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873 · Feb 2019
Behind the Glaze
CL Fjell Feb 2019
I still see your deep blue eyes
Behind the glaze
Yet when they gaze
I sit in full amaze
Emotionless you stare
As if without a care

Like glowing torches
Your eyes burn through me
Is it me you're looking at
Or the me I used to be

I still see your deep blue eyes
Behind the glaze.
608 · May 2018
Hot Shower, Cold Sweats
CL Fjell May 2018
Your words embrace my body
Like the ocean embraces the shore
Each crashing syllable strikes my core

Your actions slay your words
Like the lies of a fallen angel
Each dagger piercing in a unique angle

The only relief from your abuse
Is a hot shower that wraps me in bliss
How could you let it come to this

Forget I ever said I love you
I could never love a demon
So abusive as the one that lies in my bed
While I recover in this bathtub full of dread.
I was sad
570 · Jun 2019
Sweet Little Lily
CL Fjell Jun 2019
Sweet little lily,
She asked me for my name.
Then once she kissed me,
I had never felt the same.

All these kisses are now poison,
Burning scars onto my cheek.
When my lily she did leave me,
I drowned down by Silas creek.
427 · May 2019
Sorrow
CL Fjell May 2019
Sorrow grips at my mind,
Yells at me
Kills me slowly
Until all hope is gone
So why do I keep going
How do I keep going
When all hope is gone
Am I even me anymore?
Leave me alone
413 · Apr 2019
Today I Roll
CL Fjell Apr 2019
The day after She left me I broke
I decided it was time for a change
A change,
Something new to wake up to,
A new start as hopeful as it sounds.
They all say now is the best time to
Become a new me.

So I stole my neighbors tractor tire
**** it sure is heavy
Heavy, like the morning light on my
Eyes when I finally quit my job--
But I digress
I take the dilapidated tire to the edge
Of my suburban lot
(I hate this lot
Why she chose this lot I'll never know
Stupid ***** can take it all)--
I crawl into the tire
And with a single push

I'm off!

Ambition fills my empty shell
This loathsome corpse
Rolling endlessly away from his
Past
Past the neighbours
Past the dog that **** in my yard
If you could call it a yard
A yard is where kids play
And men pridefully mow
And women tan brown and laze
Like my neighbors wife half-past noon
While he works and lays his assistant
I stare promiscuous beams at her
Hoping she'll see me and know I too
Long for a real love

Maybe I could talk to her
Have an affair
Move away to a lovely town
With a yard
Along with little children who
Call me daddy and make mudpies
In our driveway

Maybe one day
But on this day
I roll
And roll
Roll
Into a new me
A real
Me
Into a new love
Onto a field of opportunity

Maybe one day
But on this day
I roll
Into a new me
Onto the train tracks
365 · May 2019
Youthful Love
CL Fjell May 2019
The bucket fills with soft emotion
It starts with small amounts
The faucet does keep flowing
Til is spills onto the mouth
"I like you"
362 · Jun 2019
Acid on my Mind
CL Fjell Jun 2019
He's acid on my mind
One taste and I'm gone
Another realm
Another plane
Full of wonderous colour

He's acid on my mind
One taste and he's gone
Another town
Another world
Full of everything but me

He showed me a world
And melted my brain
Now I don't know love
I'll never be the same
Acid
355 · Jun 2018
Horrors From Beyond Time
CL Fjell Jun 2018
Far over the bright waned moon
Beyond the stars of our galaxy
Outside space
Beyond time
Live the monsters that invade our dreams
Grotesque beings of ungodly creation
Who's eyes bulge with insight from the Beyond
And slender, porous bodies writher with anxiety
Whom loathe our feeble minds
Envious of our unknowing
They rip and tear at the fabric of time
With their clamp-like hands
Slowly, and with persistent vigor
Infringing on our sleepless minds
To drive us to the same insanity they endure
The Horrors from beyond Time
Fear-mongering ghouls of sweat-filled nights
One day will occupy us all
I'm noob ok
351 · Jun 2019
The Want
CL Fjell Jun 2019
I want to draw
But my mind wants to die

I want to sing
But my lungs want to drown

I want to dance
But my body wants to rot

I want to explain
But my brain wants to stop
And you won't listen
350 · Jul 2019
Succulent
CL Fjell Jul 2019
A succulent
Needing very little attention
Striving for more
But accepting much less
His leaves were thick
And against all odds
The heat never phased him
He pressed further on
324 · Dec 2018
Far Away
CL Fjell Dec 2018
Walking free
I'm in all red.
Swaying bodies embrace in bed, like waves from the sea.

You're so far
But not even mine
Your back was my last sign, wishing on a star.

Come back to me
I've fallen back in
Leaving you, my greatest sin, but now you're just walking free.

I'm in prison
320 · May 2019
Nature vs Culture
CL Fjell May 2019
We live in boxes
Drive in boxes
To work in boxes

We live separate from nature
Drive around nature
And work unnaturally

This is not living
THIS IS DYING
WHY CAN'T WE SEE
WE ARE NOT SEPARATE FROM NATURE
WE ARE NATURE
WE WERE NOT ONCE NATURE
WE DIVERGED FROM NATURE
IT WANTS US BACK
AND SO DO YOU
STOP FOOLING YOURSELF

Your box is not you
Nature is you
Act like it
317 · Feb 2019
Splitting
CL Fjell Feb 2019
I'm doing everything I can
To keep myself from going
Insane
From splitting pieces of my Soul
To everyone I care about
278 · Aug 2018
Fungus
CL Fjell Aug 2018
You're like a fungus
Growing colors among us.
As happy as you look,
I can read you, an open book.

From your flowing silk cap,
To your teeth with slight gap.
A smile to hide sinister desire,
Face ice cold, soul a pyre.

Tasting your intriguing trap
Leads only to a sour dirt nap.
Left feeling alone and dead,
Wondering where is your head.
For who in their right mind
Could be so evil as to **** mine.
I like mycology
275 · Jan 2019
Mountains and Trees
CL Fjell Jan 2019
Take me to the towers,
Made of dirt and stone.
I want to stand on their peak,
See where all light shone.

Feel as free as can be,
Like a bird through blue sky.
Except I'm trapped on the ground,
So I climb so very, very high.

My need for the mountain air,
Is like a water to fish gills;
I can't breathe without it.
I want to lie on its tall hills.

Take in the stars:
The endless sea in the sky.
No cars, no lights, no noises.
With no reaching mounds I'd rather die.

Alas, my life has brought me here,
To the sound of sleepless streets;
And the highest place I reach
Is in my loft bed sheets.

Toxic air fills my lungs,
City lights drown northern star.
I grow sad for now it seems,
The mountains are so very, very far.
I miss my home
262 · Jul 2018
The Embers You Left Behind
CL Fjell Jul 2018
Once in a dream,
You were only a gleam
A ray of blinding sun.

When nights long ago,
You said you loved me so
Well I guess it was only make believe.

Years come to pass,
My first and my last
This fire never ignites for another

The embers you left behind,
Still burn within my mind
A dancing swirling splendor.
I still love you, but you moved on
262 · May 2019
Outsider
CL Fjell May 2019
Once you find yourself

An outsider in your own body

Life feels much more meaningless

But listening is much easier

Because why would you wish

This hellish existence on someone else
259 · Jan 2019
Last Goodbye
CL Fjell Jan 2019
Life is getting rough again,
Tired, no longer tough within.
Breathe some deep sighs
Close your eyes
This is where the hero dies
252 · May 2018
Drunken Thoughts
CL Fjell May 2018
Which-a way is the loo?
I can't seem to find my hand...
Oh! there it is, inside my shoe!
My head is all muddl'd, perhaps I should try to stand.

The room is a kaleidoscope-
Where did the floor run off to?
I'm standing on the ceiling, at least I hope.
My head is still muddl'd, perhaps I should try something new

Walk! I'll walk. Where...
Where to walk?.. Ahhh, I know.
The loo! No, I need another beer.
My head is ******* muddl'd, perhaps I should try not being so hollow

Now I stare at the ceiling,
World is spinning with eyes cross'd.
That beer has left a distasteful feeling
Of mistakes made with friends lost.

Blanket of worries
Stain'd with three bottles of memory
Means I can't forget all the stories;
I'm an *******, in summary.

I forgot about the loo, and I never got up.
There's only enough burning water to fill this cup.
The last glass, for I hate how I've watched my mind fall.
My head is tired and muddl'd, perhaps I will finally end it all.
throwaway
249 · Jun 2019
Prince of Work
CL Fjell Jun 2019
Sunlit room breathes deeply
Another morning has awoken
A tired zombie shuffles across
Lethargic.

Morning stretches and a daily rinse
Turns a zombie to a prince
Now he's ready to work and work
One-third of his life away
So tragic.
249 · Jul 2019
Lady of Stone
CL Fjell Jul 2019
A stone
I found her all alone
In a field, perhaps
One that has overgrown

She had bright emerald eyes-
Opal glistened hair
Flowing effortlessly

Tones of song sang to me
Dancing on the night
She flew over to see

One whisper in my ear
"Why did you come here?"
"Because I love you, dear."

She vanished with the light
Taking with her stones
Will she come another night?
243 · Dec 2018
Weary
CL Fjell Dec 2018
Oh broken-hearted boy
How your lips sting
Your hips swing
I love you, my only toy
I miss your cold.
226 · Dec 2018
Settle Down
CL Fjell Dec 2018
Jumping caterpillars
Mindless zombie killers
Information out the ear
Just settle down, have a beer.

We need none of this
Politicians take the ****
Citizens all full of fear
Just settle down, have a beer.

Dim-lit screens of mind control
Make your feeble mind go dull
Your car, you no longer steer
Just settle down, have a beer.

Your words are limited to your stance
Tell me now, who wears your pants
You no longer spin your gear
Just settle down, have a beer.

A tiny ant inside a hive
Believe in instant revive
While your loves shed the tear
Just settle down, have a beer.

Go along little circus clown
Believe what you hear around
Besides, what is there to fear?
Just settle down, have a beer.
You are not free, you don't feel free
221 · Mar 2019
Certainly
CL Fjell Mar 2019
My mind is a blank
Is this what's it like to be empty
To be devoid of any creativity
To be truly
And most certainly
Soulless?
No imagination
214 · May 2019
Freedom At Last!
CL Fjell May 2019
Shifting sands blow in heavy breeze
Grain by grain they sway effortlessly
As if gravity bored their coarse cells
In unique directions they flowed
Unique, being an individual
Not one grain is the same
Together sand is one
But with a touch of wind
It is free
If only for a moment
203 · Feb 2019
Why Bother
CL Fjell Feb 2019
Mouth-foamed tremors
Spineless sinners

Ashe soaked layers
Mindless prayers

Hate thy father
Love, why bother
Sad goes farther

Candle carver
Shapely mother
Child she'll smother
197 · Feb 2019
Please Stop
CL Fjell Feb 2019
Stop!
Please!
End this suffering
You won't stop
The buzz buzz of the phone
The words, one after another

Begging me to stay
When I've told you
Go. Away.
I can't take this anymore
I'm not your doctor
Or your *****
So please see what I say
I'll say it once more
"Please stay away!"
He won't leave me alone
196 · Jan 2019
Ode to my Love
CL Fjell Jan 2019
And in my darkest times,
You told me you loved me.
Now in my darkest times,
Pretend you cannot see
I hate your lies
But I love your eyes
195 · May 2019
Hugs
CL Fjell May 2019
Vaporwaves course through sunset droplets
On the summer sidewalk
One deep breath for me
Two if I count yours
One heartbeat flutters
Two hearts rest on another
I could stand here forever
But forever isn't long enough
189 · Dec 2018
Your Eyes
CL Fjell Dec 2018
Deep
From every blink
Your beauty doth seep
Staring, I start to feel myself sink

Like pools of endless galaxies
I see my future in your eyes
Like a dense forest of pine trees
I float through your milky white skies
  
Seductive and terrifying
Am I caught in my dreams
I see myself with you, flying
But you don't notice me, not yet it seems.
I'm lovesick
187 · Mar 2019
Flowers and the Mind
CL Fjell Mar 2019
Flowers are the mind manifested
Sometimes your rain may fall
Much harder than normal
But you'll find eventually
That the sun will feel so much
Brighter than before
Tough through it. Rest in Piece you wonderful person
184 · Jul 2018
Lies
CL Fjell Jul 2018
I absolutely love being lied to.
There's nothing more I can do.
Sometimes I feel like I always knew,
Yet a fool I am for believing you.
Nothing you say is true.
Now the day I met you too,
Is yet another day I rue.
Lies of a friend or enemy
182 · Jul 2018
Make Me Dream Again
CL Fjell Jul 2018
Years.
Has it been years
Since I last dreamed?
Dreams of **** covered hilltops
Flowing so easily in the much needed
Breeze.
Those lands I walked every night
Cotton-candy clouds
Blue was always my favorite
Red sky and a sun with shades
Greeting me to my dreamland of old
A sigh of relief fills my lungs
Knowing all my worries disappear
In these wide open fields
With dogs!
Kittens!
Lovers!
Never alone was I
In this world my complex mind creates.
But alone I am now
For when my eyes finally close
With my body nustled under my linens
I see blackness!
Nothingness!
Emptiness!
I can't find my way to the open fields
And dancing hilltops
I'm trapped in my sleep
Ever since you took my dreams
181 · Jul 2019
Rat Maze
CL Fjell Jul 2019
Our society wants to control you.
And you don't know it already does:
The clothes you wear, the things you own.
Your creativity and mind become society
It's a clever way of controlling.
A clever way of saying,
You've been had so bad
You would never know,
And that's quite sad.
179 · Mar 2019
Spring Flowers
CL Fjell Mar 2019
Spring blooms rainbow flowers
With it grows a sense of dread
Am I really in the prime of my life
Or is it that I'm already dead
179 · May 2019
Just a Question
CL Fjell May 2019
As quick as I fall in this pit
Just as quick do I climb back out

Now I must ask myself
Which of these actions is of love
176 · Jun 2019
Sweet Daffodil
CL Fjell Jun 2019
Sweet daffodil
How silly a name
Dances in the mouth
Like our first kiss

Sweet daffodil
Sweetest of them all
My dentist hates me daffodil
All my cavities are from you

Sweet daffodil
How daffy you are
Made me laugh all day
Just like that old show we watched

Sweet daffodil
How I miss your sweet words
And how silly your name is
Fitting for such a silly grave
176 · Jan 2019
Please God
CL Fjell Jan 2019
Please God forgive my troubled mind
I wish that I could rewind time
To long ago; I loved my life
Now engulfed in lonesome strife
Memories of wonderous fun
Endless days spent in sun
I hate my life and how little I've done
I toss and turn and want to run
Far, far away from those held dear
And end it all ere a single tear
173 · Mar 2019
Eyes
CL Fjell Mar 2019
The eyes on me like bats on the ceiling
No where to run, away from feeling
Judged I am for every mistake
From this dream when I'll awake
I see you there with those eyes
Waiting and waiting and waiting
For the time of goodbyes
I'm new stop just staring and tell me what to do
172 · Mar 2019
The Girl Who is "Depressed"
CL Fjell Mar 2019
"All ears to me, I have problems"
Says the irrefutably woeful girl.
She'll expel her lungs powerfully,
Informing those around her how
Obviously, terribly, depressed she is.

Her friends will know!
Her family will know!
Her cats will know,
and the dogs too, will know!
But do they really know?

Do they know she's waiting?
Waiting indeed for a response
Other than "I'm sorry",
More than those lackluster words
That even her cats could mew.

In her mind she's begging for love.
For attention.
For a purpose.
But instead of drive from this disposition,
She sulks, she whines
She drags others down.

Like a benign tumor
She worries all she infects
With her seeking gaze
And obligatory wretchedness.
So they too feel her discomfort.
So they too might feel bad for her,
Like she does for herself.

Worried one day they'll all disappear
Like birds in her winter
She doesn't realize she's
Always
Winter.
For the girl that is always depressed
171 · Feb 2019
Human
CL Fjell Feb 2019
I wish I wasn't human.
Most our lives
Are filled with immense sadness.
Some say blessing,
I say curse.
Dominos keep falling
166 · Jul 2019
You're a storm
CL Fjell Jul 2019
We saw the shapes in clouds
Together, like we were kids
Forever, if only for the moment
But clouds pass
And now I see you in the clouds
Every cloud
Especially rain clouds
165 · Jul 2019
For Years
CL Fjell Jul 2019
Taking back seat.
I called shotgun.
I can't remember,
I don't want to remember?
No, I can't remember.

Shadows fill in the gaps,
Blanket the little lamb.
Sleep now insipid child,
Dream while you are awake,
When awake you will be grown.

A shaman showed him a past,
One that seemed so distant
It was fake;
No, it was fact.
It was him, and only him.
Trauma took hold,
And with it, a child.

The night brings him ghosts of past.
(Know it will only pass)
If they lived what you had lived,
(No, it will only pass)
Life would be easy then.

He'd rather be paranoid,
Than be a saint.
He'd rather be out his mind,
But he can't remember.
163 · Mar 2019
Mistake
CL Fjell Mar 2019
I've made a mistake
Left for my own sake
Now I'm alone
Beaten to bone
And here my heart does ache
162 · May 2019
Love for the First Time
CL Fjell May 2019
I felt love for the first time today
It was written in your iris
It was spoken in your stare
My tongue skips a beat
My heart dances in your mouth
Please kiss my soul
Don't abandon my lips
Love for the first time in ages
160 · Jun 2019
Lucidity
CL Fjell Jun 2019
The waking world feels false
My dreams are much better
Than reality. Even the bad dreams
Have so much more good
Than reality. Even the bad dreams
Make me much happier
Than reality. Even the bad dreams
Scare me much less
Than reality; Even the bad dreams
Are only bad
Momentarily
157 · Apr 2019
The Neolate
CL Fjell Apr 2019
Your betrayal is a knife
Laced with scorn
Anger
And idiocy.
Turn your scaly back
On the Sun
And the Sun will burn you,
I wish at least.
I hope for the burn to lasts ages,
So you feel the dull,
Aching,
Wretched pain of your forked tongue
Spitting venom in my face
And on my back.
155 · Nov 2018
Falling Out of Feeling
CL Fjell Nov 2018
Why is it that the days with you are the greatest I've had?
No emotions of fear, anger, or sad;
Yet when I look in your eyes, I can only feel bad.

Love has evaded me for years, and years yet to come.
No butterflies, nor tingles, nor tears;
None shed for the hugs from that special some... one.

Why is it my happiest days are paired with the loneliest of nights?
Filled with want, need, even prying;
For a love that's just right.

Falling out of feeling is the hardest feeling to fall in.
As love evades your mind, when you feel you can never try again.
Identity crisis 1
155 · Feb 2019
Bad Vision
CL Fjell Feb 2019
What a curse it is to be me
To see the beauty in the world
But to not truly "see"

What a curse it is to be blind
To all the waving limbs of trees,
The trees I have yet to truly find

What a curse it is to be eye-less
To all the death that surrounds me
In this life I wish to see, alas I digress.
149 · Jul 2019
The Chasing
CL Fjell Jul 2019
Reoccurring dreams of someone
Kidnapping me
Every time they catch me, it resets
Each chase a new sense of anxiety
While knowing it'll just become anew
Once they finally catch me.

Is it my inability to escape my future,
The want for something more than my
Destined path,
Or is it simply the fear that my past
Will catch me,
No matter where I escape to?
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