Roses are red
Violets aren't blue
Nothing can stop me from caring for you
From the setting sun
To the rising stars
There's no way we'll ever be taken apart
During the sun, the rain or the storm
My love for you will never be worn

My ship set sail on a voyage
Not many years ago
The gentle waters rocked me
Their whispers soft and slow
The winds took me further out
Into the open sea
The waves crashed and came on board
Nearly drowning me
The once clear skies had darkened
Whirling clouds gathered near
Cold rain pelted down
And pierced my sails with fear
A strong force pulled my body
Towards a swirling endless pit
All my sailors overboard and I knew this was it
Swallowed whole but still in pieces
This voyage was cut short
The little ship not strong enough
To give that much support

Eloquence runs in my blood
Words are what I feel
This deep sadness that I write
Is excruciatingly real

I try to keep the writing part
Only in this place
For ones I love are sheltered
From the demons that I face

I'm used to being fearful
I don't like to show I'm weak
Even though sometimes I know
The comfort that I seek

My heart is way too caring
My mouth will not say no
I give my everything to help
No matter how far I go

Some people just don't like it
But I can't control my heart
Although the **** I put it through
Is clawing me apart

Can't help that I'm a writer
A musician of the mind
With a sensitive soul
That soon you'll surely find

Yeah, I have a huge heart
**** right I am a poet
I write my feelings out in rhymes
And I surely know it

Step into my shadowed chambers
Feel my dusty walls
Wander through my tattered rooms
And down my darkened halls
Brush across my tight pulled drapes
And stroke them with your hand
Slide across my smooth wood floor
Begin to understand
Wrap yourself up in my blankets
Curl up in my bed
Don't overthink it, just relax
And rest your weary head
Listen for my loving whispers
Feel my weakened call
Build me up when my foundation
Seems it's soon to fall
Stay within me by my side
And don't leave me alone
For my walls are caving in
Open to unknown

Why do I always feel so weak
When I know that I am strong
I pile on problems and deal with them
Yet still I hobble along

But when heavy sadness weighs me down
Until I crash and burn
I get back up and go again
Because I never learn

It's impossible to understand
Why I care so much
I know that if I save someone
I'm able to get a rush

Now my shoulders have grown too stiff
I can't support this weight
But I don't want the hurt to spill
Because it's much too great

It's never fair that I can carry this tremendous amount of pain
Then I'm left drained and empty
Relying on myself to regain

I hate it that after all I do
I'm completely hollow inside
And then I start all over again
No way to be revived

When you're feeling broken
Do not blame your heart
It's your mind and your head
That's ripping you apart

When you're feeling lonely
Like you want to die
Signals are sent to your brain
And make you want to cry

Those times you're feeling scared
And don't know where to go
You recognize a familiar face
Hoping that they know

When you're feeling hopeless
Like you've already died
Your mind can be a weapon
Show you how to hide

When you've been betrayed
And left a thousand times
Your head knows to protect your heart
And build a barrier of lies

Alone in the dark is a dangerous place
The demons and voices come face to face
United together with one goal to end
The pieces that were trying only to mend
Fear of the emptiness and lack of care
Alone in the dark is the place to dare
Lost beyond words and then come the tears
Knowing yourself is one of your fears
Finding the knife is easy enough
But leaving it be is really quite rough
Sitting alone in the dark listening
To what the next sunrise could possibly bring

One day of love and happiness
Doesn't make up for years of heartache

Sadness is like a prison
A dark and awful place
The inmates will abuse you
And say you're a disgrace
The guards watch you struggle
And don't make a single move
Once you're down and on the floor
Be prepared for doom
The little cell starts getting blurry
You're consumed by deafening light
Sounds begin to disappear
There's no end in sight
But when you think it's over,
There's no way to stand again
A shadowed figure picks you up
And keeps hold of your hand
The very kind who hurt you
Can also heal the wounds
How is that easy to understand
When evil is always assumed

This poem isn't meant to trend or be some great big deal.
This poem is meant for me to express the hurt I feel.
I never seem to catch my breath or get the smallest break.
I'm tired, sore, out of shape, and all my muscles ache.
I'm always scared to lose the ones that I love most dear.
Everything bottles up and my insides start to sear.
I wear a shield to protect myself and everyone behind.
Don't want to see the other side, the unknown that I'll find.
I'm torn between my open heart and my broken soul.
I need someone to numb my pain and make me feel whole.
But no one loves this little girl as much as she loves you.
Afraid to admit her weaknesses, doesn't know what to do.
Terrified of people's thoughts and most abhorrent lies.
Going back and forth between fighting and demise.
Unable to see the happiness that may very well unfold.
Lost in depths of bleak depression, trembling and cold.

Gather up every single one
This is our day to have some fun
Both hands are free and lips untouched
No need to impress, no need to rush
Keep your money, leave the rose
Don't be ashamed if everyone knows
No need to shower or do your hair
Because you're not going anywhere
***** your manners, just be you
Let's face it, what else is there to do
No staring across an awkward table
No 'boyfriend' 'girlfriend' typical label
Forget a mushy gooey Valentine
Or all the drunk ***** with their fancy wine
The perfect Valentine for me
Is on my couch, warm and comfy!

Solid from the crust to core
Carries all the weight
Even when it can take no more
There's nothing that's too great

Standing tall through every storm
Never flinches in the dark
Once it's tired, lost and worn
The struggles left their mark

Taking in the rays of sun
Absorbing little heat
Then relieved the day is finally done
Once again been beat

After fighting all these years
Enduring what was thrown
Having no more need for fears
Crumbling and unknown

First, you dig your self a hole
Deep enough to lose control
Then, you push yourself inside
At the bottom, where there's no place to hide
Next, you try to claw your way through
Until there's nothing left to do
Tired, helpless, body worn
Wrists among everything else is torn
Drowning in your own salty tears
Condemned by the most realistic fears
Gasping for air, destined for execution
Feeling like death is the only solution.

Gazing past my tempted eyes
And right into my mind
Where you explore the wonders
Along with horrors you'll soon find.
But today that doesn't matter
You soothe my constant ache
And fix my fragile inside
That will never cease to break.
Your warming fingers touch me
In my darkest place
And slowly find their way towards mine
Where they softly lace.
But you whisper lightly
Promise you'll return
As your figure fades away
For this dream I yearn

How much you hurt
How hard you cry
There will always be people
Who are not on your side
They will hate and blame
They don't understand
What it feels like to let go
Of another dead hand
And when you step out
To breathe for awhile
Wipe your mascara
And put on a smile
People like that
Never will they know
How much it stings
To have to let go...

Racing heart, fluttering eyes
Putting on a fake disguise
Tremors running through my veins
Chills are driving me insane
Feelings of anticipation
Doomed to ultimate damnation
Snapping bands across my wrists
Returning scars that still exist
Welting up and turning red
But these poor scars have already been bled
Crying both inside and out
Nothing left to talk about
Charred soul and swelled up arms
Isn't there a saying, the third time's a charm?

Surviving off of independence
Always acting strong
Never asking for any help
When things went horribly wrong
Seldom shed a single tear
Putting on a brave face
While deep inside her melting heart
The carnage found its place
Caring for everyone but herself
True colors never show
Even when it seemed that times
Couldn't get more low
Poems running through her veins
Until she bled them dry
Torn up pieces ripped to shreds
No tears left to cry
Couldn't save a broken soul
Couldn't fix her heart
And slowly darkness eats away
Rotting her apart

Valentines day is drawing near
A time of love, joy and cheer.
But those words are not familiar to me
For I am never truly happy.

And the concept of love is hard to take
Fear of making another mistake.
How this heart continues to ache.
I can't seem to understand.

So on this coming Valentines day
No romantic music will I play
Instead at home is where I'll stay
With my loving family.

Water filled eyes
Tear stricken face
Mascara running all over the place

Trembling hands
Vermilion drained heart
Shriveled up soul, ripped apart.

Solid enough, a single tug
Unravels each strand
As a woven rug.

Weakened and empty
Failed once again
Never enough to fight through the end.

Prickling fear
Climbs down the spine
Paralyzing each victim that it can find.

Locked in a ruthless, icy cold clutch
Struggling for air, but the suffering is too much.

Twinkle twinkle little star
I know exactly who you are
You shined throughout the blackest night
And kept me in your glowing light
Now twinkle bright and let me see
The beautiful star I knew you could be.

After years of endless fear
When agony is always near
The path to take is so unclear
Really I just need you here.

And when I see your familiar face
Your comforting words fill empty space
My life would be a different place
If not saved by your amazing grace.

Our eyes lock, taking me back
To a happy place where there's no black
You shelter me from ongoing attack
And put my whole life on track.

I'm grateful for your loving squeeze
When I'm down and on my knees
Hoping to get left to freeze
Awakened by your gentle pleas.

While I'm sitting in the dark
Alone where silence left its mark
Peaceful as a singing lark
I hear your footsteps across the park.

You put my pieces back together
Held my hand through darkest weather
Wished we always would be together
But our hearts live on forever and ever.

An ancient treasure for the soul
An outlet for the mind
A trick that helps you take your pain and put it all behind.
No limitations or control
Free flowing as the ink
Happy, lost, scared, confused
When the soul must sink
An open canvas full of life
And whatever it may bring
Pick up a brush and start to paint what's inspiring
Remember contrast, lights and darks
Create a real effect
The shadows lurking from behind isn't to expect
Colors, textures, raw emotions poured out for all to see
Open to interpretation, endless possibilities.

Fed up with sorrow
Fed up with fear
Fed up with darkness and phantoms near
Fed up with hurting
Fed up with guilt
And my heart which can't be rebuilt
Fed up with scars
Fed up with knives
Fed up with loved ones risking their lives
Fed up with hatred
Fed up with hiding
Just want to sit here and do more writing
Fed up with betrayal
Fed up with loss
Opening up has to come with a cost
Fed up with fighting
Fed up with grief
Hoping that one day I'm faced with relief.

Peeling skin and broken dreams
Splitting, cracking at the seams
Frustration, sorrow, passion, love
Cooing softly as a mourning dove.
Wails and screams cloaked in red
Holding hearts already bled.
Emotions one cannot express
Thrown together in a mess.
Desperation, overwhelmed
Escaping to a whole new realm.
Enveloped in a sense of relief
Making burdens much more brief.

Starting out so young and free
No troubles in the world
Pure, clear skin for all to see.
Not a sign of hurt

Bright, young eyes and light pink lips
Innocence at best
Unexposed and unaware of God's most painful test

Wandering lost and all alone, no one there to trust
Voices laughing, hidden deep within the prickly brush

Eternal darkness cascading down from a clouded sky
Frightened, cornered with one question, and that one word is why?

There's no life that's left to live
There's no more need for breath
Succumbing to the evil force
And wishing only death.

No living soul has pushed through
The guarded gates of my mind.
What you know is just the surface
The horrors none will find.

I may not look, but be aware
That I always see
When you think you're getting there
There's miles to go in me.

Heart is tired, barely beating
Wrapped around in chains
The key to which is hidden well
Never seen again.

The bright crimson only leaks in the most battered places.
Violated, left for dead, nothing more it faces.

Once unbound and free to go wherever it may please.
Now hardened, trapped, and cold as stone.
Locked in eternal freeze.

Your tides rush in and peel away each new layer of sand.
Softly licking open beach
And calmly brush my hand.

You take a breath and delve back in
Washing over rough shells
Cleansing a lifetime of loneliness
That only time will tell.

Feeling every single splash
Rock my broad, white skin
Where life has crawled and children play
No loving soul has been.

The moonlight settles on your surface
Giving a mysterious glow
I'm captivated by the sight
And our hearts will only grow.

I settle towards the ocean floor
All your weight on me
Calming waves of nighttime breeze
Sooth the mighty sea.

I'm always touched by cooling fingers
Trickling down my back
Unpredictable and dangerous
Anticipating attack.

But your the ocean to my sand
The purpose of my beach
Together we make something special
That nothing will ever reach.

I feel a chill run through my body
Knowing that it's you.
My heart skips, flutters, turns
Because we both know what to do.

Our eyes settle locked tight
Gazing straight ahead
Your warming hands melt my skin
And send me down to bed.

All stretched out, you see it now
Before your very eyes
Pure, untouched but beaten down
But to only you, a surprise.

What was untouched by human hands
Was touched by sharpened blades
Cannot be healed in this short time
For that's not how they're made.

But now look past the broken surface
That mended back to one
And see what lies within the depths
That hasn't been undone.

On the outside it looks like I'm doing better.
But I think it's on the inside too.
It feels like months since I hurt myself
Though it's only been a few.

This has been so easy
I'm almost scared to ask.
Did I really get over it?
Or is the hurting masked...

I'm feeling more confident
No more cuts for me
But last time I slipped up again
What will this time be?

Can't bring myself to give it up
The knife that I have hidden
Afraid to touch the hard steel blade
Control is overridden

For now it's good and I'm content
No more hurt, suffering, or torment.

I've done a few things in my day that I don't talk about.
But when my fingers hit the keys all the confessions spill out.

No way I'm perfect, not even close
Always I fall short
I'm a sinner and my sins our Savior will abort.

I break rules and use foul words
That I'm not supposed to know.
But I ask for grace and love
Only God can show.

When I'm hurting, when I'm sad
I have a place to turn
For I can pray for help and love
When evil fires burn.

If you creep into my lair
No treasures will you find
Instead, a book just sitting there
With a weathered broken bind.

Softly run your hands over my cover
Feel my hard rough back
See my pages one after another
Untouched and thrown off track.

Flip me over
Read my words and never put me down
Turn each page and wonder
What more can be found.

Sink deeper into my warming heart
And take time to read with care
Be gentle, please don't tear me apart
Because I showed you everywhere.

Get lost between all my chapters
And don't stop until we're done
We may not have happily ever afters
But you're my only one.

Constantly hurting both outside and in.
Nothing is worth it
How long has it been?

Now sleeping and eating come with a price
No more peace, just endless nights.

Tired of barely living at all.
Pain always lingers
I hear its call.

Not always worth it
I can't get  a break.
If this is a dream,
I'm ready to wake.

The stream that once flowed so freely and clear.
Is drying up at last.
The song it sang for all to hear.
Is but a sound of the past.

Blocked to all the listening souls
It tries to plow on through.
Beating, splashing, forcing hard, but nothing left to do.

Longing for the perfect storm
Where rain clouds congregate.
Each little drop adding up is something to appreciate.

Why don't I ever hide my scars,
A symbol of the past.
Maybe I should let it go,
But nothing fades that fast.

Sometimes darker,
Sometimes faint.
Sometimes a helpful, reminder
Or restraint.

I don't regret
I'm not ashamed
I did what I did
To decrease my pain.

And now it's there
Watching me
As a subtle warning
Of what could be.

Instead of shaming people,
Why don't you help them?

Weathered branches reaching out to catch falling leaves
Still and hard with a rigid shell
Giving so others can breathe
Full and vibrant at its peak
Then bitter cold rolls around
Losing color, looking bleak
But stays rooted in the ground.
Peaceful, quiet, independent
Living on its own.
Battered, broken, standing tall, living life unknown.

Countless songs and poems
Dedicated to one thing
How a simple little word
Could be so inspiring

When I see that others have it
It makes a lot more sense
But when I think of it coming for me,
It's something I resent

Looks flawless from a distance
Desirable at times
But quickly many things can change
If you read between the lines

A drug that is both addicting
And causes enough harm
There's no chance of falling victim to its sneaky charm.

Why is this concept so easy
For everyone to grasp
While I'm out drowning
Waiting for this irrational fear to pass...

I'm not much on the outside
So no one ever cares
I'm not the girl who comes waltzing in
Expecting all the stares

But if you ever stop
As my bow crosses the string
And look me straight in the eye
I'll know you're listening.

Or if you skim my writing
And catch the emotions that I feel
You'll understand there's more to me
Than I'm willing to reveal.

I'm average on the outside,
My abilities as well
But the only way you really know me
Is to search beneath my shell.

Withered branches reaching out,
Catching fallen leaves
Stone cold outside
With many rings, no one would believe.

Peeling bark and twisting tendrils
Weaving through the grass
Standing tall and never resting
Watching the time pass.

Solitude and peaceful rays
When morning lights the sky
Casting shadows on the ground
Where deepest secrets lie.

Battered and bare for many seasons
But light and warmth can make
Sprouting blossoms, newfound life
To cover any break.

When someone asks me if I'm happy, I don't know what to say.
I have no reason to be sad, but what is happiness anyway?

Some synonyms are, fortunate, cheery, content, untroubled, delighted.
But some of that isn't true,
Fortune doesn't always make you happy, and untroubled is that way too.

The best way to be 'happy' or thankful for having life.
Is to go through struggles and overcome the temptation of a knife.

When someone asks me if I'm happy, I say that I can be.
I have seen enough pain and sorrow to cherish every good thing.

It's been more than a month, when is long enough?
When blades are blades and knives are knives,
Rather than relief for when times get tough.

How long do I wait, for dark scars to fade?
When will the urges be something to evade?

Why isn't anything innocent anymore?
Just new methods of pain, waiting to be explored.

How can I stop wishing that when I hold an edge,
It would slip, just a bit and I can have revenge.

But for now, I have to be patient,
And keep myself away.
From all the edges, points and harm that taunt me every day.

For someone once lost and all alone.
Beaten and broken, heart hardened as stone.

A surprising escape opened secret doors.
Wandering across untrodden floors.

A whole new realm of brilliant minds.
Letting go, leaving the past behind.

Connecting with souls like never before.
Plenty of new works to explore.

Unlocking passion, unknown to man.
Stumbled upon, was not the plan.

Locked in a world, where raw talents flow.
Like ink on paper, where will it go?

Where people accept what others will say.
Trying to take their pain away.

A place that has saved me much sorrow and fear.
And boosted my confidence when kind words were near.

Love used to have meaning, but now it's a casual word.
Used with strangers, celebrities, it's getting quite absurd.

When someone says I love you, this is what it should say:
I will be beside you, and take your pain away.
I promise I will hold you, when you're sad or scared.
I promise I will fix your heart when it needs repaired.
I'm never going to leave you, I'll never shed a tear.
I'll do my best to be brave, and hide my every fear.
I'll mend your broken pieces, and patch them up tight.
Hold your hand and be a shield when you have no fight.
Never will I betray you, never will I lie.
When times get too hard to bear, I'll be the one to try.
If you're feeling lonely, lost and unaware.
Crawl into my open arms, you'll be safer there.

When I say I love you, that's the promise I make.
So if you say it back to me, be sure it's no mistake.

The lonely, hooded figure.
At the back of the room.
The one that went unnoticed
That darkness would consume.

The one that had no power.
Nobody even knew.
But silenced pain and desperation slowly spread and grew.

Long sleeved shirts and baggy pants
Worn only to conceal
The deepest cuts along each wrist
And scars that will never heal

Voices wether real or not
Softly sang to sleep
Telling lies and making wounds
That stung and etched too deep

Waking up and asking, why am I even here?
After all this turmoil the answer seemed so clear.

Pulling out some paper
And picking up a pen
Writing the words so fluently, dreaming of an end.

Folding it so neatly, creasing on the sides.
Then shakily reaching for the rope
To put the pain behind.

Standing on the wobbly chair
Which decides the fate
One last deep breath, and silently
Prays it's already too late.

A little girl comes skipping in, hoping for a hug
But finds big sister hanging there, swinging from above.
Seeing something is quite wrong, lets out a high pitched scream
Mom and Dad come running in, hoping it's just a dream.

Mother drops down to the floor, gripping the crying child.
Father quietly closes the door, tears running wild.

Mother carries the little girl off into her bed.
While father holds his daughter's corpse, stiff, pale and dead.

As the tears keep coming, flowing down his face.
A folded piece of paper, sits in its quiet place.

Unfolding the white strip, he slowly reads these lines
Over and over again, spinning through his mind.

I'm sorry this is how it ended, I couldn't bear it anymore.
I finished my short lived voyage, and I've washed up on the shore.
The seas got way too rocky, the storm I could not pass.
You see my lifeless body, is peaceful now at last.
This world was not my place, I don't belong here.
Once I pulled the rope over my head, my destiny was clear.
I'm happy now, more than I've ever been.
For the remainder of your Earthly lives, remember there's a time, we'll meet again.

Should I really have to say I'm sorry that I care
For all of you who don't understand or are not yet aware.
That's basically saying, I'm sorry that I'm me.
But newsflash people, who else am I supposed to be?

I shouldn't be sorry that when someone is upset
I worry and I try to help, but what do I get?
Sure, maybe you think that "I can do this on my own"
Well, go ahead then. Just wander all alone.

You think that I don't really care, that it's all pretend.
Let me tell you, once I'm here, it's until the very end.
It's not my fault I live to help, it's running through my veins.
You think all this is ******* easy, it's driving me insane.

I drain myself everyday, and am hollow every night.
What I give, I don't get back. And start over at the first rays of light.
Now I'm not saying I am selfless or perfect in any way.
I just prefer to be the helper, it keeps my problems away.

I'm tired of spilling out my heart
Just to be left behind
I'm tired of being ripped apart
For insight to my mind

I'm tired of dealing with complaints
And all the dramatic ****
I can't break free of these restraints
Why don't I just quit

I'm tired of seeing familiar faces
And unfamiliar sounds
I want to be in quiet places
Where I will not be found

I'm tired of always having worry
Hanging around my neck
You wonder why I'm in a hurry
So nothing has to wreck

I'm tired of being the only one
To care for everyone so much
When it seems like they're all on the run
Leaving me out in the dust

I'm tired of never getting back
All the care I give
After awhile, I start to lack
The willingness to live...

What is paradise really?
It doesn't have to be,
Lying out upon white sand, breathing in the sea.

It's not being served frozen drinks
Or parties all night long.
It doesn't mean money, celebrities, or doing something wrong.

There has to be no silver platter
No delivery at each request
To me it doesn't even matter
Either way, I'm still blessed.

When people say I'm different,
I'm just the same as you.
We both have fingers, toes, and such.
I even wear clothes too.

But when you say I'm different, maybe that's not what you mean.
I don't go out, I don't do parties, that's not at all my scene.

Instead I like to write, play music and do art.
Those may seem like lonely things,
But I like to be apart.

I like to sit and research.
Maybe I'm a nerd.
In this world of ignorance, I think knowledge would be preferred.

You may think a lot of things, but most of them are wrong.
There's much more to this quiet nerd, if you look deeply among.

When a girl dreams of a boy

she doesn't start to blush,
there is no distinct sparkle in her eye
but her heart flutters and skips a beat
like a dainty butterfly

her lips softly quiver
for she knows not what to say
her legs lightly bounce about
control has gone astray

his charm captivates her
his warm eyes melt her heart
his voice, mesmerizing
tears her fears apart

her mind can only wonder,
is there anything more
does a secret lurk, behind some hidden door

her doubts are cast aside
her words she can't quite form
regained her peace of mind
but her love was always worn

as you know, a mere dream cannot really
describe this sensation
for she has loved him, since his very creation

When I look into your eyes, a wave of serenity washes out stained memories.
Warmth ripples through tough outer exteriors, calloused and cracked.
As natural as the light of day and dark of night.
Plain and simple as black and white.
Speaking gently as a cooling summer breeze.
Shielding the harsh, brutal winter freeze.
Flowing softly as a clear mountain creek.
Changing leaves, mighty yet meek.
Puts me to sleep, like the setting sun.
And when I awake, my subtle dream is done...