he took a drag
of his cigarette
inhaling the truth
exhaling the lies
smoking the answers
she wanted to hear

kissing you
is like
tasting the sun

sweaty bodies swarm the house
with a red solo cup in hand
filled with alcohol and bad decisions

others are outside sitting around a fire
passing the tobacco wrapped drug
talking about life and such

there’s a girl sitting on the couch
sipping her drink as she looks for the boy
she’s in love with

you tell your friends bad things about me
you tell them lies about me
to make me look bad

you tell them im weird, ugly, and annoying
you tell them all these false things

just to make them like you
to make yourself feel powerful

to put me down

why do you hate me so much

the devil is real
and he’s living
under my roof

give me a pen
and I’ll give you
my heart

he could do much
as look at her
and she would melt

you picked love
over friendship

your lose,
babygirl

- ex friend

she's the type of girl
to give you your
favorite flowers
then stomp on
them before
handing them
to you

she glossed her lips
to prove to him
that she was worth it

- seduction

she dreams of him at night
touching herself
under the covers

silent beautiful moans
escape her parted lips
as her dainty fingers
linger to the most
precious part of her

slowly moving in and out
imagining it's him
touching her all over

she closes her eyes
picturing his rough
large hands roaming
all over her petite body

her breath hitches
her toes curl
her stomach knots

it's coming
she's coming

all because of him

- wet dreams

feeling your lips against mine
so soft and angelic
moving in sync
with each other

you taste like fireworks
exploding in my mouth
each kiss feels different

rougher and rougher
our lips attacking
like they are at war

- kissing you

i never thought i would make it this far
i told my mother
what do you mean? she asked
in life I replied

- I never thought I'd make it to eighteen

once you graduate high school
you see people for who they
really are

people change and
sometimes not for the better

your best friend is now your
worst enemy
the person who intimidated you
is now one of your friends
the boy you had a crush on
is now irrelevant

some people enter high school
with tons of friends
and leave with a few friends

others enter high school
with a few friends
and leave with none at all

- my high school experience

she is small
but she is also large,

she is strong
but she is also weak,

she is loved
but she is also broken.

- about me

tear stained lined paper
as the pen scrambles angrily
writing about everyday life
as her demons approach her

she slams them inside her
journal which she keeps
to escape the nightmare
she's living in

- escape from reality

friends are like coins
they have two faces

some are shiny
some are dull
some are valuable
some are worthless

people collect them
people lose them

I've lost all my coins

- lost coins

thoughts penetrating deep in your mind
impossible to end the voices in your head
people think you're crazy; insane

"worthless" "failure" "**** yourself"
the voice in your head says
over
and
over
and
over
again

making you suffer
wanting to end it all
maybe one day
just. to. make. it. stop.

- demons

the smoke from his lips
quietly omits into the dark

he turns to face me with
his bloodshot, glossy eyes

"i want you" the drugs said

the substance in his system
had complete control over him.

- you never wanted me

dear future self,

you are not your past
you are not your problems
you are not your enemy.

you are a bright shining star
who deserves nothing but
love and happiness.

after all you've been through,
you deserve to be happy.

you are strong.
you are worth it.
you are a warrior.

love,
your 18 year old self

- a letter to my future self

im surrounded by fake

i thought they were my friends
instead they took a knife
and stabbed me

not once,
not twice,
not three times,
multiple times

and yet I still
gave them a chance
every
single
  time

- surrounded by fake