“You’re beautiful,” he says wholeheartedly in bed
“And you’re the only thing that goes on in my head.”
She looks at him concerned and declares
“I think I’m all right as if anyone cares.”
“I care!” he whispers into the night.
“I care about you, you’re a great sight!”
She smiles and nods and looks in his eyes
“I wish I could believe all of your lies.”
“Who says I am lying?” he responds with a frown.
“I try lifting you up but you always stay down, why?” he asks more concerned
As if these words will help her concur
“I’m sorry,” she looks down, “I don’t believe your words.”
“They’re too extravagant for me. Too robust.
If anything I think you’re just full of lust.”
He looks at her astonished, then grabs her hand,
“I try my hardest to make you feel grand.
But with the way you act, it’s seems it’s not worth it.
If I try my hardest and you try your worst,
Then what’s the point of having you closest.” his eyes well up and his belly is full of anger.
“I apologize for being so nice, when all you want is a sadder device.”
At this point, she stopped listening, she knew what he was saying,
It’s the same thing over why she’s insane.
“Why can’t you feel that I love you so?
I love you as much as the wind blows!”
She looks at him once and then twice and shakes her head
“I try to see how you do, I try to see it in every way possible
But my mind doesn’t seem to get over that obstacle.
You do everything a man is to do with a lover
But I guess my soul is just made out of rubber.”
He looks at her strangely and tries to put it together
Twisting his mind into shapes unimaginable he looks at her and states
“Well, this is unfathomable. I do everything I can to make you happy!
And you don’t seem to want that, no not at all!
It’s almost like you’re trying to be a drawl!”
She turns away instantly, now she’s angry too
Why would he say such a thing to her?
She wants to be sad, she wants to be afraid
“You know what?” she says “You’re totally right.”
Confused and upset he gives her a weird look.
“This melancholy feeling is all in my brain.
I only do this because I want constant pain.”
“That’s not what I meant! That’s not what I wanted to say”
“Well it’s what you had said, and that’s how it’ll remain.”

I'm always excited to see a cake
When I walk into a room.
But the thing about this pastry
Is that I don't think it's very good.
I grab the plate with this sugary delight
And begin to dig in until
I realize
Once again
That cake is almost always not what I wanted;
There's too much frosting,
The flavor is nonexistent,
Too crumbly and dry.
I've began to realize that
It's not the cake I'm excited for,
It's whatever is going on that I am happy about.
If there is cake, then that means there's an event.
And I'm happy about the event.
The cake is a mere distraction.

I focus
so much on
that tiny piece of
paper that comes in
      every little cookie
          And when I don't
                Get that little piece of paper 
                            My day is ruined and         
                              nothing seems to matter anymore
              Why do I rely on such a tiny piece of paper?
               Generalized for the masses
          To give me something to look forward to.
        This means nothing
But it meant something in a moment,
and it could have meant something so
much more
If it were in the cookie.

I didn't know.
How could I have?
I kept a strong distance

Between

The both of us.

Not because I didn't want to help
Because I didn't know, and now that I do

I wish

That I didn't know.

Because it hurts more to know now,
Because I still don't have enough capacity

To help

I feel trapped by my guilt.

But you feel more trapped in your head
That's far worse than the places I've been

Because

I don't need to hurt to feel.

Some days I barely recognize you are not near
Other days your absence is every fear

This permanent distance between us
Is not felt.
Only on nights where I am about to welt
Do I ever think of you
And me, lying near each other as eternal beings.

This permanent distance spans further as time goes on
It is not bad to be far
It can make the heart grow fonder.

I read my own obituary last night.
Car crash, fifteen years old.

     After some thinking
     I do remember dying.

          I remember the flash
          And the scraping of metal.

     But I do not remember how
     I woke up here.

To continue a life
That has already ended.

blue drops fell
onto the rug,

the hair covered
in what we thought
could cure the sadness

is only soaked
in our emptiness.

Now that we're apart
My food still has taste

But a flavor of salt is always added
Because water falls into my bowl
Every time

Now that we're separate
My friends are still with me

But I always wish to sit next to you
Because being held is all I desire
For tonight

Now that we're going away
My life will still continue

But it will be odd for a while
Because you won't be there for me
Anymore.

This is the first time
In almost 4 years
I did not say goodnight

It feels so unnatural
And so surreal,
That for the first time
In almost 4 years

You aren't going to say it back.

I can say it
And you will say it back
But I don't want you

And I see now,
For the first time
In almost 4 years
I don't need you.

You're not the only thing in my life.

Please no more fighting
We're friends with cruel intentions
But friends always first

We love each other
Eventually we leave
Knowing another

Men must prove worthy
To defeat evils within
Training means nothing

Do not leave yourself
Accept the body and mind
As one entity

You are so lovely
Who else would bring me this joy?
You are my only

I love you of course.
But thoughts of him whirl around
And what could've been.

I wish for options
To look from another place
But I cannot look

I saw everything unfold through someone else's eyes.
The complete and utter fear when someone dies,
passes through so quickly that they don't have time to realize
What happened.

I saw their life run past in a fleeting moment
Everything they ever knew twisted and bent.
All their laughter, kisses, lovers and money spent
Was gone.

They lay motionless unable to speak,
No one was there when their body went weak.
Or when they dissolved and began to reek
Away, away.

My kisses travel faster than light
My hugs have seen some incredible sights
Detached as they are from me,
They still have plenty to see
As my affections and words pile up high
There is no way they could be a lie.
You receive these and hold them dear to your heart,
And it feels as if we were never apart.

I dumped my laundry
On the ground
Hoping it would allow me
To feel motivated

Motivated to move
To clean to work
But all it did
Was sit on my floor

I sat with it too
Staring at the pile.
Looking for the answers
Written in my shirts

I did not know love
Until it was so obvious in front of me

I did not know I was supposed to feel special all the time
Until you made it known how important I was to you

I did not know love was what you called
An everlasting happiness
A reason to smile without having a reason

I thought I had it before, but it was not that
It was young and sloppy
It was about my comfort and not the meaning.

I know it well now,
But it wasn't until after
It was pushed in my face.

And now it's all I see.

You are not the first,
Nor will you be the last
To neglect that wretched child of humanity,
That poor soul named Ambition.
Many will find them in the strangest of places,
At work, while out on a walk, even within their own homes.
We are all parents to Ambition.
Many worry that the appetite of this child is without measure,
That they have no food to give it.
Then they decide to abandon it,
Hoping that a kinder, gentler soul will find it and care for it.
I found Ambition shivering and alone in my classroom.
I will not starve them.
I will take them with me and feed them all they can eat.
Ambition is clever.
They can find food in times of plenty and in times of hardship.
We must care for ambition, and if you will not, I will.

I wish I could write things with meaning
With piercing words and breathtaking diction.
I wish that I could give all that I was thinking through words and art,
But everything I want to express is cut short
Broken down or unclean.
I want people to feel things when they read,
When they live I want my thoughts
In the back of their heads
Influencing their own ideas.
I want those feelings to inspire others
To express themselves through my words.
It's always been a dream.
And a far-fetched one at that.