My mind is a dismal plane
Of which no thoughts can escape;
Alas I lie here dreaming whilst awake
But can't illustrate the words I see
Or inscribe the sounds I hear.
Trapped here for eternity
In the hell I call my home,
My home I call my mind,
And my mind that calls me
Slave.

"All ears to me, I have problems"
Says the irrefutably woeful girl.
She'll expel her lungs powerfully,
Informing those around her how
Obviously, terribly, depressed she is.

Her friends will know!
Her family will know!
Her cats will know,
and the dogs too, will know!
But do they really know?

Do they know she's waiting?
Waiting indeed for a response
Other than "I'm sorry",
More than those lackluster words
That even her cats could mew.

In her mind she's begging for love.
For attention.
For a purpose.
But instead of drive from this disposition,
She sulks, she whines
She drags others down.

Like a benign tumor
She worries all she infects
With her seeking gaze
And obligatory wretchedness.
So they too feel her discomfort.
So they too might feel bad for her,
Like she does for herself.

Worried one day they'll all disappear
Like birds in her winter
She doesn't realize she's
Always
Winter.

Spring blooms rainbow flowers
With it grows a sense of dread
Am I really in the prime of my life
Or is it that I'm already dead

Hurry before it's too late
For soon he will not awake
Time is speeding so run
Fate is just a loaded gun
Waiting for things to go good
Bang! Shot you where you stood

Nothing is great
The world is cruel
So full of hate
Now I am too

The eyes on me like bats on the ceiling
No where to run, away from feeling
Judged I am for every mistake
From this dream when I'll awake
I see you there with those eyes
Waiting and waiting and waiting
For the time of goodbyes

I've made a mistake
Left for my own sake
Now I'm alone
Beaten to bone
And here my heart does ache

Why can't I remember my past
Fleeting memories leave so fast

Like leaves in the wind
The numbers without end

One by one I can see them clearly
Still I can't hold them dearly

I want to remember what I was before
Was I happy, rich, lovely or poor

Who hurt me so bad that I can't remember
What made me- me, Jan. thru December

Illness from within.
Still I wish to end
This rotting of my corpse.
If not with sheer force,
Let nature take course.

Aching and bleeding inside,
There's nowhere to hide.
All the yelling and screaming,
With feeble meaning,
It's taking its toll
On my fragile soul.

Dark is all I see.
Longing liberty
For the sight of Sun,
What's done is now done.

I don't want to die
Your love is a lie
You used to sing in my ear
I remember as I lie here
My life is repetition
Your face in position
Actions become past
Your kisses were my last
What's done is done
You were my sun
My life is boring
Brain is snoring
Why do I miss you
You hurt me too
I want to have fun
But instead I'll buy a gun
My head I'll blow
My blood it'll flow
I just can't take no more
My heart is so sore
No one is here
No one to hear

What a curse it is to be me
To see the beauty in the world
But to not truly "see"

What a curse it is to be blind
To all the waving limbs of trees,
The trees I have yet to truly find

What a curse it is to be eye-less
To all the death that surrounds me
In this life I wish to see, alas I digress.

Once a miner
Was trapped in a well
Up he must dig
So, he dug very well

Dug he did do
For all the long day
And dig he loved to
But he had one say,

"I love to dig,
But something is wrong
Well's too big, or
I've dug far too long.

Once I saw it,
The top of the well
Glittering light,
Yes, that rang a bell.

Yet light has run,
Taken with my sight.
No more smiles here,
I only feel fright.

Ev'ry minute
Feels like forever.
One day I'll leave...
Or will I never?

It's getting hot,
In this deep, dark well.
Soon I will rot,
Am I trapped in Hell?"

Rot he did do
Yet he did not wake
One day he died
But long it did take

Once a miner
Was trapped in a well
For it was greed
That which caused his fell

Mouth-foamed tremors
Spineless sinners

Ashe soaked layers
Mindless prayers

Hate thy father
Love, why bother
Sad goes farther

Candle carver
Shapely mother
Child she'll smother

Feelings of bliss escape like rats scurrying
Across a floor littered with fragments of emotion,
The rodents dinner.
Among these crumbs lie memories of before.
Sadness, love, anger, angst along with many more.
Pieces of a past so dark it blocked out light.
A past so cancerous it killed God.
A past so heavy it crushed Hercules.
A past so damming that he forgot it all.

Stinging is this feeling
Deep within my heart
The scabs they keep on peeling
My deeds, I've played my part.

Yet it was the end
When you said no more
Without hitting send
My heart, hurt to core.

Every now and then
When I reflect on the past
I look at my greatest sin
The first and the last.

I can't imagine what I put you through
I wish only that it all wasn't true
I miss all the love and the fun
For I'm truly sorry for all that I've done

I still see your deep blue eyes
Behind the glaze
Yet when they gaze
I sit in full amaze
Emotionless you stare
As if without a care

Like glowing torches
Your eyes burn through me
Is it me you're looking at
Or the me I used to be

I still see your deep blue eyes
Behind the glaze.

I wish I wasn't human.
Most our lives
Are filled with immense sadness.
Some say blessing,
I say curse.

Please God forgive my troubled mind
I wish that I could rewind time
To long ago; I loved my life
Now engulfed in lonesome strife
Memories of wonderous fun
Endless days spent in sun
I hate my life and how little I've done
I toss and turn and want to run
Far, far away from those held dear
And end it all ere a single tear

And in my darkest times,
You told me you loved me.
Now in my darkest times,
Pretend you cannot see

Drive far away from home
Shed tears for my old strife
Shave head, start a new life
Never remember you
Always forgotten too
Erase your favorite song
Still I ask, "Is it wrong?"

Life is getting rough again,
Tired, no longer tough within.
Breathe some deep sighs
Close your eyes
This is where the hero dies

Oh broken-hearted boy
How your lips sting
Your hips swing
I love you, my only toy

Am I the only one who's mind speaks
More than one sentence at it's peak-
Hours fly by like planes
In the night sky in June-
Was the month I knew I loved you
So much that I had to let you go.

Jumping caterpillars
Mindless zombie killers
Information out the ear
Just settle down, have a beer.

We need none of this
Politicians take the ****
Citizens all full of fear
Just settle down, have a beer.

Dim-lit screens of mind control
Make your feeble mind go dull
Your car, you no longer steer
Just settle down, have a beer.

Your words are limited to your stance
Tell me now, who wears your pants
You no longer spin your gear
Just settle down, have a beer.

A tiny ant inside a hive
Believe in instant revive
While your loves shed the tear
Just settle down, have a beer.

Go along little circus clown
Believe what you hear around
Besides, what is there to fear?
Just settle down, have a beer.

When school breaks out,
And I run to the safety of my room
To escape the thoughts of daily gloom,
You weren't there.

Hey Mom!
What did I do today?
Oh I-
Sorry. Oh.
Okay.
Back to my room, another day.

Her eyes glued to plasma,
Twenty-Twenty, yet blind,
Her son was dying.
She could save him,
He was trying,
Help!
Mom...?!

Hey Mom!
I paid my rent today!
Oh, why don't I ever come to see you?
I'm sorry mom I've been watching this new show,
"Life Without You."

Walking free
I'm in all red.
Swaying bodies embrace in bed, like waves from the sea.

You're so far
But not even mine
Your back was my last sign, wishing on a star.

Come back to me
I've fallen back in
Leaving you, my greatest sin, but now you're just walking free.

I'm in prison

Why is it that the days with you are the greatest I've had?
No emotions of fear, anger, or sad;
Yet when I look in your eyes, I can only feel bad.

Love has evaded me for years, and years yet to come.
No butterflies, nor tingles, nor tears;
None shed for the hugs from that special some... one.

Why is it my happiest days are paired with the loneliest of nights?
Filled with want, need, even prying;
For a love that's just right.

Falling out of feeling is the hardest feeling to fall in.
As love evades your mind, when you feel you can never try again.

Beacon of hope.
Light in dark
Free the way of spirits,
Forward hark

You're like a fungus
Growing colors among us.
As happy as you look,
I can read you, an open book.

From your flowing silk cap,
To your teeth with slight gap.
A smile to hide sinister desire,
Face ice cold, soul a pyre.

Tasting your intriguing trap
Leads only to a sour dirt nap.
Left feeling alone and dead,
Wondering where is your head.
For who in their right mind
Could be so evil as to **** mine.

Your gaze shoots right through me like a speeding bullet,
I know it's not meant for me but it fills my soul with a joy like none other.

Your smile, like the most perfect sheen of a knife, cuts through my heart like butter.
I know they glisten not for me, but I can't help but count each white horse as they stand still.

Your warmth like the radiant sun so sweetly gleaming, fills my soul with compassion.
I know it's all in kindness, but I can't help but wish it were something more.

Your hair like a flowing river, shines in the bright summer light.
I know it's not for me, but for another.

Once in a dream,
You were only a gleam
A ray of blinding sun.

When nights long ago,
You said you loved me so
Well I guess it was only make believe.

Years come to pass,
My first and my last
This fire never ignites for another

The embers you left behind,
Still burn within my mind
A dancing swirling splendor.

Years.
Has it been years
Since I last dreamed?
Dreams of **** covered hilltops
Flowing so easily in the much needed
Breeze.
Those lands I walked every night
Cotton-candy clouds
Blue was always my favorite
Red sky and a sun with shades
Greeting me to my dreamland of old
A sigh of relief fills my lungs
Knowing all my worries disappear
In these wide open fields
With dogs!
Kittens!
Lovers!
Never alone was I
In this world my complex mind creates.
But alone I am now
For when my eyes finally close
With my body nustled under my linens
I see blackness!
Nothingness!
Emptiness!
I can't find my way to the open fields
And dancing hilltops
I'm trapped in my sleep
Ever since you took my dreams

Whether it's the first time you held my hand,
Or the time you took me to foreign land;
I can't seem to escape your pull.
You're a magnet, and I'm the fool.

Countless days in fields where we stand,
Toe to toe, believing what you had planned
Was a love as deep as the deepest pool,
But alas, yet again I'm the fool.

Lucid white beach, buried in sand.
Losing track of time as our pale skin tanned.
I miss those days of hot and cool...
Why did I have to be such a fool?..

Virus, you fill my brain
With lies of love
And tears of pain

Monster, you let me in
Only to kick me out
Make me feel my sin
The sin that without a doubt
I love you most, so I pretend

Liar, you hurt my heart
You make your bed
So that I can play the part
It hurts my little head

I can feel your tease
And see your forked tongue
Pretend I'm something I'm not
Leave me alone... please

Your words embrace my body
Like the ocean embraces the shore
Each crashing syllable strikes my core

Your actions slay your words
Like the lies of a fallen angel
Each dagger piercing in a unique angle

The only relief from your abuse
Is a hot shower that wraps me in bliss
How could you let it come to this

Forget I ever said I love you
I could never love a demon
So abusive as the one that lies in my bed
While I recover in this bathtub full of dread.

Which-a way is the loo?
I can't seem to find my hand...
Oh! there it is, inside my shoe!
My head is all muddl'd, perhaps I should try to stand.

The room is a kaleidoscope-
Where did the floor run off to?
I'm standing on the ceiling, at least I hope.
My head is still muddl'd, perhaps I should try something new

Walk! I'll walk. Where...
Where to walk?.. Ahhh, I know.
The loo! No, I need another beer.
My head is ******* muddl'd, perhaps I should try not being so hollow

Now I stare at the ceiling,
World is spinning with eyes cross'd.
That beer has left a distasteful feeling
Of mistakes made with friends lost.

Blanket of worries
Stain'd with three bottles of memory
Means I can't forget all the stories;
I'm an *******, in summary.

I forgot about the loo, and I never got up.
There's only enough burning water to fill this cup.
The last glass, for I hate how I've watched my mind fall.
My head is tired and muddl'd, perhaps I will finally end it all.