i wonder if you still think of me
as i still think of you
we haven't seen each other in a few months
haven't touched each other
haven't looked at each other
haven't talked to each other
i wonder if you remember
any of the unique little things about me
like how i love gas stations
or how i think bumblebees are cute
and how i love the way bruises look
i wonder if you remember the simple things
like my favorite color
or the type of music i like
i sure remember those things about you
maybe i wasn't important or good enough
for you to remember those things
you thought i was weird
but i take that as a compliment
why would i ever want to be with someone
who couldn't handle my weirdness?
we are complete opposites
and yes, it's true
that opposites attract
we saw that from the very beginning
but our relationship was bipolar
a disorder of sorts
at first, we were alright
the magnets inside us were strong
we attracted so well
then we would repel
we had our ups and downs
we would be fine one minute
and fighting the next
it became manic
our love's mental health deteriorated
and the disorder kicked in
in that moment, we were already gone
we would have never survived
the disorder grew
the attractiveness gone
our relationship died
committed suicide
and our love for each other with it

you said you couldn't live without me
so why aren't you dead yet?
why are you still breathing?

i talked to the moon about you last night
i'm sorry i wasn't what you wanted
i still wish you were here with me

i'm sorry, mom.
i know i'm a disappointment
i know you're not proud
i know you don't like who i am
i know you wish i was someone else
i know i'm not the most perfect daughter
but i'm trying
i'm trying so ******* hard

i hope you know
i have finally let all of you go
i'm not afraid anymore
i hope you know
i am loved
i don't need you anymore
i hope you know
i'm finally free
you can't control me anymore

i'm afraid of annoying you
because he used to tell me i was annoying
i'm afraid to hear what you have to say about me
because he used to call me names and not the good kind
i'm afraid no one will ever love me
because he used to tell me he hated me
i'm afraid to be with you
because he used to pretend i didn't exist
i'm afraid to get close to you
because he used to flirt with other girls right in front of me
i'm afraid i'm not good enough
because he used to call me fat and called other girls pretty
i'm afraid i'm not really worth it
because he used to tell me he only wanted my body and not all of me
i'm afraid of feeling your touch
because he used to do things to me i didn't want
i'm afraid of loving you
because apparently my love was never enough for him
and what if i can't love you the way you want me to?