Renae: Poems

Nov 5 · 127

Vanity

Renae Nov 5

Vanity

Everywhere I look I see vanity
No matter how much I want to avoid it
I turn on my screen & it's staring at me
Every scroll is another one, head full of air with perfect skin. I don't fit in.

#vanity #poetry #screens #makeupqueens

Apr 25 · 420

What?

Renae Apr 25

What?

I'm okay with nothing
I wasn't made for much
Always wanted to do something
but somethings never enough
So I turn into
my own little world
Still a sad little girl
Don't laugh at my pain
roll your eyes in my face
I know your watching me die
Inside and outside
alI I wanted was love
guess that was just too much
Intuition isn't such a gift
When you see so clearly
Can't pour from a empty cup
When you've only
become everybody's charity
Now they believe
they can be redeemed.
What am I here for
when all of this is
just make believe

#love #hurt #pen #depression

Mar 23 · 195

Spring

Renae Mar 23

Spring

I stretch my arms to the sky
and breathe in the soft rain
smells of wet concrete
this morning.
It's chilly but crisp out,
the suns rays warm my skin
I gaze hand over eyes at
blue bonnet blankets sewn in patches of green
freshly mowed grass.
Bluebirds sing their happy songs
in the distance.
It must be spring.

Mar 7 · 594

What's crazy?

Renae Mar 7

What's crazy?

Crazy? What's crazy?
Maybe I'm a bit stubborn
from feeling so used
I might go out by myself
and never ask another
I suppose that might sound
crazy, I mean,
I speak my mind,
I expose the truth...
I guess that might
sound a little bit crazy
Especially when
the masses can't even see
The crystal clear vision
of a rearview mirror
staring at them
through the windshield.
Which way are we going?

#crazy #twisted #driving

Mar 1 · 679

The letter

Renae Mar 1

The letter

Darling,
You were there for me,
I'm sorry I was such a mess.
I couldn't see you, for the fences and walls surrounding me.
The truth is I wouldn't have
been able to, it didn't matter
As hard as you tried to love me,
I had to love me too.
I had never learned how
unfortunately
So when I said "I love you"
I loved you the same way I loved me,
so conditionally.

#love #lessons #letter #you

Feb 24 · 212

When

Renae Feb 24

When

When the night is gone
We can sleep safely
Like small children cradled
In a mothers arms.
When there is no more darkness
We will love deeply
Willingly embracing
Like we've never seen harm
When the sea is cleansed
We will trust fully
We will have peace
Like we've never known
When the moon is no more
The hurt and anguish
Of our mothers will be forgotten,
Only smiles will grace
Only love will replace
Only good will remain
In the day of perfection.

Feb 21 · 542

What is poetry?

Renae Feb 21

What is poetry?

Release the knots of emotion
bound by cages,
walls that taunt the mind.
Express your frustration
bleed through the pen,
unheard & stunted feelings
leave them all behind.

My definition of poetry

#poetry #the #poet #writing #feeling

Feb 21 · 473

Father of the lie

Renae Feb 21

Father of the lie

The beautiful thing is that
You don't need to worry
You need not fear or cry
The fact of the matter is
The Devil is ONLY
The father of the lie
He's a liar, and that's
what he does best
So when he bothers you
It is only a test.
Remember, it's why, not just the way
Jesus died for you
So please, don't let yourself sway,
He fights for you.
It's not our war
We're only
Collateral damage.
It may not make sense
But it's not ours
to manage

#jesus #faith #devil #liar

Feb 13 · 956

My ego

Renae Feb 13

My ego

My ego is a part of me
It protects my self esteem
gives me ultra confidence
It can also make me mean
my ego can be seen as cruel
It would be stupid for me not to see
My ego can be healthy,
be my downfall...
My ego decides my destiny
I have to check my ego
Ultimately
Because in the end,
my ego, can be the death of me.

#ego #self #selfish #selfesteem #confidence

Jan 30 · 793

Existence

Renae Jan 30

Existence

breathe
in deep, out long
inhale, exhale
if i inhale this medication
will i feel again?
just begin, no, sleep in
long hours, looking
watching them
scrolling,
learning survival
is all i'm interested in

one day
i'll take action
til then
days drag on
skin wilting
strength fleeting
sleep, more sleep
help, no...
i give in

get up
you're still alive
open the blinds
it's nice outside
don't you want to
start, start something
somewhere
don't close your eyes

#depression #existence #fight #alive #dead

Dec 2023 · 1.2k

Addiction

Renae Dec 2023

Addiction

Fine print signatures hardly exist when
little white lines guide your mind
Trusted friends, kin,
I believed when they said I'd win
Surely this won't take me
I claim invincibility
Laugh louder outside
Inside I am screaming
Save me
I am imploding
She is empty what happened to us
What happened to me
I am in disbelief
I chose this ending

#addiction #white #depression #drugs #life #death #choices

Dec 2023 · 1.1k

Trauma

Renae Dec 2023

Trauma

When trauma feels like home
It can be a lonely place
Isolation from family, from everything but the truth
It's a total disgrace.
We know inside, it's not healthy
there is no comfort
it's not bringing peace.
Oh but familiarity
seems like clarity
I fear this delusion
will continue
until Im certainly deceased.

#phycological #trauma #abuse #mental #health #delusion

Sep 2023 · 2.9k

Revenge

Renae Sep 2023

Revenge

Revenge, sounds like fun, sounds like healing doesn't it?
Revenge, sounds like justice, but is it?
Hate is a wall we build within.
That wall reaches the heavens, and revenge can turn everything dark.
The knife that we pulled from our back with revenge, has now stabbed us straight through the heart.

#revenge #vengeance #wrath #anger #hurt

Sep 2023 · 158

Rain

Renae Sep 2023

Rain

I love the pitter patter it makes
on the spanish tiles
of my roof top.
It splish splashes
on my window panes.
The Earth is thirsty
after the summer
the sun was unforgiving
for so long
I watch the fields soak up
What they've been needing
It felt like ages
we went without.
Now the rain falls
and the Earth is quenched
It sprouts again
The fresh smell feels the air
And I sip my coffee
under my cozy covered porch
as I listen in peace and I smile.

Aug 2023 · 1.8k

I might die tomorrow

Renae Aug 2023

I might die tomorrow

I might die tomorrow.

I am 5, & I don't know my family. I was born like this.
They say my life is in gods hands,
but I don't know what God is? God if you are there, will you please send me an angel?

I heard angels are beautiful.

A lady came today, she said I was so pretty. She told me she would take me somewhere special where they would take care of me, is she your angel?

3 days later I was on the ocean, shoved into a train car on a boat. All of us, children,
we need baths, we need food. She lied, we are not safe.

Oh no! Where am I?
This place doesn't look clean,
this is scary, now I am in a cage like an animal!
We all are, all the children around me, they are crying... they are not safe,
we are so sad,
they are hurting.
Where am I?

It is so dark in here, it is so cold. Please bring help,

I might die tomorrow.

Please send me an angel.
please send me an angel.

#*** #trafficking #children #innocence #sad #death #realize #reality

Aug 2023 · 399

No words can explain this pain

Renae Aug 2023

No words can explain this pain

I remember the moment
I heard your heartbeat
My heart leapt in excitement!
My anticipation and joy,
I was wrapped up in
decorating your nursery.
Smiles never left my eyes
The sleepless nights... well
they went by like blinking.
No matter my sickness,
I didn't mind.
When they told me I
would have to stay in bed,
I did it, I tried to let you grow
without interrupting you.
I never wanted anything
so much.
If I knew, would I have done it?
Would I do it again?
That day, as I sobbed
into your daddy's chest,
your lifeless body on the table,
they could not revive you.
You were so blue.
I prayed but the minutes
went by like hours.
Please know,
I will always miss you,
I will always want you.

#challenge #poetry #death #sadness

Aug 2023 · 1.5k

Illiterate

Renae Aug 2023

Illiterate

She was an open book
He was illiterate
He kept trying to
slam her shut
She didn't know
how to deal with it
She tried to give
him a summary
he wasn't listening
She tried to make
It about him
he called her boring
Finally she turned
the page
and began to write
a new ending

#relationships #modern #love #infatuated #today #romance

Jun 2023 · 1.2k

Blessed

Renae Jun 2023

Blessed

I love me. I am golden inside, I am not full of pride. I am love. My skin was gifted to me by the creator, it has exactly what I need for the sun that I'm under. I love my abilities; the fact that I have two hands and two feet, 10 fingers and 10 toes. I know that I am loved, I can run and jump, climb, smile, laugh, taste, hear and see. I am love and I am loved and that is all I need to be

Blessed to be human, who cares what color I am.

#color #black #white #human #person #creation

Feb 2023 · 490

Candid

Renae Feb 2023

Candid

I need to tell the truth
Let me be candid
I'm in a world
full of bandits
Diluted infractions
I need action
Drowning in
"look at me pollution"
love's an illusion
on a lonely screen
I find
unsolicited advice
How nice
Is this my new therapy?
I've lost my mind
Without meaning
how can I believe it?

Where's the truth
What's the truth
Where's the love
What's the proof?
You said I matter
That's a lie
Watch me shatter inside
Over and over I die
as life goes by
like a racecar
I'm tired, scarred,
never understanding why
What'd you say?
Say what you mean
Do what you say
There's no in-between
If all I have is you
How the hell am I
Supposed to make it through
I don't have it in me to
keep on giving

Make it worth living

#life #candid #truth

Jan 2023 · 1.3k

Too good

Renae Jan 2023

Too good

You think you're
doing life right?
Bending over
backwards
no fights.
Never saying
what's on your mind.
You always break
You know
they're fake,
all they do is
take take take...
leave you in pieces
feeling too
awake.
But you're here again
In tears again
Does reciprocation
exist?
Or is empathy
a disease?
One that only
brings you
to your knees.
I digress
my mind's a mess
I don't know
how it works
to
put myself first.

#empathy #doormat #friends #love #hate #relationships #mentallyinstable

Dec 2022 · 149

You know who you are

Renae Dec 2022

You know who you are

I told you I
believe
it's just
way too late.

You came back
telling me
It's okay to
take breaks...

How can we
build anything
on avoidance
and mistakes?

My mistakes
Your mistakes
Our foundation
has breaks,
It's broken

When did
you ever admit?
Apologize
to me, for dismissing
my feelings?
For making me feel
like nothing?

Why should I
act like it's okay?
We cannot become
One
With so much space

Oct 2022 · 187

Underneath it all

Renae Oct 2022

Underneath it all

Underneath
I suppose I was vibrant
Confident
Useful &
Unused yet
Before the war
Before the destruction
I was beautiful
Loveable
Underneath the rubble
I was something
To be admired
Inspirational
Underneath it all

Sep 2022 · 575

Wants

Renae Sep 2022

Wants

I want to be free
Free to be myself
Free to be okay with
noticing you notice me
I want to be okay
with my silhouette
I don't want to get over it
I want to be okay
I want to laugh
Laugh at me, I want to be silly
I want to feel happy
I'll never understand why
I cry and cry
I refuse to accept me
So I'll never be
what I wanted
I guess that's alright now
I'm still learning
What I'm supposed to know
I am not so good at being me
I'd like to switch places
instead I'll sleep

Feeling melancholy and things like that

#sad #poet #melacholy #wants

Jun 2022 · 297

Untouchable

Renae Jun 2022

Untouchable

It's not hard to see
once you stop staring
Noticing every flaw
Imperfect is easy

We lose hope
looking at eachother
don't even wonder
about his brilliance anymore
but it's there anyway
just waiting to be discovered

Nobody compares
nothing is as amazing
No stars shine brighter
because his love is healing

Untouched
Untouchable
Brilliance
Unmatched
Unmatchable resilience
His patience is incredible
And there's nothing
Like his forgiveness
Unmatched
Untouchable brilliance

All we can do is imitate
We aren't even carbon copies
We fail and fail again
He snaps his fingers and bam!
His decisions stand
without failing

Look at gravity
Look at the impossibility
Incomprehensible designs
Perfect in everyway
We try but we can't compete

Untouched
Untouchable
Brilliance
Unmatched
Unmatchable resilience
His patience is incredible
And there's nothing
Like his forgiveness
Unmatched
Untouchable brilliance

Jan 2022 · 210

Easy

Renae Jan 2022

Easy

Take some pills
It's not real
You're okay
That's what they say
but it's not that easy

You have bipolar
It's just a disorder
You can get healthy
That's what they tell me

Is it really only
chemically
because it *****
fondled & touched me
without sympathy
that's what I feel
that's what I see
so when you say
it's just me
It's just not that easy

If it's all in my head
why did it steal my bed
& my life away from me
unjustifiably
I have a right
all I could do was fight
when nobody was listening
So don't tell me
It's just me
It's not that easy
you can't appease me

I wouldn't hurt me
like this
I wouldn't choose
this mess
So as you can see
I'm through believing
you know it's not me
Alhough
It's inside
I'll never be that easy

Sep 2021 · 325

Hand me down things

Renae Sep 2021

Hand me down things

I stood there in the closet
Plotting it out
How I was gonna wear
her outfit
Without her figuring out
The one with the stripes
And the ******* belt

She always had something
I wanted you see
Something I couldn't have
Was what I wanted to be

Like the hand me down things
She handed to me
Her hand me down love
was my everything

I was walking on air
When she gave them to me
Like a million bucks
Felt like I won the lottery
In her hand me down love
I was glistening

Hand me down shoes
Hand me down rings
Hand me down clothes
Hand me down things

Aug 2021 · 624

Deviate

Renae Aug 2021

Deviate

Stumbling
back and forth
falling to the side
crooked is the path
of unstable pride
Written words of old
remain only light
To deviate
sets yourself on high
following those
who only divide.
There is not a man alive
who doesn't stumble
once or twice
Forgiveness
is the bonding
rope
A golden
way to survive

#jworg #jw #bible #light #truth #jehovah #jesus

Aug 2021 · 123

Unite

Renae Aug 2021

Unite

I don't claim to know
What's good and what's not
There's things I know
that aren't just thoughts
I remember that night
the wind blew cold
it tried to **** us
But we were stronger
than the wind
We were stronger in the end
We stood up
We fought
took our stand
Full of endurance
Resistance
They swung and hit
but the ball it missed us
They're aiming For something
they can't reach
Someone who loves us
strong enough
to make us trees
Our roots growing deep
Holding on with both hands
Drinking from streams
They cannot touch
We know what's right
The end is in sight
Now we take our stand
Unite

Aug 2021 · 1.6k

The dilemma

Renae Aug 2021

The dilemma

"How can you love me?"

I said

"You hardly even notice
I exist"

"You're not perfect"

He said

"Stop trying so hard
to please me"

#situationships #impossible #expectation

Aug 2021 · 134

Rise above

Renae Aug 2021

Rise above

Sadness and confusion
Go hand in hand
Complimenting eachother
Sticking together
Building eachother up
Tears like a river
Drowning out
the ability
To rise above

Aug 2021 · 706

Bold

Renae Aug 2021

Bold

Red
Strong
Heart
Be
Bold
&
Courageous
You
Are
Not
Cold
You
Are
Not
Weak
Be
What
You
Are
Steadfast
And
Meek

#jw #encouraged #strong #heart

Aug 2021 · 1.5k

Adulting

Renae Aug 2021

Adulting

What does it mean
to be adult in this world?
To be scared,
scarred and broken?
A protector of others
without your own,
buckled and bruised
while smiling,
hiding a crushed spirit
behind a job.
A job that doesn't pay,
it takes all your time away
head in hands
tears only fall where
no one sees
Cold heavy worldly weight
Lies heavy on small shoulders
This is adulting

Please pardon me, I'm in my feelings tonight, (sorry not sorry) I'll write it out and feel better

#adulting #venting #sad

Aug 2021 · 115

Better

Renae Aug 2021

Better

She said he said
It's all so salty
Wanna know the scoop?
Mostly she thinks
"I'm better than you"
Blessed and chosen
From only a few
You don't know how little
I mean to you

Aug 2021 · 312

Speak

Renae Aug 2021

Speak

I don't understand
but I'm not worried

It's out of my hands,
out of my hands

Been in motion for so long
it's not going to stop

I guess you shouldn't throw away what's written

Whether you want it or not

You can't change it no matter how much you wish

You can't stop what's been put in place

It's God's plan
Nobody can change it
for the Earth or for space

It's bigger than you
That's why life's a rat race

I'm in it too
Enduring
no matter what it takes

One mistake
won't take your life...
even if you make it twice.

Get back up and make it right!

We already know what the consequence is like

I'm not in competition with anybody,
I want you to win.

The only plea I have,
Is want the same
for me

This war isn't mine
I have no choice,
but I have faith
So I speak with
my voice

#faith #god #jehovah #jesus #godswill

Aug 2021 · 521

Have you ever loved?

Renae Aug 2021

Have you ever loved?

Have you kissed bruises
On a broken heart
Have you ever loved?
Have you forgiven
All the hurt
Have you ever loved?
Have you been used
Left and even abused
By the ones you loved?
I know a secret
It's best not to dwell on it
Because of all the good
That's all God sees
Even under rejection
Under the hurt of the lies
And all the despise
He forgave us
So tell me true,
Have you?
Every really loved?

God is love

#jehovah

Jul 2021 · 323

Silent tear

Renae Jul 2021

Silent tear

How much
does a single tear hold?
How many memories?
Traumas?
Secret tragedies?
In one tear
I could drown in misery
But I let it fall
hope it lands
far away from me
Write it out
put it behind
leave it there
buried in history

#poetry #sadness #memories #tears #writing #life

Jul 2021 · 160

Tired

Renae Jul 2021

Tired

I'm less than half a century
there's so much this world tells me I should be

I don't know
how that could be
I did what I ought
I stood and I fought
I ignored what I knew
they thought of me

Now my bones are weary
my muscles have
no get up and go
they feel they have
nowhere to be

I try to see the hope in view
I focus on that narrow
slice of light I knew
I stood with
my feet in concrete

Now I am tired of standing
I am no longer what I can be
This existence wasn't happy
Since the only version of
Love I knew,
never lasted for me

💔

#brokenhearted

Jul 2021 · 95

Veiled

Renae Jul 2021

Veiled

Most say:
"They cannot see me
I hide
behind
a curtain
of deceit
A black veil
of false certainty
My life...
securely veiled
from those who see"
Oh how sad they will be

This is how the whole world thinks

Jul 2021 · 419

Nobody's listening

Renae Jul 2021

Nobody's listening

Shout it from the rooftop
scream it to the sea
wave your hands
take a stand
nobody's listening

Jul 2021 · 114

Realistically

Renae Jul 2021

Realistically

What is real?
I can't see it but I can feel
Is it lust? Is it fire?
Is it only appealing to my desire?
Is wrong is it right?
Should I put up a fight?
I once read it was either
A test of my faith,
will I stand firm
Or teeter
Will it destroy my heart
Rip it out and tear it apart?
Like the myans of old
Sacrificing all I own
Theives, they steal
Take & only reveal
lust for power
not a tower
Of refuge
They are hills
Crumbling and stumbling
With nothing but feels
no foundation
No peace of mind
empty philosophy
is all you find
Realistically
The answer is deeper
It is not hidden or confusing
It is something to live for
Stronger and taller
Than the highest height
emptying thrones
bringing the truth to light
More powerful
than your mind
a treasure of gold
is what you'll find

Jun 2021 · 228

Mosaic

Renae Jun 2021

Mosaic

I've learned I'm entirely
broken...
into tiny fragments.
I don't attempt
to pick up my pieces,
slicing my skin on sharp egdes.
I sat long in the mirror examined my colors... outstanding
my shine, not gone
perhaps not broken.
I said to myself
"I don't need to perfectly fit"
Somehow I'm still beautiful,
sharp, impossible...
I suppose the only thing
left to do is..
proudly place my pieces in cement

Jun 2021 · 565

Am I worthy

Renae Jun 2021

Am I worthy

All roads seem blocked
All exits taped off!
This and that
always get in the way
I ask and wonder and
I don't feel okay

Am I worthy??
As though
you should answer...
Are you?
Who am I to choose

There are hidden things
I cannot see
Your heart, your soul,
your memories
Your trauma, your fears,
Your meant to be's

That crashed and burned
broke your heart...

Who am I to think
you're too broken to restart?

Can I assume you
have no right to life?
That you're cursed
unloved & shouldn't
been born... right...

When I look in a mirror
I only see me
So I ask myself,
Am I worthy?
And then I answer,
most certainly.

#worth #selfworth #worthy #selfhelp

Jun 2021 · 89

Speak

Renae Jun 2021

Speak

I don't understand
but I'm not worried
It's out of my hands
out of my hands

Been in motion for so long
it's not going to stop
I guess you shouldn't throw away what's written
Whether you want it or not

You can't change it
no matter how much you wish
You can't stop
what's been put in place
It's God's plan
you can't change it
for the Earth & for space

It's bigger than you
That's why it's a race
I'm in it too
Enduring
no matter what it takes

One mistake
won't take your life
even if you make it twice
Get back up and make it right
You already know
the consequence, like
Why ruin your life?

I'm not in competition
with nobody
I want you to win too
All I ask is
You want the same for me,
Don't you?

This war isn't mine
I have no choice
but I have faith
So I stand
with my heart
and my voice

May 2021 · 796

The only light I see

Renae May 2021

The only light I see

I've seen the news
seen what's on TV
Listened to music
looked at you, looked at me
I learned
all about our history
The only light I see
is in the books,
songs & letters
written to you and me
They've survived
through centuries
telling us what's to be
No, anxiety can't get to me
I rest peacefully
my mind is at ease
for the illumination is
brighter than it used to be
The writing's on the wall
the picture is clear
It's never been easier to see
He cannot cheat,
he will not lie
There's no more time to cry
he will wipe every tear from our eyes

#jehovah #jesus #bible #truth #heart #love #loyalty

Feb 2021 · 157

Be what I am

Renae Feb 2021

Be what I am

You and you and you
Pointing at me
Take a look at the three
Staring you back in your face
How could you know
the sound of my heartache?

Go ahead, shift the blame
Don't you understand?
I can only be what I am

I'm not exactly who you see
I'll never be what you want me to be
I'm not trying to please
Not anymore

Your tightrope broke
I fell but I didn't choke
After you left me high and dry
Your revenge is a joke
I never wanted to see you broke
lonely or unhappy....
Funny thing is
you wanted all of that for me

So go ahead, shift the blame
Don't you understand?
I can only be what I am

Dec 2020 · 140

Gotta get back to me

Renae Dec 2020

Gotta get back to me

I've been at
your beck & call
when all you wanted
was for me to fall
I picked you up
again and again
as you watched me
crawl, break & bend
For you
it was never enough
I couldn't carry it all
Like I'm nothing but tough
...as if your flaws were my own
the weight of you crushes
right down to my bones
I may be alone
Only my thoughts
to set me free
The comfort I have is
knowing me
Knowing exactly who I am
seeing through everything
helps me to understand
I gotta get back to me
Focus on what's at hand
Disappointment happens sidetracking
Chasing storms in the sand

Dec 2020 · 10.8k

Remember me

Renae Dec 2020

Remember me

Remember me?
It wasn't that long ago, was it?
I was so carefree
I would shine like sunlight
staight through the trees
Dance like a rainbow across
the sky
No fear of, "who am I"
I could be anything
No fences hold me
I will travel the world
I will sing from balconies
I will tackle any mountain
I will swim the 7 seas
I am not gone
I remember me.

#domesticviolence #abuse #mentalabuse #emotionalabuse #sexualabuse #selfesteem #selfconfidence

Nov 2020 · 83

End

Renae Nov 2020

End

Empty hollow holes
echo anger, tears & shame
Criticism destroyed all of her true colors that only
bleed to black
Helpless
crushing vices
became her only comfort
sending her to a bitter end

Nov 2020 · 189

Anxiety

Renae Nov 2020

Anxiety

What if I sabotaged everything?
What if my children don't get the life I want for them?
What if the fire doesn't just burn down my space?
What if it spreads & only leaves ashes?
What if war breaks out
& the louder we yell the less comes out?
What if all we have is chaos and nothing else
Quiet minds are no where to be found
this anxiety isn't just in me,
It's flowing through all humanity

Matt 6:33

#anxiety #depression #chaos #fear #human

Nov 2020 · 163

Paper has more patience

Renae Nov 2020

Paper has more patience

In frightening situations
Through tears of pain
The anguish of grief
In the pouring rain

As Anne once said,
"Paper has more patience than people"

The strength she knew
more powerful within
More intense than realities
Faith held her hand.

The diary of Anne Frank

#annefrank