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Apr 2021 · 77
shattered green bottles
Eli Apr 2021
intoxicating to drink my content,
not halting until my heart is empty,
and my red spirit has been drained.
exciting to crack against the asphalt,
and everyone will avoid me,
scared to bleed from my jagged soul,
until i’m discarded once again,
that’s all i ever was.
Apr 2021 · 71
Eli Apr 2021
you don’t even know what love is;
but, it’s a nice thought,
that you might forever.
Apr 2021 · 727
is this it?
Eli Apr 2021
all we know is school,
i have to spend the rest of my life after either working nine to five,
or starve to make my dream come true,
and after all of that i’ll peak either ending,
and then all that will be left for me is death.
Apr 2021 · 59
Power Hungry
Eli Apr 2021
I want to be the girl everyone dies for,
I want to be insatiable,
I want to be everyone’s favorite,
Because I just wanted to be yours.
Apr 2021 · 51
Eli Apr 2021
Everytime I see the letter E,
I instantly think of your name.
I can’t stop listening to our songs,
And wondering how they make you feel now.
Would it **** you to spend a little time with me?
Apr 2021 · 46
bright side
Eli Apr 2021
who knew this wasted opportunity,
would reignite the flame,
behind every passion i burnt out?

i cant tell,
if it’s to make me feel better,
or in hopes you’ll find me attractive again.
Apr 2021 · 55
Broken Glass
Eli Apr 2021
green chain link fences
lost dogs foaming at the mouth
blood stains in my carpet
the texts buzzing my phone
i’m sorry
i’m sorry
i’m sorry

over and over again.
i only wanted to make you happy.
Apr 2021 · 55
daily writing 10
Eli Apr 2021
I have so many people who look up to me,
Golden roads underneath my feet,
That I’ve spent years paving,
So many friends that want to support me,

So why do I take it all for granted?
Why do I have these selfish thoughts?
Apr 2021 · 750
looking back
Eli Apr 2021
when your friends ask you about me,
will you laugh at our memories?
will you mock our promises?
will you ridicule what we had?

do all those nights disgust you now?
Apr 2021 · 336
daily write 9
Eli Apr 2021
How could every second of all our nights together mean so much to me,
And not even our promises mean anything to you?
Apr 2021 · 295
Eli Apr 2021
Demon of the light,
Standing by my side,
Showing me the way,
Saying it’s okay,
The only person who makes me feel safe
Apr 2021 · 1.2k
Eli Apr 2021
i wish i never asked you if you still felt the same.
it doesn’t matter anymore.
i rather live in a lie than lose you.

i’m so sorry for everything.
the real clown
Apr 2021 · 876
Vortex of Human Bodies
Eli Apr 2021
You’ll never sleep with me again,
So sometimes I retell your bedtime stories to other men.
You’ll never call me again,
So sometimes I repeat the same compliments to other men.
You’ll never spend time with me again,
So sometimes I rewatch our show with other men.
You’ll never love me again,
So sometimes I say it to several other men.
Apr 2021 · 745
daily writing 8
Eli Apr 2021
you promised me you would never forget me,
did you forget that too?
Apr 2021 · 432
Thank You
Eli Apr 2021
your every message is like *******,
and your voice is like a sweet narcotic,
speaking to you alleviates all pain,
and the first night without you i felt sick.
you told me you’d always be there for me,
said you loved me, something only your mom hears,
was it true at all, or were you just weak?
because you’ve been gone and it feels like years.
we trusted each other with everything,
i told you no matter what i’ll feel this way.
all you said was thank you, i felt nothing.
whether the past was a lie or not, why do i still stay?
sorry i’m posting so much tonight i just have a lot to say
Apr 2021 · 470
What do I even do
Eli Apr 2021
There are so many words that I want to ******* yell at you,
So many emotions coursing through me,
So many memories replaying in me,
So many questions I’m dying to ask you,

But I don’t want to embarrass myself anymore.
Apr 2021 · 63
daily writing ???
Eli Apr 2021
I guess                                
I’m back  
                                       at square one,
Apr 2021 · 218
Can We Just Be Honest?
Eli Apr 2021
Every word you said haunts me,
Every night we slept together hurts me,
Every memory of us together terrorizes me,

Because I keep telling you how much I ******* love you,
And you used to feel the same.

How can all that mean so much to me,
And absolutely ******* nothing to you now?

Love really is cruel, isn’t it.
Feb 2021 · 521
daily writing 6
Eli Feb 2021
when i look into your eyes,
they reflect a million tiny memories.
when i see your smile,
each word that comes out reminds me of what you said.
how am i supposed to act like nothing happened,
when your sole existence screams it into my face?
Feb 2021 · 336
Alter Ego
Eli Feb 2021
A phoenix, A second chance
An angel, A devil,
A rescue, A ******,
Everything comes with a price,
And this ***** is an expensive *******
something old
Feb 2021 · 778
daily writing 5
Eli Feb 2021
i loved you.
i wanted nothing more than to be with you,

so am i really okay breaking your heart like this?
intentionally playing the villain is just so much easier,
than having to explain a loss.

sometimes i think that i still do.
Feb 2021 · 445
daily writing 4
Eli Feb 2021
i felt miserable,
the crushing self rejection,
that a lover cannot fix,
the acceptance of being what broke you before.

i stopped,
and realized i wasn’t alone,
for i was surrounded by garnets.
Twinkling, beautiful, crimson friends.

maybe it’s not so bad after all
Jan 2021 · 843
daily writing #3
Eli Jan 2021
i can’t commit to anything
can i?

not people,
not plans,
not schedules,
nor times,
i can’t even do a daily write daily.
Jan 2021 · 1.1k
daily writing #2
Eli Jan 2021
i have everything i could have ever wanted..

so why won’t this aching feeling go away?
why do i still drag my feet along?

when the bridge i am walking on is made of solid gold?
Jan 2021 · 375
Eli Jan 2021
did i push myself too far?
the shaking post workout?
the moons rise after the suns char,
is this what they call burnout?
stay safe
Jan 2021 · 469
daily writing #1
Eli Jan 2021
if i want to get big,
my goals have to get bigger

if i “love him so much”,
i have to be the best for him

so i’m going to be the best
Dec 2020 · 365
Too Close
Eli Dec 2020
How am I supposed to sleep
When every move you make,
Makes me scream?

How am I supposed to sleep
When every breath you take,
Makes me shake?

How am I supposed to sleep
When you’re here on the phone,
Right next to me?
help me i’m crying i’m so happy ***
Nov 2020 · 138
the ending
Eli Nov 2020
i was not expecting that our ending,
would make me feel so relieved
i never felt so good before lol
Nov 2020 · 274
Eli Nov 2020
is it my fault,
that that’s what you grew up to be?
did we play too much army?
let you touch too much of me?
we were only seven darling,
always down the street running,
did you ever know?
of your daddy screaming
our buddy bleeding
your mommy’s drinking
of our glasses shattering?
or were you blind like me, too?
was there something i could have done, if my eyes were open too?
yuh this been on my mind
Sep 2020 · 255
Eli Sep 2020
my colorful insides have never felt so gray
May 2020 · 290
Tough Love
Eli May 2020
I know that I really ****** up this time.
I can’t say a word about this at all.
In the end, I’m all that’s left on my side.
Only I pick myself up when I fall.
Don’t trust anyone, just keep up the hustle.
I’ll find a way to pull out from my grave.
Crank it out, don’t wait out, fire the pistol.
I don’t care bout how hard it is, be brave.
Marbled glass, hard to see through, but crystal clear.
No more vulnerability, no more time.

Even though I know I’m down to get ****** and crash,
Don’t stop till I drop.
Apr 2020 · 172
Moonlit Grass
Eli Apr 2020
I hear the crickets,
It's like she's next to me on the grass
Not on a receiver in my room
Because it was quiet
Only crickets purring
and I felt warm.
Apr 2020 · 711
The Definition Of Love
Eli Apr 2020
The red moon illuminates,
over the water,
My stomach is pierced with blades,
thousands of them,
And darkness fills my empty heart,
dancing with the devil,
But the deepest shades of gray,
will never be mine,
And if by the end, indeed I'm dead, cry,
tears in my memory, sweet
But the red moon is painted with blood,
and it happens to be my veins,
And still the saddest birds cries it's tune,
bright in the early month of June,
enjoy :)
Apr 2020 · 152
Eli Apr 2020
What am I doing,
crying alone in the dark?
What am I doing,
up at 3 am every single night?
What am I doing,
when I could just talk it out with you?

My world is void without your freckles.
Apr 2020 · 219
Torn Apart
Eli Apr 2020
I love you
And I could never leave you
Yet I'm so distraught
This pain,
Oh this pain
I'm so distressed
But you can't change the past

But I just can't heal.
Apr 2020 · 102
Eli Apr 2020
I feel as though I've lived a thousand years,
Experienced all that there is to see,
The blood, the lies, the sweat, the pain, the tears,
Reborn, as year after year seems to flee.
Learned how it feels to rely on others,
Have walked the road entirely alone,
Lived both with and without a real mother,
Learned when love and when hate was to be shown,
Tried out everyone, have done everything,
Figured out who really was a no-go,
Felt the wrath of love, even have a ring,
But learned I do so much better solo,
I feel utter clarity, all lives trashed,
Does that mean it will all finally fade to ash?
Apr 2020 · 121
Eli Apr 2020
Open yourself up
Let them all in
Set boundaries, just hush
The drop of a pin

Which is the right answer?
my therapist tells me to let people in (which gets me hurt) but then tells me to set boundaries.
Apr 2020 · 161
Shattered Moon
Eli Apr 2020
The pure ripples;
The memories stippled,
The innocence clear;
See-through, but full of fear,
And the beauty,
The beauty of the little things,
Demolished by the bulldozers.
The bulldozers of destruction and change.

But is it a bad thing?
Apr 2020 · 134
Don't Come Near Me
Eli Apr 2020
What if I dropped all my dreams and inspirations,
And just became a nonsensical philosophy major?
Apr 2020 · 4.3k
I'm Sorry
Eli Apr 2020
I may be a bad person,
But I am not the bad guy,
I've learned a toxic lesson,
And now I see why.

I see how all my friends see me,
I see you'll never understand,
I see my people-pleasing tendencies,
I see all you want to do is reprimand,

But I see that everyone is a bad person.
i feel lighter.
Feb 2020 · 92
Eli Feb 2020
Who I think I am
Is a detestable
Obnoxious woman
As cold as a white blizzard
Raging on to the roughest mountains
I think I am the murderess
Sheathed in the dark forest
Jolting the tides of its pond
I think I am the uncaring father
Sinning in secret alleys
The most sadistic of killers
Calloused as a fist
Cut as sharp as a jewel

Who I really am
Is a confused
Indecisive porcelain doll
As breakable as a shattered wine glass
On a wine-stained marble floor
I am the delicate blossom
Of a thorny bush
I am like a pond
Still but shaken
Waiting to show the world around me
That there are crystal shells under the murky water
I am not an insatiable destructive brat
But the scattered flowers of a glass vase
That was shattered by the brat
I had to do this for my English class and decided to share, enjoy
Dec 2019 · 571
the little things
Eli Dec 2019
even the darkest minds can drip gold;
pink roses can bloom behind ****** chain link fences,
as leaves can stay orange as they float in puddles reflecting gray.

there’s always stars in the dark.
Dec 2019 · 201
Eli Dec 2019
the dark blue night
specked with twilight‘s cries
the gray smoky clouds
the golden moon’s shroud.
Dec 2019 · 223
Eli Dec 2019
if i touch you, will i break you?
if i blink, will it all fall away?
if i space out, will this place fade back to what i once knew?
if i dare look away, will the sun fade?
Dec 2019 · 879
The Rain
Eli Dec 2019
perhaps the most complex feeling
is feeling everything at once
the sympathy of a lover
the cold from a friend
everything shattering at once
residue of a rainfall

pain flares
and the cold blooms
the heat of freezing
the coldness of mistakes
everything finally stood still
residue of a rainfall

the soft pitter patter pulling me through the night
Nov 2019 · 183
The Pavement
Eli Nov 2019
the wind swirled around us in circles,
and the orange leaves fell around us,
a soft tornado of orange dismay,
and everyone around us fades,
it’s just you in my embrace,
diamond tears falling,
ticking time bomb,

there’s nothing worse than knowing how it all ends.
Nov 2019 · 105
His Notification
Eli Nov 2019
the heat that sits in my stomach,
as the gray messages fill my screen,
but in my soul,
in my mind,
they’re refracting rainbows like a cut jewel
Sep 2019 · 163
Rainbow Gloom
Eli Sep 2019
Orange cigarette filter
Yellow full moon
Green lighter
Blue blue soul
Purple handle knife
Pink bloodshot eyes
Red, red blood
Sep 2019 · 118
His Girlfriend
Eli Sep 2019
Soft pink socks
Silken hair
Honeydew eyes
Killer stare
Solemn god
Aged wine
Dainty hands
Angelic shine
Sep 2019 · 412
The way I am with You
Eli Sep 2019
Eternity at the fingertips of the lost
Trying to keep all the liquid melting out of my heart inside
The gods have never seen a love like ours
Sunlit soft skin, blossoming warmth
Eyes dripping the moons pure shine

Is this what they call paradise?
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