~                        I walk this thin white line
                               Between what i am
                                And what you see
                                 For what you see
                                       Is not me
                      In time ill be the flowing wind
               The diamond drops on growing leaves
                   An autumn rain thats comes again
                      The bitter cold of winter winds
                     The first snowfall when it begins
                          Gentle drops on stony skin
                             When i die and go back
                             Back back to everything

~                               Im never coming back
                               Why would i anyway
                The way you looked at me and ran away
                         As if your hair was all aflame
                      It made me wish you never came
                         So if your going to run away
                     Just tell me now and go your way

~                             I fell today
                        Skinned my knees
            Before the pain came great malaise
              To fall again after so many days
                   Of keeping things straight
                   And trying for better days
                               I fell again
                         Scraped my knees
        It took me back to where i don't want to be

~      
                                  We swim in the ocean
                                    We swim in the seas
                                   It takes me away from
                                 Where i don't want to be
                          No indecision or foolish posturing
                              We swim in different oceans
                           Yet wash up on the same beach
                       Foreigners travelers but truly the same
                         We are one energy living subjectively
                                           So do not hate
                                     You are me as i am he
                       And we are one swimming in many seas

.                                                                                                              .
                             Is it in this pocket or that one
                         A quick tap to tell me what I've got
                         It must be here i left it nowhere else
                   One more check and ill see where I've been
                            Not near my chair nor in the car
                   It must have fallen off the edge of the world
                                 It would have been nice
                              To have one more cigarette
                           Before the night closed in on me

.                                                                                                 .
                       Depression is strangling me
                          loneliness is killing me
                   The further i get the more i regret
                      And fear there is no way back
                     When there is no one to talk to
                                Nowhere to go
                      No one to love i feel so alone
                 Im so tired in body head and heart
                      No one to share myself with
                       Even when I'm with others
                             I feel so far away
                       We could be hand in hand
                And i fear i would still be galaxies away
                         No direction nor volition
                           Even though I'm alive
                              I feel dead inside

.                                                                               .
                           I am the forth
                                  The last
                             The unwanted
                               The mistake
           And all of my life it has seemed this way
          My brothers both where my fathers sons
               And i was always more like my mom
              Yet my sister is first in both their hearts
         Its like i had no chance right from the start
                Still I'm alive though no one cares
         They through me out to make room for her
              My sister was always horrible to me
               She left scars burned into my skin
            They never heal though i try to forgive
             My life it seem there's no point to live
   My flickering flame becomes dimmer and dimmer
                   the light fades from my eyes
                         As worlds turns grey
                  And i lay down to pass away.

.                                                                                                      .
                            I have no good words to say
                             Ive been lost and misused
                                Im as mad as a hatter
                       As the knife ran off with the spoon
                  The mouse it said they have gone to bed
                         To dream themselves together
               And the mouse skittered under the cupboard
                   Some would scream but i just chuckle
                               For the mouse is me
                             And what right you see
                       Do i have to want him to leave.

~  

                          Ranting and raving
                        Scrimping and saving
                  The words you hold in reserve
                        The breadth and width
                            Of words unsaid
                  Says more than you ever could
                           Waxing and waining
                           Your ever disdaining
                    The lines are writ on your face
                               I read between
                              to see to be seen
                The secrets you've kept in your heart
                     With the knowing and showing
              You can better understand who you are
                            The silence between
                              What you are now
                         And what you have been
                Is the silence that holds you from me.
                                              ~

~               The light shines in the old window
                           Near the silent meadow
                      A crack runs through one pane
                       And the wood is dry and aged
                 See the motes swirling in the beams
                    That stream through the window
        There is a photograph though nearly faded to blank
                       A dog a boy and his parents
                     No one knows who they where
                            Yet they look happy
                      It seems they found life here
    But it has been many years since this cabin has known
      The sound of creaking as feet move across the floor
                     Or of children playing in the yard
               Its not but grass grown tall and rampant
              Slowly returning the house to the ground
      On the lee side rests a grave that once was carved
    But the wind and the weather has worn it nearly gone
                 A nexus of life grown bereft of man
                       Yet it seems no worse off
               Its going back from whence it began
         Yet still the moonlight fills the window at night
                   And dreams it dreams it dreams
                              Men come and go
                               Yet earth abides

I may have broken something inside of me,
All the happy things that where,
Are now just memories.
The days they pass all to fast,
No time to sit and mend,
So the crack in glass will shatter that which was a whole,
And i feel their splinters deep within my soul.
Perhaps ill take the scattered things,
To make a new mosaic of me,
Maybe rearranging things will make a man out of me,
And sometimes ill dream of who i used to be.

The light is slowly fading from the sky.
There is the steady hum of cars passing by.
The birds are tuning up for their evening symphony,
And as a plane flys by it takes the lead.
A dog snuffles around the corner looking for something to eat,
Or perhaps a bunny to chase then she looks at me.
A beautiful evening no rain autumn is coming in.
Another day is done again with evening creeping in.

Be the light.
Be the light,
So they can see.
Be the wind,
So they can breathe.
Be the mind,
So they can dream.
Be the son,
For them to love.
Be a father,
Who is strong and true.
Be the light,
That lives in you.

Id like just be direct,and tell you what i think,
I'm not for this being coy, and beating round the bush.
If you have an interest in me, let me know,
And if you don't well then let me go.
If you did it would make me grin,
And i might have a while to let you in,
I could get to know you, and you could do the same,
It could be greater than the sum of our parts.
But if your not that in to me and what we could be,
Just say yes or no,
And i will stay or i will go.

Bring up the light , let the birds march in,
Singing tunes i cant understand,
The rain falls down, the clouds blow away,
I take my shoes off, to feel more,
The earth between my toes,
Kneeling on the ground ,
I feel connected, not to other humans,
But to everything with a heartbeat, everything with life force,
Realizing this makes me realize ,
The biggest things that happen to me are minuscule to scale,
Its only when i don't feel grounded that i feel alone,
I know it my body that tricks me into the corner,
I know that someday i will die,
And when that comes there is no need to cry,
I am with the birds that fly, i am my child's eyes,
I am the magic that come with the rain,
I am the cool summer day, i am sun on citrus trees,
I am you as you are me,
And when we die you will see.

It all passes by,
With the ticking of the clock,
Your family,Your friends,
Whats past is gone,
And looking forward we journey on ,
Now is all we have,
For tomorrow might be gone,
So smile while you can,
When we go ,
We forget where we've been,
And only dream of it now and then.

There are other worlds than these.
We swim in many oceans,
But wash up on the same shore.
A million choices ,
And none.

Waters embrace,
Sweet kiss,
Gentle caress,
Rain love over me.

Some say the grass is greener on the other side.
Well it has to be.
For all my grass has died.

I watched the sunset over Sonoran skies,
It made me glad to be alive,
Though i am in great duress,
And most of the time,
It feels i have nothing left,
No one that waits,
When i get home,
In all things i feel alone,
Its sad to think that everyone I've known,
Now calls the graveyard a home,
Its hard to live when they have died,
And sitting here i wonder why,
When oh when will be my time.

I was lost,
Never found.
Deep within this winter ground,
Its always cold ,
Where no light is found,
Broken empty hearts,
Lay all around.
Tears that fell ,
The wind that howls,
Through standing stones,
With words writ on them.
Like he was home,
Our little boy went back to stone.
Or she was loved,
Though she died to young.
our fathers here,
And we still do mourn.
Or mothers warmth turned to stone,
Yet weep no more for we are home.

What can be read?
Without the reading.
Seen without the seeing.
Felt without the being.
Gone before the morning.
Lost long after mourning.

Shes gone,
Shes gone,
Lay dead in my arms,
And tears did streak my face.
Shes lost,
She lost,
All that is left are ghostly thoughts,
Akin to the fading winters breeze,
Goodbye,
Goodbye,
I said goodnight as leaves fell from the tree,
Someday,
Someday,
I will pass and blow with the autumn leaves.

In dreams we can be free,
As in life we will never be.
In memory's faded light,
As years pass they fade in the night.
Goodnight goodnight ,
For sweet dreams may be.

Away the memory went,
Leaving broken faith,
Lost hope for better days.

Its easy.
Its easy to be wrong,
Its easy to fall,
But its in the gathering,
Where we become strong,
We build walls,
Our Hedges against the dark.

There is a dream i dreamt,
A dream of home,
Of happy days and fair skies,
With easy laughs in love.

In your veins you wear ice,
Fear brought death ,
And death sent sorrow,
Mornings whispers blew on till evening,
The basket brought bitter poison growing black,
And the weeping wounds grew midnight tears,
A thousand diamond shimmering rivers,
The streams that take you home,
There remains the autumn leaves,
A brilliant gift cast out to sea,
As we cascade to everything.

Blood flesh dust and bone,
Where i lived no longer home.
Wind tree bird and bee,
Now perhaps the world ill see.
Death death deep in stone,
Where my body turns to bone.
Bones to dust,
Dust to wind.
Life to death,
And back again.

Away the silence went the day my heart left.
Sunlight trickled through though ill be gone.
Cold love inside tears forgotten lost in time.
Broken lay the wind it left old leaves on the stone,
There once grew roses when the winter came.
Tomorrow may dream of spring,
But today in autumn rains.
Yet the day when summer rolls our way,
Its not so long away.
Gentle dreams on warmest breeze,
And in the gorgeous evening haze,
We dream we dreamed our lives away.

I am a strange boy,
Who nobody ever knew,
Nearly a ghost in shadow,
And talk to me they never do.
Yet as i grew i became myself,
I don't need you or anyone else.

I knelt at his side,
After the crash and ******,
Of metal screams and glass on road.
Now the grass stains my knees,
The tears flowing wild,
The refracted light on tears in lashes,
Was almost hypnotic.
Making me calm,
Even though blood covered,
And the same was coming in your tears.
Chest collapsed,
Your end is here.
I held his hand my little boy,
The last thing said ,
Was i love you dad.
I broke wild lost my mind,
My only son died in my arms.
Evening glare of setting sun,
Goodnight my son forever on,
And in my heart your forever young.

The sun is high ,
The air is hot,
There is no breeze,
Desert waste.
Looking for an oasis ,
A place of rest ,
Where i could lay my burden down,
Perhaps drink of cool clear water,
Yet if not that a speck of shade would do,
But all i see are the plains,
And the shimmering heat off the sand,
If rest cant be found,
Then perhaps only my bones will be found.

Back go back,
To where the light was bright.
Back and back,
Where i first met the world.
Here it was here,
The magic was found,
Time in time,
The illusions died.
Mourn i mourn,
For the brilliance lost.
Lost I'm lost,
But may be found.

It rained today.
Could almost hear the gasp of relief,
Of the branches and leaves ,
On the bushes and trees.
Theres nothing like autumn rain,
As the winds blow across the desert plain.
The come and go,
The to and fro,
Of gentle drops on tin.
Oh the rain,
The rain has come again.

Somewhere there is a room.
Where there are boxes.
Filed away for some other day.
Who i used to be and all i ever see,
Is filed there unconsciously.
I feel so alone .
different.  disconnected.
Somewhere i know there is a box.
That keeps my light inside,
I know because it knows the light will never die.
Someday when the box is gone and buried in the ground,
The light the light goes back to where it once was found,
So don't you cry it was only my body that died.

I saw your face,
From the corner of my eye.
I turned to look ,
But you where not  there.
I had almost forgotten that it had been years,
But For a moment i felt you so near.
I went to see your grave that day,
I miss you buddy,
And I'm still sad you passed away.

Love is beautiful.
Love is hard.
Love is terrifying.
Love is comfort.
Love is pain.
Love is healing.
Love is autumn rain.
Love is sunny days.
Love is waiting to be ok.
Love is life ,
And love lasts on after death.

Im fighting demons on the daily.
Trying to walk out from all this shadow,
Remember where i left the light.
Seems like more than a lifetime,
I am tired of the waiting.
I am tired of being in here.
Seems like the way its always been,
Hope i can make it different.

A poisoned dream comes back to haunt me,
She is no good for me.
Her words are vitriol their killing me,
So all i can do is close my mouth and leave.

Slipping slowly into sobriety,
It feels like an old shirt that doesn't quite fit,
Im done with all the smoke and tears.
Its time to stand ,
And take responsibility for who i am.
To slip this skin and make it new again.

Inside time,cold broken love.
Memory knows my face these days.
The ****** years are passing like leaves on the wind.
Today my hearts spring,gentle dream.
Tomorrow feel the light and hope they stay.
The evening circle has fallen.
Whispered poison of fading joy.
Sweet past things gently dying,
I return there where she was buried,
Lay the Lilly on the grave ,
Then turn and walk away.

One of those days ,
Where nothing goes your way,
Lose your job,
Lost your dog ,
Then your car breaks down,
Well...****

What you just said ,
Sent a shiver down my spine,
Ill try to keep it off my face,
Rather than showing what i really feel,
Because how i feel is scary,
And it drives people away.

I think today is the day i make a change,
For if i don't ill lose everything

Silence so deep,
I could drown,
Silence so hard,
I could hear the pin drop,
A Silence of many parts,
The silence inside the broken hearts,
The silence of things forgotten to start,
Silence for the things that fell apart,
Silence in the still of the morning,
The silence of music never played,
The silence of the weeping hearts that always stays the same,
The silence that was with a soldier coming home,
A silence that he brought within his lost and broken soul,
A silence so deep that we are all within its hold,
A silence that holds us even if where growing old,
The silence of many parts that lives inside my soul.

If i gave myself to you,
Do you know what you would do?
Would you turn around and gift me with you,
Or would you send me right on through,
A subtle misunderstanding,
But if you do we could be closer to understanding,
All i need is your gentle kiss,
And a taste of reality that is better than this.

I wish i was not so dark,
Not The skin but in my heart,
Its always a midnight hue,
And in my heart there is a part that waits,
I wait for you.

Do you see what i see ,
The moon is on the hill,
The evening cries a melody,
The whipper will the chorus,
The symphony that sings to me of old forgotten fears,
And to my eyes it brings gentle flowing tears,
A goodnight dream a fantasy,
A lost reality ,
The days go by filled with time,
The seasons change yet i remain the same as ever was,
Through aged eyes the season fly through summer autumn spring,
And in the end the winter has become a part of me,
As i lay chilled up on the hill where i lay in peace,
Don't weep for me for you see ill live in memory.