Gray clouds fill the sky while you watch them become a gray blur
The smell of rain still lingers in the air
You're surrounded by barren trees
And dark pavement
For once your mind is silent, numb
Just appreciating the moment
While content paces through each vein in your body
You can hear the sound of cars in the distance
But they never get close enough to ruin the illusion
The peace
And everything feels soft
Whether it be jagged rocks or splintered tree trunks
Your mind can't tell where reality ends and your thoughts begin
And the moment stays with you all day
Whether or not you stay in the moment,
It lingers.

It's a horrible, ruining feeling,
feeling alone whilst being surrounded by
those you call friends,
but you know in your heart and mind you will
never fit in with them,
You will always be an outcast.

It's a self-destructing feeling,
knowing that every single person you let in,
you will eventually push out.
Yet somehow you still
allow yourself to make family,
though in the end, you know anyone who
holds that title has only ever caused you to burn.
So you justify to yourself,
that they deserve to be locked out,
and never know why.

It's an honest feeling,
hating yourself for damaging the purity of
the innocent just because you've been
burned by others before.
Loathing the simple-minded,
when in fact you are jealous that their
innocence is still intact.
So you break it.
You break it and try to get even with the world,
and for that you honestly hate yourself.

I tell people I lost a friend,
and they tell me they're sorry for my loss,
I tell people I'm grieving,
and they tell me that's the cost,
of having a soulmate,
of having a home.
The cost of having someone mean so much.
And then I feel worse,
because I miss your laugh,
and the way our feet would touch.
I want to cry
but I don't.
And that's the problem, isn't it?
Because you're not gone,
you've left,
but you're still out there living.
And I just sit here missing,
a friend.

Should I live or should I die?
Should I fall or try to fly?
No matter my will, my feet hit the ground,
So I bury my heart and hope it gets found.

drain my lungs of all their air.
**** me, or don't, I couldn't care.

You threw innocent children into hell,
And they grew up alone, with no one to tell,
So they'll gather the last bits of their soul to sell,
And they'll always remember the day that they fell.

fear runs through every inch of your body alongside adrenaline,
your veins are on fire,
and your fingertips sting.
your mind is racing,
but time moves too slow.

its breath is taunting your movement.
you can't see,
but feel it getting closer.

you feel lightheaded,
and fear passing out from the lack of oxygen
in your body.
and the knot in your stomach prevents
you from running any faster.

you know it's right
behind you no matter how far away
you try to get.

You shoot through my body like you have
some right to be here,
Like you aren't disrupting anything.
I was fine without you.
And now I'm doubting myself and rethinking
everything.
You dug your way back into to my mind like it's
always been yours.
I had just learned how to breathe
without you,
And now I'm waiting around for you like
you own me;

You don't though.

Dark night
Flashing light
Piercing sound
You hit the ground
Old white room
Stench of doom
You were ill
Just lying still
Please don't go
Time moves so slow
5 hours pass
This can't last
I'm sick of white
Still, I hold on tight
Another hour
I won't shower
I won't even eat
I stay in my seat
It's now day
I know you're okay
I won't home back home
I won't go alone
I just can't sleep
Then a loud beep
I wait in the hall
A too loud noise
I keep my poise
She walks to me
Vision blurry, can't see
She starts to speak
My knees get weak
Running out
I try to doubt
I don't believe
You wouldn't leave
You are strong
They were wrong
Things they said
You aren't dead
I don't think
Just let it sink
I'm only numb
Because
Cancer won

I saw you the other day.
My heart sped up
and I couldn't breathe.
I feared you may recognize me,
but part of me feared you wouldn't.
There's no way you could though,
we've both changed.
But then,
I thought a saw that hint
of recognition in your eyes,
your dull blue eyes.
I must've been mistaken.
though I kept looking away because
my eyes were betraying
my thoughts.
You left as quick as you came,
and my heart aches for you all over again.

How easy would it be to delete
all of your accounts?
Just pushing a button.
Just leaving,
just gone.
Leaving all your friends,
like there was never any bond.
Pretending you didn’t share your darkest
parts with strangers.
Acting like you never stayed up
to write your saddest words.
But what about the good?
Would you leave behind your lover
just because you could?
Are we just a piece of your past
that you’d like to forget?
Just a bad memory,
like a failed school test.
So just delete your history,
forget we ever happened.
Close the best and worst of your life,
and we’ll know it’s really the end.
Just abandon all your family,
leave us alone to fight your war.
I like to think it’ll be pretty hard,
but I’ve been wrong before.

My heart won't slow down
and I want to laugh,
it's ridiculous how after all these years
you still cause my heart to melt
and I hate it.
I should be over this,
I should be over you.

one step is all it took,
one step, one rope.
it caught you,
lifted you up,
and cut you off.
it snapped you in half,
and took you away.

I remember last year,
you sat next to me,
in the library,
on the floor,
you read out a joke,
we laughed,
and laughed.
I remember that joke.
I remember us laughing.
I remember you understanding me.
I remember you introducing me.
I remember talking about wayward sons.
I remember hall lights flickering.
I remember breathing in your smoke.
I remember walking next to you.
I remember sitting in the rain.
I remember crossing the bridge.
I remember singing old songs.
I remember your honesty.
I remember your smile.
I remember our words.
I remember being real.
I remember the goodbye.
I remember feeling numb.
I remember too much.

You taste of distance and longing.
You look like the embodiment of past,
and my eyes can never quite focus with you on my mind.
Remembering your laugh hurts and feels like a dream,
it feels like what I would imagine remembering a past life would feel like.
I'm not even sure you were ever real.
I can't remember your eyes.
But what hurts more is that you probably
can't remember mine.

Fire is an art form
Burning is a passion
Smoke holds
my hopes and dreams
And I am the flames.