It is strange how you were drowning and he was the one who needed space

It is strange how he cut you open and you apologised for having bled

It is strange how he broke you and held a grudge against you for falling apart

It is strange how you took 99 steps and he stumbled on one

It is strange how he never had the time to read the poems you left in his mail

It is strange how you could have had the world but you kept settling for less.

Yes, it is strange
how love makes you the person you never thought you would become.

There is something to be learnt from
the trees that let go
Of autumn leaves so silently: no grudges, no scorn
It is nature's way of telling
Parting is the price we all have to pay for love.

There is something to be learnt from
The leaves that hit the ground
After being held so high
It Is nature's way of telling us
It has never been about the fall
But how gracefully we do it

There is something to be learnt from
The empty sky at twilight
How it bleeds every time the sun leaves
Yet it tries to find solace in those thousand little suns
There is always something to be grateful about.

More scars than skin
More nightmares than sleep
More sighs than words
More darkness than my inner sun can handle

A word i can't seem to remember
A feeling i can't evade
A home whose address i have forgotten
A grief that i always carry with myself
A sleep that forsakes me till late hours
A dawn that breaks a wink too soon
A flower that just won't bloom
A thorn that never falls
A sun with its light too dull
A moon too bright
A smile that never reaches eyes
A frozen tear that never melts
A melody of my mother long erased
A horrible selfdegrading voice that won't leave my head
A silence that keeps storming
A storm that silences all our hearts' pleads
A you i can't seem to stop writing about*
A me that never crosses your mind*

-A.K.

Effortless it used to be,
now it's a constant strain
You used to be on the same page with me
now i wonder if we are even a part of the same story?

How rude of days and nights to pass completely oblivious of our pain
How audacious of me to think it was you who the stars  told me about

Closest you used to be,
now there is always an unseen barrier in between
I used to be your home once
But now I'm just a noose you cant free yourself from

How rude of me to say "it's been a tough day" for a year now
How thoughtful of you to pretend it's not because of the sweet nothings you have been feeding me

A day dream turned to reality, you were
Now i realised some things can only be loved from a far
I used to wish your hands never leave mine
But now i just wish you happiness, no matter who you choose to share it with

**How rude of stars to be so out of my reach
How tragic of our story that they are closer to me than you'll ever be.

You are the only antidote to the pain you caused
But like everything that could save me
You just ended up tearing me out
And i was hoping you would come
before there was nothing left to fix
And you came
but i was already gone
now this shell of the girl i used to be
remains to remind you of what you have lost

You were the only escape i had to these tragedies
that laid scattered all around me
but like everything that could have helped me
you were a bit too out of my reach
And i was hoping you'd take a step to bridge the gap
maybe you did
but it was a bit too late
i was already in too deep
to ever surface again

You had the touch that could keep me from falling
a million suns in your soul that could unfreeze me
but like every hope, you chose to forsake me
And i kept hoping and praying you'd see
how The cold kept burning the life out of me
maybe you would have, maybe you did
but life had already left me
never to come to me
again

You're the muse behind my every song
You're what connects this body to its soul
The darkest of nights find its dawn in you
You are the eye of the most ferocious storm

Oh, love i think it's time
Oh, love, won't you be mine?
Oh, love, can't you just see
I want the world to see you be with me

You're the goosebumps i get in the middle of the night
You're what the stars have been telling me about
The shyest of flowers bloom at your touch
You are the hope that keeps the fragile thread  by which my sanity hangs from breaking apart

Oh love, I think it's time
Oh, love won't you be mine
Oh, love, can't you just see
I want the world to see you be with me

You are the brokeness that heals itself
You are the words that i have been looking for all along
The most endurable concrete cracks and sprouts where you walk
You are the love that only results from a great deal of suffering

Oh love, I think i it's time
Oh, love won't you be mine
Oh, love, can't you just see
I want the world to see you be with me

It was when you held me
I realised i could feel
For that i bitterly thank you
For ever since, i have been craving for your love
Your touch

It was when you loved me
I saw the relevance of a the metaphors that I've been writing
For that i bitterly thank you
For ever since, i have been staying up late
Trying to find metaphors to describe how you make me feel

It was when you touched me
I made my home in your skin
For that i bitterly thank you
Since you left, the homeless people get up and offer me their seat
Every time i pass by that lonely street


It was when you ran your fingers on me
I, for once, felt complete
For thar i bitterly thank you
Since then i have been looking for myself
in the things that carry your imprint

It was only when you called me beautiful
I did not feel like the dust that settled on a beautiful thing
For that i bitterly thank you
since then not a single reflection of mine exists
that has not been cringed at

A thousand way to love
A thousand people to fall in love with
I chose the one that was most unlikely
i chose the one that, i knew in the end, will destroy me

A thousand pretty girls
A thousand you could have easily had
but it was me who chose you
and it was me who loved you back

A thousand roads
A thousand options
not a single one
that will lead me to you

A thousand pain
A thousand reasons to give up
Love has limits
heart know nothing of

A thousand tears
A thousanf relieves
I have got them all
but without you, I have nothing

**A thousand star-crossed-lovers writing
a thousand poems in this moment
One of them is me,
my muse being you, always

You are gone for excessive hours
And i know you dont mean to come back
But you do, you take a while but you always do
A part of me know you will
But there is a bigger part knowing one day you wont

You used to love the way i wrote about you once
Now you just want me to stop
And although my lips never move, my heart keeps begging you to come back
While my friends beg for who i was before you left to come back

Your ears used to love the sound my lips made
When i said ily and reached for you in my sleep
But the day you left the sun rose too early and my ilys turned to please come back
and it was then when the sun set in my eyes, never to rise again

You once said there is hope; there is a light at the end of this tunnel
And i was taken back to the time when i saw you smile
I thought the end must be near
But now you are gone and now this tunnel seems never ending
Owing to the darkness, nothing is all i see

You kept saying there is more to life than us
I nodded and said there is more to life than love and there is more to love than you
But you were my sun and my moon
Now i am left with the stars that will never stop spelling your name.

You begged and ordered me to stop reaching out
for someone who is not even there
It was my helpness that said-I have been trying to let go
But im not sure if my hands remember how to
Or my heart

Do your  parents wonder, why you take time to open your door?
How you cannot wash their dead daughter's blood off your bedsheet
Go tell them how she bled to death for someone who would not even look her way or do anything to prevent it lest his hands get bloodied

Do they ever wonder why there is no mirror in your room,
or notice how you cringe at the sight of your reflection as if you've seen a ghost And how that is the case exactly?
Go tell them how your own shadow scares the wit out of you,
as if it is mocking you and soon will reveal your dark secrets to them.

Do they ever wonder why you have so little photographs of you?
Go tell them your face reminds you how you turned into everything you said, You would not when you were a kid; how you are just a pile of unsaid goodbyes, abandoned building, shattered dreams stitched up together by skin you dont feel comfortable in.

Do they wonder, why your hands are often on your ears as if you are trying to block some loud music only you can hear
Go tell them how his words keep replaying in your mind.. how he told you so many "truths" that you no longer know which version to believe in

Do they ever wonder why you have no friend or why you keep staring at the wall and yet your eyes appear to be seeing right through everything?
Go tell them you are looking at his eyes turning colder by minute, till you don't recognise who he is; that he has seared goodbye in a place inside you so deep that you send your friends in love,  packing bags long before they plan to leave.

Do they ever notice how you cringe when they attempt to hold your hand or hug you?
go tell them how all the times you were let go still echo through your skin,
how you always acted like a filler? how every one you loved had their eyes set on their destiny and you were always traffic

do they ever wonder, why you always seem more restless at night? Or, how they never find you asleep?
Go tell them how the future that you could have had but did not haunts you every night, How you think you have enough time but then you blink and suddenly you are all out of it and you ask Him for 5 more minutes but he just shakes his head.

Last night
You killed a part of me
And i let you
Just like all the times before

If loving me were a crime,
You'd not have to worry
You'd be an innocent
Not a single blot on your conscience

Last night
I looked for you at the bottom of my drinks, the empty side of my bed and in every strangers' face
Just to find you in her arms

If loving me were a dream,
You'd be the insomniac
Dont even bother closing your eyes now
I already slipped off your eyelids

Last night, in vain,
I tried to find my way to our place
But all the houses on the street looked the same
Like the gravestones in the cemetry with the engravings washed away

**If loving me came
like the waves of our memories hitting you in the face
Not one inch of you would be drenched
You would be untouched and oblivious
Like a diamond in the distant sky

I dont want you to write me poetry
I can do that for both of us

I dont want you to compare my eyes to sunset
Or, my mind to some sea of undiscovered depth
I just want you to see me for who im-
Dully ordinary in all my deeds

I dont want you to be breathtakingly handsome
We could be too cute for two ugly people

I dont want you to speak all those fancy big words
And get me a bouqet of rose every night
Just be there with me, be my light, when all i see is in shades of blacknwhite
And on the brightest day, tolerate my lights if i outshine you

I don't want you to understand each action of mine; to decode every word
Just promise not to give up on trying; never give up on me

I dont want you to fix me
Just be patient with me while i glue back all that is left from my last heartbreak
I might run in opp. Direction at your approach
But ill always find my way back to you

I don't want you to give me forevers and mouthful of nevers
Time is a ****, as we both know*

If you can and if you may,
Just love me in this very moment
Cause forever is nothing but all these moments stitched together

I dont't want you to tell me you love me
But please, just do love me

Be yourself, he said
But the problem is i dont know how to do that without having the world know how much i love him

Maybe we never stop loving secretly, those we once loved out loud

Be brave and let go,
But the problem is i am not sure
if my hands remember how to
Or my heart

Maybe we never get over, we just become everything that breaks us

Be wise and accept
You are not the first, and you sure as hell wont be the last

Maybe the best i can hope is that out of all the things you regret, I'm the one you loved most

Be grateful, and dont sulk
Make a blanket of stars and lie down in the Earth's arms

Maybe these cold nights are there to avenge me for the times i reached out to you to keep me warm

Be still and let yourself heal
But is there any cure for memories of you and me

**Maybe some pain never ceases to be, some loss you can never compensate

For someone who is never leaving,
I say goodbye a lot
For someone who is never gonna stop loving you,
I deny my love a lot
For someone who needs you like a newborn needs to be fed
I push you away a lot.

For someone who counts every second from the moment i hear your footsteps fade
Till i see you again,
I pretend to be oblivious a lot.

For someone who is burning at the sight of you two together,
I wish you well a lot.
For someone who cries every night,
I still have a lot of hurt inside
For someone who is never going to be first on your list,
I expect a lot.

For someone who remains awake at night reminiscing the little details about you
I avoid any sort of eye contact with you a lot.

they say
he must be lucky
the guy who gets to have me
and i just look in your eyes
and see the hell i have put you through
they fell in love w my words
but i wonder do they know
that this is not beautiful
all these words may make depression look pretty
but it is not
it is not easy to be w a girl
who wants to crawl into the tiniest space of you
and make her home there
it is not easy to be with a girl
who makes you her air
it is not easy to see her
cringe at her own reflection
it is not easy to love her
when all she has is hatred for her self
it is not easy to look at her
when you read her poems about how she wants to peel off her skin
till nothing of her remains
it is easy to say
he must be a lucky guy
lemme assure you
he is not
im not blushing cheeks and perfect smiles
Im not about classy looks and vintage dresses
im like the storm and the only way i know how to show my love is to destroy
it is not easy to talk to her
when she replies in proses and riddles
it is not easy to hold her
when one moment she is warm and cuddlable
and the next she is spitting fire
it is not easy to tolerate her
when one small mistake and
it has already been
carved as a poem
it is not easy to survive her intense gaze
it is not easy to look back into her eyes
when she is looking at you w too much emotions contained in her eyes
too strong for you to take
she is everything
or nothing
or both
at the same time
she is every shade of every color
simulataneously
Ill overwhelm you
or i can make you question your own existence
cause i dont know any other way
to love
than to make you my all
and to be your all
ill love you w a passion
you have never seen before
but can your feeble heart
take it?
do you think
your calculated actions and diplomatic decisions
will help you then?
you may be fooled by my smile
and my gentle voice in which i talk to you
but there is a lot to me
than what meets your eyes
there will always be more to me
than you ll know
and you may think it is easy to love me
but it is not
you are a dreamer, you are in love with the idea of me
while you remain oblivious of
all the stories behind the words i have not yet written
and the words you ll never see.
It is effortless to fall in love with a poem
but being with a poet is a totally different thing
don't you now agree?

I never wanted to wither
I never wanted to fade
I never wanted to lose my light
I never wanted to create a mess

So I decided not to bloom
I decided not to feel
I stayed in the dark
which complemented my light perfectly

I never meant to fly
I liked the solid concrete I was standing on
in the darkness, with no way to distinguish myself from my shadow
- I felt satisfied.

But you came around;
your light a lot brighter than me
you dazzled me by your brilliance
and showed me there was another way to be

Your words pulled me out-
one step at a time
your light kept me blinded enough
to keep me from seeing where i was going

Slowly and slowly
you took down all the walls
i had put up
to let my spark in

Together we burnt
bright enough to light our own little galaxy
somewhere along the line
i started losing myself in you

Like a star twinkling in noon
like a drop goes unnoticed when it falls in sea.
We talked about our future
you told me about the place you came from

And we planned how the walls of our home will be decorated w my poems, how you'll sing me to sleep
and make the wind jealous

But like every sweet dream that ends too soon
the bitter reality came crashing in
and the storm took away my light
you somehow managed to keep yours still aflame

Right after the storm had passed
you promised
your light will be enough
to keep us from drifting apart

But in the middle of our laughter
your mind would go to the place
you had come from
and it was then when i started losing you

The more i tried to hold on to you
the more burnt i got
i was so scared to lose you
that i realised one day i will

I could never be a part of your world
but i no longer wanted to alienate you from it
so i withdrew back to the darkness
i had always known

but this time with no spark to help me coexist w it
i felt myself getting swallowed
with my last breath
i wished you nothing but happiness

I never meant to witter
I never meant to fade
I never wanted to lose my light
but i admit i made a mess

**your love ****** me
more than You'll know
but no sweeter damnation
I could have ever got

If our love is a game,
I'm the loser
If our love is a sad song
I'm its lyrics
If our love is a movie
I'm the interval
If our love is a tango dance
I'm the third person
If our love is a clear sky
I'm the one drenched in raindrops
If our love is a novel
Im the character that could not make it to the happily ever after
If our love is a poem
Im the muse long forgotten
If our love is the moon
I'm the clouds obscuring its light
If our love is pure magic
I'm just an illusion of it
If our love is familiar faces and warm smiles
I'm the stranger whose goodbyes are diguised as cute smiles
If our love is the beginning of something new
Im the funeral toll
If our love is a welcome mat
Im the doorbell that never rings
**I can give you
My soul
My body
My mind
My all
But it will never be enough
Cause baby, our love is a sunflower
Im the colorless sunrise..
I'm just waiting for you to realise it
And turn your face away from me

This is for the first time
you opened your mouth after years of silence
and all you could say was
"Im sorry, please come back"

This is for the first time
you saw the wounds on his hand
and regretted how you let
the roses he sent
just to die and rot away

This is for the first time
you realised how much he loved you
and just because his love remained unwritten or unexplained
does not mean he loved you any less

This is for the first time
you realised how much you
burnt him
with your coldness
unintentional-yet brutal

This is for the first time
you realised
how he broke himself
to fix parts of you-
not a single complain escaping his mouth

You cut him open
and made him apologise for having bled
this is for the first time you bled
and he was not there for help

*this is for the first time
you realised
he was your last shot at
happiness
And you threw it away

*this is for the first time
you heard him say
i love you
for
the last time

Dear Allah,
a lot of my friends have been telling me
That you'll be mad at me
for that shirk thing
and what not
but im still your kid,
am i not?

Dear Allah,
things have been hard lately
im sorry for falling in love
and giving him all
but you know my love for him
was nothing impure..
maybe, later it involved
different shades of emotions
but i really do love him

Dear Allah,
I'm sorry
but im trapped
in this maze
Talk to me, will you?
gimme a clue
No, im dumb at decoding
But you know
i feel so bad
please dont stay mad at me

Dear Allah,
i love my family
my mum and dad are good people
They have Always helped other
are they going to hell too
cause they don't follow
islamic religion

Dear Allah,
im 18
So wont you forgive
the sins i cant seem to stop committing
i get it
it is stupid to look for you
in statues
but what if i look for your magic
in every human being
and try to help them
Would not that suffice

Oh, Lord/ Ishwar/ Allah/ Rab
you are one?
maybe even if my way is wrong
you know the destination was you
so, if you can,
please forgive me

Kiss me
As if
you are drowning
And your only
source of oxygen
Is my lips

Kiss me
As if
You want to know
how you taste
On my lips

Kiss me
As if
i am the
Only girl here
For you;
The only one you see

Kiss me
As if
you are a
wilting flower
And i'm the
first drop of rain

Kiss me
As if
my lips
Taste like freedom
And you have been a prisoner
Of the world's ways all your life

Kiss me
Like that is all
You have ever known
As if
You find yourself
Only when you get lost in me

Kiss me
And let the words Flow from
My lips to yours
And weave themselves
into poetry;
a poetry only we can feel

Kiss me
as if you are dying
and your only way
to salvation
is me

*He Kissed me
As if
Trying to tell me
How beautiful He thinks i'm
Without having
To utter A single alphabet

I'm here alone, in my room
And the never decreasing miles
That separate us Falter on the floor
Everytime i close my eyes
It is only your face i see

I guess i always knew
The inevitability of our situation
A dawn chasing midnight
No way on earth we could have had a happy end

It was a privilege knowing you
And having my feet swept off the ground
I was too busy wondering why you loved me
To say i love you in return
But i guess you know i did

Im here alone in my room
but you are in everything i see
you are scattered everywhere
yet your absence is all i feel
too many dreams of you and no you to wake up to.

*I guess i always knew
the inevitability of our situation
dawn chasing midnight
no way on earth we could have had a happy end

Some habits we
can't quit
some wounds
never heal
some lovestories
remain unknown
some beautiful songs
waiting to be sung
some best poems
that remain unwritten
some memories
left to rust
some dreams
left abandoned
some letter covered with dust
some write
to remember
some write
To forget
Me .?
i write
To bleed
i write
Hoping maybe
my words will
help someone sleep
if you are reading this
Just know
if it is dark where you are
we can always fly
to a new horizon
just close your eyes, honey
You and I'll be safe
tonight we are invincible

I gave away
Too much of me
To make room for
Too much of you
I wish i had not

I never put you
on the top
of my list
But said goodbye to everyone else
{It was you and only you}
I wish i had not

I bribed the sun
To let you shine the brightest
And the moon
To never let you
Go astray
I wish i had not

I murmured your name to the wind
And told all of my friends about you
Now,
The wind still whispers your name
My friends look at me with eyes askance. So
I wish i had not

You mesmerized me
With your words
I ended up believing all of them.
Oh, how
I wish i had not.

If this was a bollywood movie
You'd wait for me
And my road would lead me to yours
Eventually.

If this was a bollywood movie
We would have made silent promises
It's either us
Or we are forever on our own

If this was a bollywood movie
My poems would not remain unread
If this was a bollywood movie
Our story would not end like that

If this was a bollywood movie
You would shift the world
Just to see me.
If this was a bollywood movie
You would lift me off my feet
And not simply ....
Go and beg another girl
To love you.


But
This is not a bollywood movie
Just a sad poem
That will never be finished
Cause the poet
Found a better
Subject to muse over.

Some voids
You just can't fill
But that never
stopped you
From loving me.

Some of us
Go too astray
To ever come back
To who we once were
But that never stopped you
From calling out my name

Some things
You just can't repair
But that never stopped you
From trying

Some flowers
Wilt when you touch them
But your tender touch
Only livened their petals

Some angels
Are destined to fall
But somwhow you were always
At the right place
To catch one of them.

And today when
I stood among stangers
In the pouring rain
Waiting for my train
I was reminded
How it felt
Without you

You
Either leave
Or
Stay long enough
To
See "him" turn into
A stranger.

Oh,
boy,
I guess
I looked into your
Soul
For too long
To ever go
Back to being
"Just friends"

You
Either leave
Or
Stay long enough
To feel
Yourself fading
from "his"thoughts
Just like how
Dews evaporate
Once they see
The sun.

Oh,
Boy,
I was nothing
But a voice in your head.
And now that I've been replaced,
I wonder how long
Till i cease to be

You
either leave
Or
Stay too long
To witness
his eyes go blank
To watch him
See right through you.

Oh
Boy,
You were long gone
Even when you were
holding my hand
I knew you were
Wandering far away

You
Either leave
Or
stay long enough
To
Watch him leave.*

Oh,
Boy,
But I'm
Still holding on to you
Long after
You have let go.*

[Nothing good stays. I could never leave, so i guess that makes sense]

Dear
the gost of his love,
You keep
haunting,
taunting
and reminding me
of
your love
and
what could have been

I see your face
in the crowd,
in every guy
who ever smiles at me
it's you.
Please stop.
You know
I loved you so
Not a single shooting star
exists
that was not wasted upon you
but now
my 11:11 wish is
for the clock to
stop ticking
and use its arms to
strangle me instead
So that I could
finally be free.
Free
from having
all my energy
spent on
trying to keep my **** together
in a vain attempt to
keep  myself
from falling apart
to pieces
in front of everyone
why don't you understand?
I love you
I love you
I love you
My heart beats with this rhyme
I love you more than i have ever loved aNYTHing
The pictures that you sent
still live in my phone
and the wind keeps whispering your name
and i have stopped looking a t the night sky
two bright stars reminded me of your eyes once
and
i see you in everything-
the first drop of rain,
a child's laughter
a tree's shelter on a summer day
I never wanted to let you go
but i had to
it was between you and him-
one who gave me life
and you
who became my life
and i owe you both
and i love you both
but he needs me a little more than you do
and so i chose Dad
but i love you.
I just could not burn their dreams
And use that as a light
That would guide
Me to you
I just could not break their hearts
To keep mine in one piece
No,
I could not break my old house
So that i could make a new with you.
And so i decided to loosened the grip
But it was you who walked away!
I knew you had
But don't blame me for what happened
i still hold on to you,
i clinged to your memories
like a drowning person
clings to a rope
thrown to him
And holding on to you hurts
so please set me free
please.

I just realized
how I never quite thanked you
For the little things that you did
the little things that left such a big impact
on the girl that I've grown to be

I was never shown princesses' movies
with a fairy-tale ending
but was read quotes of your favorite author
some times they would go above my head
so you would tell me what they really meant
I remember the argument that we had on
"it's better to reign in hell than to serve in heaven"
I ran to mum and asked
"do you agree with papa? Is what he saying right?"
you smiled and said, I could decide for myself
I don't remember what i decided
but I've witnessed too much of hell since that day
So now if i was asked to serve on heaven,
I'll be only glad.
You made sure that i was provided
with
the buoyancy I needed to fly
yet had the knowledge enough to
be able to walk on Earth too.
You told me I'm going to make mistakes
but it should never come in my way of learning
not every one is going to like me
and i should not care if they did
but remain true to myself
and all that i stand for.
I must not be scared, to be laughed at
for my mistakes
to err is only human, after all.
It was from you that I learnt
Words, if used correctly, can help one get through
almost any/every thing
But one should make sure
that they follow what they preach
You told me
there's a book on every feeling that I'll ever go through
When in doubt i must seek my friends
my shelf
I'm not alone in this fight
and yet you wonder
why I'm so interested in Literature

Dear Dad,
thank you for never imposing your thoughts on me,
letting me find my answers,
giving me the space I needed to grow and explore
to know what i believed in, the values I'd stand by
My friend once called you the living encyclopaedia
thank you for that too =D
For your opinions on every random topic I started.
Thank you for never letting me win
without putting a fight
I really found it sweet
Father and daughter
against each other
and neither one backing off
after all, they both shared a part of the same gene
You never sugar-coated anything
but sometimes when i would walk in
you would hurriedly change the news channel
wanted to let me enjoy as much of carefree days i could, did not you?
Did not want to expose the dark side of the world to me yet?

I bet you don't know
that when I'm confused about what to do
I take a look back and ask myself
what would papa's little daughter would do?
it has helped me more than once
it's hard to admit
your little daughter had this life figured out
more than I do now
You told me I should not fight too hard to blend in
A little madness is needed
to achieve something extra-ordinary
I WISH YOU HAD NOT
because
Now that when I look around,
I realize i barely fit
Papa,
they laugh at how I've never seen many disney movie
or, how I prefer novel more than movies
They smirk upon my dressing sense
and hair ******* in a messy knot.
Every now and then i would get into fight with those stereotype
plastic face with each inch covered in make-up
being mean and thinking they're super-cool
OH,
*I CAN NOT WAIT TILL I GET HOME TO MUM AND YOU

A girl with contrasting longings;
she comes in every shade ranging
from love to truth to lie.
She's every emotion at the same time

I would rather suffocate and drown in my mind than ask for your help
I would rather swallow shards of glass than keep up with this silence
I would rather spend my night counting stars than have a dream about you
I would rather cut my skin off than feel your touch burn them while you love someone else
I would rather have my tongue forget how to speak than call for you every single night in my sleep
I would rather bleach my brain with HCL than have it think about you always
I would rather burn down this house and lose myself somewhere than try looking for you
I would rather drown the butterflies in my stomach with alcohol than have them fluttering, dancing on your tone
(But truth be said, i would rather spend a second with you and a lifetime reminiscing that moment than be with someone else)

I'll bleed till I've no more of you inside me
I'll smoke you till I've exhaled all of your empty words that i was fed
I'll cry till i don't know what i was crying for
*I'll write till I give you something that weighs you down
just like how your goodbye weighs my heart down

You called me your guiding star
That's quite true.
I burnt myself
and risked my whole existence
Just to light you way
For a few second

You called me your anchor
That's quite true
I sunk myself
To keep you at one place

You compared me with the moon
I get it now why
I scarred myself for life
just to be noticed,
To stand out
from the darkness
all around me

I gave you my all,
'cause i thought i could be your all
I tried to fix you
ignoring how in the process
I almost bled myself to death
I swallowed shards of glass
and yet never let my smile falter
I Wiped Your Tears
While Mine Were Left Abandoned
To Dry On Their Own
I tried healing your wounds
while mine got deeper

And I swear
I tried my best
To spare our friendship
Losing my love was bad enough
but my best friend too?
How on Earth
was i supposed to get through this

So,
I stayed
Put on my daily show
but you knew me
too well to fall for that facade
And that's whAT hurt most
the warmth in your eyes
that once felt like home
sheltering me from world's cold ways
was now gone
replaced
replaced by this coldness

Your skin
was the only home i ever knew
but i realized,
i was not welcome any more*
And I relized that
that hardest way possible
yet i stayed
'cause i just could not leave
I did not know how to leave
I loved you so frigging much
and everything just kept getting worse
YOU WERE NO LONGER THE SUN
but a blackhole
swallowing all the good memories
devouring them all
till there was not a trace of light
inside me
till there was nothing left to me
till i became the ghost
of the girl who i used to be
And all those good days
they seem like a distant dream
and i don't even know if what i'm writing
makes any sense
my hands won't stop shaking
or my head shouting
it keeps yelling
YOU NEVER FELL FOR ME
YOU SLIPPED
UNKNOWINGLY
A MISTAKE'YOU REGRET EVERY DAY

Dark Circles beneath her eyes
The fire in those eyes
now replaced by sadness
of knowing too much
Of trying too hard
.
.
the more she saw,
the less she knew
the more she tried,
the less things worked
She kept *restlessly brooding
why the world is so raNdom
and what if the littlest thing that she did
made it fall apart?
.
.
tick-tock
(Restless brooding)
A girl of 17
never felt safe in her own skin
She comes in all the shades of self-loathing

(Restless brooding)
Living a life of mediocrity
Good, but never the best
not worth the change in your pocket.

(Restless brooding)
Centre of the group,
her smile was just that contagious
Chased by many, understood by none
Always loved mystery,
maybe that's why she became one

(Restless brooding)
Red is the color of rust that calms her
Jagged cut across her thighs
She comes with a self-destruct button and hence pushes away the very thing she likes
she wants to decrease the casualities

(Restless brooding)
Sleep won't come easily to her
so she writes and reads
that's pretty much her life
by the window she cries
for the characters whose brokeness resembles her life
but if you ask her why
she'll evade vaguely

(Restless brooding)
She increases the volume of her headphones
to mute the voices in her head
voices which try to drag her to the past
a past she'll never get rid of

(Restless brooding)
with every second that passes by
she pushes the world a little more far away
but she always smiles
so that must mean she's okay, right?

Dark circle beaneath her eyes
because *she spends her night
talking to the stars
and conspiring with the moon
against the demons she herself has created
trying to find the key
to the lock she has chained around herself

And one day she will
one day she will realise
*her light can't be contained
and those dim eyes will shine again
One day she will not be afraid of being herself
even if she does not know who she is yet

she is tired of crying for help into a void;
now between the sighs behind her commas & full-stops,
she communicates through her SILENT fingers
and as long as her pen bleeds on a blank paper
the turmoil in her mind rests
the sunless day feels more brighter
the moonless night a bit less darker
deadly stares from strangers does not bother that much
as long as she gets to read and write,
she knows things will be just fine

I love him
And he loves me
This is not where the story begins
but where it ends
And it's killig me
It's really killing me
That how even with all the time we bought
forever did not last as long as we thought

All i want to do
is curl around him
get lost in him
breathe him
in and out
feel my taste
on his lips
cling to him
and just stay like that
infinitely
with him, more felt better
a bit more closer
with him, more always felt less
and i could not help
but crave for more and more

8PM :
" I'm sad 'cause she will never love him the way you do "
Yes, she won't. No one will

Does she know
that dawn is your favorite time of day
how it embarks a new beginning
and *how both light and dark
exist together
complementing each other's beauty
just like..you and me

does she know
that you wake up in the middle of night
gasping for air
you had dreamt of a giant hole
swallowing all that you loved
it's a childhood fear
you could never get over
it might not make sense to the reader
but it.. he makes perfect sense to me


Does she know
that you miss your grandad
and how it kills you
that you share your birthdate
with his

Does she know that wherever you went
you never felt belonged
so you escaped and found your peace
in nature..that's how you feel healed

does she know
that she haunts you every night
till i came around and loved him enough
for both of us

Would she care
to write a poem about you
an hour before exam

i know she soes not
i know she would not
And i could have said this and many more
but all my lips muttered was
"She'll love you in ways i never did"
No, she won't. She does not even know you.

Yesterday 2pm
you quoted some author
"I wonder how many of us
don't get the the person we want
but end up with the one we are supposed to be"
i nodded
and ran away crying
'cause deep down
i thought you're the one i was supposed to be with
that you and I were meant to be"

02pm :
he told her how he felt
i don't know how he did not hear my bones crack
and my insides burn out
and the blood in my veins evaporate
or maybe he did not care?
.
.
.
.
.
.
time slowed down
nothing mattered
.
.
.
mobile beeps.
your message
she needs time
.
.
.
.I asked you how much time she needs
(how much moments before i lose you? the guy who always there whenever i pictured myself in future will become nothing but a memory)
you said point?I told her i am not moving on. She has a lifetime to decide. And if afterlife exists then even that.
.
.
.
.
everything blacked out
i could feel my empty heart being forced to beat.
.
.
.
i don't know how to continue this
i just had to write this because i no longer wanted these feelings inside of me
endangering the life they possess.
.
.
(looks back at the beginning)
I love him,
he loved me
but the story ended
on a tragic
note
because
I'm a Hindu
And he's a Muslim

My head
-is a hurricane
of contrasting thoughts and desires;
a hurricane with no eye
weakening the already fragile thread
by which my sanity hangs

My Heart
-is empty
i'm a void you may say
you used to occupy me
but since you left
it's left to rust
and eventually decay

My Lips
-are numb
it's been so long since you lingered there
meekly it whispers
i miss you
but you're no longer there to listen
it's a void
screaming into a void

My soul*
-unseen forces ignite it every night
you left your fingerprints all over it
tell me why did you have to create a flame
when you had no intention of extinguishing it

My eyes
-they never rest anymore
they keep exchanging glance between the watch and the door
not in the least interested in
what time is it
but counting the moments since you left
and hoping that one day
somehow
your road leads you back to mine

i was not kidding when i said
*All of me
needs all of you

kiss me
as if you're dying
and I'm
your only way to salvation

I lost
my light
my self
my essence
my entity
my everything
in you

like a star shining at noon

but even that was not enough to make you stay
so, you're gone and never coming back

**I don't know who I'm with you not around

sometimes I am the storm destroying everything that gets in my way, most of the time I am house of cards, torn apart even by a gentle sway
sometimes I am the beautiful sunrise, most of the times i am the blackness of night
sometimes rainbows come to me and borrow my colors, most of the time I Am the queen of everything broken and dark
sometimes I am gravity, most of the times I'm just a void
sometimes I am a strong tide, most of the times I'm the footsteps washed away on sand
sometimes I am what you want, most of the times I am everything you want to run away from but you can't
sometimes i am the warmth, but always I am the damp storehouse you never visit
sometimes I am the sound of windchimes playing that remind you of home, most of the times I am the slamming of the door and You're always leaving
sometimes I am the lullaby that helps you sleep, most of the times I am the silent screams in your head that won't leave you alone
sometimes I'm fire but mostly I'm ashes on the floor,
sometimes I Am hurricane but mostly I am the first building to fall
sometimes i am passion but mostly i am the regretful tears
sometimes I am your muse but mostly i am the song whose lyrics you always forget

*Sometimes I'm the sun but mostly I'm the ray whose shadow left itself for him

time will pass and soon you'll forget.
We'll drift apart & it'll be like we never met
strangers at beginning will become strangers at end

the universe fell in love
with the sun in his hair,
the glimpse of winter moon in his smile,
the stars underneath his feet.

*And you were no different

I knew the moment you smiled,
That I'd do anything to never let that fade
I knew the moment when our lips did tango together
that my feelings could not be tamed
I knew the moment we laid next to each other
the night sky would not hold my attention the way it did before
because the fire in your eyes
put all those dead stars to shame
I knew the moment you traced the contours of my body
That no drug could compete with that
When you kissed me for the first time,
i felt as if all the pieces inside me fell into the right places


I knew the moment i walked through this memory lane,
I'll never be the same,
your love, your patience, your smile, your pure soul
changed me
for good or bad, i can't yet tell
i guess it's both
'cause after all you made me an addict :/ '')

what i don't know is
when did i start falling for you
was it the day i leaned on your shoulder and cried my heart out
and all those walls i'd made around to save me
came breaking down and i was saved?
was it the day i told you about my sick brother
or my mother?
was it during the phase of our late-night talks
and inseparable period?
was it the day our friends advised us to leave each another
and we heard them alright, but did not care??

well, I don't know when i fell for you?
or, when you no longer were a part of my life
but became my life
and the sun and moon in it
and it was no longer gravity holding me to this Earth but you

I would say i love you
but these three words have become just a pale description of my love for you

-A.R

She gives you all of her,
asks for naught,
the only relationship
that requires no words,
this one's for you, mum

putting all our want before your needs,
shielding me from any and every bad thing
Ma'lady if only my mouth worked as fast as my pen,
I'd Tell you how grateful i am

her eyes so proud, yet so secretive.
no one is allowed to see the tears they cry
they look forlorn and so weary
from all the impossible fights
you fought and lost.

tragedies follow you
everywhere you go
but nothing could shake
your faith in Him
every day you wake and bow
Thanking him for.. Idk what :p

bouquet of flowers spring where her feet touches the ground,
she embraces sadness just the way she embraces good news
she is my mom, my love
my cloudless sky when rest of world is raining allegations and hurt.
somehow you bring light to me on a sunless day
Or, send a firefly to guide me on a starless night


*Every time i think of writing about beauty, i think of you.

love is just an illusion;
                                               a parallax you may say

I'm sorry for trying to merge Your shadow with mine

take me somewhere far way
without telling me
a place no one knows anything about
WHERE YOU SMILE, THAT'S WHERE I WANNA BE
that's my destiny

let us leave the time behind
and let the world fade into obscurity
everyone who knows us and everyone we know
will
become a small dot in
our-rear view mirror

let the walls of our home
be made of our own memories
let us lie next to each other
till eternity
your arms will be the shore of this river i.e me
where you smile, that's where my destination is

        to the lane of my heart, you came like shower
and drenched the caravans of my thoughts with your essence
         to the darkened alley of my mind, you came like sunlight
          enlightened the dreams of my soul

now that i have tasted the sweet feeling of love,
   i don't want to ever let go
i promise you darling, you'll be all that i ever need
without you, everything ain't enough,
with you, i'll make do, with anything
   a silent promise that my heart did to you
   the first day you held me tightly

so, dear darling,
won't you take me to that place
a place where my dream is reality
and reality seems to be the dream
A place where i wake up to the light in your eyes
or sleep to the beats of your heart as my goodnight lullaby

*Ro,
please take me to the place
where there's no You Or I
just us-
two lost souls who found themselves in each other;
free-falling
defying the law of gravity.
Free-falling..into each others arms, till the end of time

how do you get rid
                   of the nightmares you get
                          with open eyes

They Have nothing in common
except their desire to be together
And at times i think,
maybe that's more than enough
or, maybe they have not yet realised
that there's not much difference between his silence and her constant chatter
they supplement each other
in ways they'll never understand
her acting like  mystery, and him decoding her every action with never a tinge of annoyance there replacing his warming smile
his never-ending patience and love and her pain that refuses to fade away
he likes to live in his own world
( A WORLD WHERE THE SUN AND MOON ARE TOGETHER WITHOUT THE SUN BURNING THE MOON )
he likes to dream about touching the stars and enlighten her dark life like moon (while fighting the eclipse in his own life)
she is the one that helps him from flying too close to sun
and get his wings burnt
while he, like a calm to her storm,
fills colors in her grey-life she leads

took me a while to realize,
that the missing piece of us that we were looking for
was in front of us all the time
took time to realize
that there was a reason *why tears in your eyes caused me pain
took time to realise *
why when I cut, it was you who bled
took time to realize...
why admist this hell,
you felt like a blessing from heaven
an atheist started believing in omens

oh, if I could only make you understand,
but it's never gonna be that simple,
i won't spell it out for you

I'll just wait for you to realize, what I just realized*
if you just realize what I just realize

the way your scars make a constellation of your pain,
they tell a story your lips will never accept

I'm not weak, i just feel alot.
I'm not probing, i just observe a lot.
*I'm not a poet, i'm just a broken soul.