Dear Adam,
Guess what?
All I have of you is an iPod.
It's filled with your songs
It's filled with your thoughts.

I was in your room
i peered insid a box
I was hoping to find something
but you didn't keep much
Not your ****
or your pipe
or your old secrets

I don't understand maybe we wanted to keep it.
I see nothing of you
this is not your room
you didn't live here, I can't tell
It smells like you and your picture is all over
Your blue painted walls
the room is getting older,
There was a bag of razor blades but I don't know what they're form.
I felt kind o awkward in there sitting with your mom
maybe i wanted to kiss you
before you left
or tell you  you were cute
you knew nothing of my heart
and I knew so much from yours
Im torn.
Being in this room makes me squirm and feel all wrong
you left us in the middle
of a new found fairy tale.

You were no prince and I was no princess
but I didn't want that all quite yet.
I wanted you to know, all the things I wrote ini my heart
but you being here to hold my hand and ill say thats a start.


Sometimes I think you'll come around
you'll say you didn't go
you'll say you panicked and got lost
but really it was a joke.
I know its not true
I know I'll never see you
They found your body
They found your car
you were still hot
because you went so far.

now I'm here with your ashes in my bag,
feeling absolutely mad
knowing that I didn't help,
that you cried for me and I couldn't do
what i needed to.

You are gone and i am here,
Ill spead you out here and there.
your dust will flow for a thousand miles
ill float you in the sea
ill flow you in my favorite rose bush
and under your planted tree.

It's funny how it ends so fast,
how people can be gone.
How drugs can make your mind possessed by heartless hopeless thoughts.

It's wired how I can't hold you,
or tell you how I feel.
I wish i could have yelled at you enough for you to stay here...

How did I love you
you reached for my hand
but I never took it
I'm still thinking I can


You went to that mountain top
you stood up strong and tall
then came out my hand for you
all you wanted to do was fall.

I stopped thinking about you constantly
I can now focus on what matters
But
In between shampooing and conditioning my hair
That silent moment on the radio
The moment before finally drifting into sleep
Waiting for the light to turn green
Fast forwarding through the commercials
I still think of you

I'm afraid

I'm afraid of being betrayed
By those who I love
So I stand in the shade
I dream of
Better days, unafraid,
Of being dismayed

I'm afraid of being alone
The grey unknown
Has been shown
The darkness is now my throne
My isolation is my crown
It rests upon my brow
I've become a clown

I'm afraid of my self
I sit alone on a shelf
Collecting dust
I want to combust
Who do I even trust?

My fears have moulded to my skin
Each inhale
Can cause me to derail

                                  My tale has made me pale
                                  For my fears are like a veil
                                    I have made my own jail

I think I'm drowning
I'm not really positive.
It sure feels like it.

Foolish girl,
You were to scared to say anything to him
Too self conscious
To afraid that you were going to ***** something up
So you just waited until you were ready
But sadly
You waited too long
Time passed
Soon it becomes days
Weeks
Months
Years
And you still didn't talk to him
You never have
He left and moved on while you were still stuck to him
Stuck to his charm
His smile
His mind
His personality
His niceness
But foolish girl,
You waited too long
You lost the love you loved and the dream you dreamt
Too bad it was all a fairytale
Too bad you didn't say anything
Maybe if you did
You wouldn't have to miss his charm
His smile
His mind
His personality
His niceness
And more
Maybe you would be happy
Maybe you could look at him and smile instead of stare at the ground  when he walks by
Maybe you would have the courage to say "Hi" or "How You Doin?"
But foolish girl
You waited too long
And now he's gone
(K.B.)