I hate when you leave the toilet seat up
Or how you spill toothpaste over the sink
I hate finding your clothes hung over furniture
And how you sleep pushed up against my back
Radiating your heat all through the night
I hate even more waking and realizing you're gone
I still can't bring myself to erase the signs of you
It's been a hundred and twenty days since you left
A hundred and twenty days since I last saw you
A hundred and twenty days since I touched you
I remember staying up late at night
You said you'd travel to the most distant places
With or without me
I never thought you'd actually do it
A hundred and twenty days since you left
I still feel you pushed up against me at night
And I wake to an empty spot on the bed
With a matching pain in my heart
While grief is the only one I wake up to
A hundred and twenty days since your death

I bury my face in the pillow
While the pillow smothers my dreams
And my dreams devour my heart
But none of this can be seen
When it's covered by my sheets

Sometimes I stand in the exact same places
Where my heart was broken
And I relive those moments as I stand there
Feeling every bit of pain again
I just breathe and stop and smile
Because those exact places
And those exact heartbreaks
Led me to find myself
Sometimes I stand in the exact same places
Where my heart was broken
And I smile

No matter what pillar your soul inhabits
My love will make a pilgrimage there

I feel like artwork
When you pin me
Against the wall
I see masterpieces
Burning in your eyes​
Use me as a canvas
Paint me red with passion
Paint me red with anger
Let us make art
And then destroy it

I can't take my eyes off of the brightest stars in the sky
Those are the ones that are burning out the quickest

I fear if you continue to gaze at me the way I gaze at them
You'll be just as sad realizing my light is burning out just the same

These thoughts scream in my head
Keeping my dreams under my bed
Where they fornicate with idle time
Breeding failure and poems that don't even rhyme
I toss and turn every night
Knowing conformity dims my light
I lay there as time goes on and on and on
Remembering the love that's come and gone
Yet I still remain
Same name
Same everything
With nothing

I have loved you for a thousand years
And failed you a thousand more
I get lost in the taste you leave in my mouth
Of blood and salt
And they were both my own
Let us go home
So we can be alone
To hide myself under your touch

I became the crutch you leaned on
Supporting the weight of your pain
I put a cast on your heart
When it became too battered
I became your most sturdy stilt
To help you move on
Until you felt better
That's when you left me
Never did you ask if I sustained injuries
While I was nursing you back to health

Devouring the ravaging portrayal of arousal
Humming at tunes only heard and misunderstood
While forming science from abstract and holding
Pencils with dreamy hands enveloping haunting
And daunting beauty from within
As cerebral impulses begin exploding

You broke my heart
Shattered it into a million words
I'll arrange them into infinite poems
Until I piece it back together

I would shrink to a cellular level to reach your soul
  And kiss it back to life if it were ever   possible

I had coffee at my lips
And good intentions with you

You had passion as fingertips
And a slow withering heart

I'm falling in love with you
Life is setting the punchline

If my thoughts and dreams can come to life
They'd be brought back in the shape of you
If my love can be a force of nature
It'd be the oxygen pumping through your lungs
It'd be the light in your eyes that once was
If I could have one wish granted
It'd be to have you back
Fearless and breathing

I tried consoling the universe when it heard of your woes
But instead it filled space with raging black holes
 
I tried convincing the stars to illuminate your path
But instead they dimmed, in fear of your wrath

I tried asking Saturn to bring you joy by gifting you a ring
But instead it refused, knowing that happiness to you it wouldn't bring

I tried consoling the universe when it heard of your woes
But instead we cried because for us, your love no longer grows

Sometimes
All that surrounds
Is death
And I cry
Because I feel so small

As I lay here I realize
this deafening silence
sounds just like you
And I laugh alone in the dark
because this is me saying
something melodramatic
to have an excuse to mention you
In the same way I have adopted
ending a sentence with your name
instead of using a period
Because you are the most
poignant ending I will ever know

Today I realized that I cannot picture your face
I am forgetting things about you as time goes on
I have tried to find you in a song my throat burns
From yelling the lyrics hoping to hear your voice
I thought I found you at a party just last week
In a boy who parted his hair the way you did
But my body felt even colder pressed next to his
I am tired of waking up in a panic with my hand
clutching the sheets from your side of the bed
I snuck up to my mind to find any memories of you
But only found empty boxes with your name
I have heard my crying sound so foreign to me
That I have been startled silent late at night
Sometimes I want to crawl out of my own skin
To lie in the small of my back caressing  fingerprints
you have left behind so that I may feel you one last time
just one last time

I am a forest fire waiting for your love
You are the bridge collapsing under my touch
We burn and destroy for our own pleasure

I keep chasing ghosts with you
I don’t know if they are yours
Or if they are my own
Contorted into something unknown
I am haunted by my love for you
Or by the way you look so blue
But I shall chase these ghosts for two

Good and evil rage inside of me daily
                It's normal, I know
But the collision between the two is loud
             So loud, it torments me
  I'm afraid that evil will gain full power
            And I'll be fine with that

Lay me down heavy on the ground
Broken and bruised
Shine down on me daily
Warm and loving
Watch me blossom from shadows
Beautiful and yours

I stopped at a desolate fork in the road
My feet felt heavy, burdened by shoes
Took them off and winced at torrid asphalt

I walked until i felt the weight of things untold
Looked up at the sun in search of clues
Guilt consumed me because it was all my fault

my hands
            shake.
 
        my heart
  quivers.

i remember a time when
    both my heart and hands
      knew what they were meant for

             a time before you came along
   and they made it their job to show
the love they could hold for you
             
                 my hands
                                shake.
                      
                      my heart
              quivers.

It's unexplainable
The hurt I feel
The hole that formed
Or the pain that rose
Can someone save me
From me
My thoughts
My fears
My miseries
I need to need
I want to sleep
Or just to forget
Forget I am me
And you are you
Forget the world turns
That the pain envelops
Wraps me up
Nice and cozy
Pain is addicting
Sadness is numbing
Day not in sight
It can't be too late
Seek me
Love me
Save me
God please send me
Help

He says "let's go back to my place"
So she follows in strides right behind
Her smile illuminates the path they take
And she feels like she can do anything by his side
She asks "do you love me?"
He nods and grins with malice as he touches her face
His eyes are as dark as his intentions for the night
The still darkness and saten sheets bare witness
To her loss of innocence
Lying in bed regretting her actions
Leaving her feeling empty in her own right
She asks "do you love me more now?"
Her outstretched arm is met by his indifference
He says "please lock the door behind you"
His laughter echoes throughout as she leaves in tears
At least now she knows
He was never worth it

I attempt to find comfort
In my fascination with death
I need to know there is a reward
For loving you even after you'd left
I lay my head on a cold tombstone
Caressing it lightly I almost feel warmth
I swear i hear your heart beat in my ears
But its only the cause of me holding my breath

If I could hold onto anything in this life
It would be to the end of each of your sentences
Or the corner of your smile
Those are the two things I never want to end

I no longer think hopes and dreams die
They float around this Earth waiting
Waiting until we give birth to our children
That's when they will reappear
Wrapping themselves around them
Creating an Impenetrable force field
Giving our children the strength we lacked
Helping them achieve the desires
That rumble in their bellies
They will allow the beam of light
The one we will pass down to them
To burst out of their chest
Not fearing the moon's envy
For their light will be the brightest
It will guide bodies
To their own hearts destinations
Stories will be written on staggering walls
About the children of failure who rose up
Who had so much passion
That they created their own light
Led love and happiness
To the doorsteps of many
Brought misery to its knees
With constant humble human nectar
That is what our children will be

I am an erupting volcano
Spewing passion
Spewing rage
Burning those nearby
I erupt
I burn
I die
My ashes will remain
Asphyxiating those nearby

Imagine terrestrial worlds never formed
Raw material never collided and bound
Silicate refusing to help form Earth's crust
If climate never favored life on this planet
My heart would never have surrendered
Imagine a world where I didn't miss you
If we never would have existed here
The vacancy of your side of the bed
Wouldn't weigh me down as much