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CL Fjell Dec 2018
No matter who we love
No matter who you shove
We all end up in the same place
A hole.
Not way down below;
Nor too far above.
CL Fjell Jul 2019
Constant bombardment ensues
Echoes and ties the noose
Here lies your only son
Oh no, what have I done
I killed him with words within
Ignorance, abuse, and sin
CL Fjell Jun 2019
He's acid on my mind
One taste and I'm gone
Another realm
Another plane
Full of wonderous colour

He's acid on my mind
One taste and he's gone
Another town
Another world
Full of everything but me

He showed me a world
And melted my brain
Now I don't know love
I'll never be the same
CL Fjell Jun 2019
I enter this old house again.
Cigarette stained walls.
Breathe it in deep,
A slow stream of tears is produced
Everytime I enter this old house.
My cheeks are wet
I must go now
CL Fjell Jul 2018
Your gaze shoots right through me like a speeding bullet,
I know it's not meant for me but it fills my soul with a joy like none other.

Your smile, like the most perfect sheen of a knife, cuts through my heart like butter.
I know they glisten not for me, but I can't help but count each white horse as they stand still.

Your warmth like the radiant sun so sweetly gleaming, fills my soul with compassion.
I know it's all in kindness, but I can't help but wish it were something more.

Your hair like a flowing river, shines in the bright summer light.
I know it's not for me, but for another.
CL Fjell May 2019
Curtains in my attic
Growing stale from lack of wind
Falling daintily across the floor
Shall they never move again?

But now I'm growing sick
Of the outside looking in. These
Curtains in my attic
May finally sway again.
CL Fjell May 2019
I walk through this warehouse
Abandoned and alone
The roof has rusted and corroded
Now my pants are *****
From the metal standing still
CL Fjell Feb 2019
What a curse it is to be me
To see the beauty in the world
But to not truly "see"

What a curse it is to be blind
To all the waving limbs of trees,
The trees I have yet to truly find

What a curse it is to be eye-less
To all the death that surrounds me
In this life I wish to see, alas I digress.
CL Fjell Oct 2018
Beacon of hope.
Light in dark
Free the way of spirits,
Forward hark
CL Fjell Feb 2019
I still see your deep blue eyes
Behind the glaze
Yet when they gaze
I sit in full amaze
Emotionless you stare
As if without a care

Like glowing torches
Your eyes burn through me
Is it me you're looking at
Or the me I used to be

I still see your deep blue eyes
Behind the glaze.
CL Fjell Mar 2019
For months at a time I feel
Like I'm on top of the world
No one can stop me
No one can prove me wrong
I'm my own self-made man
My core is made of steel

For months at a time I feel
Like I'm lying in my grave
With no one to care
No one to love me
Like no one is there
When my heart is revealed
CL Fjell Jun 2019
Life is breathed into my soul,
Against my godforsaken will.
Life is torture here, I tell you.
Breathe my life into a plant instead.
I want to be boundless, without form
Where no society can enslave me.
The iron claws of this simulacra
Takes me, breaks me, then molds me.
Like clay into a little figurine,
Doing a job that benefits no one
I know. Part of a machine that
Is always hungry.
Our purpose on earth is to fill pockets
Full of man-made coin
In a man-made world
Just so we can buy man-made "stuff";
To forget we're being
CL Fjell May 2019
Buzz buzz buzz
Busy bee brain
Buzzing blindingly because
Busy bee brain be insane
CL Fjell May 2019
Living the life I'm not
Watching the world unfold
A passenger on the journey
To a magical land I call--

Since the day I left
I've never fully returned
Only pieces of who I thought I was
Slowly drifting away from
Who I really am.

When will I find where my ghost is heading?
Or am I already here, maybe the
Journey ended when I found
I'm not who I really am.
Outside of myself
CL Fjell May 2019
Certainly she can come back,
Well I shouldn't say "back."
She's here, but she's away
The train is out but how far?
How far does this train need to go
Before it reaches this station
We desperately wait for her return
Though we see her now,
We wish to see her once more
For my dear sweet Mammaw, I love you
CL Fjell May 2019
Radiant innocent
Flower blooming slowly
Is she a rose, delicate petals
Or a ****, strong but loathsome
Each passing Spring she grows higher
Bringing with her all the damage
Damage and cold frost of-
Silent Winter nights
Will she grow stronger
Or wilt and wither
Becoming food for the
She's a flower I hope
CL Fjell Mar 2019
My mind is a blank
Is this what's it like to be empty
To be devoid of any creativity
To be truly
And most certainly
No imagination
CL Fjell May 2019
Everyone's individual epiphanies are
But when I have an epiphany
It's unique and everyone must listen
Rinse and repeat
CL Fjell May 2018
From plant to cup
A mystical bean
That rejuvenates the broken soul
An angel that lifts the slumped shoulders
Of the aching bones of society's drones
Gives the creature purpose
An idea for life
A dream for the future

From stem to mug
This lovely seed
Has sprouted roots in the working man's brain
He needs it
He has to have it
He breaks his back to consume it
It's the love of his life
The face of his wife
The grin of his children
The plow breaking the earth

From foreign lands to bottomless pockets
This dark-brown beauty
Has been used to capture the meager
Slaving away
For one more cup
It helps take the edge off
Helps to prepare for the day ahead
Fill the void, more and more
Not one meal, but plenty to spill
CL Fjell May 2019
Rain falls on this desert land
With it falls hope
But unfortunately for the rain
It's still falling on desert land
CL Fjell May 2019
Signs go north but you point south
So I follow you
All the way past your brain
And beyond your heart
I arrive at your soul
You disappear
I'm now lost and scared
It's empty here
CL Fjell Jun 2019
Shutting the blinds
Softly forget
Another day ahead
Swiftly I set
For now I live in another world
For now until I wake
If only this was a dream
I'd try to wake up
CL Fjell May 2018
Which-a way is the loo?
I can't seem to find my hand...
Oh! there it is, inside my shoe!
My head is all muddl'd, perhaps I should try to stand.

The room is a kaleidoscope-
Where did the floor run off to?
I'm standing on the ceiling, at least I hope.
My head is still muddl'd, perhaps I should try something new

Walk! I'll walk. Where...
Where to walk?.. Ahhh, I know.
The loo! No, I need another beer.
My head is ******* muddl'd, perhaps I should try not being so hollow

Now I stare at the ceiling,
World is spinning with eyes cross'd.
That beer has left a distasteful feeling
Of mistakes made with friends lost.

Blanket of worries
Stain'd with three bottles of memory
Means I can't forget all the stories;
I'm an *******, in summary.

I forgot about the loo, and I never got up.
There's only enough burning water to fill this cup.
The last glass, for I hate how I've watched my mind fall.
My head is tired and muddl'd, perhaps I will finally end it all.
CL Fjell May 2019
Oh feeling in my chest
The irregular drumming
Like a deaf child flailing
Why can't I hear?
Why am I cursed?
To never hear the sounds
That separate us from animals
To never feel those goosebumps
When that rhythm is just right
And everything feels like it
Is falling into place

Oh feeling in my chest
I grow tired of your discord
When I close my eyes
Please never beat again
CL Fjell Apr 2019
Embers burn bright for the moment
Don't forget to add another log
And stoke the flame
Or the bright yellow embers will burn out
CL Fjell Mar 2019
The eyes on me like bats on the ceiling
No where to run, away from feeling
Judged I am for every mistake
From this dream when I'll awake
I see you there with those eyes
Waiting and waiting and waiting
For the time of goodbyes
I'm new stop just staring and tell me what to do
CL Fjell Nov 2018
Why is it that the days with you are the greatest I've had?
No emotions of fear, anger, or sad;
Yet when I look in your eyes, I can only feel bad.

Love has evaded me for years, and years yet to come.
No butterflies, nor tingles, nor tears;
None shed for the hugs from that special some... one.

Why is it my happiest days are paired with the loneliest of nights?
Filled with want, need, even prying;
For a love that's just right.

Falling out of feeling is the hardest feeling to fall in.
As love evades your mind, when you feel you can never try again.
Identity crisis 1
CL Fjell Dec 2018
Walking free
I'm in all red.
Swaying bodies embrace in bed, like waves from the sea.

You're so far
But not even mine
Your back was my last sign, wishing on a star.

Come back to me
I've fallen back in
Leaving you, my greatest sin, but now you're just walking free.

I'm in prison
CL Fjell Mar 2019
Why can't I remember my past
Fleeting memories leave so fast

Like leaves in the wind
The numbers without end

One by one I can see them clearly
Still I can't hold them dearly

I want to remember what I was before
Was I happy, rich, lovely or poor

Who hurt me so bad that I can't remember
What made me- me, Jan. thru December
CL Fjell May 2019
Flowers fornicate as you and I do

They're just much prettier

Considerably less dangerous too
CL Fjell Mar 2019
Flowers are the mind manifested
Sometimes your rain may fall
Much harder than normal
But you'll find eventually
That the sun will feel so much
Brighter than before
Tough through it. Rest in Piece you wonderful person
CL Fjell May 2019
I can't find the words to explain
The gratitude for every single thing,
That stomach sinking feeling when
I saw your face the last time
And I knew it was the last time
Fly you butterfly
You're no longer hurting
Spread those wings
Arthritis can't grip you now
We'll miss you
But we'll see you in the seasons
In the breeze
That moves the trees
In the night sky
One more star added
In our minds
A constant stream of smile
Will fill our souls
Fly you butterfly
CL Fjell May 2019
Your individual lives
Are ultimately only
Interesting to you
So shut up about them
CL Fjell Feb 2019
Stinging is this feeling
Deep within my heart
The scabs they keep on peeling
My deeds, I've played my part.

Yet it was the end
When you said no more
Without hitting send
My heart, hurt to core.

Every now and then
When I reflect on the past
I look at my greatest sin
The first and the last.

I can't imagine what I put you through
I wish only that it all wasn't true
I miss all the love and the fun
For I'm truly sorry for all that I've done
CL Fjell Apr 2019
Sour life balances
Sweetly with strife

Who would want to be
One travelling delicately
Ignoring all the possibility
That one day you will be
CL Fjell Jul 2019
Taking back seat.
I called shotgun.
I can't remember,
I don't want to remember?
No, I can't remember.

Shadows fill in the gaps,
Blanket the little lamb.
Sleep now insipid child,
Dream while you are awake,
When awake you will be grown.

A shaman showed him a past,
One that seemed so distant
It was fake;
No, it was fact.
It was him, and only him.
Trauma took hold,
And with it, a child.

The night brings him ghosts of past.
(Know it will only pass)
If they lived what you had lived,
(No, it will only pass)
Life would be easy then.

He'd rather be paranoid,
Than be a saint.
He'd rather be out his mind,
But he can't remember.
CL Fjell May 2019
Shifting sands blow in heavy breeze
Grain by grain they sway effortlessly
As if gravity bored their coarse cells
In unique directions they flowed
Unique, being an individual
Not one grain is the same
Together sand is one
But with a touch of wind
It is free
If only for a moment
CL Fjell May 2019
Fruitless thoughts have finally waned.
Sleeves of shirts no longer stained.
Is this what it truly means,
For light to shew its shining gleam?
I wished for love to plague my mind,
Yet for long it fell so far behind.
But now you're here in standing grace;
Just please don't leave without a trace.
CL Fjell Aug 2018
You're like a fungus
Growing colors among us.
As happy as you look,
I can read you, an open book.

From your flowing silk cap,
To your teeth with slight gap.
A smile to hide sinister desire,
Face ice cold, soul a pyre.

Tasting your intriguing trap
Leads only to a sour dirt nap.
Left feeling alone and dead,
Wondering where is your head.
For who in their right mind
Could be so evil as to **** mine.
I like mycology
CL Fjell May 2019
Setting scenes for the grand finale
The grave is dug and the widow has cried
The family mourn for what has been lost
A life so grand it had a finale
CL Fjell Jul 2019
Thoughts shatter this green glass ceiling
Smiling, I wait for the shards to fall
For my fate I wait for forces to pull
Meet my smiling face
Just this once
A real smiling face
All at once
And at once a blink of bliss
That's all I needed before the fall
CL Fjell Jun 2019
How can I look at trees
When the trees look fake?
How can I talk to you
When I can read your face?
How can I take this breath
When my body feels unreal?
Guess I'll just fade
And see if it's all fake
CL Fjell Jul 2019
Lily covered hills
Dreams of him inside my mind
As my eyes grow wet
CL Fjell Jun 2019
What is a pounding heart?
Thump thump
Other than the wearing down
Thump thump
Before it
Thump... thump...
CL Fjell Jun 2018
Far over the bright waned moon
Beyond the stars of our galaxy
Outside space
Beyond time
Live the monsters that invade our dreams
Grotesque beings of ungodly creation
Who's eyes bulge with insight from the Beyond
And slender, porous bodies writher with anxiety
Whom loathe our feeble minds
Envious of our unknowing
They rip and tear at the fabric of time
With their clamp-like hands
Slowly, and with persistent vigor
Infringing on our sleepless minds
To drive us to the same insanity they endure
The Horrors from beyond Time
Fear-mongering ghouls of sweat-filled nights
One day will occupy us all
I'm noob ok
CL Fjell May 2018
Your words embrace my body
Like the ocean embraces the shore
Each crashing syllable strikes my core

Your actions slay your words
Like the lies of a fallen angel
Each dagger piercing in a unique angle

The only relief from your abuse
Is a hot shower that wraps me in bliss
How could you let it come to this

Forget I ever said I love you
I could never love a demon
So abusive as the one that lies in my bed
While I recover in this bathtub full of dread.
I was sad
CL Fjell May 2019
Vaporwaves course through sunset droplets
On the summer sidewalk
One deep breath for me
Two if I count yours
One heartbeat flutters
Two hearts rest on another
I could stand here forever
But forever isn't long enough
CL Fjell Feb 2019
I wish I wasn't human.
Most our lives
Are filled with immense sadness.
Some say blessing,
I say curse.
Dominos keep falling
CL Fjell Apr 2019
Hunger pains remain
Years past your glowing skin
How it filled me up
Yet now I hear a dropping pin

Summers come and go
Winters always seem to stay
Where has my flower gone
I cannot last another day

I have lost my hunger pains
They left with winter passing
My flower has come again
Our love is ever lasting
CL Fjell Mar 2019
My mind is a dismal plane
Of which no thoughts can escape;
Alas I lie here dreaming whilst awake
But can't illustrate the words I see
Or inscribe the sounds I hear.
Trapped here for eternity
In the hell I call my home,
My home I call my mind,
And my mind that calls me
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