I hear you breathing in.
The days are fading in.
My eyes are wide open.
Days speed past me.
If you need me, run to me.

The nights are fusing together.
The mornings aren't there.

My eyes are wide open.

All around me are memories

The rain is pelting our skin
I stand outside crying;
Asking you what I did.
The rain touches your skin and makes me aware that my hands haven’t been close to you in weeks, maybe months.
I wished that we'd have a perfect life
I wished that you'd never leave me
I told you there’s nothing to forgive
You fell out of love.
It's hard for me to say, it's okay.
I know you're happy without me.
I'm jealous of the girls that you take to bed.
I'm wondering who's next to you.
I'm jealous of the love that was for me;
now belongs to someone new.
I wished for you.
I wished that you’d come back.
I told you, that I'd be here.
But I always thought you'd be right back.
But the only thing that was true,
You weren’t coming back.
I was just a lonely girl that clouded your “happy bubble”
I wish you the best.
I wish...
I was the best.
There's nothing to forgive.
I stand outside crying.
As I watched you walk away for the last time, I realize that happy without me,
So I guess I’ll be happy without you too.

Please forgive me.
We both know, I'm the one that breaks.
While we both have demons,
Mine run deep.
I know you're trying to find yourself.
I'm sorry, that I'm not helping you.
But I see a garden growing in your mind.
Someday you'll wake up and realize that a boy like you is strong.
You are meant for many things.
But when the water of happiness pours over me.
I'm promised it will set me free.
But the water drowns me.
Emotion after emotions washes over me.
I'm told at age 8, "things will get better"
I'm told the same at 16.
Finally on my 18th, I'll tell myself maybe I'm not meant for this life.
I don't wish to be drowning in my emotions.
I don't wish for the life that has broken me 10x over.
I wish to be like you.
I wish to find myself, too.
But chains from my past old me down.
The hold me down and wrap around me, I'm surround by the sea.
I'm flooded and drowned with of a sea of emotions.
Is this what I've become?
A shell? A shell of who I used to be.
I'm watered down.
A watered down shell.

Boys will be boys.
Excuse after excuse.
“Truth telling in their eyes”
We always blame the victim.
They shouldn’t have acted like that,
they shouldn’t have worn that.

No.
That’s *******.
Until it happens to you,
you won’t understand the pain.
The constant wondering what you did,
to deserve… ****.
BOYS WILL BE BOYS
You won’t lay in bed crying;
wishing for the feel of their hands,
to just go away.
So instead of feeling that.

NO.
BOYS… will. be. boys.
I remember to erase the feeling.
I destroyed my skin with razor blades,
cigarette burns, scratching myself.
I turned to drugs and alcohol to numb the pain i felt.
Boys will be boys?
What about that is normal?
Thinking that it’s okay to…
**** shaming...
Victimizing.

JUST STOP YOUR LYING
You won’t understand until,
you’re told by parents and police,
that it was your fault.
You shouldn’t have acted so friendly,
you shouldn’t have teased them.
I deserved it because I went swimming?
I deserved it because I was nice..?
Who in the hell are you to say.
Boys will be boys?

It’s “okay”?
It’s “alright”.
Stay away from me.
Boys will be boys?
Can I excuse myself from hitting you in the face?
I mean.
Girls will be girls, right?
We only want to protect ourselves.
If you can make the excuse…
That means so can I?

NO.
NO, boys will be boys and girls will be girls.
It’s all *******.
We all have our demons.
We all go through things.

**** will not ever be a joke.
Boys will be boys?
No.
Monsters will be monsters.

She yelled to the whole world hello.

She didn’t wish to be alone.

She didn’t wish to be rejected.

She didn’t wish to live this life.

She didn’t wish to be in this world.

She didn’t wish for her world;

to crumble apart.

She wished to be happy.

She wished for a perfect boyfriend...

She even wished for a perfect family.

But her family,

Banished her to her room...

She’s not coming back;

She’s done something so terrible.

She’s keeping an eye on the world.

She takes the pills she had hidden in her room;

She takes the razor blades and cuts her wrist.

And...

She whispers to the world goodbye.

When they ask you if you’re okay;
tell them you’re perfectly fine.

When they ask you if you need to talk;
respond with no but thanks.

When they ask if you need help;
smile and shake your head no.

When they ask you if you’re silently drowning;
laugh and call them crazy.

When they ask if you want to die;
Smile and ask them do I look like;
someone that wants to die?

But when you go home;
silently sit down and stare at the wall.

Think about all the things;
people say about you;
and talk about behind your back.

When you’re alone;
sit and cry;
and wonder why you’re still alive.

But when someone ask you if you’re okay,
Smile, and tell them you’re perfectly fine.

I can’t stop missing you,
I miss the way;
you loved me to much.
I miss the way;
your voice sounded in the morning.
I miss the way;
you kissed me slowly.
I miss the way;
you kissed away my tears.
I can’t stop missing you.
I’m missing the love;
we made like crazy.
I wish,
I could I live without you.
I miss the way;
you sang your favorite.
I can’t stop missing you.
I miss the way,
you told me you loved me.
I kinda wish,
we never existed.
I wouldn’t have to cry.
I wish;
You were still my man.

As you hear his howl within the wind.
You wouldn't believe how much pain is within him.
He lost his home and family.
He's all by himself in this sad cold world.
He wishes to be whisked away.
No one listens to his cries,
Afraid of the beast he had become.
Wouldn't you want to die?
When you're all alone and have no one?

I often think about you when I'm alone and afraid.
I remember everything about you.
How I could know when you looked at me.
I could remember how you said my name, how you held me during the night, and how you kissed me.
Even the way your calloused hands felt against my soft skin.
You found me within my darkest days.
You tried helping while I only pushed you away.
I pushed to far.
You walked away from me that day in the rain.
You walked straight into her arms.
You helped her and loved her.
She loved you like no other and let you help her.
I couldn't do that,
I see you with her and it pains me to see you with her.
But I let it go knowing I let you walk away.
I hate that I still love you,
I'm always going to love you.
As I lay in the grass,
I look up upon the sky,
And wonder aloud,
Does he remember me when he, is
Alone and afraid too?

You took away my innocence.
You took it like it was type of prize.
You ******* me over.
Literally.
It’s hard to pretend,
you never mattered.
Please don’t walk away,
I won’t be okay.
You ******* me over like some type of prize.
You’ve been avoiding me.
I can see it in your eyes.
You took my innocence,
Like it was some type of prize.
Now I take my life,
just to sleep.
I told you I wouldn’t
be alright.
You called my bluff..
My life flashes before my eyes.
It was all just a lie.

Seeing you with her.
Knowing you moved on.
Why can’t you see how bad it’s hurting me.
You moved on,
I’m gone,
Goodbye.
This is life,
This is how it’s suppose to be.
I cry every night.
I try to forget.
I try to let go.
I wish you were here.
I wish..
You still loved me.
I know,
I know,
It’s a dream.
It won’t come true.
I don’t need you.

The way he looks at me,
the way he smiles at me.
I wonder what it feels like..
To what..?
Feel envious,
Hate,
Love..?
His green eyes, look at me.
His eyes make me feel bare.
My emotions are fleeting,
to some mythical place.