I start a poem
I say it's not going to be about you
They say if you lie long enough
It will become your truth
So I'm still waiting for a day
You won't sneak into my poem
As if we were playing hide and seek
Except it's been ages and I gave up
And one day, you suddenly decide to surprise me

"were you just starting to forget me"

I start a poem.
I see you ******* around.
You get to **** around now.
Especially with my mind.
And that's okay.
I try too, to ******* back, but my words don't **** around.
Well, whatever.
Here's another poem you won't get to read

"pls, do you ever miss me too"

I start a poem,
It's 4 am
I think I don't have a choice
In how I get my heart broken anymore
So I write about you
Cause you were the first tragedy I chose
And the only one I am willing to talk about.
It's hard to be ****** at a God you don't believe in
So I stack my "tragedies" together and
Give it your name.
I almost feel bad for doing it to you
But you're warm, and in love
And all I have is these bitter words.

"guess who the joke is on"

I start a poem.
And midway I stop
Not knowing what to do with it
Like the fact that
The only thing separating you and me
Is this 6 feet of earth between us.
I have been making a graveyard inside of me,
In hopes that you would come, visit

"if for some reasons we don't work out, we will  keep each other in memories and move on. There's much more to life. Promise me"

I start a poem
Because what does a broken promise mean
To someone who is long gone
And buried.

I am not weak,
It takes a different kind of strong to allow yourself to feel a lot.
I am no finesse,
There is another kind of beauty in being unadulterated and raw.
I am not a poet,
I'm just a soul trying to reach out to yours.

It was not good
No, that does not make it bad.
You would find no date marked
On my calendar
Or a goal set
It was what it was
Nothing more than that
A thoughtless act of letting go
And I had finally done something well.

There were no midnight epiphanies
No, the sun still shone the same
The world was still its own paradise
We all were burning in our own flames
Nothing had changed,
Yet nothing remained the same-
Cause of
A thoughtless act of letting go
And I had done it with grace.

I had the day planned,
I had written about it to an extent
The words lost their meaning,
The pages went deaf.
It came ever so suddenly
Like the first drop of rain
From a single lonely cloud
On a sunny day.
Yes, I did not think about it
I just decided to begin again-in another place
Just like that.

It was not selfish
It was not necessarily brave
Hope
You don't exaggerate it
To something it never meant.
It was just her
Letting go of the world
That no longer made any sense
She cut all her ties-
The final act of letting go
And she had done it so well.

But when has a sunset
been able to take away
What the sunrise
Had brought?

But When has months
of being imprisoned
Made the bird forget
How to fly

But when has a sunless horizon
Has been able to prevent
The rose
From blooming

But when has bright colors of leaves
Kept autumn from coming
And shake them off

But when has loving
ever guaranteed
The feeling of being
loved back

But when has the darkest
of night
Kept the sun from
Rising again?

Maybe this is the only heaven
We will get,
Maybe demons are something we fight everyday
To keep the hell away .

Maybe we die, and are reborn and live
Every moment,
Never let the world make you forget
How rare it is to even exist

Maybe it was not you, maybe it was me
Setting bridges ablaze
Before crossing
And trying to find  out
What was there on the other side

I'm sorry. I'm sorry you were left there on the other side. If I had only known, if I had only seen, maybe we both would not have been smothered in the fire I had kindled. I swear it was only meant for me.. It's really funny how the fire I had hoped would destroy me just burnt me, it was that one look of anguish in your eyes that reduced me to ashes. Too bad. I'd have taken hundred of those burnings to take away your pain away. Pain that I had unintentionally carved into your flesh.


Maybe I should have said something, maybe you would not have heard it anyway,
But now these silences have become the crime scenes as well as the witnesses*

It's kinda ironical how you've always been the one to  get me down on my knees to pray and the one that had me concluding that both of us had fallen out of God's grace long before we were born. Lucifers in our own hell. Aching from the loss of what we could  have been.

Maybe I should have asked, maybe you should have stayed,
Maybe then we would have something in common other than our parents,
And our disappointments.


I wonder if you too have just gone through your life, uncaring, and, uninterested as if you were stuck in someone else's dream. I wonder which no. Of disappointment it was after which we decided that there was nothing to be salvaged. Not even us. Esp not us. We have gone so long without talking that yesterday when I opened my mouth, no words came out. Whenever I look at us, I wonder if cremation is just going to be a formality? I wonder if they know why I talk so much because I'm afraid if I stop I'd hear the unwanted sounds telling me that I did not talk you out of ruining yourself. I did not say a word, probably, the only time when my words held any significance and I'm sorry, my baby brother. I'm sorry.


Maybe If I had tried harder, maybe if you had not resisted longer
Then maybe we would not be soaked into this rain, permanently
The sky weeping silent poetry that only you and I can feel.

I never played with you. I tried yesterday to get you to but it was too late I guess. You remained seated in the corner of the balcony. I wonder what it is that you see that is interesting enough to keep you looking but not enough to go out and feel it. I wish I could tell you that is how I feel sometimes too. But I just don't know how to. So I stand there awkwardly in the sidelines. I laugh mirthless. Sidelines. That's where I have always been when it came to you. Have not I? I see our neighbor look at us. I wonder if they call it sweet, or, love? Me? I don't dare call it anything.

Touch her
as the snow falls
and watch who first melts,
Her or the snow flakes,
That land in your palm

Kiss her
while the storm rages on
And see what gets undone first
Her or, the looming destruction

Lay next to her,
While the darkness sweeps over
And watch what lights your heart better
Her smile or, the million scattered stars.

See the sky turn crimson red,
The same hue
With which your soil is covered.

Tell me, how are you going to explain this to mother
That the boy she cradled in her arms as a child,
Has now gone cold.

No more sneaking on his side
To get a scoop of his favorite ice-cream at midnight
And the plans she had for his 8th birthday party
Will never see the light of reality.

See the colors seep Out of her world,
The same way blood drained out of the boy's body.
Tell me what could you possible say to justify
The killing of innocence
To justify the replacement of laughter and joys
With ****** and blood
The heart that soared over with pride,
Is now weighing down with guilt
If only she had listened to his excuse, he made to stay out of school
She would not be holding him for the last time,
Fighting the tears that are too numb to come.

See the sky clear up again,
From the tears of the innocents,
You'll hope, plead and pray then forget
Till it gets ****** yet again.

But the mothers' heart will remember,
And one day they'll pay,
The heaven they had foreseen
Will be worse than any hell

Forever sounds
Awfully, torturing long
Till you're on your knees
Begging for just a little more.

Being friends sounds,
Awfully conveniently like a solution
Till you're lying in bed,
Longing for a gentle caress

Letting go sounds,
Awfully brave, heroic,
Till you see them learning to move on
Yourself becoming a vague memory.

Going silent
Continues to work in your favour
Till you have to open your mouth one day
Only to taste all the words rusted on your mouth.

Being a poet sounds
Romantic enough
Till you're in too deep at 3 am
Drowning in feelings you can't seem to word

I'm sorry for trying to merge Your shadow with mine

how do you get rid
                   of the nightmares you get
                          with open eyes

kiss me
as if you're dying
and I'm
your only way to salvation

I assembled this ship
Bits by bits
Only to watch it get wrecked
By you

And then it hurt so bad that, after that moment, it never hurt at all

I let you in
Inch by inch
only to have you
leave me abandoned again

And maybe it was my fault to chase the light that burnt for someone else and to hope it would stay

I fell
Slowly, carefully
Then all at once; recklessly
And hit the ground so hard

And maybe it is never the fall that hurts but it's the landing that makes us writhe in pain

I wrote you poems
Word by word
Only to have them
Classified under "stupid clichés"

And maybe you were right, there is nothing I can write that has not been written before without making it a cliché

I gave you a place
In my thoughts
Day after day
You became my (only) muse

*And maybe if they knew, I'm just a poet who always wanted to be woven in words and be someone's poem.

Stored in deep within the realms of heaven they lay
Desperate to evaporate and shine one day

More scars than skin
More nightmares than sleep
More sighs than words
More darkness than my inner sun can handle

It is just when you have been sad for too long, you, at some point, make a home out of it. It is not intentional. It is that sometimes familiarity is as close as you get to calling something home. Like imagine it has been raining for months and You have learnt to sleep to the clatter of rains and to wake up to your window glasses being stained and one day you wake up and there is an icy sun In its full glory up in the sky. And you suddenly don't know how to react. But that is what you wanted once, right?  And now the brightness is just too cheery. Too much for you. And darkened clouds that followed you ever where and it seemed to you then that they were doing it out of pure spite,  were gone and You realise at that moment how much you miss them and how you wanted them to stay. And you try to write about it 'cause that is how you operate. Don't know what to make out of the mess? Just put it out on the page but lately you have realised that no matter what,  your pen won't move and when they do the words that come out are so blunt, so meaningless and devoid of emotions, you wonder if that is how your brain feels. Cause your writings were always a reflection of what you felt and could it be that without all those sadness to fill the empty spaces you're just hollow. Who said that numbness was a relief? for this numbness is driving you crazy and ******* you just need to feel.
When was the last time someone attempted to talk to you or vice versa? How did you start to feel so distant and how all of them have lost their distinct faces and blend into one another till you can't sense a difference. A various combination of expressions that showed concern but never understood. And it is funny how you were dying and they asked you which color of dress would look good on them and you said red. You hate red. And that is how it became too much. You grew exhausted. That is what small talks do to you. So you stopped. Then you stopped seeing point in any kind of talk. Cause they exhausted you. Pointless talk about things you don't care about. You stopped talking. Then you stopped caring. You still loved them but it did not matter. Very few thing did. That is when sadness found its root and spread its wings. You are not going to glorify it. It was bad. The crying into pillows for no reason , sitting still for minutes not doing anything, not thinking anything and then at the end of the night regretting it all over cause it was self inflected. Or so you felt. But then it got better. Less bothersome. It was always there draining your energy but at least you were not crying. You should have known then. It was a sign. That how it,  like a parasite, was draining your energy and once it was done it would leave you paralysed. And it did. And now you feel so lost and dumb. Is not it sad when you want to be sad just to feel something? You realise this. It almost makes you feel something. Almost.

The girl in the mirror

Who is she?
The girl in the mirror,
I don't recognise her anymore,
Sometimes she looks at the distance,
Her ghostly looks
Send through me a shiver,
Her lips move
But I can't hear a word she utters

And then she zeroes in on me again
Her eyes go vacant,
Her  face goes grave
And I realise
She is no longer there,
Just a ghost
A shadow
Of who she once was
Still haunting
The body she used to dwell in

A heart
Forced to beat.
Who stole the light in those eyes?
Her face looks familiar,
Yet so estranged.

I take a step towards her,
She does too.
I move my hand,
And she follows
The realisation came,
The girl In the mirror,
Is no one else
But myself.
Dark circles,
Creating a contrast against her pale skin
It is so hard to look
At the jagged cuts all across her thighs.
Who would ever be gentle
Across her jagged cuts?
Who would pull her up,
From the midnight thoughts she has been sinking in
Farther and farther?
Who else,
If not she, herself?

She is the anchor
Weighing her wings down,
But she also has the power of wind
That won't be bound.
She is sunshine and darkness both,
In her own world
And she must and she will learn
How to balance the colors
To create a perfect picture


So tonight is the time
To fall in love with the girl in the mirror
Oh yes,
The girl in the mirror
Found herself,
The girl in thr mirror
Stopped looking for help.

she realised
Perfection is perceptional
And not itself perfect.

Beware of her,
For you have not seen her best yet.
One day she will show the world the
Art she carries within herself.

Let our conversations
Morph themselves
Into the words of my poetry
Let our jagged breathing
Be the tune
To which people sing these words.

Let the glitter in your eyes
Shine right through
The abyss in my soul
Let the hope of this new found love
Give light to those who have lost
And will be found again.

Let our love
Transcend through all the boundaries
And heartbreaks of the past
Let this love be the grace
That provides buoyancy to the hearts
Heavy w scars

Let our shyness
Melt along with these burning stars
Till the sun dawns
And in your arms, the day starts.

A quiet morn
A girl full of distraught
A blue sky
And a grey soul.


A glass window
A peek Into the outer world
Innumerable statues
With a beating heart.

A lonely walk
Into the mind
Vivid scenery
And a dull light in the eyes

Blank pages
And the indigo ink seeping through
The more you bleed out
The less empty it feels

A dusty road
With forgotten footprints
A lost summer
With many unheard stories

A race
With no definite end point
A ticking bomb
Waiting to explode

A quiet night
And a girl full of distraught
A sky like graveyard
Stars being the buried dreams

All they need to know
About you
Is the days I was with you
I did not write
I did not have to quiet
The tumultuous thoughts
Because you were the calm
Eye
Of all my hurricane

When most anonymous heart beats
Were busy ruining themselves
You were keeping mine safe
Inside your heart.

All they need to know
Is sometimes when you opened your eyes after your daily prayer
I could see the gateway to all the churches
I never bothered to go
They made a caphir like me
Believe in heaven.

When most of the times I was sure
Earth was the purgatory
If there was ever such a thing
And how I deserved it.


All they need to know about you
Is how when you touched me
It felt like a thousand dandelions
Being touched by a breeze
So rejuvenating
Drifting to a semi lucid reality.

Your love crossing all the boundaries
Leading me to a place
Far away from the differentiation of wrong and right.


All they need to know about you;
I hope to keep turning it into poetry.

Tick tock
the day passes too fast
but you never get rid
of the miseries of your past.

Tick tock,
you can feel time weighing you down,
it is forever flowing,
yet somehow you remain glued to a moment
long after, the moment has passed.

Abysses of time,
the hands keep moving,
but you're trapped inside the clock,
in a constant agony.

Tick tock
you feel time slipping,
like a dew drop rolls off the leaf,
like having to wave goodbye to a friend,
you wanted to go with

Tick tock,
the minutes have started to blur into one another
till I can't distinguish between days,
till time has started to show up in the  same dull shade.

Abysses of time,
the hands keep moving,
you wait for them to hang you up,
and show some mercy.

I went to the terrace and looked up,
The sky blushed and tore itself open.
I stood close to the edge,
To get a better view of the town,
It was the playfulness of the wind,
That finally took away my breath.

It was in the silence,
That I heard the branches talk to the wind,
And saw the leaves, swaying gently,
To the music the sky sang for the earth.

I closed my eyes,
To take in the smell,
To hang these pictures,
On the walls of my brain.
So that I could revisit this lane of memory,
Whenever it gets a little lonely,
So that I could have a little of symphony,
In my otherwise tuneless journey



I looked at the horizon,
And saw the sun wave a good bye,
The sky bled, hoping it could get it to stay.
The sun, in turn, left a million stars,
As a promise and as a reminder, that it would return.

With a reluctance will,
I saw the sun,
Blend into the sky,
Splitting itself, into pretty colors,
Maybe that's why, the sky can do this every day,
It knows that even when the sun is gone,
It remains a part of herself.

I pondered for a minute, how nice it would be to made up of the sunsets. A hopeful kind of goodbye.

I looked up at the sky, and saw the moon wink at me,
Despite myself, I felt a smile tugging on my lips.
It was a moment or an hr later
When the moon told me, it's not conscious of the scars on its face,
That they're beyond self pity.
(take it people, moon does not give a **** about your idea of beauty. *******)

It was with a much better spirit, that I left the terrace,
With a cheer in my footsteps and a new poem on my finger tips.

I realised I loved you
When I realised
That you're much more than the softest words,
Stitched together in smoothest cursive,
To produce the most beautiful poem.

You're much more than any word I could use to paint you with and though, the playfulness in your innocent smile deserves a chapter written all about it, you'll always be much more and nothing like the comparisons I use. And I admit it.

And when your decision to never write about me, slowly started making sense, that was when I realised I loved you.

I realised I loved you,
When you taught me
That most of the things I found romantic, are not really love. When you made me question the way I looked at you and through the crumbling foundations, I realised, that what they call love, is usually endless needing. And love does not always need, but love always  wants.

And love chooses. Love chooses to work hard for oneself, and for each other. Love decides to uplift itself. Love does not need you to be its walking stick or support. And I realised I loved you, when I decided to be what I needed from you, so you can see that I want you to stay around, for all your charms and wit and not because I'm a paralysed mess when you're gone.

I realised I loved you,
When I found that no people you love are supposed to be answers, or a destination to a long quest, no. You're not my favorite poetry, or my home, or a problem. But a person who I want to share these with. No, You're not the sun light filtering through the leaves, or the sound the water makes as it falls down a lake. You're not calmness personified and no, you're not some superhero looking for a maiden to help.

You're a human being. All sweat and farts, skin and bones, perfect moments and flaws. You're a human. And not a word I could twist around to shape any way I want.

You're messy handwriting, and heart beating for itself. I realised I love you, when I realised that my heart wanted to beat for itself too. And maybe, just maybe sometimes when we are together, our heart will beat in sync. Or not. It really does not matter. Cause we are much more than all of this.

Why am I supposed to wake up,
When the dawn of light,
Does little to drive
The darkness far off?

Why, does the path I travel on,
Mockingly asks me
Where my destination is,
When mY feet won't carry on

Like the sand,
That escapes through the palm of a kid
Scattered everywhere
Lays my dreams.

Tried to write a new beginning,
But the tears of past
Washed away
Every hope that my words weaved.

The world is a step away, they claimed
Why did mine limit to the few lines of my fate
How I wish I could have made them understand
But the ink of grief often remains unread

How am I supposed to be at peace with these chains
When they Pierce my wings farther every second
Why am I supposed to pull a brave face
And believe all this hurt could only mean love.


Why am I supposed to wake up
And live through this life,
Like a puppet
And watch him pull the strings,
As He pleases.

I dont want you to write me poetry
I can do that for both of us

I dont want you to compare my eyes to sunset
Or, my mind to some sea of undiscovered depth
I just want you to see me for who im-
Dully ordinary in all my deeds

I dont want you to be breathtakingly handsome
We could be too cute for two ugly people

I dont want you to speak all those fancy big words
And get me a bouqet of rose every night
Just be there with me, be my light, when all i see is in shades of blacknwhite
And on the brightest day, tolerate my lights if i outshine you

I don't want you to understand each action of mine; to decode every word
Just promise not to give up on trying; never give up on me

I dont want you to fix me
Just be patient with me while i glue back all that is left from my last heartbreak
I might run in opp. Direction at your approach
But ill always find my way back to you

I don't want you to give me forevers and mouthful of nevers
Time is a ****, as we both know*

If you can and if you may,
Just love me in this very moment
Cause forever is nothing but all these moments stitched together

I dont't want you to tell me you love me
But please, just do love me

He looked all his life,
Waited to be drenched in the tsunami of emotions she had within herself
Just One more time

Little did he know
The ocean inside her had dried,
The colors drained from her eyes
All because of his unsaid goodbye

The girl who never stood still,
Always burning and crashing
Now wore the silence of twilight hours,
Her life holding the emptiness
Of the infinite sky

She no longer remembers the first time his hand held hers,
She does not remember about the attraction his eyes held once

She used to be the words that set
Paper ablaze
Now she is just a smudge,
Out of place and frowned upon.

And now that his fire had blown off,
He went looking for the girl
With gaze that could set ashes on fire
But
She is no longer there

Now she is just a room with no window or, door
There is no point in knocking now
She gave up on looking out for your footsteps way back.

All I wanted
Was to be held in your arms
Til the morning light,
All soaked by your skin,
Woke me up.

All I wanted,
Was for you to say it one more time,
Just how much you love me,
When I'm the most
unlovable sight.

All I wanted was,
For you to untie my hair,
And play with the locks
Till my worries melted And dissipated
in your palm

All I wanted
Was for you to know
That beneath all this,
I'm still reaching out,
And for you to show, that you know.

All I wanted,
Was just a sign,
A gesture that maybe,
Not everything is yet lost..

But your lack of response
told me
it already was

My head
-is a hurricane
of contrasting thoughts and desires;
a hurricane with no eye
weakening the already fragile thread
by which my sanity hangs

My Heart
-is empty
i'm a void you may say
you used to occupy me
but since you left
it's left to rust
and eventually decay

My Lips
-are numb
it's been so long since you lingered there
meekly it whispers
i miss you
but you're no longer there to listen
it's a void
screaming into a void

My soul*
-unseen forces ignite it every night
you left your fingerprints all over it
tell me why did you have to create a flame
when you had no intention of extinguishing it

My eyes
-they never rest anymore
they keep exchanging glance between the watch and the door
not in the least interested in
what time is it
but counting the moments since you left
and hoping that one day
somehow
your road leads you back to mine

i was not kidding when i said
*All of me
needs all of you

All these pieces and not enough space to hold them all
All these guilts and no one to confess them to
All these words and no poet around to marvel
All these potentials and no motivation to fulfill them.

All these sadness and not enough time to carve them into art
All these emptiness and this 5-9 job
All these numbness and this full blown party
All these familiar faces and not a single friend.

All these laughter and no echo of happiness from within
All these glorification and anticlimatic reality
All these walls and no windows and door to get in
All these things to hold on to and there's your memories.

All these raining and you're still caught up in a draught,
All these homes, and you'd rather lay on the road
All these pretty things, and the raw, unadulterated you
All these lingering silences, and no peace.

All these blooms and the graveyards' laments,
All these flutters of heart and the outrageous mess it makes.

How can I be so needy,
Yet evasive
How can I be so stubborn
Yet submissive

How do I find the things untouchable,
So alluring
How do the things I have
Have dust settled upon themselves

How can I love so passionately
And overwhelm them with one quick gaze
How can I be so cold, and devoid of feelings
Like oblivion was carved out of my chest

How do I walk miles,
For people who won't take a step for me,
How do I make a shell out of people who want to help,
And leave when I see summer coming

How could we be so bruised
And yet pay no attention to others' bruising
How can we hurt others so bad in the process of hurting

Do your  parents wonder, why you take time to open your door?
How you cannot wash their dead daughter's blood off your bedsheet
Go tell them how she bled to death for someone who would not even look her way or do anything to prevent it lest his hands get bloodied

Do they ever wonder why there is no mirror in your room,
or notice how you cringe at the sight of your reflection as if you've seen a ghost And how that is the case exactly?
Go tell them how your own shadow scares the wit out of you,
as if it is mocking you and soon will reveal your dark secrets to them.

Do they ever wonder why you have so little photographs of you?
Go tell them your face reminds you how you turned into everything you said, You would not when you were a kid; how you are just a pile of unsaid goodbyes, abandoned building, shattered dreams stitched up together by skin you dont feel comfortable in.

Do they wonder, why your hands are often on your ears as if you are trying to block some loud music only you can hear
Go tell them how his words keep replaying in your mind.. how he told you so many "truths" that you no longer know which version to believe in

Do they ever wonder why you have no friend or why you keep staring at the wall and yet your eyes appear to be seeing right through everything?
Go tell them you are looking at his eyes turning colder by minute, till you don't recognise who he is; that he has seared goodbye in a place inside you so deep that you send your friends in love,  packing bags long before they plan to leave.

Do they ever notice how you cringe when they attempt to hold your hand or hug you?
go tell them how all the times you were let go still echo through your skin,
how you always acted like a filler? how every one you loved had their eyes set on their destiny and you were always traffic

do they ever wonder, why you always seem more restless at night? Or, how they never find you asleep?
Go tell them how the future that you could have had but did not haunts you every night, How you think you have enough time but then you blink and suddenly you are all out of it and you ask Him for 5 more minutes but he just shakes his head.

A new day,
With itself brings,
Its own pain,
Its own medicine
Every day we have to lose a lot,
To gain bits,
We all are bound,
To our own limits.

Every entity is limited to its own boundaries.

The world is as large,
As the place we inhabitate
We only understand nature,
As much as we discover ourselves.

I think I have spilled it all
But then a breeze reminds me of your touch
And just like that
A new poem is born

I think I have run out of metaphors
But then the stars fade to brown of your eyes
And just like that
A new poem is born

I think the novelty
Of being in love has worn off
But then your smile feels like eternity
And just like that
A new poem is born.

I think i have felt
all there was left to feel
But then you wink at me
And the letters inside me rearrange
And just like that
A new poetry is born.

I might be sad but I'll never let that become a vulnerability that some one else might exploit.
I might be sad but I'll never expect anyone else to make me feel better about myself.
I might be sad and not do anything to conceal it but I'll never let that sadness become me or my most prominent feature.
I might be sad but I'll never use a person as a replacement for the happiness I could never feel.

I might be in love but I'll never expect that love to heal the wounds that run too deep.
I might be in love but I'll (not still there but I'm trying to be) never make it a point around which my universe balances.
I might be in love, but I'll never let it be the prime focus of all my passions.
I might be in love but I'll never forget how to love myself in the process.

I might be standing too close to the edge but I'll never jump
I might be tempted to the shiny blades but I'll never carve the first cut
I might be  inherently attracted to lonely, dark roads but I'll never shy away from the light
I might be waiting to be found at the moment, but I'm no longer looking at you to map my steps in case I want to find my way back.

I might have never been your priority but really how can I have let it bother me when I was never my own?

I might want you to stay but I'm not bending out of shape to make spaces for you,
I might love you but really for how long can love be used as an excuse to tolerate disrespect
I might want you to remain happy but I'm no longer trading my happiness with the devil to catch your smile
I might want to give you my all, but I would not.

I might be sad now but that does not mean I'll never be happy

Tell them about the time you spent your day looking for a rock to live under, tell them how your soul seeks an understanding that is nowhere to be seen in his eyes.
Tell them about the time you stuttered while talking to the guests your mum invited
How you kept wanting to say sorry cause that Is the only emotion you ever feel these days
Tell them about the time you laid on your bed all alone
Seeing nightmares with open eyes
Tell them how everyone that left and everything you love
Comes back to haunt you every night
Tell me how you stopped talking to your friends
To avoid their snap out of its
Tell them about that one time your teacher asked you where do you see yourself in 10 years and
You imagined yourself rotting in an abandoned house
Tell them how you feel like an abandoned house; a graveyard where people come and bury their broken dreams and forget to re-visit
Tell them how you try to give everyone what they want and at the end of the day when you are alone
You just don't know who you are or who you want to be
Tell them how you can't remember how or why it went this bad
But only that no one helped you prevent it
Tell them how the only thing you can do from falling apart is
Write these gibberish talks
Tell them how you wonder if you are that good at putting a facade
Or the number of damns they give is dwindling
Tell them how you think it is the later
Tell them how you feel so hopeless when you hear your parents talk about what is wrong with you
Tell them how you think you doomed them by walking into their lives
Tell them how what once was can never be that way again
And how every time the wind blows you feel it tearing you apart at the very seams of your being
Tell them how you are more cracks than skin
And how
Everything they say
Or everything you had drained out
Now you are just a void.

Dear Allah,
a lot of my friends have been telling me
That you'll be mad at me
for that shirk thing
and what not
but im still your kid,
am i not?

Dear Allah,
things have been hard lately
im sorry for falling in love
and giving him all
but you know my love for him
was nothing impure..
maybe, later it involved
different shades of emotions
but i really do love him

Dear Allah,
I'm sorry
but im trapped
in this maze
Talk to me, will you?
gimme a clue
No, im dumb at decoding
But you know
i feel so bad
please dont stay mad at me

Dear Allah,
i love my family
my mum and dad are good people
They have Always helped other
are they going to hell too
cause they don't follow
islamic religion

Dear Allah,
im 18
So wont you forgive
the sins i cant seem to stop committing
i get it
it is stupid to look for you
in statues
but what if i look for your magic
in every human being
and try to help them
Would not that suffice

Oh, Lord/ Ishwar/ Allah/ Rab
you are one?
maybe even if my way is wrong
you know the destination was you
so, if you can,
please forgive me

There is a thousand way
They can show their love,
Getting up before you,
And baking-
Every dish dripping
In your favorite flavor.

There is a thousand way
They will let you know
You are not alone
27 missed calls,
Breathing properly only
When they see you at the front porch

There is a thousand way
To let you know,
How you are the family
They have
And the family they want

There is a thousand way to know,
You have made a place in his heart,
A message at dawn,
Asking if you are alright,
He will go to any length
To protect you.

But you tend,
Not to see
Love in these little thing,
You want grand gestures
Poems written about
The knots in your hair


And some may
Do exactly that
But that does not mean
Their love is superior
To the love that is only spoken
Between two hearts

Yes,
There is a thousand way to show love,
You only have to notice,
And not be blinded by your expectations
To feel them all.

A boy with spring lurking at every footstep he walked
Met a girl humming to the wind of fall
The scent of fresh beginnings marked his approach
In the intense fragility of life she remained involved.
On an ordinary day, their paths crossed
He had never seen beauty
In such raw form
She raised her eyebrows,
What trouble has she now herself sought
The ******* whose palm the leaves gladly dropped
Never knew where she herself would fall.
He was overwhelmed, so he probed
How could tragedies
Be so intricately connected with hope
In bright hues
He had always walked
Now a pair of black eyes
Had him ******
Black magic, it must be, he told.
She cried for autumn's loss
He smiled for what spring brought
Spring and autumn
With their eye's locked
In complete stillness, in this contrast they felt they belonged
The world unaware of
Who was it who loved first and more?
Maybe that is why in autumns
With such grace leaves fall
And every turn, springs do a makeover
For its beloved
No touch and no promised words
Maybe we should all stop
And give their love an applause.
Spring, autumn
And their eternal love.

The way you looked at me made me feel beautiful in a way I have never felt before. The kind where I could feel the sunlight seeping in from all the cracks in my skin and warming me up and I realised love is the glow on your skin when he looks up at you. I have been playing this memory all night and I can't wait to have those pair of eyes look at me that way again. Even though I won't manage an eye contact for long and trust me, every time after you go, I curse myself for not looking at you. But the moment is so intense, so fleeting. That I do what I do best when I'm unsure of something . I remove myself from the equations. But this time I did not. The silence in between was not oppressing, it was soft. The silence that says we have said all there was to be known. A silence of familiarity that comes from knowing each other for so long. But your longing eyes. Something about them make me nervous, the good nervous. Like the time I was trusted with my baby brother and I cradled him in my arms. I was so scared that I might drop him but the fear passed and I was left with this inexplicable feeling. That is the memory that came in my mind when I looked up yesterday and caught you looking at me like that.
I wanted to write about it. You know how I like to have souvenirs of all my favorite moments. But I could not..there was no metaphor I could come up with to explain the warmth I felt when your eyes held mine. I have always thought you were biased when you called me beautiful but today, I felt it too. Thank you for having that look on your eyes that made me believe the words I have been hearing for so long.

Thank you. You never once told me how I looked pretty and I'm so thankful for that because your eyes told me all there was to be known. Your thoughts, finally set free. "She is beautiful, and she is all mine

you see, unlike how it's in books, no one here is perfect..we're humans..and a part of being that includes being imperfect. And that no one is purely devil here..or a hero you know..and being a book-lover since a kid, am trying to accept this fact. The fact that the world will never be like the one in my book..not arranged. Out here, no one is a bad guy. Or, a good. Our roles are different in different stories.

I'm scared of the unknown,
But should that mean,
I should bow down to the unknown?

I love you,
Of that I'm sure,
A leap of faith, Or another crashing fall?

What if,
Someone out there,
Connects better to your soul?

A rosy cheeked girl,
Holds in her palm,
The joys of all your favorite festivities

Do you think,
My love is worth,
The life that you are giving?

Maybe, we can leave the world behind,
Not that it ever cared
much about you and I

But about the plethora of differences,
Of culture and races,
That separate us.

What if ours was the love,
That burns too bright,
And hence should end too soon?

I have always been,
Scared of the unknown,
Concreted path,
Is what I prefer to walk on.

After all,
The waves of sea,
Also subside to a rhythm.

You see, all my life,
I have been scared of the unknown.


A yes or a no?
Hate to keep you waiting,
But I really don't know

You don't look for me
In familiar faces all around you.
You don't think about me every time you see a sunset and wonder
How endings can be beautiful too
You don't look at the night sky and miss the constellations on my lips.

I wish you did
But then I know you don't.


You would not let me carve a cavity out of you
On a cold January night
And watch me leave in mid June,
When it's warm enough for me to fly
And you would not
Like the way I set fire on every home I have ever entered
Or how my touch would give you chills across your sweaty spine


And God, how I hoped you would,
But I know you don't.




You no longer walk that extra mile
To catch the sunrise in my smile
You  no longer stay up
Till the storm inside me subsides
You no longer want to end the day
By resting in the black of my eyes
You no longer name
The galaxies on my skin



And hence, I think it is time to make a change.


Because I hope you did but
I know you don't

And i know away from this pain,
A new horizon awaits.

To the boy who makes my skin feel like home again,
You held out your hand and stood there patiently while I warily placed my hand in yours and maybe incidentally some part of my heart too. You so gently removed his imprints off me that I did not even notice till I was standing in front of my mirror, glowing, no longer looking away from my reflection but smiling back at it. Thank you. Thank you for having the thoughtfulness to wipe your fingerprints off before leaving too. You know I never could understand how people use standing alone in the rain as a metaphor for sadness, it's not. It's liberating. And that's how I feel about you. You were the drizzle that set me free.

To the boy who does not make butterflies somersault in my veins,
You were smirking at something clever you said at my expanse and I was looking back at you calmly not the least bothered by the slight blush crawling up to my cheeks.  Because that's what you were to me. My anchor. My calmness. My life jacket. Thank you for teaching me that most hurricanes and people are only looking for ways to self destruct and I need not be the one to put myself in their ways in hopes to save them when I myself have been drowning. Thank you for handing me back the anchor. Now I carry it with me and toss it down whenever I feel the flow is too strong for me. You loved me enough to make me love myself, but not enough for me to be yours more than I was mine. I don't know why they don't teach about self love or how we owe ourselves some kindness too.  But you did. I have not been this shade of love in a long while and I don't ever want to be anything else.


To the boy who makes me smile when I'm with him but does not steal it away when he is gone,
You make me feel things in slow motion like the way a tortoise comes out of its shell, like the blooming of a bud, like a letter hidden among the pages of a history book no one is ever going to bother to read and all the other soft things. Thank you. I'm the love in all those soft things. I've the love i need the most. And so I smile. And I write myself poetry just as much as I write for you. I dance alone when you're gone just as enthusiastically as I do when I'm standing on your feet. I don't understand how I could have ever thought that love was love only when you loved with all the parts of you; saving none for yourselves cause it's not. Love is taking care of yourself and being the sun to your universe but letting him know he is the constellation who you love to read and embrace every night before you fall asleep. Love is hand you want to hold while you're reigning your life.

To the boy who kept his distance while I sulked on the floor but became my backbone when I was teaching myself how to walk,
You told me you fall apart and you think you're done but that's when the work begins. I realised how you don't need people when you're down as much as you do when you're trying to get up after falling down a time too many to count. But you were there. And i needed to understand that not every fragility was breakable. Some relented and preserved. And it's not about how long you stay on the floor but with how much fervor you stand back, again and again after being kicked. Thank you. I'm going to carry my fragile heart like a crown shielded by logic. It's okay to be brilliant and kind. You don't have to rust your shine cause you're blinding someone.


To the boy who makes my skin feel like home again, to the boy who does not make butterflies somersault in my veins, to the boy who makes Me smile when I'm with him but does not steal it away when he is gone, to the boy who was there holding me up when I was trying to be more than I have ever been before

Thank you. ❤

Kiss me
Cause I'm sure
The stars would taste better
Shine brighter
On the tip of my tongue
And baby, you are the whole galaxy

Hold me
Cause I'm sure
Only your touch has the fire
To keep me from freezing
And baby, our bodies are the only heating appliances I'll ever need

Breathe me
Cause I'm sure
I could be more addictive
Than any drug you'll ever inhale
And baby, let us give our touch receptors the sensation of their lives

Every worry
Settled on your brows
Let them be taken care of
By the breeze.

Yeah, let the memories of your yesterday
Remain In your past
Let it go,
Every string pulling you down.

Talking loud, palms curled into fists
Looking for approval now and then
All the desperate wants and twisted needs
All these delusions we get build around.

So every worry
Settled on your brow
Let them be taken care of
By the breeze


Come sit by me,
Watch the sun sink into horizon
Tell a tale or two
Oh you can be you for once
And I'll be me.

Let forever burn
And ashes fall and merge into soil
Flowers will bloom;
Sunflowers and roses of present.

Oh let it go,
Every thing gone wrong
Let it be,
All the untimely death of love.


So every worry
Settled on your brow
Let them be taken care of
By the breeze.

It is dangerous
To fall in love with a flame
When your words are soaked in gasoline
One look
And your whole world
Comes down burning.

Yes, the world will never understand
How easily the moth is drawn to a flame
The world will never understand
How can any one trade hearts
For such an unbearable pain.


(But you do, don't you?)


It is dangerous
To decide to walk up a bridge
What if no one is waiting
On the other side
And you're left feeling trapped
With only yourself
On a cold December night

Yes, this has happened all the times,
The coldest nights
Are spent with a constant longing  
On their lips
The world will never understand
How can a name be called out
Like a prayer
How can love be someone's religion

( but then again you do, don't you)

It is dangerous
To let someone renovate your heart
In colors of their favorite Shades
What if one day they decide
That this is just not the color for them
And your heart will shatter down
Because they have left a permanent mark
No one else can erase.

Alas, such tragedies you are talking about
Who is she who let you down
Don't you know some passions are too fiery
To last for long
Cause if they did,
The whole society would see in silence its norms
Falling down
Like ashes on a graveyard.

It is a dangerous thing
To fall in love
How can I let someone in
Without tearing myself apart
And making spaces for them
Where they can reside
And leave memories when they don't want to be around

Why do you see the world in shades of heartbreaks and wounds
Light always finds its way
And it will dissolve right across your skin
And love is a light
You'll only notice
When you see her glittering eyes
Looking down into your abyss
While the intensity of her gaze never falters

But you already have seen it happen, have not you?


But..but your words make it look so pretty
Like it is not a sin to avert your eyes upon
Like it is not a deadly disease
Tell me, woman,
Have not you had moments where you just wanted to quit this


Yes, I have had moments, a whole lot of them
But if there is one thing time has taught me,
There is nothing love can't fix
You just have to
Let it find its way to you.


And as she got up
To finally leave
I realised how my heart will always go out of way
To find reasons to love her
Again and again

And as she turned her gaze away
Hoping I don't see the tears
I myself have created
I knew I'll forever be the beat to which her heart sings,
Her first, her last and every thing in between

But there is a warning
She gave me,
A warning I now owe to you,
Between world and love,
The world always wins.
You might not let the world control
The way you feel,
But the world will not change its ways,
For something as abstract as love.

And though our hearts beat as one,
We could never be,
One and whole.

But you won't let that stop you from loving, will you?

We say we have given up and yet we hold on,
How did we get here and when?

Sleeping with one eye open
And keeping the porch light on,
Not even knowing what for

Cause no one is coming,
No one ever does for people like us
So why do we hold on to this self abuse?

Take limbs by limbs out, Till we are nothing but a mass of puddle laying on the floor. Why after lots and lots of trying we can't love ourselves? Why do we look at others for a nod of approval, or desiring validation? Why don't we believe that who we are can be worth being, too, no matter what the little voices in our heads say.

We go to bed crying, overwhelmed and wake up empty, drained and we beg others; we snap, weep and yell, just to feel anything, but there is nothing to be felt.

It is like screaming from underneath an ocean. You try and try and try but no voice reaches an ear, or, maybe the world has long gone deaf to others' wailing. This is not how you thought your life would be, but that is how it is, that is how you have made it.

And how you wish some nights someone would hold you and sing a lullaby that will suddenly make you wonder why, all of a sudden, is wind giving you caresses so soft. But you have to understand before that happens, you have to get up now, and sing yourself to sleep.

Because we will find what we reflect and you don't want to seem too clingy, you don't want to be the mat that everyone stomps on. Because, you are worth more. You are the sea, you are the hurricane and why should sea care for the castles made in sand? Everything external fades, and you know this all too well.

All your life you complain about the fleetingness of a moment but you are here to stay, how could you discard the thing that will stay with you throughout the life?

Radiate the love you always wanted to have. Try and try and make the trees envy of how you take care of yourself and gently let go of the parts that no longer aid.

Would it be a cliché
If I say
the element
Of my nightmares
Is mostly her in your arms

Would it be a cliche
If I tell
You made a house
In my thoughts,
A permanent occupant.

Would it be a cliche
If I admit
The first light of day
Seems so heavy on my brows,
Without having you to wake up to.

Would it be a cliché
If I confess
You are the only one I can write about,
My words have a way of evolving
Themselves around you

Would it be a cliche
If my heart aches
At the way you say her name
You voice so gentle, barely concealing
The longings you have.

Would it be a cliche
If I say
The main element
Of my nightmares
Is her in your arms