A fat little girl
              ....
A small little child with curly brown hair
Chubby, pink cheeks with skin so fair
Eats, enjoys, indulges and more
Everyone says "she's full for sure"

A fat little girl
              ....
A sweet little girl, with long pigtails
Sees all the girls, and wonders why she fails
They all have friends, but why doesn't she
How come they're all so happy

A fat little girl
              ....
A shy little girl, afraid to face her school
Everyone laughs, she's fat and 'uncool'
Sitting alone each and every day
Wondering why they treat her this way

A fat little girl
              ....
A mature little girl, much for her age
Looks at the number on the scale enraged
Hating herself and what she's become
Wishing to see all her bones such as some

A fat little girl
              ....
A fat little girl, no food on her plate
Determined as hell to lose all this weight
Her friends and her family, see her each day
More and more frail, withering away

A sick little girl
              ....
A skeleton of a girl, who once was happy and bright
Her eyes now dark and hollowed at night
Clinging to life with her small, bony hands
Regretting all childhood reprimands

A dead little girl
                 ....
A dead little girl, now merely a corpse
Leaving everyone behind feeling remorse
A closed casket service, nothing left to show
Wants to be be remembered as we all know

I'm tired of playing this game back and forth
I'm tired of fading away
I don't wanna be in a hateful place, but something is making me stay
I'm tired of cutting and starving and dying
I yearn for a glimpse of light
Really I'm just fed up with trying
Lost in the blackness of night
I want to recover I don't want to hide
And show people what's me
And let them know that healing can be a reality

What is life?
Is it a time or a place?
A new opportunity, perhaps just a race?
A world of experience, whether good or bad
A marvelous adventure of fun to be had?
Is it maybe an object, and item or two?
Is it a belief, a value of few?
Perhaps it's a person, or maybe career?
Isn't there more than that to hear?

But I think life's pointless, each day the same
Shooting blindly with nothing to aim

i know of a place where I can't be harmed
a beautiful place, wrapped up in your arms
your heart is my peace, it's ache is my sorrow
hearing it beat is the promise of tomorrow
you're eyes are my window, to see all that's great
you've opened my soul to appreciate
your body, my armor, your touch, my shield
both strong weapons that only i wield
your voice is my song and your face is my light
while your soft hands hold me, safe from the night

Take out your knife
Carve out your sins
Never forget  where your story begins

Lay down your head
Listen to me
This is not how it's supposed to be

Lay down, pick up the knife
And think of your life
Give up slowly

Get that cigarette
It's not over yet
When you're addicted, addicted, addicted
To dying

Shut off the world
Farewell little girl
Now put down your head
We're better off dead

Fighting with life
No end in sight
Wish you were dead
Cut ****** and red

Lay down, pick up the knife
Think of your life
And give up slowly
Take that cigarette
It's not over yet

When we're addicted, addicted, addicted
To dying

Hiding from fear, ignoring the pain
None of yourself is there left to regain
          Falling slowly, slipping away
          Waiting for sleep that calls demons to play
                      Wishing for death to come fly you elsewhere
                      Smiling again with this last breath of fresh air
                                 Pop open the bottle, one handful; not enough
                       Swallowing 50, I promise, is tough
                       Heart is now racing, I think I'm flying!
           But unaware that I'm actually dying
           Closing my eyes, then awaking once more
Seeing the white coats open the door

See no fading scars, remember no pain
Let out your feelings as free as the rain

Remember those loved, respect those lost Lives came to an end at too great of a cost

Think of the child, with curled locks of hair
Her innocent face with complexion so fair

Look at her smile, look at her dance
What would she do if given the chance

Forgive her of wrongs, relieve her of doubt
Tell her there's a much better way out

Imagine her smiling and dancing again
Happy little family, hand in hand

So now my children, listen to me
All can accomplish recovery

The day it all happened
I remember it so well
And this is a story, I almost can't bear to tell
The sun shone through my windows
The birds filled the sky with song
It was the kind of day
Where nothing could go wrong
I kissed all of my babies
I headed out the door
Told my husband I love him
He said I love you more
I was driving down the highway
When I saw a flashing light
I looked up and saw billows of smoke, darker than the night
I froze and glanced around in panic
Then I heard the screams
A thousand daggers in my chest, praying they were bad dreams
But these were no dreams
This was a nightmare
Crimson flames danced everywhere
Then I caught it
In my eye
More planes were plummeting by
The rest was such a blur
All the months after were too obscure
But no one has ever been the same way
As moments before that fateful day...

I'm sorry I couldn't save you
I'm sorry I wasn't there
I had to watch you struggle, but how would I show my care
I thought you had gotten better
I saw you start to fade
But in denial, pushed it aside and for you I tried to persuade
I knew things would improve, you didn't see the light
So that fateful time a year ago, you disappeared into the night
From that day on I promised, to remember why I live
Not always for myself, but so there's something for me to give
People will sometimes love, but as humans we also hate
Will you continue to fight? You're the one to choose your fate.

The things I would do for a knife in my palms, slicing and slitting away
Hoping for blood and hitting the vein that keeps all the demons at bay
How I miss the feeling of thoughts never to be found
Heart in my head, pounding away, the beautiful, thundering sound
Ages its been since I felt the sting followed by a pause
Like a thousand daggers ripping away the hurt that you have caused
A smile slithers over, seeing the crimson stained upon soft skin
In the end, you understand that you can't ever win

A gap between her thighs
And hips that protrude
Counting each rib, as if there's something left to prove
Relying on caffeine, alcohol and more
Losing out on life, passing every open door
Crying in the dark, alone next to the scale
It reminds you of your worth and how you always fail
Counting everyday, worried all the time
Can I hit a goal, will I meet the deadline
Wishing you were different, praying to be small
And finally when you get there, your problems will be solved

Trace small, gentle circles along my bare chest
Come closer so I can see
Kiss me again along my neck and set my worries free
Hold me close and whisper sweet words like I'm your masterpiece
I'm a blank canvas and you're the paint our thoughts beginning to cease
Throw me down and pull me in
Together moving as one
Make me scream and hold me down the night has just begun
Breathing deep and losing words
Our minds on only one thing
Moving slow and matching time your scent still lingering
And when the sun peeks over the hill to warn the coming of dawn
We lay in perfect silent bliss, the feeling never gone

Goblins, ghosts, vampires and ghouls
The "scary" things we thought as fools
Blood ******* demons are awfully real
And the pain they cause no one can heal
The howls of longing of hurt and despair
The aroma of death lingers still in the air
Creeping through the darkness and haze
Wandering through this unending maze
And on this oppressing, bloodthirsty eve
Keep your eyes open, it's not make believe
And maybe when you crawl back into your bed
You'll be one of the lucky ones who didn't end up dead

Take deep breath and look at yourself
Don't bow your head in shame
Look at your face, look at your scars, you'll never be the same
But don't be sad and do not cry
The past is in the past
What you've dealt with for so long, I promise it won't last
Look at you, every inch
Unique and only you
There's not a thing that should be changed, or else it can't be true
Be proud of what you've overcome
And never hide again
When you finally be yourself, you can always win

I've always hated math, yet numbers take control
The number on the scale, if I reach a goal
I don't really eat food, it's just a number now
It all happens so fast, I just don't know how
Measuring and counting, tracking everything
Feeling satisfaction, instead of suffering
Pain turns to success, that number coming down
Wreaking havoc, turning your life around
Nothing really matters, all I want is bones
But everything's inside, and no one has to know
What starts off as a simple, 2 or 3 pounds
Can leave your pile of bones, rotting in the ground

My friend and my enemy for so many years
Bringing me constantly back into tears
Holding me back, taking control
Watching and laughing while taking her toll
Making a home in the back of my mind
Discovering secrets that no one could find
Giving me feelings like never before
Quietly whispering, not anymore
Satisfaction as you waste away
More and more bones everyday
Deceiving and lying, warping your thoughts
Leaving you dying, shaken, distraught
And after your life's been too close to hell
She moves on to the next, without a farewell

Said it would be over soon
And once I stepped out of the room
My world came down
Said that it would be alright
We'd put up a hella fight
But I'd drown

You promised you would be here
But I'm fed up with these tears
I miss you now
You'd hold me in my worst fears
Stay with me for these years
I don't know how

Why'd this have to happen
To a perfect person
What's so wrong
I lost a big part of me
And now I'm getting dizzy
Our last song

Just promise that you'll be here
For every other great year
Don't give up
Be the man you should be
The friend I know you could be
Feel my love

Unlike anything you can buy,
The only thing to satisfy
Gives the feeling like nothing else
Not gold or jewels, or any wealth
Not alcohol, or any pill
A type of drug now if you will
Just a simple little thing
But caused me years of suffering
Left me with scars, and tears and shame
I know I'll never be the same
But even though it's overcome
It's a constant threat to see who's won

One look in those baby brown eyes
And in return a surprise
That perfect smile
The one I haven't seen for awhile

Long, curly hair, always a mess
No one here to impress
Just living like that
Cause life's too short and that's a fact

Now I've shed tears and I felt sorrow
Wondered if I'd make it till tomorrow
Held my breath and let my failures slip away

I've sat up in the middle of the night
Asking God to give me fight
Praying please please let me stay
Just one more day

There you were holding my hand
Trying hard to understand
What it is that's slowly killing me

I lay back hearing you cry
Asking Jesus, asking Him why
My baby girl she's been gone awhile
Pleading one time to see that old smile

Now I've shed tears, I feel your sorrow
I'm telling you to stay for tomorrow
Held your hand and let your darkness slip away

I'm sitting up in the middle of the night
Praying that you'll have more fight
Saying please, please, please let her stay
One more day, one more day

One last look in those big brown eyes
And much to my surprise
I catch a glimpse of that perfect smile

We're sitting up in the middle of the day
Watching all the pain slip away
Thanking God, He let us stay
One more day

We look on the outside, judging much too fast
Not realizing how we repeat the past
More people are dying, there's still so much sin
Killed for simply loving or the color of their skin
But amidst the pool of evil, there's a shining light
Standing by your bedside, as you try with all your might
Just accept your neighbors, your family and your friends
I promise there's no need to succumb to such a violent end
Progress is what we call it, but little do I see
The crumbling nation that this has come to be
Today marks history, "equality for all"
Ha! It only takes a couple hundred different men to fall
But this changes nothing, this world is full of hate
Love is not a simple thing, but to appreciate

Pop it open, just a can
Heart rate spikes again as planned
Pop another, maybe two
Pumping harder than you ever knew
Pop some more, make it three
This is fun, won't we see
Have another, up to four
Faster now than ever before
Still going strong and up to six
Past the point of being fixed
Whoa, what happened? Hitting eight
Now I'm spinning, can't see straight
Way past nine, beyond twelve
How much further can we delve?
Now where's number, thoughts mine aren't here
Did someone see my grandma near?
Spinning, dark, cans, STOP!
Where am I? How far's the drop?
Loud, quiet, black, gone
Now only if we didn't start so young

Few things are taken for granted as I
Precious and surprisingly hard to come by
Each breath you take, each sunrise so bright
This is a privilege, by no means a right
Just when you've found happiness, all seems complete
I can and will leave you to rot with defeat
I need no reason, for I can just say
And someone you love will be taken away
So do not forget me and all that I do
For one day I promise, all will forget you

Lock all your doors, throw out the key
Hide everyone from the demon called me
Cover your windows, pull all the shades
Let no one see the sorrow cascade
Block all contact, don't pick up the phone
Protect yourself from the vast unknown
Forget about feelings, the problems they cause
Remember we all have countless flaws
Nobody's worth it, we die in the end
It's never safe to call someone your friend

Nothing lasts forever
Nothing's worth your while
Even just a second of a precious smile
People up and leave you, halfway through the fight
Never let it grieve you, lose no sleep tonight
Friends will become distant, lovers break your heart
Do not let the agony tear you all apart
Build walls up higher, set your armored guards
Pick up the pieces of your heart's little shards
Stay alone forever, it's easier that way
Then there's never someone, or a debt you have to pay

Raised me like I'm one of your own
Teach me the things of the world unknown
Built my foundation, strengthened my core
Gave me an abundance of joy to explore
Then you took it, my joy disappeared
I was locked in a realm so very unclear
Didn't know what went on, nowhere to turn
The lesson at hand is a hard one to learn
Sealed me with an iron sheath
So nothing can penetrate beneath
Guarded and cautious, but stronger today
Pain is the price of living to pay

Said you were different
Said that you care
Said when I needed it, you would be there
Said you hadn't met someone like me
But then again, charming is your specialty
And then it happened, what I knew you would do

...there are millions of people just like you

Life is not a storybook nor a fairytale
Instead it is a beaten path a lost, forgotten trail
The princess doesn't find her prince
She learns to save herself
The prince is not a noble man with castles and much wealth
Dragons, trolls and other beasts do not plague our thoughts
Instead are visions, crushed up dreams that leave one quite distraught
The little damsel in distress is not what you'd expect
She could be hiding in her room, both wrists left unchecked
A hero doesn't come your way, you pull yourself back out
Through the sharpest twists and turns along a different route
A mighty sword you do not hold, nor a trusty steed
Though the darkness seems too harsh, no warnings will you heed
There is no certain happy ending, no perfect princess bride
When you fight the path called life, with death you may collide

Alone is not a thing to be seen
But a state of mind
A treasure chest full of secrets
That two can never find

Alone is being with yourself
Once was a desolate hell
Now the harrowing sights once seen
Are in the past, don't dwell

Serenity and quiet thoughts
Trickle through the night
A different kind of darkness
And a warming kind of light

Alone has many meanings
All aren't great places to be
Being alone and feeling alone
Are different as you can see

Come little child, need not you hear
The words of unimportance near
Come little child, stray afar
Past the light, where only we are
Come little child, listen to me
There's so much more for you to see
Come little child, don't wish, but dream
Nothing is quite as it may seem
Come little child, don't hear their word
Much better things that can be heard
Come little child, be never weary
For the clouds will cast both dark and dreary
Come little child, stay close to my heart
Let not the dark world tear you apart
My dear little child, sing out your own song
Each note, each sound cannot ever be wrong
And child, as rings out the very last verse
Remember there's never such life as a curse

Set out on a journey
Didn't matter where
Through the deepest darkest path
Never getting there
Seeking destination
Scrambling toward the prize
Barely realizing
It was right before my eyes
Running for the people
Waiting for applause
When I should be striving
For a greater cause
You see if you chase after life
To obtain the little things
You miss the love and happiness
That life always brings

You don't deserve to rule my head
Or be my nightmare late in bed
You cannot taunt me anymore
I'm not a thing to be ignored
I loved you once, but now you see
I don't need you to be free
You walk your path and I take mine
We leave each other back behind
I don't regret the times we had
In fact, honestly I'm glad
In moving on I was able to see
Nothing will last permanently

Not so sure I know how to stop
When I look at you I feel my heart drop
You weren't my partner, you were my friend
I knew someday it would have to end
But why did you leave me when I was down
My entire life was turned around
I was falling hard with no way out
There was too much **** to worry about
I'm sorry to say I was in love with you
Though there's all the pain you put me through
You hurt me more than ever before
This much hurt, I hoped not to endure
I love you more than I've loved anyone
And I can't bear to know that we're done

A lonely little girl, so thrown off track
Too far gone to be pulled back
Scours the trails searching for love
Or maybe a sign from far above
Gray and weary, crawling along
Listens closely for heaven's sweet song
Lies down in a patch of of sweet green sorrows
Preparing for endless todays and tomorrows

I'm victim to your poison
I've survived your every test
You've ripped me open piece by piece
And disturbed my rest
I'm addicted to your touch
And addicted to your love
I miss your bright and shining eyes
Reflecting from above
Your words they burned like fire
But your silence is what kills
The very thought of losing you
Down my spine sends chills
You told me I was special
You told me you were there
The worst part was
That for awhile you really seemed to care
I never meant to love you
I don't want to be done
I wanted you to save me
But you handed me a gun

I hate the way you seem to sit inside my every thought.
Dripping from my poetry and making me distraught.
Your presence seems to haunt me and fill my heart with grief.
And even when you're gone, I still can't find relief.
Your words are like a poison, I drink until I'm numb.
And to your addictive voice, again I shall succumb.
You're merciless and painful, but wear a soft disguise
You broke my bleeding heart in the time of my demise.
I miss your open arms, to which I used to run.
I was all set to die, so you handed me the gun.

Broke me and dropped me, treated me like ****.
Ignored my every cry, and sadly this is it.
I'm done with how you make me cry and question why I'm here.
Never said a single word, but silence screams so clear.
You saw me dangling from above just simply hanging there.
But once again you walked away, I know you'll never care.
My world was turning upside down and I wanted your sweet light.
But every day now since you're gone is an even greater fight.

I like to be alone so much
The mere thought of people wears me out
When I'm hiding in my room
Footsteps might as well be doom

The sound of voices makes me cringe
I'm done listening to ****
I just want to be alone
Living by myself, unknown

When someone even looks at me
It makes me want to run away
Lock myself in some dark place
So no one has to see my face

I'm sorry if I snap at you
I don't want to hear you talk
I'm tired of living, being me
I'm giving up why can't you see

When you say you want to help
The only thing I really need
Is space and dark stability
Left in my lonely reality

I fought so hard, I didn't stop, I still survived the farthest drop.
And at the bottom, there you were, hovering until I'd stir.
And when I did, you saw me breathe, I wasn't dead so you'd just leave.
There I was, left on the ground, unable to hear a single sound.
Picked up my feet, pulled up my weight, endured the pain that was so great.
Saw you and fell more in love, while you flew by from above.
You're just fine and I am not; ****, I miss you quite a lot.
And now I'm up, I climbed my way, I didn't need your **** to stay.
It's over and guess what, I won, so you and I are over, we're done.

Tricked me, hurt me, bled my body dry.
Used me, confused me, never heard my cry.
Made my heart feel full, my happiness complete
Just hearing your voice, felt like a retreat.
It was wrong to take me in, just to walk right out.
Split between two different paths, each a separate route.
I never was in love with you, because I never stopped .
When you spoke those last few words, my fragile heart had dropped.
You were once my only light then drowned me in the dark.
I'm always going to seem ok, but know you left your mark.

When I say I love you.
Those three words all speak so true.
I means me, with all my heart.
Never wanting to be apart.

When I say love, here's what I mean
You make me feel whole and clean.
You fill a void that none else can.
I want to keep hold of your hand.

You is such a simple word
But what it means is quite absurd
In short, you just means I'm safe
When I'm with you, I can escape.

Understand I don't love you
Those words are not completely true
I don't just love, I'm falling hard
No matter how much you've left me scarred.

Holding closely to her heart
Life within itself
Secrets unknown to any man
Guarding with such stealth

Softly sighs an eerie tune
Warning those who seek
Protected from the evil one
Shelters the small and meek

Watches over every life
Leaves no stone unturned
Lives to better this old world
All that she has learned

Loves all with a growing passion
None are left behind
Masked; enveloped in a cloak
To tame unstable minds

Layered in both love and care
But what lurks underneath
Sadness, heartbreak, pain and fear
Wrap her in a sheath

Wandering amidst the darkest nights
Listening for the call
Lost souls broken, buried deep
Deeper through, they fall

I'm sorry to say that I'm falling for you.
After everything that we've been through.
I'm sorry there's nothing I can do.
The love that I feel can only be true.

I'm sorry that I have to say
You always take my breath away
I want you more everyday
But how many times can you betray?

I hate to admit I miss your touch
Your nice warm hugs, they help so much
When  all my heart has been sliced and crushed
Your presence gives me quite a rush.

It kills me to see that you have gone
Abandoned me for far too long
I want to hear your soothing song
Although I know that this is wrong.

I'm not prepared to give up yet
I'm falling hard without a net
There's none like you I've ever met
Loving you, I can't regret.

Remember the day you came into my life?
Wiped all my tears and took that sharp knife.
Told me that you would always be here,
Just a phone call away, I knew you'd be near.
Hugged me and said that I'd be ok.
Nothing was taking my life away.
What you were to me, I can't express
You alone dragged me out of this mess.
In doing that, you lost your grip.
Your fragile patience began to slip.
And in order to keep yourself in one piece
It was me that you had to release.

These eyes have spilled sorrow
This flesh has dripped blood
Two hands always there
To pick up the unloved

This heart has been opened
And drained to the core
Running on empty
Can't take anymore

This voice is quiet
But never unheard
Speaks from the soul
With eloquent word

But this being is fragile
And takes hits so hard
Yet never does show it
Easy to discard

I wish I could escape my own charred mind
Create an escape, curl up and hide
The thoughts that come taunt me, both night and day
Stay lodged in the back, and drive people away
But when I pick up my soft, horsehair bow
A melodious sound where heartache will show
Gliding across each string with a sound
Limitless, free, and completely unbound
All sorrows unleashed and tears cascade
Enveloped in the music your own hand has made
And drawing out that last soft hum
Enjoying happiness that so rarely comes

I'm done
Time and time again I do this
I do all this **** for people
And then I'm empty
My heart is drained of feeling
My mind doesn't want to think
I'm numb, yet everything still affects me
My soul is dried up, but sadness still dwells
When I hear someone ask a question
My brain screeches no and my tongue once again whispers yes
The exhaustion of just being around people is sickening
I don't ask for help anymore
I don't want to be a burden, but most of all, I can't bear to lose anyone else
I'm sensitive and I get attached easily
I need one person in my life who will be there forever
And that's nearly impossible to find
So here I am, continuing to drain myself
Until there's nothing but a pile of bones

I endured my most horrific times alone
Apart from the world, dying unknown
I don't need your help, I don't need you here
I fight for myself and that should be clear
But if I say, I need you right now
It means that I want you in my life somehow
You must understand, that is quite rare
And if you leave me, just be aware
That you will have hurt me, and I don't just heal
The pain hits hard and the wounds are surreal
I get too attached and will love you so much
I know I'll feel better just by your touch
Now you are gone and I slammed shut my door
There's no room here for your **** anymore

Apology accepted
Trust denied
You'll never wipe my tears
'Cause they've dried
My warm heart is guarded
By prisoners of war
You were accepted
My decision was poor
Said you were different
That you were my friend
I hoped it was true
But good things will end
I needed a hand
A listening ear
I wanted to feel you drawing near
I thought you could take it
Your outside looked strong
But deep down inside
I knew I was wrong
I'm sorry I'm sad
Lost and upset
Being your friend
I'll never regret

I notice when you're gone
I notice when you're here
I feel my heart skip a beat
And know that you are near
When you're feeling sadness
I can feel it too
I'm not being dramatic,
It's just something that I do
I love you with a passion
That no one can replace
And while I sit here by myself
I'm picturing your face
My heart was far too open
I'm sorry you slipped in
The pain in there is hard to take
It won't happen again
But now you've gone and vanished
My bleeding heart has died
I hate the way you hurt me
But I miss you by my side

I'm being dragged down
I'm holding my breath
Praying to God
That I'll have something left

I'm tired of caring
About people's pain
When it puts me in a spot
Where I can't remain

I can't be dependent
On others like me
I'm taking control
So maybe I'll see

I'm overwhelmed
And very stressed out
I refuse to give myself
More to worry about

Please don't be mad
Don't think I don't care
Because my huge heart
Is what's gotten me there

I'm taking a break
To pick myself up
So maybe for once
I can feel like enough

It won't be long
Probably won't know I went
I'll be back soon
After me time I spent