when I was young there were monsters
under the bed
under the stairs
certainly in the cupboard
only at night
never during the day
I never saw them
fanciful creatures
of fur and gnashing teeth
they disappeared with sleep


where I am now there are demons
at work
at my table
strolling around
during the day
I see them everywhere
they pass for beautiful
perfectly coiffured razor wire
smiles and poisoned kisses
hell has opened its gates
and I am wide awake

@journeyofdays

what sort of fuckery is this
when spiders and flies converse
and play mahjong
suspended over my kitchen sink

@journeyofdays

sounds so gentle
slow tearing
agony
torture in slow motion
drift

@journeyofdays

not sure I really want the way back
staying
lost


@journeyofdays

forgiven*
for events not seen
in a time not lived


@journeyofdays

when the dust settles
you really want to find
hope

@journeyofdays

you want to understand beyond the observation
there is more to this than what you see
something more than words can ever describe
it changes you inside
changes the fabric

a test of fire
and it can be unbearably cold
overload of emotion raw and raging
leaving you numb and lifeless
retreating to indifference is a survival plan

do you understand
you need to feel this
words cannot describe
drink this cup and tell me it is otherwise

@journeyofdays

discovered* life
exists in the shadows
after waking from dreams


Jobira & @journeyofdays

recovery is a strange
phase of growth and setbacks
stumbling along on withered legs
cruel this prolonged agony
duality of living
inside my head rumination rules
tossing and turning in it’s bed
pushing my brain to limits
indifference is far more painful
than the blows and broken bones
truth is brittle
but the dignity it brings is holy

@journeyofdays

I couldn’t breathe
my heart gave out
I lost my footing
the world went red
my brain just stopped
I entered Hell

….and It laughed while opening that door on the day I broke

@journeyofdays

weighed down
ceased struggling
peacefully
old ways loosening
to
drift

@journeyofdays

happening again
the sinking
just when I felt the rising tide
hoping for lifting
to float away on grace

see it from here
the light
touched it once, it seared
my hand, my soul
crave it now, the grace

a drug only tasted

@journeyofdays

out of this experience
comes
something different
strangely beautiful
bloom

@journeyofdays

can’t tell you what happened
words
there are none yet created
not yet conceived or formed
language doesn’t exist for this yet
don’t know when
or if
this will take time
back me

this now
here
is real
communication by thought
spirit and soul
you can see it now
it rest here
this will take time
back me


@journeyofdays

too late
you discover
that it is hot
and burns

@journeyofdays

through the strength of bonds

quiet talk across channels

when we need to say more

yet nothing comes

longing glances and meaningful sighs

we know who were are

and what we have become

@journeyofdays

nothing can be discovered
beneath this wreckage
except
more
ruins

Jobira & @journeyofdays

you never had permission
a false authority
fidelity? are you serious?
I owe you nothing
not the spit from my rage nor the dust from my shoes
you have overreached

#thisjourneyofdays

just because you can
whisper untruths
ruin faith
seek to bring down
shred up reputation
go unchallenged
see chaos as your right
…does not mean you will not run out of road

@journeyofdays

discovered* prescriptions
for the pain
you
caused
discarded
now *******

Jobira & @journeyofdays

deep shadow
cool, quiet, removed and safe
from here observe... be numb
and recover
the longer i stay ...the less  i want to leave
it’s easier resting here in half light ...half life
it beckons ..dances and licks at the edges of shadow
not ready yet… please ...not yet...more time
shadows deepen...but light’s roar… i hear it… it won’t leave me alone

@journeyofdays

did it come with trumpets
with lightning
awe and thunder

was fury unleashed
savage
with blind frenzy

no

it came gently
whispering
I see you
then
the ground shook

@journeyofdays

drifting
hold my hand
stumbling
take my arm
paralysed
wrest me from this torment
fearful
turn may face towards you
scared
hold my face
prisoner
don’t let me look into the fire
suffocating
breathe for me
dazed
**** out this choking smoke
confused
deceit still lingers
shifting trees roots
grabbing
why
suffered all for you
empty
more desolate than void
help me
now I need your strength
infusion*

@journeyofdays

you always know
because
deep
down
there is always knowing

@journeyofdays

look away
no
your sin has bearing on my soul too

@journeyofdays

go
where
anywhere you are
yeah I can do that

@journeyofdays

past now
forgiven
tell the future
that story ends now


@journeyofdays

debris drifts
crunches underfoot
hauling yourself out
to reach
after

@journeyofdays

this life of words
substance of a new life
if they slow down
if they dry up
having mined the pockets of emotion
creating a honeycombed mind
am I at the end
do I need to seek another seam
are there lingering memories trapped deeper
exhausted limits of charts
dilemma
can I stay here for a while longer

@journeyofdays

stop it
not sure I can

@journeyofdays

that key you handed me
discovered it does not work

Jobira & @journeyofdays

you think this is real
smoke and glitter
backed up with mirrors
convincing yourself
it is all in hand
but
the floor has cracks
and
your stiletto is snagged


@journeyofdays

looking at this
such
a
mess
a life in pieces

@journeyofdays

entering sad pilgrimage to say good bye
impressions left on our hearts
guiding our steps
never left behind
but you are missed

@journeyofdays

"survival is an art form"

art forms are survival

survival in art forms

forms of art survive

forms survive in art

this art form is my survival

@journeyofdays

begging*
was ever in the vows

@journeyofdays

rain stars before footfall
grow lightening in proximity
beat thundering hearts
and love as gods

@journeyofdays

hope* is it there
your fingers
searching
feeling
through debris

@journeyofdays

when you know that
everything has led to this moment

@journeyofdays

agony of the soul
agony of night
this painful transition... spiritual reset

casting out the darkness
clearing away the grave around my heart

waiting for the rains of reparation to be begin

#thisjourneyofday


closed my eyes
and
held my breath
said the words
counted it out
but
you are still here

@journeyofdays

it is better now
we both understand
the concept
no
boundaries are set
undrawn lines recognised
what do I carry forward
there is no responsibility for
your past misunderstandings
but manipulation is laid bare
no
fountain of torment
ceases to flow
and the sink drains away
no
not a terminator
it is a beginning
without you
I can finally breathe


@journeyofdays

actually never realised
I was searching
until
I
was
found

@journeyofdays

gifted gently
accepted without question
deeper
and now reborn forgiven

@journeyofdays

to heal
really heal
you have to want to
desperately

@journeyofdays

spinning inside a box
creating miniature tornadoes
meeting for the sake of it
sword play without weapons
your choice of rabbit hole adventures

@journeyofdays

from a wandering sleep it will rest my brain
centres and fires up my heart
gentle
soft
meaning something ... only to us
marking me as yours
private moment and public declaration
our farewell morning kiss

#thisjourneyofdays

drips
drips
drips
never quite closed
the tap in my head

@journeyofdays

it will pass
it always does
breathe
slowly
deeply
release



@journeyofdays

this story needs wine
a lot
medication for the body
balm for the soul
a temporary escape
to tell the tale and live
without the burden of fear

@journeyofdays