It rained today
And I thought of you.
The flashbacks came
Again.
Your voice
Like the thunder.
Your rage
Was the lightning
It rained today
And I forgot about you.
Washed away
And clean.
Like the sidewalk
After the storm is gone.

I rid myself
of every shard,
every little piece
that reminds me of
you.
Knowing
one day;
there will be a me
put back together.
complete
and whole.
a me,
you have
never
touched before.

Life offers
Beautiful
Unexpected moments
Raw and Untouched
I found them
In
The face of a new friend
Surprises and
Smiles
Vulnerability
Silence and
Laughter
2 am tears
Hugs and
Goodbyes

you were my favorite drink
a couple sips is all it took
until I felt something-
the fire
ignited  by
sweetness
followed by a burn.
too much and I was swallowed up
over taken
by the monster you were

empty inside
absent
its a hollow type of way
where everything is collapsing
but it can't be fixed
drowning with all eyes on you

Tonight I felt what it was like to have no one
To cry and write poetry under the stars
The tears soaking my skin
But tomorrow I will feel what it's like to smile again
To forget what happened
To punish myself for being sad
For crying
When no one is around
The world stops

Forbidden
Hidden
I am untold
People guessing
But no one really knows
Like a sickness
You don't want to share
Better question is
Am I really there?

I don't know what the future holds
But I know I want you to hold me.
I don't know what tomorrow brings
But I want to bring me to you.
I don't know what anything brings
But I want us brought together.

A lonely heart
Too many missed calls and not one returned text
Chills and tears of harsh words and cruel names
Oh
Ok
K
Lack of words
A broken heart and sad eyes
The recognizable feeling-
You're too familiar with

Thoughts consume me
Swallowed whole
Nothing but taunts
Teasing
And hurtful words
The worst part is
They come from me
I'm my own worst enemy

Stagnant
Like the river of tears
That flow so gently
Like your voice when I'm comforted
That's where I'm at
An unfair stalemate
Still afloat
With hope
That one day we'll swim.

Eyes tell a deeper story
The pain of the past
The horror of the present
The fear of the future
They show the sleepless nights
And the sleep filled days
They are a host to a million tears
Shredded for the broken
Because that's all we are
Broken

Everyday is pain
The struggle
Of living
Tear filled eyes
Dry throat
No point in crying-
Who's listening anyway

Shattered
Broken
Bent
Heavy eyes
Heavy heart
Nothing beneath it all
Nothing on the outside
Empty

You looked at me with hungry eyes
I looked at you wanting to give everything-
Mind
Body
Soul
Distasteful touches
Take but never give
Everything lost
Nothing gained

There's a funny thing about sadness
The way it surrounds you so you feel whole
Nothing else is let in
Except the sorrow and the pain
You can see the happiness
But never feel it
Want it
But not have it
There's a funny thing about sadness
How you become so familiar with it you can't feel anything else.

Where's the fairy tale ending?
A white horse
A handsome prince
Instead there's a broken heart
Like shattered glass
To be stepped on
And swept away
With all the false realities.

Four walls can't hold back the cries
The tears that soak you to your soul
Drenched with the pain of the past.
But there's always a light people talk about
The one that comes and goes
Hides it's face until it's found-
Discovered and ready for use
The light as we know it is hope
Just a tiny beacon of light it is
That shows people the way
Out of the darkness they've named home

What hurts is the silence.
When the insecurities breathe down your neck calling you by name.
Telling you you're not worth it to anyone
But someday you'll be worth it to that one-
Person who has waited for someone like you.
To pull them out of the darkness
That engulfs them
To wipe the tears
That drown them
To kiss the scars
That clothe them
To show that person the light
That will be the guide to something better
Something unseen through the pain, hurt and hatred
A light that can pull you from the past-
Shake you from the grasp of the worst monster you've ever known.
Someday you will see that this is what you've done for me.

You know there's something wrong
when at 2 am you hear the razor call your name
And all you see is the ray of the lighters flame
Wondering if anything will ever be the same
Or how you're going to get out of this mess you made
Just a silly little girl finding safety in bathroom stalls
But everything is crumbling. Every single wall
The ones she built up from the beginning start to fall
She sees herself again years later looking back-
At the monster who had her in it's grasp
Spitting at it. Stomping on it. She won't let it take her
It teases. Pulls. Prods. Doesn't stop, keeps shaking her.
But that's what recovery is.
A fight everyday.
The strength returns. The smiles are back the tears come to a halt.
She's made it. She won.
But the fights not over
Because once it starts it's never done.