I wake up every morning with this feeling of dread
Can't escape this groggy feeling left in my head
So I continue to just lay here in my bed
I don't even get up to eat I just sleep here instead
I lay and decompose as my skin starts to shed
Wasting away all the blood that I have bled
My arms dangling off the side drenched in red
My existence is pointless I might as well be dead
I don't care about anything I'm unmotivated this feeling embed
Sew my eyes and my mouth shut with needle and thread
Tie me down and pump my stomach with meds
Take a gun to my skull and fill me with lead
My sin is sloth you haven't misheard and you havent misread
I'm not okay don't believe those lies you've been fed

Pills, pills for the mentally ill
The more you take, the worse you'll feel
So down the hatch
Yep down your throat
Very soon you'll be wearing this coat
A hug me jacket tarnished in white
With buckles and straps wound so tight
But for now some side effects I wrote
Down here on this pretty little note
Increased thoughts of suicide
And harsh voices to which you can't hide
Nausea, drooling, and anxiety too
And whoever seems to be "after you"
We'll put you to sleep
You won't make another peep
Strap you to a cozy bed where you'll slumber
Pump you till you're as cool as a cucumber
To which we'll add you to our lovely garden
No ifs, buts, or beg your pardons
What's the matter?
You seem unwell
You're as mad as a hatter
This I can tell
So don't start a spell
Don't start a clatter
We'll pick up those pieces to which your mind has shattered
Just take this pill
In fact why not stay
You're better off here anyway!

Death a cruel mistress
Really such a tease
My life is such a mess
I'm shaking at the knees
Will you let me rest?
Let me rest in piece?
We've met once before after my distress
And my soul you did not release
Did you consider it an act of jest
When I got my heart to cease
Its beating in my chest
Is that why you did not feast?
I don't understand but I digress
Out of all the lost souls, you desired mine the least
To Death I'm a reject. A reject at best.
Even in death I can't seem to please

It's raining, it's storming
The tools are conforming
Society will be the death of me
Please pills, don't let me wake in the morning
It's sleeting, it's snowing
Their plastic smiles are glowing
Put your make up on, dignity gone
Make sure your "made in China" tag isn't showing
Its windy, the sun is shining!
Their ignorance is blinding!
No hope for mankind, I've lost my mind
There is no silver lining

You attack me with words
But I'm the bite to your bark
You can talk the talk
While I walk in the dark
I'll show the world and ignite the spark
Because that's what you get when you try swimming with sharks

Now here you go ramblin blaming me again
Telling me how crazy I am in the head
All these lies you've fed
The pride you shed
When you've found out from you fake *** friends that I wound up dead

How I've bled for you and blamed myself
Grabbed the razor and your scarf and done hung myself
How I hated myself
How I've betrayed myself
Lied and cut the nose off my face just to spite myself
So when you've ripped out my heart I hope you keep it showcased on your trophy shelf
I hope after seeing your good work that you'll be proud of yourself

I won't fight back
Ill let you cut me up
Gag me with a sock just to shut me up
While you cut off my limbs so I can't do jack
Bleeding out while you continue to attack

So clean off your blade and whistle while you work
Writing all these threats in your nice little book
Then give it back to me and I'll give back a smirk
Now the whole world will see how you've gone crazy and berserk

Let me just take a moment
to step out of my mind
and count my lucky stars
That you can't see my eternal scars
That you've left on my sanity
Through the clouded view
Of your own vanity

So as you feel justified
Mixing your "love" with your lies
I'll gladly choke down that cocktail
Just to satisfy your pride
Right before throwing it all up
What I've kept inside

I'd really like to see things from your point of view
Anything really just to make this last
But the only thing I cannot do
Is get my head that far up my ***

Your mind is on the moon and your heart is the sun
The guilt of yesterday beating down in waves that leave me floating helplessly in your atmosphere
Without a helmet i am hopeless
No guidance as my thoughts wander through time and space through no mediums of significance
If only i could see your face. Embrace for impact
The lust for landing
Closure
Solid ground                            
To feel safe and sound
This world we create for ourselves
This interstellar wonderland
Lets lose our way
And save it for a rainy day
Find each other again in the midst of a storm
And our love is reborn

My good friend the darkness has betrayed me tonight
The blackness used to blind my sight of all the horrors
That cause me such angst and terror
My demons that fill me with fright

Are here with me now
The thunderous march
of their footsteps on the ground
Their laughter oh so loud
I was almost feeling proud
I had gone so long without them around

Does Death want me or not
When she's standing over me her expression distraught
Looking at her watch singing tick tock tick tock
I can't seem to fathom whether this a lesson I'm being taught
But I just cower under my covers because that's the only strength I've got

The sun has risen once again
Another dreadful night has come to an end
Another dreadful day begins
So I get up and put on my face and adjust my grin
No one will suspect anything is wrong not even my friends

I'm sorry I'm always tired
But I'm up all night while my sanity expires
A mind of my own is all that I desire
l'd like to trade my eyes for new because they are nothing but liars
That's all that I require......
Is that too much to ask?

I walk into this containment cell of lost souls
Groping around hoping to succeed towards their parent'a goals
We are all just playing another role
A building block under their control
But when you're the block that causes Jenga, heads start to roll
They'll throw you into a hole
Where you'll live your life like a mole
An animal in a cage, a box, a cell, that's the tole
Their real goal
To lock you up and maintain control

"Sometimes to stay alive you gotta **** your mind."
         -twenty one pilots

Here's a lovely story for the boys back home
About a crying little boy in a room all alone
He's sitting and he's screaming just to breath
While the love of us life decided to pack her bags and leave
So now here he stands banging his poor little head
Because his loving parents didn't want him dead
So they hid all the pills and they locked him away
Where he'd never see his friends or the light of day
While now his love and his muse is off with another man
He sits and conjures up a nice little plan
He sits and he lies with a smile on his face
So he may soon reclaim his love and his rightful place
"The voices are gone!" He began to explain
"I feel so much better now. I swear that I'm sane!"
So instead of a month he left within the week
Because of that silver tongue of his so sharp and so sleek
He packed his bags and was on his way
And he left VCU the very next Sunday
Well he got home and realized no one had called
"What of my love? had she missed me at all?"
"Sorry honey but you were truly a monster."
The first text he received; He knew he surely had lost her
"Baby please I assure you. I'm better now see. My scars, they are faded. They no longer bleed."
"I can't have you bring me down. I cannot support you."
"How could you abandon me? You know that I loved you!"
"I'm sorry but it's over. I love someone else. Someone who's confident. Someone who loves himself."
"I never mistreated you. I gave you my heart. Now swallow all the pieces and choke on these shards! I fought the war and you weren't by my side. Drank too much that one night and that night I died. Woke up the next day soulless and cold. Sick of the feeling of expressing as I'm told. I can't hold it in. This darkness I posses. This darkness that doesn't ever let me rest.
The things that I see.
The wounds that I bleed.
The voices I hear
Oh how they deceive
They pushed me everyday as you sat idly by
Now that I look at it maybe it is time to say goodbye.
You've done me a favor and for that I must thank you.
I'm finally free and now I must bid you adieu."
He may have turned off his phone but this was not the end of this tale
For sometimes evil truly does prevail
Very manipulative and cunning at best
This harlot was going to put his heart to the test
The man of her dreams didn't show interest
No he didn't give her jack
So in fear of being alone she took that poor sucker back
"Oh baby I don't care about your illness. I love you all the same. I could never love another man. I know you're not to blame. You gave me everything I wanted. From *** to back massages and even your lovely art collages. You brought me breakfast every morning and rubbed my aching feet. You'd write me lovely letters oh baby your love can't be beat. I need you oh so badly. Please don't let me be alone. I miss your soothing voice when we talked all night on the telephone."
"Oh honey how I missed you. I love you oh so much. From the way that you smile to the way that we touched. I need you back in my arms    please don't leave me again. I don't think I could handle seeing you with another boyfriend. I can only blame myself for how I mistreated me. I know it only hurt you but baby can't you see? I'm finally better and I'm as happy as can be! I don't have those voices telling me what to say or do. I really think that we can put the past aside and really start a new."
"I want that more than anything I really really do. If you ever decide to leave me in the end just know that I will always love you."
Well it wasn't too long that he saw the error in her ways and with some help from his friends he decided not to stay.
"Baby please we had a future together. We're practically the same person. Two birds of a feather."
"You sound like a broken tape recorder. You've put me in the hospital more times than the person responsible for my post traumatic stress disorder. I'm sorry but I can't stay. What kind of person claims to be my friend and throws me away. You abandoned me in my time of need. And now watch from a distance as these open wounds in my heart begin to bleed."
"I feel so awful. What have I done? Should I end it now with these pills or this gun?"
"Don't even think about it just live your life. Own up to your mistakes and throw away that knife. Be the better person and don't do it again. I won't be your lover but I'll try to be your friend."
"Oh thank you I lov- oh sorry I forgot.
Being without you is going to be harder than I thought..."
"I'm sorry but it's the way it's gotta be. You're gonna have to grow old with someone besides me."
So now as this story is coming to an end
It appears that out of fear he had to be her friend
He couldn't deal with her blood on his hands
So now till the bitter end this is where he stands

Here we go again
Back and forth about the flaws I need to mend
Just because I tend to enjoy the thought of my end
And that I'm always dressed in black when I'm out with my friends
You sit there and wonder what could've happened
to that boy oh so happy
Now a lover of anarchy and a hater of society
How grandmother do you see such beauty in conformity?
Have you taken into consideration this reality?
The idea of order and balance is rapidly
Turning into a travesty
Because of mankind's brutality
and false sense of morality
There's vanity and inhumanity
Against ones own sexuality
And people have the audacity
to critically antagonize those for their God given nationality
While this wonderful country
Goes further intro bankruptcy
So continue to live your keen little fantasy
That we are all living happily and equally
Your views have such opacity
That I can see right through your irrationality
And your thinning mentality
So please continue to criticize me
Please provide some amnesty
Don't listen to me I'm just crazy
Remember? You can't trust me because everything I say is blasphemy
So excuse my insanity
And allow me to gulp down these pills so carefully
Not to take more than I should be
And I'll just vegetate amongst people like a cavity
An outcast to your perfect **society

Welcome to a world full of individuality
But don't let that fool you *** it's full of hypocrisy
So hold on dearly to your sanity
Or else you'll end up a reject thrown out just like me
Because people are only as good as society let's them be
And soon you'll see
The true beauty
In Anarchy
Because sometimes you gotta bleed in order to see clearly
Behind the masks of those who appear so cheerfully
There are scars so deep with souls so sickly
Minds corrupted by mental disease and PTSD
We don't get comfort no we don't get empathy
We can't be dragging people down because we're not their responsibility
So we continue to sing our songs on this sinking ship lost out at sea
Because we couldn't be what they wanted us to be

"There's doctors and lawyers and business executives. They're all made out of ticky tacky and they all look just the same."

"I've said it before and I'll say it again. If you think you're alive, then you're better off dead."
- Bring Me The Horizon

My heart is an animal
Stuck in its rib cage
Thrashing at the bars
Till i break a bone
My insides come out
As they penetrate the skin
This hatred and rage
Has left me cracked and alone  

My brain is a time bomb connected to my heart                                
Barbed wires like life lines
Keep me from falling apart        
Everything left of me, all i ever knew
Nothing but a memory since the time bomb blew

An apple a day keeps the doctors away
Alone in the dark keeps the monsters at bay
I can't hear what the voices say
Through the music that plays
I'm feeling sane on this lonesome day

Night grows near and I am content
I went a whole day without my mind getting bent
I wonder where all my demons went
As I feel sane on this lonesome day

Will they ever return?
Will my soul ever again burn?
The pain I grew to learn?
That pain I've grown to yearn?
I wonder as I feel sane on this lonesome day

I crave their pain
But nothing's wrong with my brain
Bang my head till I go insane
Just to hear their voices again
I've lost my mind  on this lonesome day
And I wouldn't have it any other way...

Wake up to the roar of the sirens
Down on the ground a poor corpse is lying
Here comes the ambulance all in a rush
Because just like  gravity all he needed was a push
Now he wakes up but not at the golden gates
No one's showing up; maybe God was late
But when he finally came it was Satan instead
"Sir it does appear that your *** is dead!
But don't worry your poor little mind *** youre not to blame
It was me who had you like a puppet. You were playing my game!
So now if you'd gladly give me your soul, I have for you a new purpose. Yes, a new role! Since you have such a fixation with Death how bout for a day I let you be him yourself! You won't be wearing any tarnished old robes. You'll look like your normal self as "normal" goes. You'll happily slay all who've betrayed you. All of the souls that have misguided and played you. When I'm all full and are satisfied with my feast, I'll let you off free. I'm not that much of a beast! I'm really quite a nice guy now go have some fun. I'll let you know when your job is done."
Out of hell the young man had risen
Scythe in hand it was time for some SINNIN'

My legs cut through the air like a scythe as this pendulum swings
Lyrics decapitate your pride like a king in a guillotine
Emotions will fly left and to the right while remaining unseen
Some are delightful but others are as black as my jeans
I can never really tell if my mind is getting better
When all the time I can't even decide if I'm sweating or I need a sweater
So burn all these letters and leave the past behind
But even that can't fix my troubled little mind
Still having those delusions
Not making any friends
With demons and illusions
That want my life to end
Torn between reality
And who I should be and who I want to be
I'm just done with society
And all of it's conformity
Done with all the tools and fakes and it just takes everything out of me to not treat them so badly and start some ****** anarchy  
So allow me to just swing life away on this beautiful day to the beat of my own drums and rhythm in my ears with the lyrics from my past that just bring me right to tears
And allow me to close my eyes and swing to and fro
No longer in control of which direction I will go
Will I jump to the sky and wave my past goodbye
Or will I fall to the ground just because I enjoy the sound
Addicted to the misery that I once I had
Listening to every ******* lyric that makes me mad
So allow me to grit my teeth and sway all about
Trying my best with people around not to scream and shout
Because when my music talks to the voices, who knows what darkness will come out
So I get off and leave because I can no longer breath
With those words crawling up my spine and right down my sleeves
Seeing becomes believing as I start heading home
My old friends never like for me to travel alone....

The walls have turned to wax
Melting as they should
I start to sweat; I start to scream
Dear lord this can't be good

My friends have come to watch
Please come and have a seat
I swear this show is top notch
But it'll be the death of me

The girl with no face
Grinning from ear to ear
Begins to laugh and begins to pace
Blood runs from every tear

A man stands and stares with no trace of eyes
He begins to slit his throat
As he watches my demise

Now here's a fool hangin around from my ceiling fan
He can't seem to get loose
His arrangement didn't go according to plan
As he tries to free himself from a noose

My friends have gathered round just to watch my death
As the walls are crashing in
I can't seem to catch my breath
The ceiling's getting closer as my head starts to spin

I shut my eyes real right
And tell my friends to go away
What I don't know on this dreadful night
Is that they're here to stay

The cruelty of few have made me who I am
A monster amongst you
A goat amongst lamb
You may blame me; to that I say fine
But every great creature needs his Doctor Frankenstein

It's always darkest right before the dawn
So when the horizon comes and blinds your eyes
When you wake up and the sun beats down upon your tears
A new day
A new love
A new life appears
So light the match
Start the fire
A new world order is in your favor
Anarchy we are attached
Accept your desires
Raise your flag and raise it high
And they will follow
All of the hearts left hollow
Together we are one
Our future is neigh
The rage in our eyes
Towards all who have shunned
Our souls aflame
Sanity lost
We only have them to blame
We, the cost
For their mistakes
We the monsters who can't be tamed
Will rise together
Like birds of a feather
When we bring hell
We will not feel shamed
So raise your flag and raise it high
As our scarred fists set fire to the sky

I sit in my little box
So dark and empty
twiddling my life away
sharpened my blade plenty
On my death bed I lay
My heart beats gently
As my mind slowly decays
Alone I am contently
Happy to say
You resented me
So be without me for the rest of your days

Now I'm laying in my little box
So dark and empty
While people cry and people talk
But don't shed a tear
No, cry three cheers
Because for once I am happy
In my little black box
Built just for me

Theres a million ways to say this
It hurts believe it true
Nothing compares to the withdrawal
Of bidding you all adieu

But if i could ask one last request to all those who wish to see me slew

I dont seem to have much strength left, could you loan a hand or two

Bathe me in your cyanide
Fill me full of lead
Drown me in your pills
Tie a noose around my head
Beat me till im black and blue
My body bloodied red
You can do as you like
Just love me till im dead

I'm not one to cry
I'm not one to pout
But I am one to smile without any doubt
Think of it as white out over what I truly feel
Though through all this laughter it's very hard to peel
A wonderful mask to cover up the hate
All the rage held inside till this very date
So if I'm out and about and having a good time
Just know I'm actually feeling as sour as a lime
And off comes the mask in one solid ******
I throw it to the ground and smash it to dust
I can't do it anymore
I can't wear this face
All this time I've been pretending
But all in good taste
I didn't want you all to feel down
Knowing I was depressed while I'd been clowning around
Knowing that I was laughing to keep from crying
While inside I was truly dying
Whether it be my ink black heart
Or my twisted up head
Sometimes I just feel like I'd be better off dead
No more would I be a downer a frowner amongst you
While being held together by the simplest of goo
No more morbid jokes or fake smiles
No more false joy and acting like a child
The old me is gone so wave your goodbyes
I'm sorry I had been feeding you nothing but lies
But when it's over and all said and done
Maybe it's true I was having a little fun
Maybe it wasn't over compensation
But simply some emotional constipation
Maybe now I can comfortably be me
Now that my feelings are all dancing free
Now I realize that my laughter is genuine
Around all of my family and friends
So if you're happy or sad
Don't wear a face
Let it all out and your true friends will embrace
They'll help you through trouble and turmoil
To ensure that your life doesn't spoil
They want you around it's as plain as day
So don't wear that face and choose to stay

Those voices had left like a thief in the night
They'd stolen my freedom
They'd taken my rights

They thought they could get away
Yeah they thought they were bright
Till I locked them in a box
And turned off the lights

A pool of black surrounds this box
Bombs, grenades, and lots of locks
They sit and bicker and argue too
Till I turned up the heat....
And the whole... Box.... Blew

"He who makes a beast out of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man."

Why won't my eyes close
Why can't I sleep
Why am I ****** to counting countless sheep
At this funny farm I'm awake *** there's no rest for the wicked
While I lay on this bed so cold and so rigid
I can't even blink
All I do is stare
At the blank walls so empty and bare
I pace all night long without a rational thought
Tying my mind into a perfect slip knot
I hear my neighbors screaming
"Oh please let me die!"
I want to help them but instead I just sigh
All night long there was nothing but noise
Screaming and banging from all the lost boys
Even the voices don't make this much racket
I can hear them through the vents so I covered it with my jacket
It had muffled the noise to a small degree
But silence invites demons
Now they're coming for me
I thought I had left you all back home
I thought in this box I'd be all alone
"Oh quite opposite I do declare. The nurses gave us this room to share."
As the night passes on and I'm crying on the floor, I realize that there's no time to sleep anymore
A nurse walks in "time to get your vitals"
Oh the joy of being suicidal
"You don't have to look" as she sticks the needle in me
"Actually I prefer to watch myself bleed." As I looked contently
The blood filled the tube faster than a rocket and when she was done she put the vile in her pocket. She walked away to the next patient's room "vitals please." Then I finally collapsed on my bed. I was finally at peace.

So genuine, so pure
Society's cure
our future
Walking models on your best behavior
Praise God let it be our saviors
The rich, the beautiful, the socially accepted
It's almost as if Jesus himself has been resurrected!
Save us great and powerful ones with your money and your guns
Correct us for all of the wrongs we have done
Judge us for we are weak and unworthy
The broken and blasphmeous at your mercy
The second coming standing tall
Here to eradicate us all

If only the story were over
Never a moments rest
That girl started having heart palpitations in her chest
Her anxiety got so high
All she wanted was to die
She said if she can't have me she'd surely ******* try
I told her that she needed to own up to her mistakes
To which she replied "how much Prozac should I take?"
Of course her parents overheard and they got her in the car
And before you knew it she was in the ER
I feel like a monster... I don't know what to do...
They ended up locking her up in good ol' VCU

Goodbye my dear
How I will leave you here
Down on the ground while I'm hanging high and dry
Can't explain things or my reasons why
I'm just sick of this world oh how I want to die
I don't want a reason to live
A reason to love
A reason to stay
Or all of the above
I want to die and rest among the dead
Be free of this world
How I've bled
For these people this way that I am
Addicted to pain a black sheep amongst lamb
I don't need your shepherd
I don't need to be guided
I just need to be free I can't continue to fight it
Get me out of this life and get me out of my head
God stop giving me second chances
I just want to be dead
I've tried so many times
I've cried even more
What does it take for death to arrive at your door?
I want these voices to stop this heartache to cease
Can you please God just let me rest in piece!
Why won't you let me die
Let me be free
Life isn't a gift it's a test for them and for me
To see if we're good
Bad eggs mixed within the dozens
So misunderstood
All of our brothers and cousins
We are broken defeated with no will
While there are still those that tell us how to feel
That just turns the knife and makes matters worse
What does it take to be free of this curse
This pain we are born with it shatters us as people
But all that don't matter as long as you have a sizable steeple
Can't you see there's no reason for me to be here
I don't want Jesus to take the wheel I want to be the one to steer
*** life is going too fast
I think I'm going to crash
The idea of my legacy is nothing but trash
So smite me dead it's one simple task... I just want to die... That's all that I ask....

If people show their true colors in their final moments, why dont we all live like we're dying?

My ears ring
As these monsters sing
A lovely song to be sung
A story of ******,rage, and riot
They'll never stop
They can't be silenced
Pinch me I'm dreaming
Cut me I'm screaming
My blade is glistening
And my soul is bleeding
I close my eyes and take a leap of faith
Into the boules of hell I will bathe
It's the pain I crave
All hope for me left behind
A permanent slave
To my own mind
I'm losing control
I'm breaking out of this box
Snap the chains and shatter the locks
And I am blind
To this freedom I've never felt
This home I've never known
Set fire to the cards I've been dealt
And together we roam
It's time to tell my own story
This is my time for guts and glory
As I sit on my rightful thrown
And come to terms with the demons that never leave me alone

"I can't help about the shape I'm in. I can't sing, I ain't pretty, and my legs are thin. But don't ask me what I think of you *** I might not give the answer that you want me to."
   -fleetwood Mac