I no longer needed music to escape
my thoughts because I could recite
all of my favorite songs between
her thighs and she would
sing along.

-o.b.

Lately, my bones have been aching more than usual.
They call them growing pains and although I may not be physically
growing, I can still feel myself changing.
I remember when I was younger
and you used to be my best friend,
you were the super hero and I was your faithful sidekick.
But lately, the only attention I seem to get from you is just the
anger that was meant for my mother.
(That she never deserved.)
Maybe I remind you of her too much.
I remember once in the car you yelled at me.
You said, "Just shut up. You can never be wrong,
can you?
You're just like your ***** of a mother.:
You didn't know it, but I was crying.
And for whatever reason,
I still feel love for you.
You got in my face,
You yelled at me,
You almost hit me.
"Stay out of my ******* life."
I still love you though.
You drink so you don't have to feel and
that's one thing I've learned from you.
Thank you,
Dad.

-o.b.

And that smile you give me in the halls-the same smile I've seen everyday since 3rd grade- it fills me with such joy.
because it gives me hope that maybe somedays you still think of me too, and not only do you think of me- but you miss me.
and I can promise you dear, that-holy ****- I miss you.

-o.b.

and you said to me,
"You are everything I love and miss from home."
Darling, just know that as long as my heart beats and air makes it's way through my lungs, you will always have a home with me.

-O.B

I starved for this feeling of surrounding.
-O.b.

Her eyes posses a certain beauty that not even the Earth has seen,
and her smile captures the hearts of those that gaze in her direction.
She is unaware of the power she has in such a simple gesture and it drives even the most sane people into craziness.
~o.b.

I am boy.
I am boy who enjoy *****.
I am...***** boy.
~O.b.

The human body is a form of art
that only the open minded can understand.
Each one is unique and different in it's own way, and **** I love that.
But yours, oh god yours is so much more than art.
It is beauty found in simple things like the cracks that line the wall of my room.
~o.b~

My short legs can only
carry me so far,
but everytime they
bring me back to you.
You're like my favorite sweater,
you keep me warm,
you let me hide,
you keep me safe.
You're my home.
-o.b.

Please remind me
that I am more than
a speck of dust
on your book shelf.
Please remind me
that I am one of those
hundreds of books
that line your shelf.
And please tell me
that I happen to
be your favorite.
-o.b.

I question
my exisitence
on a daily basis,
yet I still don't
know my
purpose for
walking such a
hateful planet.
-o.b.

Last night, I saw you walking by yourself and I couldn't help but notice how lonely you looked.
I screamed out your name, but the wind was howling and you couldn't hear me.
And I tried my best to catch up with you, but God cursed me with short legs and I couldn't reach you in time.
And now you're alone again,
and so am I.
-o.b.

I often fear the idea of being forgotten,
being pushed onto the sidelines, out of sight and out of mind.
I fear that no one will say my name as if it were a song that echoes through my very soul.
And they will not tell the story about how I got the scar on my cheek or the time I nearly drowned in the pool, because I will no longer matter.
I will no longer matter one day- and that scares me.
-o.b

When I feel sad, I hide my hands in my sweater.
When I feel alone, I hide myself in my blankets.
When I feel hurt, I hide myself in the warm water of my shower.
When I feel nervous, I hide my face behind my hands.
and when I feel mad, I hide my screams in my pillows.
-o.b

Something about the way she spoke was beautiful.
Every idea that flowed from her soft lips left me feeling complete and in a way- loved.
There was something about her that seemed different-different than the rest of them, and no I didn't think she was odd.
I thought she was gorgeous and I craved to tell her this every day because I knew that sadly, she didn't see herself that way.

I thought I knew you,
I really did.
But in the end I realized
I don't even know myself anymore.
I'm lost in the twist and turns
of the back of my mind
and I won't be out anytime soon.
I guess that leaves me
with 3 words.

Farewell
My
Friend.

-o.b.

A feeling of sadness lingers in my chest,
like the ghost that haunts me late at night.
Each night I become less and less like a person, and more like the ghost that visits me.
And sadly I cannot stop what has already been started.
And soon,
I will haunt you too.

-o.b.

The sadness I have felt
for years has been left as
pale scars on what was
once a beautiful body.
They are nothing but
a reminder of the times
I've failed myself.
-o.b

I thought I've felt love,
but in reality the only love
I've known is the soft kisses
the bottle of alcohol has left
against my dry lips and
the sheets that hold my
tired and lonesome body at night.
The morning hangovers
remind me I'm the boy
who is destined to be
alone.
-o.b

She awoke that morning
saddened by her failure,
at the fact that air still moved
through her delicate lungs.
Alcohol lingered on her smiling lips
from last night's fit of sadness
and
cuts lined her forearm,
but still no one knew.
No one knew that the girl with the pretty
smile wanted nothing more than to end her
perfect
little
life.
-o.b