I am the queen of what ifs
Sitting on a throne of could've beens

My fears are my loyal subjects
Escorting my dreams to the gallows

My ambitions are now prisoners
To my court of procrastination

I, the queen
Reign over all of this regret

I am an erupting volcano
Spewing passion
Spewing rage
Burning those nearby
I erupt
I burn
I die
My ashes will remain
Asphyxiating those nearby

Your lips are the match
Engulf me with desire
This flame is our lust

If only I were lonely
Maybe then you could hold me
Never looking for forever
Let us never lay together

My soul has started a rebellion
Against all the things I know
Because I laid eyes on you
My heart was dormant for ages
Now every fiber in my body
Rages inside until I lose myself
And decide to never live without you

I can't understand how everyone sees
Clear blue skies at which they wish to gaze
Under its trance and relax wasting the day
I can only see sapphire skies seducing
The clouds to willingly depart the day
And I need to rush to get up and run
To love and to conquer and live
So that I may come back and sing for all
A few lullabies to console your longing
For the hopes and dreams that you couldn't
Follow while you were staring at the sky

I refuse to lay around with all the rest
Viewing serene blue skies and conjuring up
Endless dreams and make believes
Because all I see are sapphire skies
Burning the time in a day with intensity
Melting away my dreams simultaneously
I must rush out into the world and experience
And accomplish the aspirations I had
Then I can return and sing lullabies
About all the beautiful things I remember
So that you can end your sobs
When you think of all the time you wasted

You see blue skies and day dream
I see sapphire skies and act and react
My lullabies will speak of the journey
The destination and the reward
Your state of dreaming will be
Manipulated by your remorse

My heart was found guilty
Of witchcraft by my brain
He dragged her and beat her
Spewed his hatred for her
Tied her to a wooden stake

My brain couldn't comprehend
The magic of my heart
Why she never wavered
How she always loved
He started this persecution
Because he couldn't understand

I always felt her growing
Beautifully and powerfully
With every beat she won me over
All I did was want to protect her
But my brain called it heresy

My punishment was to watch
As he burned her alive
I heard the shrieks of hope die
The smell of her love stung
My nostrils and it haunts me still

I walk around pretending
As if nothing had ever happened
My brain condemned me to live
This life without my heart
Without the love and only
With the memory of that night

Every day I burn like she did
As every day I hate like he did
I was unable to convince him
That she just wanted to love
But my brain was too afraid
Of the powers of my heart

I was happy being a mountain range
Admired by those wishing to explore
One day I caught sight of quite a beauty
This mountain range made me eager
To explore peaks and run down slopes
Feel every dip and groove of rough terrain
And find my way through every cave
I want these plates beneath me to quake
So that my range can be with your range
Let me be the snow that covers you whole
To feel myself melt in your warmth
Say you'll have me and give into desire
Allow my prints on your wonderful earth
For the future explorers to envy
Maybe then my yearning for you will cease
Or maybe I'll stay exploring forever

Lay me down heavy on the ground
Broken and bruised
Shine down on me daily
Warm and loving
Watch me blossom from shadows
Beautiful and yours

Little inexperienced girl
Wanted to eat the world
But it swallowed her whole
It won't return her
Until she's nothing but bones

In all the lives we've met and in all of them we fall in love
this kismet adoration has created a knot in time
no matter the bodies our souls inhabit
we will find one another and love
and love
and love
and love eachother every time we meet
the era we're in or the life we live will not matter
we will find one another like a recurring dream
happening every time our bodies seek rest
every time our minds seek peace
for every instance we are apart
our incessant hearts will cry
cry so loudly each time we lose one another
their cries will continue on until heaven hears this echo of foreverness and does this feeling justice
allowing for us to love freely and to love whole heartedly and to love
and love
and love
and love to the point where time becomes insignificant
because the seconds no longer look forward to being witness to the hours
they will beg to become witness to our love
and love
and love
and love everlasting

To her, silence was comforting, alcohol was numbing and loneliness was all consuming

She often times scared away her nightly slumber  
Her thoughts grew louder and more chaotic with every tick of the clock
She let her past mistakes consume her
Rummaged internally for answers to her actions that led her here
Lying on a mattress which sat on the carpet of a rundown apartment
Alone

To her, silence was comforting, alcohol was numbing and loneliness was all consuming

She kept eyes open all night looking and thinking and drinking
A lot of drinking to seize the thoughts that drowned her
She traveled back in her dormant state to find events she wished had happened differently Dreamt up memories where she never walked away
Or where she refrained from saying something in an outburst of anger
She was haunted by
Everything

To her, silence was comforting, alcohol was numbing and loneliness was all consuming

Her thoughts had begun to agitate her being Transforming her mind into a whirlwind of anger and helplessness
She sat up at the edge of her mattress with the palms pressed tightly against her eyes, shaking her head in a frenzy
Her hands migrated to her hair, gathering a hand full and pulling
Eyes stung with the tears that began to surface  She took hasty steps toward her counter in search of a bottle to console her for the night
The only thing that put an end to the chaos was
Alcohol

To her, silence was comforting, alcohol was numbing and loneliness was all consuming

I can't take my eyes off of the brightest stars in the sky
Those are the ones that are burning out the quickest

I fear if you continue to gaze at me the way I gaze at them
You'll be just as sad realizing my light is burning out just the same

An ocean of thoughts
My lonely ship sail
Collide with the iceberg
It is so you
So sharp and so cold
Wrap my metal around
The heaviness of us both
Rusted and old
Meets new and bold
Contrast is tragic and beautiful
We were brought here by waves
To crash to sink and to fail
Let us submerge together

I became the crutch you leaned on
Supporting the weight of your pain
I put a cast on your heart
When it became too battered
I became your most sturdy stilt
To help you move on
Until you felt better
That's when you left me
Never did you ask if I sustained injuries
While I was nursing you back to health

Good and evil rage inside of me daily
                It's normal, I know
But the collision between the two is loud
             So loud, it torments me
  I'm afraid that evil will gain full power
            And I'll be fine with that

I'm too tired and too weak
From carrying all these worries
About things that may go wrong
Or things that never happened at all
I only have the will to take steady steps
Because my conquered failures hold me up

I'm too tired and too weak
I've lost my will to even breathe
Due to all the useless talking I do
And the inhaling of nothing I retain
I only now have the will to exhale
All the sweet moans I've swallowed whole

I'm too tired and too weak
To find the will to live the mundane
And excite flames from ashes as before
Or feed from the dull light in the dark
I only now continue this tired heartbeat
Because someone out there is feeding it life

It kills me to think of your innocence
In how you loved everything
In your belief that everyone was good
Then I barged into your life
Ruined you in ways unimaginable
I swear I loved you but I couldn't show it
I tried to tell you I was broken
But this pride wouldn't allow me

I can't apologize and I can't console you
I restrain myself from trying to see you
You'll move on and everything will be okay
The memory of me will be nothing more
Then a blemish on your perfect skin
My perfume will no longer intoxicate you
It'll blend with your scent and attract everyone
You'll find someone deserving of your love

I will cover every part of my body in shame
Hiding the scars left by your loving touch
Strands of my hair that twirled on your finger
Grey every day losing their pigment
I can smell you everywhere I go
Like a stain that set and cannot be removed
Your whispers of promises and happiness
Are now haunting voices driving me insane

I'll continue to be made of rotting material
With a memory of love I never deserved
You'll be this glorious human being
Who realized never to settle for the worst

I was so in love with love
That I stopped loving myself
And refused to see you
For who you really are
Vile, arrogant and manipulative
But all I wanted to see in you was
Love, confidence and intelligence
I was wrong but I will learn

Arriving in a lonely dark room
In which my misery loom
Unpacking a suitcase of doubt
No windows nor any way out
I take off the coat that protects me
It was made of your laughter and glee
Now I settle atop of this bed
Supported by things that I dread
I took the path that lead me here
For love and joy was all that I fear
I will forever live in a room full of sad
When I ran away from the good that I had

You are the words I speak
The pause in between
Where I linger for a while

You are the thoughts I seek
The inspiration from within
Where I submerge denial

You are my heartbeat at its peak
The blood rush through ravine
Where all is cleansed of vile

You are the irrationality I tweak
The insanity that was forseen
Where I lose myself and smile

You are the glow that leaks
The inner beauty that they all mean
Where it paints all I see mile by mile

I could have
          sworn we were
                             meant to be

We argued
             so perfectly
                             together

In January I felt so free
Wanting to explore vast infinity

In February I started school
Ditching classes like any fool

In March I was at work and met you
A man with brown eyes and a gaze so blue

In April my heart did sing
With all the love you did bring

In May I felt brand new
******* for the first time in front of you

In June I was so uneasy
Fearing that you'd up and leave me

In July you ended it all
Telling me you'd never call

In August I wept through the season
Feeling like my life had no reason

In September I regained my strength
Deciding to cut my depression's length

In October we met again
Darkness in your eyes did reign

In November you tried to play with me
But your false words didn't drown me in misery

In December you told me about your cheating
When you found your heart wounded and bleeding

A pin drops in the middle of Time Square
but no one can hear it
A grain of sand shimmers in the desert
but no one is there to see it
I am by your side hopelessly in love with you
but you don't feel it
So the earth turns like it always does
The seasons move along as scheduled
And those three things go forever unnoticed

They lied to me when they said that sticks and stones break bones but words don't hurt

I found that your words have branched and rooted within every splinter in my bones and the ache is nagging and constant

It's the guilt your words caused that weigh like boulders on my shoulders and every step causes a new fracture

Sticks and stones don't break bones but the weight of your words have crushed me

I have gone on days
Stumbling down alleyways
Rummaging the ground to find
Any footprints you have left behind
To illuminate this path I've taken
And ease the pain of a love forsaken

I no longer think hopes and dreams die
They float around this Earth waiting
Waiting until we give birth to our children
That's when they will reappear
Wrapping themselves around them
Creating an Impenetrable force field
Giving our children the strength we lacked
Helping them achieve the desires
That rumble in their bellies
They will allow the beam of light
The one we will pass down to them
To burst out of their chest
Not fearing the moon's envy
For their light will be the brightest
It will guide bodies
To their own hearts destinations
Stories will be written on staggering walls
About the children of failure who rose up
Who had so much passion
That they created their own light
Led love and happiness
To the doorsteps of many
Brought misery to its knees
With constant humble human nectar
That is what our children will be

I think about my past
In how I wanted you
I burn on the inside
To get rid of you
The flames cease
My ashes come into view
Spelling your name