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my heart has been shattered and i am out of eloquent ways of portraying the pain that leaves me saying , in the loudest silent scream, “  how could you be so ******* careless with my heart?!??” because it’s everything. i gave you my whole heart and you just smashed it
into
an infinite
number
of
pieces
now i am freefalling
b
  r
    o
       k
          e
             n
Jessica Stull Dec 2018
She shall flip the tables and ignore her hearts breaking pulse “It is you who have tormented thy soul
It is you and the demons who lurk behind
Digging at my skin
Burning with pain from within
The beauty within this tragedy, is I’ve been left with the art they carried
Most terrifying of my works, almost as if they’ve been left undone
But I’ve learned, that’s no art to live on”
A deal for a seal, to steal her happiness she’ll soon feel
To fight the evil under her skin
To finally surround herself with her own friend
Ah the relief is so much thicker and sweeter than the blood she consumed from her own self, her sister, her demon of the old her, her old friend
Who lurks behind still
But listen to this fill, the evil “she” lurks behind because the new her is so much ahead, she’s  cut them down, but you’re not dead!
Cause really “she” is “I” and “they” and “you” she is all those things no one knew
That evil one in the back of her head, she’s been learning to shut out that voice raging within her head because
She’s not dead!
©Jessica Stull
Luca Oct 2018
Tear after tear trails down her cheek,
Until a metallic glint catches her attention,
She grasps the handle of the sharp blade in her hand,
Drip,
Drip,
Tears fall onto the luminescent knife only strengthening its interest inducing trance,
A smile creeps upon her face as she produces a **** in her flesh,
Her skin only being held together by mere memories,
Addicted she continues cutting away all of her worries,
Twisting,
Churning,
Slashing all of them into oblivion,
Until the tears finally stop.
Christina Hale Apr 2018
They think she's cool looking and everything
They like the way she dresses, the color of her hair, her tattoos, and tongue ring
They think she's cute
Well that's just until they get to know her
They might think oh just give her time, she'll let loose
She's just a little shy
No, **** no
They're wrong
She's extremely shy

She can't let go, she has trouble making friends
She can't let go, she has trouble making friends
She'll probably **** it up again
And have to start back from the beginning
She'll **** it up again
Start back from the beginning girl

After a while people start to get tired of her ****
Her shy ways and sarcastic attitude
It's just who she is, she can't change that, even if she could she wouldn't
She just wants someone to accept her for who she is
Not the way she looks
Then she realizes she's just a phase to people
When they first meet her, they think she's cool and ****
But after a while I guess they get tired of her
She'll just see them around
But they are not down
Like how they used to be
And **** it hurts

She can't let go, she has trouble making friends
She can't let go, she has trouble making friends
She'll probably **** it up again
And have to start back from the beginning
She'll **** it up again
Start back from the beginning girl
Christina Hale Apr 2018
Hey I’m the girl who always has a problem
Problem child you could call me
My problems
I don’t know how to solve them
But I must clear my conscience and refrain from repressing my thoughts along with feelings
And maybe this killing
Pain in my chest
Will come to rest

I’m the girl you know with the upside-down smile
Whose big sad brown eyes begs you to stay by her for a little while
The cup half empty chick
Who’s always so quick to flip
The girl with all the problems
The kind that are all in her head
And at times wishes she was dead
The girl who at times seem to glow
The girl who could pull people in with her expressive ways and words that flow
The girl who subconsciously do things
To bring
People to see
Things from her perspective
I’m the girl with the problems
And is looking to you to help me resolve them
The girl who smiles in your presence
And frowns in the of others
The girl who doesn’t handle adversity very well
The girl who is sad and anxious when you’re not around
Hey I’m the girl you know with the upside-down smile
Christina Hale Mar 2018
I go to sleep at night to only dream about you
I go to work wanting to be close to you
You are eminently but improbably my type but I want you
I can't stop wanting you
It must be that thing you do
With you being you
And with those eyes that pierce and see right through to me
And with your comebacks on everything I say
You being so openly ***
And the cool way you walk
Cute voice when you talk
And you always have such good advice
And everyone loves you including I, you're so ******* nice
And it's just not fair that I can't get you out of my mind
And it's because you're so ******* kind that you have taken a hold of my soul
I just need to let go
Need to let go

My heart is sore
And it's you I can't have
You I adore and I want more
Than just these stupid dreams and fantasies of you
But I feel you do too
Or maybe I'm just a delusionalist
And I need to quit envisioning a us

And it's you I can't have
Yeah it's true
It's you I can't have
Is there something wrong with me
Why don't you want me
Is there something wrong with me
Oh wait
I get it
Not interested
Or maybe I know
You might just be strictly professional
But just like me wanting what I can't have
Yeah it's true
Wanting what I can't have
I think I just need to let this crush go
Yeah just need to let it go
Just need to let go
Christina Hale Mar 2018
She's bleeding, she's bleeding, she's hurt
She has been kicked out, spitted on, and thrown in the dirt
She's bleeding, she's bleeding, you don't know how she feels
She has slit her wrist and overdose on some pills
She bleeds from the inside out
She's been feeling like this for most of her life and wants to die, she has no doubts
She bleeds as she wipes the tears from her eyes
She lays on the bed waiting to die
She's bleeding, she's bleeding, only if it could stop
But it's too late, her eyes roll back and off the bed she drops
Christina Hale Mar 2018
Cancel my membership to the gym
I'm not going back until I find my motivation
I enjoy Friday’s with mom, sitting home watching T.V.
Although I have to admit it's kind of boring
And I really don't want to go out
'Cause coming home drunk and waking up with no one in my arms is just too depressing
When I'm at work I can't breathe, I really don't enjoy being there
Just feel so all alone
Can't wait to go back home to that empty room
On my days off I sleep all day
It helps this pain inside of me go away
Up all night I think about what am I going to do with this life
But when I'm out at the club and I'm drunk and dancing the night away
I feel like I belong there
And here
In this moment
Life is good
Christina Hale Mar 2018
When she wakes up in the morning and she knows something's not right
The sun is so glistering bright
But she doesn't feel like getting up, her body feels achy and like its been hit by a truck
She doesn't feel like facing the world today
But she gets up anyway

It's time to take your medicine girl
Take your medicine girl
It's time to take your medicine girl
Because you're too sad to face the world

She really doesn't feel like eating but she eats a little something anyway
She thinks to herself this will do it for the day
She doesn't feel like going to work 'cause then she's gotta put her happy face on
So she shows that there's really nothing wrong
But inside her head on repeat it's that sad girl's song

It's time to take your medicine girl
Take your medicine girl
It's time to take your medicine girl
Because you're too sad to face the world

She knew she couldn't hide it any longer
Because it wasn't making her any stronger
That's why she has such a dark past
And in her dreams the memories will always last
Because she tried to hurt herself one day
She just wanted to make all the pain go away
Because inside her the sadness always stayed
It would never fade
So she tried to do something about it
But she just wound up in a hospital bed feeling really sick

Until that very day she never felt so sorry
But she knows if she wants to get better
And enjoy the world and feel more alive than ever
And feel happy again
Then she's gotta take that medicine

It's time to take your medicine girl
Take your medicine girl
It's time to take your medicine girl
Because you're too sad to face the world
Christina Hale Mar 2018
She so perfect
And I’m not even perfect at all
She so perfect
And she doesn’t even mind my many flaws

I feel my shyness and quietness makes me an outcast everywhere I go
But when she’s around none of that seems to matter though

Your perfection is flawed
Just a misrepresentation of you, that’s all
You let me in, let me in
Just to shut me out, shut me out

I’m still sad from the days that you went away

I’m over you but I still have some feelings lingering on for you, it’s mostly amorous which every time I see you it seems to be getting stronger
And I know whatever you felt for me is no longer
Your hugs are short and you don’t even have that look in your eyes for me anymore which causes me to act petulant whenever you say something to me
You don’t even talk to me about HIM anymore
But I think you know it’s best not to
You found love
And I found heartache
You found happiness
And I found sadness
I knew in my heart we were never meant to be
I even knew more so that day I kissed your lips and felt nothing
I always thought we would have a deep something
I mean we had partially, but all is left now is a deep nothing
But I’m still sad from the day he stole you away

It’s been a while since you were you
Now you’re like this happy in love chick that always talks of him and buys him ****
It’s not like I ever wanted or expected ****
But it would have been nice, thoughtful of you for all the **** I ******* bought, wrote, and said to you for you to get me or write me something as a little, maybe just a little appreciation, gratitude
But nothing, nothing, all I get is nothing
So *******, all I give you now is an attitude
I guess I wasn’t nothing, nothing, not even a real friend to you
I was just some quirky queer chick who admired you and you loved that because you loved that I loved you and gave you excessive attention
****, now I see what you are, pretentious
But now I regret every stupid poem or gift I ever gave to you
So throw it, throw it all away
And leave no trace that I was a monomaniac for you
You
What makes you so special, the one I was so obsequious for
Do you remember that poem I wrote you and I said somewhere in it that my heart was indebted to you
Well it was just flummery *******
Throw it away, throw it all away
And leave no trace of my vulnerability
**** me for making myself so vulnerable to you
So no longer will I
But I really am happy for you
And sorry about the attitude
And I will no longer act like a bitter heartbroken *****
I am over it, so through
Because I still love you

When all else is lost
What is the meaning
What is the cause
Keep writing to relieve
Needing something to retrieve
Never giving up, still holding up, to believe
And achieve the ultimate in me

Oh beautiful eyes
You’re the reason to which sometimes I cry at night
Because sometimes I wake up with such vivid dreams of you and all I want to do is hold you tight

These thoughts don’t come easy
These moods don’t come steady
Feelings at unease
Even this cool humid breeze
Won’t bring my soul back to peace

Lacking the skills of conversation
Causing me so much frustration
There is no sensation

You let me in, let me in
Just to shut me out, shut me out
*******
I’m through
I miss you
You know the old you
The non-fat, skinny fitting into your jeans you
The angry sad but sweet you
The you that texted or called me every once in a blue moon you
The you that every once in a while confided in me and let me hold you when you were upset you
The you that used to talk to me, now all I get is the unspoken awkwardness you
I miss you
The before him you

Staring into your glamorous amorous light eyes
You got me all goggle-eyed and tongue tied
Is it a no surprise    
That you give me butterflies
Making me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside
I am an irascible monomaniac thanks to beautiful eyes
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