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"scrapped" poems
A beer can, phone book, a grapefruit and an Advent wreath with four candles in its nest of greens Two weeks Two lit Third one's the Pink a life three quarters spent? Next weekend Saturday-- The Sabbath falls in Hanukkah “Blessed art thou, Lord our God King of the universe who dost create lights of fire...” I'll light that third-- the pink one like a barbarian wise woman who traveled too far along life's way to find a Jewish baby, wrapped in rags ...or, was it the old guy that night lying in the street outside a New England bar “Oh Christ! Ya gotta be kidding me!” Nope, He was there alright Wallowing in the freezing slush amid his helpless drunken cries No cell phones then Scrapped my pizza plans On foot alone waving in frustration   in the passing headlights a turquoise, wind-crazed scarecrow ______ “Someone's gotta stop? Someone has to help us, don't they?” ______ Now there are two beer cans a grapefruit, and a phone book beside the advent wreath Third candle lit and leaning out for hope along the way
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Dec 15, 2017
Dec 15, 2017 at 3:05 PM UTC
Advent Still Life
The bin lorry had been. I picked up a fragment of our neighbours lives, litter they must have scrapped. We do not know them. They're always moving on. Urban Bedouin, with a thousand and one domestic tales untold.
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Mar 18, 2016
Mar 18, 2016 at 11:28 AM UTC
Tales Untold
Kindly tell the sun to look away I don’t want to see my curtain sway Indeed, because these fabricated joys Are demolished by an obscure ray Serve me breakfast while the day Lies as cold as the dew I’ll drink Now what to do is just obey Before we are rued by fire’s blink Put my hot tea beside the lake Serve it dead and withered The day is boiling and we’ll be late For we are but a paper scrapped The fireplace shall be planted With torn thorns of brown and black No rays of red will favor me As long as the sun scorns at us Wipe my mouth with torn fabric It pains me so to be stained in red That I long ago forsaken but now Dripping down my crooked neck For the ghost of you who preyed On my solitary beat of ill and **** For your revenant who feasted On my will and half-eaten heart For the glooms of your fairy Schadenfreude upon my sorry For the life I did not live To the joy I took from you Raise the cup and shatter it Open the curtain and drain our life of lies To the eye of the day and God’s pity Serve my breakfast before I live
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Oct 5, 2014
Oct 5, 2014 at 10:36 PM UTC
Breakfast
To my dearest monsters, I hope this letter finds you on the brink of your doom, rotting away in your sinister cave. Because it's what evil like you deserves. To rot and woe, to know the pain of fading, before you fade away. Because your longevity is short lived, for most of you will die come first daylight. I hope you know, there is no home for you here. But if you try and build one, It will be burnt down. Every scrapped cinder and discarded log crushed to black dust. The substance of your soul, you're made of cinders, burning away at the human you once were. And if no one else will stand against you, know I will. Don't mess with fresh fire, lest you get burn away too. Sincerely, I.
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Mar 10, 2025
Mar 10, 2025 at 9:48 PM UTC
A Message To HP Predators
I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to feel the impact of your absence To see that you were taken by a substance I'm sorry I was never there Not once to wash away your fears Nor tuck you in at night Take away the fright But the death I found lying sweetly in your eyes Dug craters in my skin cells Soft and precious little dents I had to clean the blood away Couldn't stand to see you there So I scrapped and scrubbed Until the thought of you had passed But in this role, I was sickeningly miscast And nothing could have stopped you Not a single plead nor shriek You left as fast as you had come Without a cry nor squeak And I could swear I saw you in the mirror Walking hand in hand with death But you did not look behind you Not even at your **** I'm sorry I didn't make it to the funeral And I'm sorry I barely cried I'm sorry that I let your sister see you while you died I'm sorry that I blame you for my suffering And that I'm still recovering But most importantly I'm sorry that I didn't save you I'm sorry that it was too late And I'm sorry I couldn't save you from the pain that drove you to your fate That I couldn't take away your misery Couldn't take away the evil That you had to look for happiness inside a little needle
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Dec 1, 2014
Dec 1, 2014 at 8:13 AM UTC
~
I'm cracking up Like rotten eggs Like seven years Of ****** luck Like old mosaics Losing tiles Spiderwebs Across my windshield Sending thoughts Into the ether Each one taking Part of me I'm cracking up Like cheap ceramics Broken, scrapped, And then replaced.
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Apr 5, 2013
Apr 5, 2013 at 8:16 PM UTC
Thermodynamics: Part II
I used to be hues of yellow, Green, blue, purple, and red. With the sky as my soul Feeling vibrant and bold Like the stories I spun in my head. A girl made of stars Is bound to burn out If her light can no longer be fed. Learned the rules, learned the game, Then I scrapped my old ways, Sinking in water that I used to tread. Your face was a charcoal portrait, So I touched it to just see you smile. But I smudged you all up and I’m covered in gray, And the light, it retreats when I’m in the sun’s rays, And I feel like the night everyone wishes was day— But I take a deep breath. And I find that old spark. Just to realize that it never even went away.
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May 13, 2024
May 13, 2024 at 2:14 PM UTC
girl made of stars
Helen sends me scraps of poems for repair.  "Shreds of lettuce," she calls them. I fool around with them in my role as Poetry Doctor (see my banner photo). In her extended absence, I will post our convolutions. While the final product is mine, the vision, the imagery, the notion of the poem is all hers and therein lies the true authorship. From Helen, Dec 2 Here is the last of the salad, dressing not required... savoir-faire [?sævw???f?? Upon a plate of deliciousness the lettuce is usually pushed to the side to wilt and be scrapped into an Industrial bin were we all begin as fodder for worms turning garbage into words Nourishing nothing but our own pride bon appétit Helen --------------- The Human Word Salad Now it is dressed.... all poems, no exception, the bad, the exceptional, all begin in an industrial bin. wormwood, wormword the ancestors, feast on the scraps, garbage letters discarded, the wilts of alpha lettuce, the word waste of the every day beta jabber, plate pushed-aside decorations, all but none, bystanders and they turn them into words, though inedible, incapable, of nourishing life individually, yet their recycled deliciousness, unquestioned. when each sole word, re-birthed in the compost of the delivery room of that bin, meet in the maternity ward of our minds words wed, poems form, and all the true nourishment the world needs begins anew.
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Dec 10, 2013
Dec 10, 2013 at 6:14 PM UTC
The Human Word Salad: For and From Helen (who is currently on hiatus)
I happen to live in Central Indian- Forests, I collect wood and honey And have no idea about English woods And Manchester clothes, I belong To the soil, I’m anti national? I live on concessions, subsidies And support, And You call me- ‘Dark skinned untouchable’; today I don’t have bells over my neck I’m proud of me, I’m anti national? I always spoke of empowerment, Marx and Che run my blood and I’m a utopian reality to you But you cannot ignore my voice I’m not outdated, I’m anti national? I believe in ‘being human’ above all- Traits, I live beyond geographies And I cannot stand war and bloodshed You brand me as an activist, I’m Just humane, I’m anti national? I do not belong to the 80% of our Country’s population, but I’m as Much a patriot as you, My God Is same as yours, How am I an Alien? I’m anti national? I don’t believe in the power and safety You claim with a nuclear reaction. I see only explosions and devastation I want my children to be safe, I love The world, I’m anti national? I don’t like vegetables, I eat meat- Since birth. I will not force-feed you, I respect your choice and I expect you To be tolerant to what I cook- At my home, I’m anti national? I’m not Pakistani but I love them As much I love an American or an European. After all, we share Our borders. I want to settle all Disputes, I’m anti national?   I married a man outside my tribe, Love didn’t notice his 'official tribe', Our children are a mixed tribe And we celebrate life as it is, We’re human-tribe, I’m anti national? I stand with them with rainbow flags, They deserve justice as much as you And me. Give me one valid reason to Call them unnatural? I want S377 To be scrapped, I’m anti national? I celebrate my country’s diversity, I don’t need your certificate to prove My patriotism! This is India, I stand With my constitution and its democracy And I give a **** about what you think!
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Feb 19, 2016
Feb 19, 2016 at 9:21 AM UTC
Illegal confession
I happen to live in Central Indian- Forests, I collect wood and honey And have no idea about English woods And Manchester clothes, I belong To the soil, I’m anti national? I live on concessions, subsidies And support, And You call me- ‘Dark skinned untouchable’; today I don’t have bells over my neck I’m proud of me, I’m anti national? I always spoke of empowerment, Marx and Che run my blood and I’m a utopian reality to you But you cannot ignore my voice I’m not outdated, I’m anti national? I believe in ‘being human’ above all- Traits, I live beyond geographies And I cannot stand war and bloodshed You brand me as an activist, I’m Just humane, I’m anti national? I do not belong to the 80% of our Country’s population, but I’m as Much a patriot as you, My God Is same as yours, How am I an Alien? I’m anti national? I don’t believe in the power and safety You claim with a nuclear reaction. I see only explosions and devastation I want my children to be safe, I love The world, I’m anti national? I don’t like vegetables, I eat meat- Since birth. I will not force-feed you, I respect your choice and I expect you To be tolerant to what I cook- At my home, I’m anti national? I’m not Pakistani but I love them As much I love an American or an European. After all, we share Our borders. I want to settle all Disputes, I’m anti national?   I married a man outside my tribe, Love didn’t notice his 'official tribe', Our children are a mixed tribe And we celebrate life as it is, We’re human-tribe, I’m anti national? I stand with them with rainbow flags, They deserve justice as much as you And me. Give me one valid reason to Call them unnatural? I want S377 To be scrapped, I’m anti national? I celebrate my country’s diversity, I don’t need your certificate to prove My patriotism! This is India, I stand With my constitution and its democracy And I give a **** about what you think!
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55
They say I’m darkness Scowl carved into marble face Blue veins twisting in wrists Rainy day eyes And fingers made for pianos and cigarettes They say I’m misery Black clothing on pale skin Nails filed into knives Lip caught between teeth Family vacations in cemeteries He said I’m not the type of girl people look twice at Forgettable like a forest fire Beautiful like a dead baby bird He was trying to be romantic They say I’m lonely Poor girl Always alone Smile and join us We need a charity project They say I’m pity Brows perpetually furrowed Lungs perpetually constricting Sweaty palms glued to walls They have the nerve to fee sorry for me Someone once told me I looked like a tornado Ripping through the hallways at school A natural disaster Racking up a body count I wonder how many people I’ve made cry They say I’m intimidation This noose around my neck scares them A fashion statement With my fangs bared and a stare that can **** I walk They say I’m music The sound of high heels on pavement A broken string on a violin An angel that was never taught How to play the harp Shattered halo at its feet They say I’m pain Menstrual cramps squeezing the life out Of a thirteen year old girl Blood on underwear Blood under fingernails Blood running down thighs They say I am blood A gory mess Scars like tattoos Scrapped knees like badges They say I’m darkness A shadow Engulfing the world They need me To appreciate the light
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Jan 14, 2014
Jan 14, 2014 at 7:20 PM UTC
They Say I'm Darkness
Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. Let me start by saying that there's no need for the exchange of pleasantries, no introductions are necessary, I'm just here to verbally deliver a quick update memo on the progress being made daily. I know you're all busy people so I'll try to be brief and get though this quickly yet thoroughly.  There will also be no time for questions at the end. Let's begin... I've reconstructed the way I think and see, scrapped the old me The lies the devil sold me, told me I was a nobody and I bought into it completely It forcibly held me down, face to the ground and from that angle everything is ugly Tears slowly crawled down my cheeks to their final resting point, silently they turn the dirt muddy But see, I went from a tragedy to a medical anomaly as I reversed the lobotomy With the regrowth of the proper anatomy I ultimately but unnaturally went from an mental amputee to winning endurance marathons easily It's amazing how quickly road blocks turn to speed bumps, almost instantly They may slow me down but getting over them is no longer a problem for me Eventually they will transform entirely into simple mile markers that I pass by on the daily This path, this new journey will get me to the place I was suppose to be originally Finally, after thirty years I'm looking forward to seeing some new scenery, being a part of this life changing movie And with me I've got my two favorite people, Logan and Apphia respectively They bring out the best in me, their love and belief in me drives me They make me wanna be the best me I can be and opened my eyes to my true destiny See, I thought life would be the death of me but truth be told it's a blessing bestowed to me The rebirth metaphorically into this new family has restored my faith in humanity I'm not used to this smile I feel on me, this is crazy, this must be what it feels like to be happy ©2018
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Apr 5, 2018
Apr 5, 2018 at 12:47 AM UTC
~•§•~ Reporting Progress ~•§•~
Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. Let me start by saying that there's no need for the exchange of pleasantries, no introductions are necessary, I'm just here to verbally deliver a quick update memo on the progress being made daily. I know you're all busy people so I'll try to be brief and get though this quickly yet thoroughly.  There will also be no time for questions at the end. Let's begin... I've reconstructed the way I think and see, scrapped the old me The lies the devil sold me, told me I was a nobody and I bought into it completely It forcibly held me down, face to the ground and from that angle everything is ugly Tears slowly crawled down my cheeks to their final resting point, silently they turn the dirt muddy But see, I went from a tragedy to a medical anomaly as I reversed the lobotomy With the regrowth of the proper anatomy I ultimately but unnaturally went from an mental amputee to winning endurance marathons easily It's amazing how quickly road blocks turn to speed bumps, almost instantly They may slow me down but getting over them is no longer a problem for me Eventually they will transform entirely into simple mile markers that I pass by on the daily This path, this new journey will get me to the place I was suppose to be originally Finally, after thirty years I'm looking forward to seeing some new scenery, being a part of this life changing movie And with me I've got my two favorite people, Logan and Apphia respectively They bring out the best in me, their love and belief in me drives me They make me wanna be the best me I can be and opened my eyes to my true destiny See, I thought life would be the death of me but truth be told it's a blessing bestowed to me The rebirth metaphorically into this new family has restored my faith in humanity I'm not used to this smile I feel on me, this is crazy, this must be what it feels like to be happy ©2018
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19
To be a woman: To be a woman is to bleed. From between our legs, as young as nine, when the only worry in our young minds should be about scraped knees from riding bikes and scooters, the visceral meaning of womanhood begins to leak through the soft cotton amour of childhood. The impending doom of what could be warded off by a child's imagination has cracked and no longer can be repaired. This is the fate of a woman. From that day we bleed. Shoving gauze of soft smiles and politeness into bullet holes bore into our bodies by men. Anything to stop the bleeding and remain a fragment of the person we once were. We’re blithe in the presence of grown men that become aroused to the notion of humiliating us. We try to feign ignorance and keep a straight face in times of turbulence to maintain modesty. Our nails embedded into our palms, we bleed. And a storm has formed. Through the storm we seek the same refugee we watched our mothers seek. Always thinking that the outcome will be different. This one is not the same. We’re not our mothers. Our love is different. It’s respected. It’s mutual… as long as you’re the one doing the laundry and the cooking and the cleaning and you pay your half and you look after the child that you nearly bled out for.   Nurturing, tending, cooking and cleaning and ‘whoops’ watch the knife… bleeding. Always bleeding. It’s equal love though, isn’t it? It’s what you wanted, right? When you bore two children and you’re raising three, that’s what you wanted. That’s what you bled for. That’s what you bled for? Who has he bled for? He walks into the kitchen, boots scuffing the linoleum on the way. Dumping the scrapped leftovers of love you gave him in the early out of the morning into the trash and tossing the containers into the sink. He pats the heads of the people he pretends make him whole and goes to the shower to rinse off the 10 hour shift of hard labor that didn't involve his family. You don’t expect a kiss at this point because you learned that asking for what you deserve could come with a broken orbital socket. So you let your heart bleed. You bleed it into your kids. You let them know that they are loved. You pretend that everything is okay. You go to work, you come home, you bleed and you bleed and you bleed. Hopeful that your daughter doesn’t see.
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Mar 8, 2025
Mar 8, 2025 at 6:27 PM UTC
To Be A Woman
To be a woman: To be a woman is to bleed. From between our legs, as young as nine, when the only worry in our young minds should be about scraped knees from riding bikes and scooters, the visceral meaning of womanhood begins to leak through the soft cotton amour of childhood. The impending doom of what could be warded off by a child's imagination has cracked and no longer can be repaired. This is the fate of a woman. From that day we bleed. Shoving gauze of soft smiles and politeness into bullet holes bore into our bodies by men. Anything to stop the bleeding and remain a fragment of the person we once were. We’re blithe in the presence of grown men that become aroused to the notion of humiliating us. We try to feign ignorance and keep a straight face in times of turbulence to maintain modesty. Our nails embedded into our palms, we bleed. And a storm has formed. Through the storm we seek the same refugee we watched our mothers seek. Always thinking that the outcome will be different. This one is not the same. We’re not our mothers. Our love is different. It’s respected. It’s mutual… as long as you’re the one doing the laundry and the cooking and the cleaning and you pay your half and you look after the child that you nearly bled out for.   Nurturing, tending, cooking and cleaning and ‘whoops’ watch the knife… bleeding. Always bleeding. It’s equal love though, isn’t it? It’s what you wanted, right? When you bore two children and you’re raising three, that’s what you wanted. That’s what you bled for. That’s what you bled for? Who has he bled for? He walks into the kitchen, boots scuffing the linoleum on the way. Dumping the scrapped leftovers of love you gave him in the early out of the morning into the trash and tossing the containers into the sink. He pats the heads of the people he pretends make him whole and goes to the shower to rinse off the 10 hour shift of hard labor that didn't involve his family. You don’t expect a kiss at this point because you learned that asking for what you deserve could come with a broken orbital socket. So you let your heart bleed. You bleed it into your kids. You let them know that they are loved. You pretend that everything is okay. You go to work, you come home, you bleed and you bleed and you bleed. Hopeful that your daughter doesn’t see.
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37
I know you've got a heart of gold and emotions that run along your sleeves but lately, you're better with a bottle and some scrapped knees. You're introverted A minuet ****** But it's not the the skin you bare Or the the way you touch It's the way you've given up You grew into the buildings And buried yourself inside between a mattress and ***** sheets They won't save you No, my beautiful raggedy Anne No, they'll turn that heart of gold to stone They'll paint your face with prophecies- Little indecencies You'll be ripped from some ***** banks magazine A pin up doll Such a perfectly decayed dream I want to cut the string that holds you up Hit the ground running- Remove your mind from others hands and Fight Let bad blood filter into the streets and watch the acquainted burn into the night
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Oct 9, 2013
Oct 9, 2013 at 11:59 PM UTC
Introverted ******
How are you not to be damaged, When the one that you think is supposed to love, Doesn't really love you. I mean it feels like there is supposed to be some sort of unwritten rule somewhere That states if you have a a kid you must love them. I'm not just talking about muttering those three little words. That can be scribbled on paper, or typed in an email. I'm talking about a deep rooted, carved in your heart, can be felt from across the world, no mistaking, pure and sacrificial love. Tangible love, seen, and felt, and heard. No I don't need money from you. I would prefer to feel like I'm worth knowing Rather than the feeling of my forgiveness being bought. See how am I supposed to feel that others in life will like me, If my own parent doesn't care to even know me. Yes the world is a wonderful place and I understand the feeling of being caged. So wouldn't it have been better in the beginning if you had never even made the effort? So that when you decided that the world was worth more and that I was just an anchor to a place you didn't care for. Wouldn't it have been easier for me, Instead of feeling like I was a piece of trash tossed over your shoulder missing the waste basket because you didn't even care to look as you threw it. Not even put in a rightful place, left to wonder is it something I did wrong? Only to grow up and find out it was much worse it wasn't anything I did, it is the simple fact that I wasn't enough. Wasn't enough for you, to much work to wipe off my ***** face. Wasn't enough for you to pick up and kiss the ****** knee that I scrapped. Wasn't enough for you to watch me as I grew, to give me advice on making life's toughest decisions. Wasn't enough for you to see that although it was good for you to escape the cage from which you felt confined to, you didn't realize that I had followed you in, and on your way out without so much as a backwards glance, you locked me in. Maybe I got it wrong. Maybe there shouldn't be some unwritten rule that makes you love your children. Because there shouldn't be anything that makes you love. Maybe I just need to realize that some people are loved and others just aren't. Some people are capable of loving. Some are only capable of hurting those who have a twisted look on life Thinking that by just being someone's own flesh and blood qualifies to being loved. Only to be taught the truth. It doesn't.
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Sep 30, 2012
Sep 30, 2012 at 2:09 PM UTC
Issues
How are you not to be damaged, When the one that you think is supposed to love, Doesn't really love you. I mean it feels like there is supposed to be some sort of unwritten rule somewhere That states if you have a a kid you must love them. I'm not just talking about muttering those three little words. That can be scribbled on paper, or typed in an email. I'm talking about a deep rooted, carved in your heart, can be felt from across the world, no mistaking, pure and sacrificial love. Tangible love, seen, and felt, and heard. No I don't need money from you. I would prefer to feel like I'm worth knowing Rather than the feeling of my forgiveness being bought. See how am I supposed to feel that others in life will like me, If my own parent doesn't care to even know me. Yes the world is a wonderful place and I understand the feeling of being caged. So wouldn't it have been better in the beginning if you had never even made the effort? So that when you decided that the world was worth more and that I was just an anchor to a place you didn't care for. Wouldn't it have been easier for me, Instead of feeling like I was a piece of trash tossed over your shoulder missing the waste basket because you didn't even care to look as you threw it. Not even put in a rightful place, left to wonder is it something I did wrong? Only to grow up and find out it was much worse it wasn't anything I did, it is the simple fact that I wasn't enough. Wasn't enough for you, to much work to wipe off my ***** face. Wasn't enough for you to pick up and kiss the ****** knee that I scrapped. Wasn't enough for you to watch me as I grew, to give me advice on making life's toughest decisions. Wasn't enough for you to see that although it was good for you to escape the cage from which you felt confined to, you didn't realize that I had followed you in, and on your way out without so much as a backwards glance, you locked me in. Maybe I got it wrong. Maybe there shouldn't be some unwritten rule that makes you love your children. Because there shouldn't be anything that makes you love. Maybe I just need to realize that some people are loved and others just aren't. Some people are capable of loving. Some are only capable of hurting those who have a twisted look on life Thinking that by just being someone's own flesh and blood qualifies to being loved. Only to be taught the truth. It doesn't.
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37
I've scrapped the first fifteen versions of a poem I don't want to write or maybe I want to write it but I'm afraid I won't like it or am I just afraid of what I might say, of what my subconscious will convey? Ink drying up like dried blood while the blood in my veins pulsates and my head throbs as I try to decipher how much of what has happened to me is actually because of me. Is it me? Are my experiences mine because I made them so, or did I happen to just stumble into the darkness? A sour mashup of self-love and self-loathing, it's like I have two minds intertwined double-analyzing double helix radioactive brain DNA Am I great? Am I awful? Am I even worthy of such extremes? Where are all the adjectives to describe me? Can I write about it if it changes daily? Is it possible to know yourself perfectly and also not at all? Questions generating more questions, hypothesizing Eye must seek before I find.
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Oct 4, 2017
Oct 4, 2017 at 12:00 AM UTC
ScIentIfIc Method
you're the boxspring billionaire of feel-good saving up your love for a rainy year, scrounging and saving every fleeting smile and shallow kiss and miserly, hunched over with the weight of your own suffering and despair, each scrapped-together pile of crumpled-from-your-pockets shreds of I.O.U.s and featherlight touches. too afraid to leap and risk, you'll never grow or invest your affections into the stocks of Lisa and George LLC, or Francis and Kelly Inc. so your love is bound to crumble into fragile dust, the fruits of your labours withering into mouldy piles of seed, stem, and flesh. the could-have-been and might-have-grown dying, before even living to flourish and erupt into glorious blooms of the strikingly ethereal and otherworldy. but not for you, not ever for you. you're the boxspring billionaire of feel-good and you'll burn before planting your love.
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Jul 3, 2015
Jul 3, 2015 at 12:34 PM UTC
boxspring billionaire
Don’t believe the sign that is clawed from another’s cave of a silly heart, onto some door in some beautiful garden on a special day. That scraped shine, that which opens wide the view for you and you remember as a sharp, etched slowly focusing glaze on your time was probably made with some key of some fool who regrets it now, no doubt, as you do. Nor should you believe another’s photograph of it and take it as yours, or the same, and think that this is what you were going to write your book about, one day, all along. That book was full of naïve wonders and melodies you paid too much attention to, anyway. So just allow what you love the most to be scrapped and substituted. Words are just words, you see. So what do you believe? The motionless things of a winter walk, I suppose. They are the kindest. They know not to talk to you, not to say anything you could possible believe.
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Mar 27, 2012
Mar 27, 2012 at 5:54 PM UTC
Believing
I sat there like a museum of moments, a mosaic of emotions as she dissected my personas and did an autopsy of my past. Memories climbed my spine from the forgotten attics in my heart with every question, she asked. But my tongue was a drought and my voice box was a rust box, as the child in me was bullied into quietude. My edgy, messy and raw memories molded my perception, rewrote my interpretation and deepened my experience. There was underlying vengeance as the layers of fabricated scabs were scrapped to disclose the deeply entrenched, tender emotional scars. As the present, struck a cord my limbs would turn into cement as the echo would bring me back to the endless street of time and I would be dragged through open wounds within me. The pain would seep in the nooks and crannies of my soul. At every jibe and remark one more part of my flesh would be chiseled away. The sky would join in my sorrow as the clouds gathered like sheep summoned by a shepherd and then we would begin to weep our unresolved issues onto tissues. I revisited the bathrooms that became sanctuary in high school with its gossip soaked walls and tear-stained countertops. I dream of the people that have lost their way in my memory; a fabrication of nostalgia. But the tranquility of waves, can’t even erase the memories of their wrongdoings. My past engraved itself into my muscle memory ingrained its teachings and matured my sensibility. The dim shadows that would creep And the blues that I would pour are becoming budding flowers in my chest. Weaving from the same web I was entangled in building from the same sorrows I was drowning in. I began connecting, understanding its stem stitching my memories. I write for my younger self who felt silenced and erased by the world. I shape all the tainted pieces of memories into art and paint shades of my past as each is soaked in a memory. I craft subconscious relief, breathing memories into 6 alphabets that were strung into paragraphs, beginnings and end. I reached out to corners to bring out sunrises and sunsets and reignite dying embers as I de-spell the damage that silently reverterbrates through generation. I find home in my skin and love myself, whole; Shadows, crevice and all.
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Jul 24, 2019
Jul 24, 2019 at 8:34 AM UTC
Healing Memories
I sat there like a museum of moments, a mosaic of emotions as she dissected my personas and did an autopsy of my past. Memories climbed my spine from the forgotten attics in my heart with every question, she asked. But my tongue was a drought and my voice box was a rust box, as the child in me was bullied into quietude. My edgy, messy and raw memories molded my perception, rewrote my interpretation and deepened my experience. There was underlying vengeance as the layers of fabricated scabs were scrapped to disclose the deeply entrenched, tender emotional scars. As the present, struck a cord my limbs would turn into cement as the echo would bring me back to the endless street of time and I would be dragged through open wounds within me. The pain would seep in the nooks and crannies of my soul. At every jibe and remark one more part of my flesh would be chiseled away. The sky would join in my sorrow as the clouds gathered like sheep summoned by a shepherd and then we would begin to weep our unresolved issues onto tissues. I revisited the bathrooms that became sanctuary in high school with its gossip soaked walls and tear-stained countertops. I dream of the people that have lost their way in my memory; a fabrication of nostalgia. But the tranquility of waves, can’t even erase the memories of their wrongdoings. My past engraved itself into my muscle memory ingrained its teachings and matured my sensibility. The dim shadows that would creep And the blues that I would pour are becoming budding flowers in my chest. Weaving from the same web I was entangled in building from the same sorrows I was drowning in. I began connecting, understanding its stem stitching my memories. I write for my younger self who felt silenced and erased by the world. I shape all the tainted pieces of memories into art and paint shades of my past as each is soaked in a memory. I craft subconscious relief, breathing memories into 6 alphabets that were strung into paragraphs, beginnings and end. I reached out to corners to bring out sunrises and sunsets and reignite dying embers as I de-spell the damage that silently reverterbrates through generation. I find home in my skin and love myself, whole; Shadows, crevice and all.
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76
as promised, a tip for and to nolly •<>• “Everybody is identical in their secret unspoken belief that way deep down they are different from everyone else.” David Foster Wallace •<>• it is as if I've been stripped bare and their is no air or barrel handy, bankrupted by exposure of my less-than-clean ***** secret, scrapped from under my tongue, my genuine creativity, it is no different than yours or hers or anybody else, but "I need to believe," he screeches, "say it ain't so!" time again to tally up the wins and losses, check the standings, the numerical columns, nope, wasn't selected to be MVP or even loved by the algorithmic ridiculous secret sauce "poem of the day" blah blah blah bottom line: "You’re Pretty Normal" comfort or consternation, exhalations of relief, or just another nail in the shutting of your depression coffin calculation this no longer unspoken arrogance undressed brings me to a quiet place, where you are welcome to sit beside, this puzzle together, nuzzled, perhaps more soluble they don't make Advil for the mind, so read the good ones, and be reminded of this your published spoken courageous poetry need satisfy only you, and no one more *in there lies the rub, the vive la difference, we identically different, no longer a secret, every poem is the difference you make* August 2017 in the sunroom, Shelter Island <•> BONUS POEM!!! Nolly's Haiku #17/#70 with good knowing that distress and forethought, are its mother and father that this poetic output but a derivative of your unique self, see, maybe, you be maybe just wise enough to curse the birth of poem at age seventeen but just wait Nolly, till you are seven tens, and poetry's folly, make you even more practiced in cursing, still asking, why and getting the sendoff, kiss off, of the one true answer, nobody knows so scribble a life time when you start at 17 and when the ripe and wizened answers in your old age have yet to arrive *then you can call yourself an accursed wizened but wise'ed old poet*
0
Aug 13, 2017
Aug 13, 2017 at 12:03 PM UTC
deep down you are different from everyone else
as promised, a tip for and to nolly •<>• “Everybody is identical in their secret unspoken belief that way deep down they are different from everyone else.” David Foster Wallace •<>• it is as if I've been stripped bare and their is no air or barrel handy, bankrupted by exposure of my less-than-clean ***** secret, scrapped from under my tongue, my genuine creativity, it is no different than yours or hers or anybody else, but "I need to believe," he screeches, "say it ain't so!" time again to tally up the wins and losses, check the standings, the numerical columns, nope, wasn't selected to be MVP or even loved by the algorithmic ridiculous secret sauce "poem of the day" blah blah blah bottom line: "You’re Pretty Normal" comfort or consternation, exhalations of relief, or just another nail in the shutting of your depression coffin calculation this no longer unspoken arrogance undressed brings me to a quiet place, where you are welcome to sit beside, this puzzle together, nuzzled, perhaps more soluble they don't make Advil for the mind, so read the good ones, and be reminded of this your published spoken courageous poetry need satisfy only you, and no one more *in there lies the rub, the vive la difference, we identically different, no longer a secret, every poem is the difference you make* August 2017 in the sunroom, Shelter Island <•> BONUS POEM!!! Nolly's Haiku #17/#70 with good knowing that distress and forethought, are its mother and father that this poetic output but a derivative of your unique self, see, maybe, you be maybe just wise enough to curse the birth of poem at age seventeen but just wait Nolly, till you are seven tens, and poetry's folly, make you even more practiced in cursing, still asking, why and getting the sendoff, kiss off, of the one true answer, nobody knows so scribble a life time when you start at 17 and when the ripe and wizened answers in your old age have yet to arrive *then you can call yourself an accursed wizened but wise'ed old poet*
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61
There were no blossoms, No sprouts to be seen, I saw no birds nor meadows, Just stared at you without sin. I felt no time with you. All was warm and calm. I caressed your cheek, Drawing just a little hint. You gave me a book, A book about your life, You wanted me there As I want you in mine. No words were scrapped, No space out from bliss, I hold you in my arms, and your lips I should have kissed.
0
Jul 10, 2014
Jul 10, 2014 at 10:41 PM UTC
Midday in Eternity
My days seem to be longing someone. My mornings feel like I can't go back to anything anymore that I wanted before. I've been writing about how I feel about a lot of things lately, I dont really know how to organize them. I feel like meditation has really kept me from punching holes in the wall lately. I feel like tripping has kept me from overthinking real situations, it's been a while though. I've been keeping it natural. There's so much more to everything, I feel like meaning is so expensive these days. I've lost the concept of options. These numbers are useless. I've noticed the moment something catches a persons eye they pull out their phone instead of cherishing at the moment. Swear words are becoming part of our culture now. Your memory is worth more. I'll doubt you if you're material. Flexing thoughts and not what makes them that way with $20 on social media. I was just playing around with perception, nothing serious. I tried committing suicide in social media, but people worry too much and start hitting up my phone. Funny how if you don't respond to a text they automatically think something is wrong. Acceptance shouldn't be this easy, but all of a sudden it is for me. Lately everything seems so spiritual, I'm glad I'm not overthinking things to a negative perspective. Weekly tests just to give my mom some reassurance. Trust is on it's way along with a motor. I scrapped my knees, and this is really weird. Can't really open up anymore, ears just hear and careness is absent.
0
Nov 30, 2014
Nov 30, 2014 at 12:39 AM UTC
My Maroon (part 2)
My days seem to be longing someone. My mornings feel like I can't go back to anything anymore that I wanted before. I've been writing about how I feel about a lot of things lately, I dont really know how to organize them. I feel like meditation has really kept me from punching holes in the wall lately. I feel like tripping has kept me from overthinking real situations, it's been a while though. I've been keeping it natural. There's so much more to everything, I feel like meaning is so expensive these days. I've lost the concept of options. These numbers are useless. I've noticed the moment something catches a persons eye they pull out their phone instead of cherishing at the moment. Swear words are becoming part of our culture now. Your memory is worth more. I'll doubt you if you're material. Flexing thoughts and not what makes them that way with $20 on social media. I was just playing around with perception, nothing serious. I tried committing suicide in social media, but people worry too much and start hitting up my phone. Funny how if you don't respond to a text they automatically think something is wrong. Acceptance shouldn't be this easy, but all of a sudden it is for me. Lately everything seems so spiritual, I'm glad I'm not overthinking things to a negative perspective. Weekly tests just to give my mom some reassurance. Trust is on it's way along with a motor. I scrapped my knees, and this is really weird. Can't really open up anymore, ears just hear and careness is absent.
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24
*That minty sweet stuff You polish and clean Eradicate decay With compounds of fluorine Like toothpaste You're a necessity Each morning and night You're so very important For that toothy grin, wide and bright Like toothpaste You're squeezed tight Swabbed and scrapped about Against yellow enamel Determined to white it out Like toothpaste You're medicine More for an aesthetic cause Caught between a hard place And a locked jaw Like toothpaste One day, you're all but gone And just like toothpaste You wake to find You have been replaced*
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Jan 27, 2018
Jan 27, 2018 at 8:32 AM UTC
Like Toothpaste
A dull doll faced mug Glinted by unknown light Dried a drip of ancient drink Dripped down quite Hands clasped tight around A mug of occult confession Eyes teared as such A sorrowful expression Dappled light through glass Chair scrapped along floor Spotted plastic tablecloth Shut tight wooden door Homemade woollen tea cosy Lumps of bricked sugar Kettle whistling dolefully Clicking stained cooker Futile arms waving Closed taught eyes Sigh of calming thoughts "Please, no more lies"
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Apr 24, 2018
Apr 24, 2018 at 1:12 PM UTC
Occult Confesion
I spent the morning tossing a Frisbee, and my worries along with it. I soon found myself swinging to the sound of forgetfulness and nostalgia. My childhood memories danced at my feet, but with out stretched arms, only my fingertips graced their excellence. The touch sent the memories of crawdad fishing and tree forts tingling up my spine. The me I used to be boiled in my blood. When wet grass and free time were enough. When I wore scrapped elbows as jewelry and the fresh wood scent decorated my body as perfume. Back when my dog was my best friend and I had yet to realize that wasn’t okay. “Ignorance is bliss,” they chime. I know. I don’t want bliss. I want life. Brutally beautiful, if you let it.
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Feb 5, 2013
Feb 5, 2013 at 8:41 AM UTC
Thanks, nostalgia