with a different someone?

because i believe i have

and i believe i am going insane
possibly from an overdose
an overdose on love

                           -please send help

a.a.

I have always wanted a dancer
A girl whose passion comes out from her movements
Whose innovation flows through her body
But she is not a dancer
And yet she dances her way through my head
Graceful movements that cannot be translated into reality
With her bright eyes
She looks into my soul
I wish she could know my every thought
I would hold her close
Breathe her in
And cherish that scent
In the little box that holds my heart
Where she doesn't know
She lives.

It is 4:30 in the afternoon
And I tell you
This is my favorite time of day.
You ask why
So I point to the gold
Streaming in the window,
Bouncing off the dust.
And you kiss me.
Maybe 4:31 in the afternoon
Is my favorite time of day.

we take a breath
I have a smoke
thank you for giving me your cold
you rub the menthol on my chest
I hold the camphor to my breast
sometimes all it takes is just a jacket button to break.

10 minutes on they'll drink champagne
and have their fun with party games
everybody yelling "cheese"
10 minutes from a third-world country
in the shadow of the rock
they don't have anyone that'll help
there isn't garbage on the ground
its the street that makes up the whole town

I know you don't even want to talk
You won't even take my calls}
After three years on and off
I would do anything at all.
Have the child of my blood
Then with blood I'd have enough.
Just a picture fairy tale
For a man with a cold and betrayed.

Two months ago,
I would have done anything
To make us work.
To make you happy.

Two months ago,
I was yours and you were mine

Today,
You want me back.
You want to prove to me
That you've changed,
That you're not the same.

But today,
I think it's too late.
I'm battling between the voice
In my head, and the voice
In my heart.