This lack of communications skills is the guillotine of my relationships.
Or rather,
Bamboo seeds under ***** finger nails.
The reed slowly growing between the lifeless nail and the lively red flash underneath it.
Painfully pulling apart the fibers that keep us together.
A hot coal on my tongue and sutures on my lips.
Despite your sadness, anger or excitement,

I am silent.

I'm too childish for a mature love. No matter how bad I want it.
I imagine it would be like a child pestering his father for his first sip of beer.
Wanting it so bad, because he sees how much everyone else drinks it, and how good it makes them feel.
Only to take the drink and realize its horrible tasting and bitter and sickening.
Nothing like he imagined it would be.

My head was always in the clouds
But my spine, it finally broke.
Now my cerebral core is crashing
And I am hungry for your hope.

Funny,
How tragedy skews your perception of time.
You think I would remember the month,
Or at least the year,
I pulled her out of that den for ***** desperate destitutes,
Trying to escape with help of Crystals and Mana.
It was cold.
Is all I remember really.
Perhaps that's a way of my mind tricking me into thinking,

It never happened.

Her crazed howls from the gurney still echo in my head.
They tell me other wise.

My head rests like a lead balloon.
My stomach sits like a bubbling lagoon.

****,
I drank way too much again.

A voice like crushed ice.
grating and cool.

Sly eyes scan for
Scrumptious souls to steal

Cheeky smiles and chivalrous ways
A silver tongue to complete his play

1000 miles, and I'm still on his radar.

I'm a scientist *****,
Don't you know what the means?
I've got a P.h.d in physics,
Bring ya down to your knees.
I'll find your resonance frequency ,
You'll be runnin' scared,
Make you quake like Nagasaki
E=Mc^2
Yea,
Ya know the ladies love me when they're rubbin up on me
I give em' cash they shake that *** they're gettin wet off this salary
I make a hundred thousand mother ******' Gs a year,
Now whatta you do?
Sit around smoke dope and drink beer?
You wanna shoot me?
You can try if you like,
But I can predict the path of a bullet in mid flight,
I'll drop you faster than gravity with the sound of my gat,
**** you with more certainty than Schrodingers cat.
Well,
Galileo, Galileo
Whats my name?
Your girl orbits my **** she gives me head everyday

You know what entropy says?
All things must come to an end,
Well I'm your catalyst *****,
Make you wish you was dead.

Elders from ancient times
Gifted with hardy skin
And cleansing hands.
They tower above to scrape at wisps of floating rivers.
Their sentinel  gaze watches over horizons we have yet to behold.
Guardians,
From unseen omnipotent forces,
Shelters
For weak and humbled.

She weaves,
Fluidly.
Lazily veering as trails left behind cast endearing auroras.
Silk, wrapping gently the porcelain scapes
and lust hued summits.
Wires drop with delicate hooks, decorated with
droll baubles.
To ensnare and pierce the dew coated mounds
with scintillating rings that dance 'round the all consuming abyss.

I am over flowing.
A tempest,
Of temperamental triads and
Trebuchet casting wards past ivory towers.

My silent guardian,
Now waxes in power and glow.
It's shadow wanes from the movement
Of Whimsical celestial tops.

Dancing,
to natures infinite rise and fall rhythm

Instead of open skies and gold clouds,
Its florescent lights and shuffling crowds.
Once I'm gone I'll never miss another sunrise.
My neck will ache from looking up,
But at least I won't look down in defeat.
Once I'm gone,
The only weight I'll carry is a pack and dreams.
Instead of a past that looks darker through the seasons.
I am watching from further away everyday.
I am disconnected from everyone.
They try to talk to me and I spit back dial tones.
I am burning my bridges;
Wearing the embers in my teeth.
My grin will be brilliant,
From all the smoulders I'll eat.
I'll leave the cage I've been pacing ruts in.
Clipped wings will grow anew.
Fresh feathers with a sense of purpose.
I'll smell like rain before it hits the smog.
I'll sing like I was born to,
Just like bird songs.
I'm not here to make you proud.
I'm not here to stay silent in these rooms.
I'm not here and I never really was.
*I'm already gone.

Imagine if you will.
One thousand, thousand birds,
Flying above,
A deafening cacophony of fluttering wings.
Each bird is a thought from your head.
And Imagine if you will,
You gatta look up,
And try and find and grab a thought,
So you can tell others what you think.

But all you can manage
Is a few feathers.
Half words,
Fragments,
Of what could be a beautifully constructed sentence.

So it doesn't make sense.
Not to you,
Not to who you're talking to.

I see stars while I wait for the lights to turn green.
Drunken thoughts are sober truths,
they say.
Old friends rekindled,
with a fifth of whiskey,
and an old man to look up to.

Am I honerable?
well I'm not sure.
I have morals.
but do I follow them?
Well I'm not sure.

Hey kid,
how are you now.,
that youve grown a bit more.
Seen some more ****.
Can you walk in other shoes.
Now that youve seen through others eyes?

The sun will guide. Ya dont be scared.
You'll find your place.
in this crazy world.
ya dont worry now.
You'll find a bottle
Oh, you'll find your words,
Whats that you say?
Ya,
Imagine if you will.
One thousand, thousand birds,
Flying over head/
each other with a thought from your head.
And Imagine if you will,
You gatta look up,
Pick a bird, so you can say a thought,
But you get a feather, half a word,
it doesnt make sense,
not to you,
No, not to who your talking to.
And
Kid im sorry,
thats the way it is,
for you at least,
Are you sure at least,
that others dont feel like this,
is it just you?
Are you sure,
yea
Son are you sure?
Well i'm seeing stars
waiting for lights to turn green,
I'll find that bottle
so I can chase my dreams.

Theres lots of talk about love.
It's always in poems and in songs.
Some girl left.
Some guy broke her heart.
I don't know.
Wonder what happened to me?
I used to love
love poems.
Now, they just make me feel heavy.
Sickly.
Sad.
It's not because I don't have love.
I do.
Hell, shes in the other room.
Well.
I'm leaving soon.
Traveling kids tend to do that.
She knows.
She says shes okay with it.
But soon,
I wonder,
If she'll hate love poems, like I Do.
Will she feel heavy,
Sickly,
Sad?

I hope not.

I'd like to be with the lights in the sky,
Always on a spiritual high,
Chasing galaxies.

Teeth chatter on,
Like a playing card
Against bike spokes.

Eyes mercilessly burn
Holes into their fabrics of
Perceptions

You are Frozen.
A block of dead nerves,
That remember how to hurt.

You are Frozen.
Not of Nordic winds
And confining ice,
But of ancient demons
That have you dead to rights.

******.
     Dauntingly so.
Haunting light.
     Emits,
From hazy heads.

Crystals to my cranium.
Crepuscular rays in my hair.
Homeless is how I'd like to be.

You,
Were a wisp of cigarette smoke,
Waiting to be taken by the wind.
A flame dancing madly
And then
   Drowning,
In the wax.

This **** really fries my brain.
Wish I was on the road.
Playing guitar all the time.
Moving.
What is it about now that
keeps me in ruts?
I wish It was raining.
It would fit well.
The mood.
Woods.
Those trees keep calling me.
They feel like home.
When I'm sitting amongst them.
In the decay,
Of pines and leaves.
This **** fries my brain.
I feel distant.
Farther in my head.
Eyes more like windows.
Not sure if I'm an odd one.
Or if I'm just crazy.
My handwriting is bad.
As much as I write, you would think,
My hand writing would be better.
All those curls can't hide these
shaky hands.
Well,
Shaky bones tell me the winds are coming.
With the thunder;
Mystic changing powers.

Social situations stress me out.
My head is full of **** and I'm full of doubt.
My friends all say that I should go out,
But social situations stress me out.
I wish I lived in a different time,
Where it was alright to be the quite type.
I'm a ****** in strangers eyes,
The few friends I've got, think I'm alright.

I like hanging out with my shadow,
I like the sounds of the trees.
I find comfort in the dark,
While all my friends are fast asleep.

Inside me, I feel,
All alone and unreal,
Far away, across the sea.
A private island made for me.

The sails cackle and laugh at me,
The sailors point at what they've seen
A crazy man, without a home,
A desperate man, all alone.  

Reality crashes with the waves,
And I am left with the shattered remains,
I try to piece together what ya said,
But it never clicks inside my head.

If I could change one day in my past,
It'd be the day my boots beat the path,
So I wonder, how it could be,
If my gypsy soul never touched my feet.

I had a lady and she loved me so,
But the road you know it owns my soul,
So I wonder, how it i could be,
If my gypsy soul never touched my feet.

Dont fall in love with us travelin' kids
We'll break your heart as we leave with the wind,
So I wonder, how it could be,
If I could love a little longer than the season of spring.

Maybe if I was a better man,
But now I sit here wonderin' if I can go on
Yea I gatta keep on

And you should know I'm the king of bones
I'll rip out your spin so I can stand on my own.
Once I'm in, I'll tear you apart.
Leave you naked, bruised up, cut up, and exposed in the dark.

I've got my cigarettes I've got my ****,
All to keep my feelings under me,
In the mirror I see empty eyes,
So I roll myself a doobie and I look towards the sky.

The consequences of my wanderlust.
Are tears from the faces I have touched,
To my friends, Im sorry I'm gone,
I'm doin well.

If theres a welcome Ive over stayed it,
American dreams are overrated,
Sun sets up on mountain tops
thats where you're ganna find me.

I've got no money got no land to defend.
My journey will never come to an end.
Sun sets up on mountain tops
Thats where you ganna find me.

My gypsy soul and me.

Without a home,
And doomed to roam.

Insanity is key.
Lose yourself in unnatural bliss.
Sink your teeth into the hands of those
That offer you pity.

Winter comes and goes.
Your pictures fall from my walls.
I am left hollow.

My dreams are violent
Dogs of war are at my feet.
They feed on my fears.

They have clipped my wings.
I am as heavy as stone.
I look towards the sky.

When I'm outside at four in the morning standing in the bitter cold smoking my cigarette,
I always look towards the stars and wish that I could fly so ******* far away.
I wish I could sit upon some celestial body with a searing atmosphere and powerful storms so I could rage and scream and my flesh would boil and my bones would melt; my mind would break and my soul would toil on the depression and torment of love and loss until I am nothing more than wisps of carbon on blistering winds.

Crooked cops and sick men in high places.
Beating and ****** the sad mourning faces.
The people, the public; their prawns and their tools.
Abusing and using; their methods are cruel.
Our voice it means nothing, our fists do no good.
We will never be free, we are misunderstood.
For the fat cats with tall hats drink deep with the greed.
They say,
"Take from the people! They're helpless, They're meek."
And they're right we can't stop them, we'll always be beat.
They have tanks and battalions.
We have rocks and bare feet.

My head is full of ****
And my heart is ******* Ill
Your bruisin me your cuttin me your love it ******* kills.
My mind is running fantasies
My hands, a nervous twitch
I try and stay away from you but i cant you ******* *****
It aint right to be so sad
It aint right to be so mad
But if you just dropped dead tonight well Id be ******* glad
And I know that i cant have you
But my chest it ******* heaves
Cause whenever your around me its the way you ******* tease
And if for just one day
That i could hold your hand
Well I just wouldn't care that your boyfriend wants me dead

Just stop teasing me and leading me on and every day im just mopin round im crying i just want my ******* way. Now i know im unappealing and i know i aint too bright but if you would just come to me and cure me of this blight well I'd treat you really well and I'd save you from your hell, but i know that it wont happen so i hope that you can tell that i want you ******* dead and i wish that you were gone cause my love you hurts so bad that im just ganna crawl in a hole and die
Sorry.

As the sun rises so does my mood, the golden light exercising my shadow from my being and casting it across landscapes. I stare into the blinding gold and bask in the solar radiation. It warms my skin and my heart, for the sunlight shows a world worth compassionate thoughts and love. Clouds wax and wane, glowing with shades of pinks oranges and blues. Lovers and the Loveless wake in unison. Lovers share the new dawn with morning rituals and the loveless become hopeful once again...
At least for a moment.

Such a mess               Deep breaths
Im depressed             Dont regress
I cant speak               Dont be meek
It all looks bleak         You're not that weak
Yes I am                     Dont listen to them
I am what I am          No, your a very strong man.
Leave me alone         Fine, I'm going home.
  


           Wait.

                          




                                                                                      **** it..

I have to say,
**** this and **** that,
Everyones a ******* rat.
******* and **** them
I dont need my ******* friends.
**** your love and **** your boyfriend
I hope you two come to a tragic ******* end.
**** myself and **** my feelings
Ill make it numb and get higher than the ******* ceiling.
**** being strong 'cause i know I'm ******* weak
everything thats wrong with me its 'cause im ******* meek.
**** this life and **** the ******* world.
I'm screaming out obscenities that would make you ******* hurl.
I'm tired of this ******* anger
I'm tried of this fight.
Maybe tonights the night ill end it,
Ill say "**** it" and take the ******* knife.

And I'll bleed and bleed and ******* bleed till im lifeless on the floor and i'll scream and ******* scream till i cant say **** anymore.

Oozing, creeping; vile mess,
Rises from my sinking chest,
And I am not the man I seem to be.

The mask I've donned upon me,
Now lies twitching on the floor,
And there you are knocking at my door.

Truth behind my empty eyes,
Cuts out your tongue as I cry,
Please save me, I can not bear this pain.

Yes,
I see it in your granite gaze,
You can not bear to see this pain,
My hollow hopes drop on the floor,
As you cower back towards the door.

Have you condemned me now?

Alone at home my heavy bones,
Splinter as I touch the phone.
The dial tone mocks my lonesome need for,

Communication.

If I scattered the midnight sky
Setting stars and Heaven aflame,
Could you see it in me again?
What you saw when I was a curious case,
filled with mystery and a romanticized depression.

I'm on the verge of mental breakdown.
Can't you see it right behind my eyes.
And I can gaze into the silence
And bring back your muffled cries.
And I can hear the Darkness speaking
It says your fake and full of lies.
I'll bash my face into the pavement,
So I might keep my seldom highs.

The Smile i wear is lying.
This toothy grin will gnash your throat.
My cerebral core is crashing,
And I'm hungry for your hope.
I can Taste the sound of hatred,
And I adore the way it smells.
And the smell and taste of sanity,
Just doesn't suit me very well.

So it'll be One last execution,
A muscle twitch, a trigger click

Polished lead rips through my crazy.

I think I've got this thing in my mind.
It likes to flap its wings and beat on my brain.
I think it's a bird of some kind but I can't tell.
I can tell It makes me feel crazy.
I like to fly sometimes, really whenever I can.
To Just kinda take off from here,
Though, I've never needed wings.
Sometimes I'll fly to twilight zones with trees,
Other times ocean blue places wrought with abuse.
Or even red brilliant fires where I dance and scream.
(People say I shouldn't say but there's also a place of black and pain deep somewhere in my cerebral-whatever.)
I grew on my own winds one time. They carried me past the limit of what I once knew.
Something called the sky.
Then my wings melted.
I fell,
And I still am,
And...

I think I've got this thing in my mind.

His mother smoked Diamonds while he was at school,
And after blocking out those who would rule,
He liked to get high and remember the summer,
When times were better.

He wore his pajamas most of the time,
He wore his long sleeves to hide late night red stripes,
Because the pain it felt better than too much of nothing.

The robins wait for spring and he waits for his release,
He's jealous of their bodies that rise above the grief,
If he could fly away and look down,
Well it might get better.

He might sing a happy song or hum a happy tune,
His smile would walk in and light up the room
but this knot in his stomach is heavy,
It weighs him down.

They ask him whats wrong and he says I don't know.
They say nut-up kid, at least you've got a good home,
Your melodramatic ******* is bringing us down.

Some think that he's strong 'cause there's weight in his eyes,
Some think that he's special for the way that he cries,
But he is frail, he is fading, he is falling,
Faster than ever.

All the friends that he had,
They were his angels.
All The friends that he has.
They are his angels.