Permanent scars

Temporary hope

Temporarily permanent life

Nonexistent, really.

"Why are you crying?"
"Because I have no reason to be happy."

One day someone will care.
One day someone will pick you.
One day you'll be happy.
One day.
One day.
One day.
I'm sick of waiting for one day.
When is it gonna come?
It could be a long time from now.....and waiting isn't fun.

Days like this
where I'm spinning
Figure 8s, pirouettes, I'm balancing on one leg
In the corner, I can see
you mocking my flexibility
Spin
Spin
Spin
You're getting closer
or maybe I am
Then I'm falling
Then I'm not
A hand reaches out to grab mine
one I've held a few times
I swear for a second, red flashed
before my eyes

So I lean in and whisper
"Let's pretend it's real"
We clutch the thread, so tightly in our hands
It tangles through our fingers, wraps around our wrists
and you use it to pull me up
or I'm pulling you down
It's one or the other
now I don't know which one of us is falling anymore
It started with me
but your smile says otherwise

I say "I miss you" cause I almost missed you
and you reply with another "I miss you"
and that glimmer in your eyes
just gets brighter
and you smile again
This time I mirror it, a smile for a smile
A laugh for a laugh
A nudge for a nudge
A glance for a glance
I see the way you look at me
I think that's the way I look at you
I feel the thread wrap tighter
I feel us fall faster
I'm pretty sure we're falling together
Slipping on ice
hurts like hell
but we don't seem to mind
since we're laughing again

I said "Push me off
not pull me up"
You say
"Pull me down
Don't push me away"

Then we're slipping on ice all over again

I'm on my knees
Begging for me
I'm on the edge
I can't see
How far out
I can reach

I'm on my knees
By your feet
Your leg kicks
You're in the deep
It's all you
It wasn't me

I'm on my knees
I shouldn't be
You went too far
Farther than me
Why is stone
As tough as me

I'm on my knees
I can't believe
Blood is my sweat
I'm not me
This isn't real
Because stone doesn't bleed

I thought I found a way out.
I thought that I could get away.
But you never disappear.

I thought you would chase after me.
I thought you would hunt me down,
But you just sat there, waiting.

I thought I wouldn't return.
I thought I left it all behind,
But you knew I would come back.

Somehow, I always came back.
I couldn't let you go.
Even though you ruined me.

I could run, but never hide.
But I could never run fast enough.
You always pulled me back.

I could run to the edge of the world,
You'd still find me.
My only escape is death.

But then again,
Jumping from the edge of a cliff
Seems like too much.

Learning to live with you
Is not an option.
I think I'm better off running.

Well, it looks like my opinion doesn't matter.
Oh, wait. I already knew that.
Because it never does.

If our voices are such powerful tools, then why don't we use them?
And when we do, why do we use them for the worst?

Heroes
Romance
Happy endings
Sad endings
Tragedy
Villains
People
OR
All of the above

I wish I could say
Whatever I wanted to.
So I could tell people
What I was going through.
I wish I could hit send
Without hitting delete
Over and over again,
But it never feels complete.
I wish I wouldn't think
I would just rhyme.
Then I wouldn't have to write the same words
A hundred times.

A heavy feeling on my chest,
Almost like the pressure of water.
The pressure of sinking.
Then I'm drowning.
In my anxiety.
I begin breathing rapidly.
Short breaths.
Uneven.
Because I can't take it in.
I can't take in the oxygen.
It feels like it just bounces,
Back up.
I feel something.
Something like fear,
But not really.
It takes a while,
But then it hits.
I'm panicking.
Panic.
That's what I feel.

And it scares the crap out of me.

They told me
Someone's gonna hold me
And I believed them
But no one came
I waited
I waited in vain
They told me lies
And I believed them
But even though
They tell me nothing
I can still hear them
I see it their eyes
But it's all just lies
But I'm patient zero
They caught it from me
So when they're all gone
What'll be left of me

I took the time
To get it right
Can't afford mistakes
Can't afford to play the game
Gotta be perfect
Can't rid of this need
To be perfect
It's like this drug
Pumping through my blood
Cover it up
No bruises
All hidden
Excuses
It's like this drug
In my blood
This need
I can't get rid of
To be perfect
I tried my best
It's not worth it
But they want it
And I want it too
So I'll do it
I'll be perfect

NOT!

An ache
in your chest
Like losing a
limb
When
they find
What they find
Your hands
fall to your side
Your legs give out
under you
You close your
eyes
Trying to erase
all you've seen
Don't want 'em
to know what
you've seen
In a moment of weakness,
you let 'em check
under your hood
In a moment of weakness,
you plead with
your eyes
For mercy
You said too much
Now you better
hurry
Think before
you do
And if you
do it
Don't really
do it
Fix your
slip up
Don't let it
slip up
Stoic, blank
Keep it straight
Say all the
right things
Hope and pray
They can't see
right through
Right through you
And what you
know you do
The other way
Dissuade
But
Keep it simple
No complications
It's simple
Easy
Just a little persuasion.

I don't like flowers
But there's one where you can see through its petals
It doesn't shroud what's right in front of me
Without permission
I see what it's hiding
It understands my desire
To reveal the concealed
And beneath it's milky veins
A clear glass frame
That we call petals
Each a frail skeleton
It'll crumble in my fingers
And vanish entirely
The petals will shatter
As if it was nobody

Picture Perfect
Black and white
Ruin it
It's alright

I can make another one

Picture perfect
Colours bright
Ruin it
It's alright

I could take another shot

Picture perfect
Everything combined
Ruin it
It's alright

I'll do it again till I get it right
Because
One of these days
I'll get it right.

A perfect picture.
Showing
A slightly less
Perfect life.

POETRY:
~
Evoking feelings one thought they couldn't possibly ever feel since, well, the beginning of time.
~

quick
painless
tasteless
wait
actually
nevermind
tastes like death

Why can't you hear me?
I used to wonder if you could.
Why are we speaking?
I used to wonder if your words were stories.
Why are we climbing?
I used to wonder if the world could fall.
Why did you say we were the story?
I used to wonder who was reading.
Why did you tell me we were dreaming?
I used to wonder if I believed you.

And I do.
So tell me this.
How do I wake up?
If I'm dreaming, wide awake?

~

The cloud cried heavy tears,
While the trees celebrated, for they began to grow new leaves.

~

The rain is here, it's wet, please don't leave me.
It makes the world look dull, it light's up ours.
Thunder rumbles, it's cold, I need to breathe.
Sleepy, but free, I can stay up for hours.
It's too quiet, I want something better.
It rains all night, please let the clouds hang low,
Please let the trees dance, they will send letters.
Rain makes art, so does the sky, a faint glow.
It's real, but it looks fake, but I see the truth.
The sky is crying, the doors are creaking,
What about the pitter-patter on the roof?
We smile as it falls, the roof is leaking,
Now, but I don't care, I will fall asleep
To the sound and I will have soundless dreams

~
ZDGREFSTJHNOUYLOPMNBQWA
~
A bunch of random letters.
Ones you can't understand.

~
FEAR<LOVE<ANGER<SADNESS<FRUSTRATION
~
A bunch of random feelings.
Ones I can't understand.

Do you see a difference?
I don't.
All I see is a bunch of random,
No one understands.

I ruin everything.
Including me.
I can't be better.
I can't raise the bar.
I've already destroyed it.

It's funny,
how when you read something
and realize that it basically
describes you and is talking
about you
and that there is a person
out there who relates to you,
and yet you still manage
to find a way to convince
yourself that no one
understands you
and you're just being dramatic.
Because this isn't fiction.
It's reality.
But apparently they're pretty similar
Sometimes.

It took you long enough
To finally realize
That I don't like you.
Not because you did something
Or because you are you,
But just because.

Today is the day I rebel
Against everything
I've ever known and felt

Today is the day I cut off
My feelings from my head
So they don't interfere

But maybe I wanna wait
Till tomorrow,
So I can say bye.

You ever heard of the red string?
It's an invisible string that binds you to your soulmate.
The red string of fate.
Some tie it to their ankles.
Their thumbs.
Their little finger.
Others don't believe it at all.
Understandable.
I don't either.
I know it isn't real.
But strangely, it is the only myth about soulmates that I want to believe.
I want it to be real.
because of her.

I look in a mirror.
I see my reflection.
Staring back at me.

I look in a window.
I see my reflection.
Running from me.

I look in the water.
I see my reflection.
It's rippling.

But all this time.
When I see my reflection.
My reflection is the wall behind me.

All good things must come to an end.
But all bad things should too.
There will always be a balance.