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Mikayla Feb 2019
Out of all the things that I could say,
Could think of,
I stayed silent.
I let the pause between our words get bigger
While the gap in our partnership grew larger.

Silence was once my best friend.
It’s my worst enemy
You told me to change.
I tried.
For you.
I succeeded.
But I still failed;
It’s always a failing battle...

You tell me to change, but you...
you are perfect.
I am the one damaged.
I am the one hurt.
But I should forget and say okay...
But it’s not okay.

Falling back down a black hole,
I dug my way of is not...
just okay...
Mikayla Dec 2018
I hear you breathing in.
The days are fading in.
My eyes are wide open.
Days speed past me.
If you need me, run to me.

The nights are fusing together.
The mornings aren't there.

My eyes are wide open.

All around me are memories
Mikayla Dec 2018
The rain is pelting our skin
I stand outside crying;
Asking you what I did.
The rain touches your skin and makes me aware that my hands haven’t been close to you in weeks, maybe months.
I wished that we'd have a perfect life
I wished that you'd never leave me
I told you there’s nothing to forgive
You fell out of love.
It's hard for me to say, it's okay.
I know you're happy without me.
I'm jealous of the girls that you take to bed.
I'm wondering who's next to you.
I'm jealous of the love that was for me;
now belongs to someone new.
I wished for you.
I wished that you’d come back.
I told you, that I'd be here.
But I always thought you'd be right back.
But the only thing that was true,
You weren’t coming back.
I was just a lonely girl that clouded your “happy bubble”
I wish you the best.
I wish...
I was the best.
There's nothing to forgive.
I stand outside crying.
As I watched you walk away for the last time, I realize that happy without me,
So I guess I’ll be happy without you too.
Mikayla Mar 2017
Please forgive me.
We both know, I'm the one that breaks.
While we both have demons,
Mine run deep.
I know you're trying to find yourself.
I'm sorry, that I'm not helping you.
But I see a garden growing in your mind.
Someday you'll wake up and realize that a boy like you is strong.
You are meant for many things.
But when the water of happiness pours over me.
I'm promised it will set me free.
But the water drowns me.
Emotion after emotions washes over me.
I'm told at age 8, "things will get better"
I'm told the same at 16.
Finally on my 18th, I'll tell myself maybe I'm not meant for this life.
I don't wish to be drowning in my emotions.
I don't wish for the life that has broken me 10x over.
I wish to be like you.
I wish to find myself, too.
But chains from my past old me down.
The hold me down and wrap around me, I'm surround by the sea.
I'm flooded and drowned with of a sea of emotions.
Is this what I've become?
A shell? A shell of who I used to be.
I'm watered down.
A watered down shell.
Mikayla Dec 2015
Boys will be boys.
Excuse after excuse.
“Truth telling in their eyes”
We always blame the victim.
They shouldn’t have acted like that,
they shouldn’t have worn that.

That’s *******.
Until it happens to you,
you won’t understand the pain.
The constant wondering what you did,
to deserve… ****.
You won’t lay in bed crying;
wishing for the feel of their hands,
to just go away.
So instead of feeling that.

BOYS… will. be. boys.
I remember to erase the feeling.
I destroyed my skin with razor blades,
cigarette burns, scratching myself.
I turned to drugs and alcohol to numb the pain i felt.
Boys will be boys?
What about that is normal?
Thinking that it’s okay to…
**** shaming...

You won’t understand until,
you’re told by parents and police,
that it was your fault.
You shouldn’t have acted so friendly,
you shouldn’t have teased them.
I deserved it because I went swimming?
I deserved it because I was nice..?
Who in the hell are you to say.
Boys will be boys?

It’s “okay”?
It’s “alright”.
Stay away from me.
Boys will be boys?
Can I excuse myself from hitting you in the face?
I mean.
Girls will be girls, right?
We only want to protect ourselves.
If you can make the excuse…
That means so can I?

NO, boys will be boys and girls will be girls.
It’s all *******.
We all have our demons.
We all go through things.

**** will not ever be a joke.
Boys will be boys?
Monsters will be monsters.
Mikayla Oct 2015
She yelled to the whole world hello.

She didn’t wish to be alone.

She didn’t wish to be rejected.

She didn’t wish to live this life.

She didn’t wish to be in this world.

She didn’t wish for her world;

to crumble apart.

She wished to be happy.

She wished for a perfect boyfriend...

She even wished for a perfect family.

But her family,

Banished her to her room...

She’s not coming back;

She’s done something so terrible.

She’s keeping an eye on the world.

She takes the pills she had hidden in her room;

She takes the razor blades and cuts her wrist.


She whispers to the world goodbye.
Mikayla Sep 2015
When they ask you if you’re okay;
tell them you’re perfectly fine.

When they ask you if you need to talk;
respond with no but thanks.

When they ask if you need help;
smile and shake your head no.

When they ask you if you’re silently drowning;
laugh and call them crazy.

When they ask if you want to die;
Smile and ask them do I look like;
someone that wants to die?

But when you go home;
silently sit down and stare at the wall.

Think about all the things;
people say about you;
and talk about behind your back.

When you’re alone;
sit and cry;
and wonder why you’re still alive.

But when someone ask you if you’re okay,
Smile, and tell them you’re perfectly fine.
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