I used to have a camera back then
A polaroid camera
It was a small, aqua blue camera that also had a camera bag
And during the last day of school in 8th grade
I brought it to take pictures with my friends
I didn’t want to be in the photos though
Just want to create memories with every flash sound that came from the camera
All my friends will do silly poses as I count
3
2
1
And when I press the button
it will then create a flashback
that my friends can look back on in the future
when time went on other people that were in other friend groups would ask
“Can you take a pic of me and my friends”
And I nod my head signaling yes
I was seen as a photographer that last day of 8th grade
And I loved it
Because every photo
Will create a smile on their faces
That same smile will then appear again when they take that pic home with them
Who knows what they will do with the picture
Put on the wall
Put it in a time capsule
Or maybe in a drawer filled with *******
But I know that one day
They’ll look back at it in a couple of years
And a flashback will flow into their head
It will make them feel as if they went back in time
and see their younger self with a silly pose
with their friends around them as I count to
1

I’ll lit a match
and place the flame to my chest
so, when my skin burns
my weeping flesh rots
and my bones melt
you can take a small peek into my
heart
and see how much my heart beats
when I’m around you
because I would rather show you how much you affect me entirely
than just say it with my chivalry words

Their is no just thing as
the “best” revenge
same thing goes for the “worst” revenge
revenge is still revenge
All we can do is hope that we don’t become the person who has brought damage upon during the past or present
So instead of relying on revenge to do us justice
let karma do it’s work for you

I wanted to be an astronaut
You wanted to be dead
But in the end
I ended up deep underground
Away from the earth’s surface
While you became a star in the night sky
Becoming one with the universe
I can’t reach to you from where I lay
But I know that you’ve look down at me
with the cosmos on your shoulders

You lived my dream
And I became your destiny

Keep your soft soul
it’s very delicate and pure
Stay gentle with yourself so you don’t feel pain when going through guilt
Remain kind to people who have done you right in life
And most importantly
don’t let the ugly truth of the future
make you feel bitter in the present

For I have discovered how our future looks and now my eyes feel deceived

Nature is not your ally
she has nothing to do with one person’s actions or feelings
she didn’t ask for your permission
or rather yet your opinion
whether you love her flaws or not
you have to accept what she does
and that also concludes her final decision
for what she wants to become next

The waves are angry
but I shall not succumb to its wrath
the tides that interlock swing their fist
towards my direction
I reach my arms out to them
embracing every droplet of fury upon me
the wind currents are spinning in spirals
my venerable ship coughs out anguish
the old ship that once carried so many
cannot bear the feet of one soul on its wooden surface
I can hear the storms rumbling up in the heavens
hungry for my defeat
grasping onto the wheel I try to parallel
the waves take notice and leash their final attack
with one big push my ship shows mercy
but I didn't surrender
the ship starts to crumble in milliseconds
and the waves captures me in their hands
sinking me down below
my breath starts to wither away
my eyes began to drift into slumber
until I felt something take my hand
with little energy in my body I try to pinpoint who was trying to rise me to the surface
their hand felt like a sponge against mine
torso was covered with blue and green scales shimmering in a twilight zone
their long tail flapped up and down
before I could even see what their face looked like up close
I start to hear a aroma sound coming from them
the toon of a lullaby that can put you to sleep forever
it was bittersweet
minutes later I was brought to the surface
gasping for as much air as I could get
I look at my surroundings
for some reason I was back at the start
the peninsula that started my journey is where I was brought back
the sand sizzle on my skin
by putting myself back on my feet
I walk back to the waves
hoping I can find my savior
or they will reveal themselves to me
but that never occurred

now I’m drawn back to the peninsula
waiting for a sign
I continue searching for them in the waves
within my line of sight
the bittersweet sound still rings in my head
every day and every night

it was either during middle school or junior high school
honestly, I can't remember
my English teacher told us to write a poem
didn't matter if it was long as a railroad station
or short as a pathway shortcut
"Just write" she said
she gives me a piece of paper and pencil
and told me a few examples that I can use for my first poem
but one example sparked my interest
"You can write about your favorite color" she said
so, with that in mind I start to begin writing
I wrote about the color blue
and things that have that color in it:
the sky
ocean waves
blueberry muffins
blue jays
sadness and sorrow
depression and numbness
the pain of being found guilty
the feeling of emptiness
being left alone
and showing signs of loneliness

I went on and on until my fragile hand started to cramp
but when I reached the end of my poem
I realized something very peculiar
blue wasn't my favorite color
yet I had presented blue in a way far more than just a “primary” color
When I submitted it to my teacher
she said that she loved it and gave me a good grade
later, when I got my paper back
I reread it a few times
crumbled it up to a ball
and chucked it into the nearest trash can
hoping that no one would find it

every time I passed you in the hallways
and we lock eyes together
my pupils will grow bigger ten times more
but your pupils will stay the same
now when I bump into you
my pupils will dilate a bit
but your pupils will stay the same
before I was blinded with delusion
and now I finally snapped back into reality
I found out who you really are
so, when we met again
my pupils will shrink ten times more
but your pupils will stay the same

I’ll walk to your house
At the middle of the night
With a ladder in my hand
When I reached to your window
I’ll set the ladder down gently
And crawl up to your window
I’ll knock on your window shield
And wait until I see a light turned on

I’ll see you open the window
And I’ll get to your angelic face
As I sit on the side of your window
I’ll watch you talk for hours on everything
You’ll tell me about your day
Your friends who you love dearly
How much you hate your family dinners
And tell me about moving away from here
And I’ll try to think of what to say to you that wouldn’t sound embarrassing
We’ll stay with our eyes locked on for each other
You reached your face closer to mine and I’ll do the same with my eyes closed

Until I hear a knock on your bedroom door
You’ll quickly off your lights
And I’ll quickly position myself to crawl down from the window
But before I head down
You’ll tell me to perk my head up
Before I could even say “why?”
you’ll kiss my forehead
And tell me goodbye

I’ll crawl down the ladder
And when I reach the ground
I’ll make a run for it  
Running with the smile you gave me that angelic night

The mother was a dreamer
she dreamed of a future for her daughter to uphold
she dreamed of a reality so pure and bright
that she herself was blinded at times
but her daughter didn’t dream of this
all she wanted to do was sleep
she wished to put herself to rest
so, her eyes could never be open
but shut closed
the mother dreamed for the moon to be her daughter's guide
and for the sun to be her guardian  
but the daughter did not want to see the moon or sun from above
she closes her eyes quickly every time their aura glances to her face
the mother wanted the best for her daughter
and the daughter wanted the worst thing to ever happened to her when she rests her head on the cold lifeless pillow
and that is to never wake up again
but the mother didn’t know that her daughter dreamt of that
for she was too busy daydreaming about a life her daughter and her can live with many years to come
but one day her daughter’s dream became true
and as the mother rest her head on the coffin she weeps and cries
with tears of disbelief
she shouts to sun and the moon
“Why can’t we dream forever but we can choose to sleep forever”

As time passes the mother’s dreams start to fade
and she too wanted to sleep

For 274 days I have been sober
throughout those days
zero painkillers have touched my tongue
but every so often I would have my urges
but I’ll continue to resist them until I perish
on the first day of being clean
I failed
and relapsed over and over again
I couldn’t stop myself
the idea of my brain shutting off
was my mission to complete
I’ll take them in my room
with the door locked shut
and take them in the school bathrooms when I know that no one was in the stalls
it was a time loop that never ends
never stops
but always repeats
until that changed eventually
on one of the days my counselor found out
then my mom found out
and then a hospital found out
those days felt miserable
questions were thrown at me
from different faces with same expressions
and all I could do was mumble my words
trying to hold my tears as I tilt my head to the ground in shame
after the “visit” I made a oath to myself
that’ll I’ll become sober
it’s been 9 months for me now
I don’t have these urges anymore
but I still had second thoughts
on random nights
I’ll look up at my ceiling
fantasizing about taking the whole bottle
and putting myself at rest
letting my body become numb
while my mind roams free
until that feeling fades away slowly
now I look up at my future
knowing I have gotten this far now
I won’t let myself go into another time loop
that never stops
never ends
I promise

Crying *****
but waiting to cry is the worse
my eyes will water up so quickly
and my mind will force me to wait
till my tears pour down my face
it’s like when you’re a little kid
and you’re watching the bubbles
rising up from the bathtub
and you’re just waiting for the bubbles to hit your chin and pop
But now when I try to contain myself
hold in my tears so they won’t explode
I can feel the tears wrapping around my lungs
strangling my throat tightly enough
so I can’t gasp for air
and even if I were to hold them in
for the entire day
When I finally reach to my bed
the tears will flow down my pillow
down to my bed sheets
then it’ll reach the floor
and my tears will fill up my room
slowly until it reaches my chin
but there is no bubbles when it happens
so I won’t hear a pop sound
but the sound of agony will echo
around my room
like a drained symphony

The worst part of crying in your bed
is not waking up seeing tears stains on your newly soaked up pillow
but rather going to the nearest mirror
and seeing tear burns appear again
when you thought they were gone for good

Picture this:
Let’s say you’re a shy actor but not in movies but in theatre
And you’re ready to blow people’s minds with a performance that you have planned for the longest of times
But you’re scared of looking at people in the eye; especially an audience like this
So, your mind tells you to go up there on stage and give it your all
But when you step your foot out of the curtain you can feel the presence of a thousand eyes now locked in
You go into the center of the stage with your head glued to the wooden floorboards and before you take a breath in you start to have an idea
“Just close your eyes during your performance and open them when you’re done” that’s what your mind said
And you did just that
With both of your eyes closed shut
You began to perform your greatest talent that is filled with love and excellence
Or that’s what you at least thought
After you are done you open your eyes slowly starting to feel better about yourself
You raised your head
But in your surprise, there was no one to be seen
All the seats were empty
The doors are all closed
No voices or applause or chanting or cheering coming your direction
The entire atmosphere was dull and quiet
In fact, the spotlight that was right above when you first went onto the stage was gone
So, you’re left in darkness in the theatre
You felt confused and astonished because you knew that during the middle of your performance you could hear voices of different people coming your way but now that you opened your eyes fully all the voices stopped
Your body is telling you to get out of the stage, but you couldn’t
it was if your mind has shifted with the voices into the abyss
So now you’re frozen
Can’t move
Can’t act
Can’t dance
Can’t perform
tears running down your face as you stand still with your head glued onto the wooden floorboards again
And during this moment in this very quiet scenery the only sound that you can hear was your tears colliding onto the ground
This time was different because your eyes are open and not shut
You start to regain your movement again after being frozen and wipe away your tears
Starting to think about what to do next
Should you walk away from the stage and leave or look for where the audience left to
You couldn’t decide
Your mind has abandoned you
But for a second you started to feel something strong
It was your heart
And now your heart is telling you to just keep on performing but this time with your eyes open
And for a second you thought it was stupid and unnecessary for the situation you’re in, but you decided to go for it just for fun
You did a whole redo of a performance last time with your eyes open and not glued to the ground
And even though it was dark and empty from where you are you felt warmth approaching your way
And then 5 seconds later you see someone open the door and without thinking you begin to feel whole again

Do you remember the first time we met?
you probably haven’t but that’s alright
before we were strangers
we didn’t know anything about each other
and yet we lived in two separate worlds
It’s only when we started to have quick glances at each other when we crossed paths
is when our worlds collided into one big universe
first it was quick glances
then holding eye contact for a while
to then small talk that’ll last for a few minutes
and then finally we started walking the same direction and talking about anything that can keep us entertained for one another
but now we started to grow distant
and I really don’t know why
we used to be on the same path
but now we’re forced to take different directions
we still take quick glances at each other still
but I feel as our universe is starting to separate over time
and the only thing left now
is a nebula
and a supernova

“Why am I here?”
I asked myself that over and over again
as my body floats in space
the outer layer of the atmosphere is so dense I can feel the surface rub against my helmet
my body is light as a feather
I can hear my bones rattling with one another within my body
when I was standing on the earth’s crust
I can see the stars at the night sky
if I where to look hard enough I can see constellations dancing and embracing themselves with glee
now I’m up above with them
but the constellations do not applaud for my arrival
they just shimmer until they turn dull
so I dance with the void instead

for a while my brain feels quiet
a constant low ringing in my ear
I couldn’t tell if I was just imagining it
or my ears were in shock from realizing how quiet the universe is when you only known sound from I’m from
I snap my brain back into reality
remembering what I must do
I look at my surroundings
at first all I saw was nothing
but then I see a gray sphere a distance away
it was the moon
spinning in rotation
impersonating a ballerina in a huge ballroom filled with mirrors
I paddle my feet to its location
setting my feet in its dry surface
“mission complete” I told myself

I sit down with my legs crossed
observing what’s around me for the final time
I can sense the earth mourning my name
begging me to come home
I put my hand out in a cup-like position
where I can see the earth within my fingertips
then I finally realized
the earth can give you so many questions
but the stars give you theories

everything was set into place just like I planned
I found myself the perfect spot to hit my targets
without them noticing me from a higher up distance
I can’t be seen though or I’ll blow my cover  
from afar there are two people in a isolated area
a great place for me to carry out this lovely mission
without any witnesses interfering
I take my “bow” out of my suitcase and start to reload my “arrows”
I line up my first shot to the first person’s frontal lobe
with one push of the trigger
my love magic pierced through one of them with ease
the other screamed in a great terror
but don’t worry they’ll meet up with them soon
as I quickly reload my “arrow” I see them run away in fright
they try to signal for help but I can’t let that happen
with a quick shot my love magic went through the back of their head
now both of their souls can finally interact in another life
“did you carry out the job “ my boss said through my walkie talkie
“affirmative sir” I replied
with each mission I carry out I do it with love
even if it ends with me being on the wanted posters

Their is a fig tree that is pierced within me
a seed that lays still in my throat
and with every waking hour it grows
creating bittersweet leaves that leave my heart sore
and vines that wrap around my lungs,
suffocating me whenever I ponder.
And yet I am still breathing,
but it still hurts in the process.
I try to call a doctor to my aid,
but they have no antidote for me aside from prayers.
I even went to a botanist for answers,
but they just shake their heads with a sorry look in their eyes.
So I tend to the tree myself,
learning to prune its anguish and nurture its growth.
I whisper to the roots lodged in my chest,
pleading for peace instead of pain.
And slowly, as seasons shift,
the leaves soften, their bitterness fading,
the vines loosen their merciless grip.
What once strangled becomes a sanctuary
a quiet grove within my being.
The fig tree no longer harms me;
it blooms.
Its fruit tastes of resilience,
sweetness born from struggle,
and I learn to savor what I once feared

Even though I am currently 15 years old
In my head I feel like I have already fulfilled my childhood
I had the "birds and bees" talk
before I could even learn how to tie my shoelaces correctly
My parents made me learn several things
to help me face the real-world challenges like taxes and bills
before I could even know the difference between
a fraction and a decimal
I have also learned how certain people in society view woman
in a disgusting and draining point of view
so, when I finally got my period
and my mother said "I'm finally becoming a woman"
I felt like my intestines was swirling inside my stomach
so ever since then
when I wake up in the morning and see myself through a reflection
I can sense changes flowing through my body
and it terrifies me to the fullest extent
but I know that I can't stop it
Aside from my body changing over time
my mind has also changed a little bit
before I saw the world in pastel colors
even though I knew the true intentions
of what our world is becoming from which we stand on
but now I see the world with cracked lenses
but my perspective of society is becoming clearer and distraught
I know that I'm young
and if you were to compare me with the people
I hang out with before and after
you would probably think to yourself
"Wow she is so mature for her age"
but sometimes I wish my childhood was in a slow pace
who knows maybe if I were to wake up tomorrow
I might become twice my age without realizing
and If I were to blink twice
then wrinkles will start to appear on my face

The one thing I'm starting to regret now
Is wishing to become older when I was so young
and when I do reach adulthood
I'll start wishing to be youthful again

I was working all night
my body wanted to go on sleep mode
but I had to resist
soon later I get a call
I answer it and say the same thing I say every single day
“911 what’s your emergency?”
for a couple of minutes, I heard nothing
just static noise coming from the phone
I asked again hoping I get an answer
then I hear small snuffles
as if someone was crying
it was the sound of a woman on the call
“Ma’am is everything okay?” I asked
silence is all I received back
soon later I heard mumbling
“I’m tired….” she mumbles
I can still hear her snuffing
I continue to do what I am informed to do
“Is something wrong?” I asked
she stopped her snuffing and mumbling
“I don’t know anymore…. I think there is something wrong with me...” she said
I started to type on my keyboard
“do you need an ambulance or the police to come to your aid” I replied typing away in my keyboard
“I don't know... but I think I know what I need to do...” she said
I started to hear the sound of footsteps from the call
then the sound of the water was echoing through the phone line
“Ma’am where are you right now” I asked in a serious tone
“I’m at my favorite bridge... but don’t worry I’ll be in another place far better than this bridge” she said in a drained tone
I start putting the pieces together quickly
I send a ambulance and police officers on the way to her location
“ma’am whatever you're doing please resist, help is on the way” I replied with an anxious tone
sweat was running down my face
my heart was pumping in milliseconds
but all I heard was static on the other line
she then replied
“I don’t know if I need help at this point, I’m in a nightmare and I can’t wake up”
I look around the office I was in
no one was on the same shift as me
I was alone
time was ticking for me
but she thinks her time is up
with a heavy heart I said
“Is it okay if you can stay on the line with me”
she said “sure I guess…”
we stayed on the line for a while
for that time period I decided to stop acting like my profession
I start acting like her guide in beginning
then became her friend in the end
throughout our talk she told me everything
about her life, struggles, and her deep thoughts that dwell within
some of them I can relate too
we talk about our opinions about the meaning of life and death
until later I heard the sound of police sirens coming from the call
“well, I guess it’s no use to jump huh, you know I liked our talk, it’s nice to know someone out there who cares” she said softly
I got informed that they removed her out of the bridge safety and took her somewhere safe
the phone line went off after that
I look at the time
its midnight still
before I could even take a sigh of relief
I get another call
I answer and say the same thing I say every single day
“911 what’s your emergency?”

the engine hums for the call of the small constellations
that twinkle when catching their gaze up above
the lone biker chased the fading road with no warning signs
which is an endless line where time intertwines
both delicate and cruel to unravel
through the shadows that creep in the darkness
memories start to stir in a spiral motion
the old withered echoes whispered in soft voice
sounds of laughter, love, dreams that where once bold
have now became fragments of a folk story being told before
the throttle twists tightly in disgust
leaving the tires to burn with smoke rising
a path started to appear soon ahead
and with an uncertain turn the lone biker rides through hours
that blur and blend within a mixture
a journey past leaving a road to mend
with each mile questions began to float in the air
questions of who they are
and who’ll be there waiting for them
the past was a weight that for sure can’t be shed
and yet forward pulls where souls are lead
the silence sings of battles fought
where moments are lost and lessons taught
the future was a road to the unknown
but with each rev there was a realization that they aren’t alone
in the rhythm of the ride
they soon find a solace in the shifting winds
the past was a map of twist and turns
and so the future awaits as they return

In the depths of my dreams
I see her within my proximity
her face is scribbled out with sharpie
and her voice is static
her name was Ms. Euphoria

oh how I miss her motherly love
whenever my tears hit my pillow
making my eyes become drowsy
I fall into a deep sleep
my body is taken through a tunnel vision
and when I finally open my eyes
I have been transported into a dream
where Ms. Euphoria will be waiting for me
with open arms to wrap me into her embrace
I tell her everything that comes to mind
and even though I can’t hear her well
between the static lines of her voice
I can sense her feeling of understanding

But was ages ago
now my dreams are blurry to remember
but I hope one night I can see her again
waiting for me in the distance
ready to hear my cries of sorrow
comforting me with the blessing of empathy

I wake up at 5:03
I want to sleep for a couple more minutes
but I don’t want my alarm to continue screaming at me
I brush my teeth, shower, and stare at my closet
contemplating what to wear today
I decided to dress like a nuisance
I go downstairs trying not to trip and fall
ditching breakfast along the way
almost missing the bus
I save my seat quickly
I put my earphones in and put my volume up to block the noises coming from the couple behind me making out
so I can only hear my music instead
when I arrive at school
a moment of realization hits me
“I forgot to take my meds” I thought

my first 5 classes are bland
and when lunch came I sat with my friends
in the lunch table we were at
to my left I see one of my friends with their ****** boyfriend
spreading their pda all over the table
to my right my other friend was talking to a few nobodies
my last friend had to go to detention because they can’t go one day without being a trouble maker
I was sitting in between
I made up a lie saying “I had to go to a school club” but in reality I just need to clear my head
I went to the library and drift to sleep on a book
but then I got awoken by the Liberian saying lunch has ended
it’s fine though
I didn’t want to eat lunch anyways

When I went to my 6th classes
the geometry teacher hands out a test
before I was really good at geometry
Trigonometry and Pythagorean felt like cartwheels in my brain
but now I just sink my head on my desk
counting down the seconds till the bell rings
when I reach to my last class which was Spanish class
it’s silent and calm
I prefer it that way
so I just memorize Spanish words till the day ends
when I’m the bus ride home
I picked up a book that I “borrowed” from my backpack
it was a poetry book and I read it till my bus stop came

when I got home
I immediately ran upstairs and went to my room
pouring out my tears on my pillow till my eyes felt puffy
then I drift to sleep
but then when night finally came
I was awoken by the sound of my mom and dad
they were arguing again
this was normal
their voices were sword fighting on who gets the last word
their argument awoken everyone else in the family
me, my grandma, my sis, and my grandpa look down from upstairs
watching two people **** each other with words of resentment

I go back to my room
locking my door and rest on my bed
staring at the ceiling
I put my earphones on
blast the volume up so the music can sing into my eardrums
then I daydream into the unknown

It’s 9:10 PM
I should be asleep
but unfortunately, I just can’t
I can hear my brother’s voice through my door
And can also hear my father’s voice propel back at it
While the weeps of my mother’s voice are in between
This is not new to me
So, I did what I always did when this scenario occurred
And that is by playing guitar
With this idea in mind, I get up from my bed
Grabbed my guitar that was next to my closet
Plugged it into my amp
and put my headphones on
Now I just need a song in mind
Something loud
Something distracting
“Maybe some title fight” I said
With my pick in my hand I play the first chord
And the guitar played the rest
As time past and the song coming to the end
The voices of my mother and father went away
“They probably went back to bed” I thought
But I still heard my brother mumbles
His footsteps turned into stomps that then stopped
And I herd a door slam shut that came from his room
“Jeez what the heck he was saying back there” I thought
My headphones went back into my ears to block his mumbling
And I went back into finishing the song before I go to bed
Time passes
When I strummed my guitar for the last time
I take my headphones off
Unplug my guitar from the amp
And put the guitar away
But then I heard a big thud echoed through my door
Slowly I opened my door and looked through the hallway
As my door opens wider and wider
I start hearing something
Not voices
Not mumbles
Just a song
In fact it was the same song I just played on guitar
The song was coming from my brothers room
As I walked to his room the song got louder and louder
I knew it was coming from his record player since he had a vinyl collection at the time
I slowly open his door
But then time stopped for a minute
His room was dark
Title fight was playing on the record player
Their was chair that seemed to be knocked into the ground
And I saw two feet swinging in the air
I took one step forward
Looked up
And then I saw my mumbling brother
With his head in the ceiling fan

It’s been so long y’know
since I saw your face up close
to be honest I think I’m starting to forget what you look like day after day
but I’m still going to keep the good part of you inside me
In the beginning of our bond
you knew that you were a bad person and I only ended up realizing that little by little overtime
I tried my hardest to help you become a better person
and now you’re gone
not from this world
but from my world
you left me in a trance filled with questions of why I was never enough for you to change
My mind has become so numb now
my heart is still aching for answers
to a person who wants nothing to do with me anymore
so with a heavy heart
and a numb mind
I came to a conclusion that you don’t miss me
but I do miss you

Putting your trust in someone
Is like giving them a sword and a shield
They’ll either stab you with the sword
Or use the sword for your protection

And when it comes to the shield
They’ll either protect themselves against you
Or take the shield and protect you along side them

So choose who you trust wisely
Because trust is a powerful weapon that can be used against you if placed in the wrong hands

There was an old man who had a dog
It was a great hound dog that had drooled foaming out of his mouth
But for some reason the old man hated the dog because every time he would want to go on his daily walks outside
the dog will immediately follow from behind with a leash in his mouth

During the winter
The old man walked out of the house and the hound dog followed him as usual
Out of annoyance the old man decided to let his dog join him on the walk
They walked across the street from one stop sign to another
Until they reached a wooden bench
The old man sat down to rest his eyes
while the hound dog sat next to his foot

Time passes and the sun begins to set
The old man wakes up from his nap
He picks himself up and when he looks down to his foot the hound dog is gone
Confused he looks around the perimeter searching for the hound dog until he reaches to a street
The hound dog was there laid flat onto the ground but instead of drool that would foam out of his mouth it was blood instead

As the seasons passed on and winter comes by once again
The old man walks out of his house
He takes a few steps out to the sidewalk but when he turns back
The hound dog wasn’t behind him no more
He walks from stop sign to stop sign until he reaches to the bench
He sits down and rummage through his pocket and takes out the leash
He lays the leash next to his foot
then he goes to sleep
and as he starts to snore off
drool foams out of his mouth like a hound dog

“Nothing you do is awkward
or corny or even cheesy at most
everyone is brought to this earth
to have a great time
and expressing themselves to the fullest
not to worry about the opinion of the person next to them” she told me with a warm smile

I looked up at her for a second
And then realized why I enjoyed her presence

My friend group is known for being quite a handful
but if you were to hear them out you might see their point of view
even though they are loud and reckless
they weren’t always like that
sometimes they are spreading their childlike nonsense to every lunch table but we all pretend they aren’t there
it’s not as if they are troublemakers
but if you were in my shoes for a minute
you feel as if you need to put leashes on them
even though my friends gets glances from the crowd
with shared whispers of annoyance in the public eye
my peers never cared one bit of their opinions at all
every day with them is like a wacky episode to rewind on
but I am not a mischief myself
but I am a quiet observer
and my friends don’t mind me being one at all
when they are causing their daily havoc I am their along side them
watching them with an open mind
they don’t pressure me to do the things they do and I’m glad
in fact they like my quiet persona
but even though they don’t have a good reputation
they don’t know their stories of why they are the way they are
some days I watch them act like ruthless hyenas
but on other days my friends talk to me alone in private
talking about their lives outside of school
or they’ll tell me about what their going through
or even the thoughts that haunt them at night
and I’ll just sit back and listen to it all
sometimes I’ll act like the guidance they always wanted
and in the our final hours of me hugging them in my arms
I tell them “I’m here for you and I ain’t going nowhere”

I wanted it so badly
I needed it within my reach
but you knew that already, didn't you?
the glory of knowledge
the power of wisdom in its truest form
the answers of what intelligence can uphold
this is what thrived me
but that feeling soon passed away
and went directly to you instead
with open arms you embraced it
you let it take control
while I watched in the side lines
this type of curiosity was consuming you
but you knew that already, didn't you?

The sheep was innocent
their wool was made of soft pure cotton
and if you were brush your hand across it’s fluffy head
you’ll be hit with a angelic aroma
the wolf was born with a malicious sense
eyes were bloodshot red
ears twitching side to side
and it’s fur was thick and sharp like razors
the wolf was intoxicated from the sheep
it wanted to smear its prey and splatter its blood from were it stands
the sheepdog was a protector
Its knows the wolf’s true intentions with the sheep
and it didn’t want that to happen
it fended off to the wolf
growling and barking with all its might
the wolf will pounce on the sheepdog
revealing its claws that can cut the air with one swift and its fangs that are slick as a butcher’s knife
cuts, bites, bruises appear on the sheep dog’s body but it still stands it’s ground
howling and roaring so loud that the grass shook a bit little by little
the sheep was shaking and trembling behind the sheepdog
but as fights begin they also come to an end
with one last swing from the claws of the wolf
the sheepdog wobbles and collapsed as a sign of defeat
as the sheepdog watches the wolf devour the sheep ripping it to shreds
it’s started to close its eyes slowly
until the only thing it sees left is the color red

you saw it too right, right?
it stands there in the corner
carrying every burden that dwells within your body but doesn’t want to leave it
that thing in the corner
it presents your fears, guilt, and trauma
it’ll whisper about conflicts that will never leave your mind that’ll linger in the back of your thoughts
if you were to stare at it for a while
it might go away
but then it will resurface at the worst time
it can take so many forms as it manifests
sorrow, emptiness, that deep emotion that weeps inside your chest
that thing will continue to lurk in the background within the depths of your life
If you want to take it head on into a battle
and take that step forward
you’ll only be filled with reminders of what haunts your mind when taking a few steps
within that time you’ll start to rethink that maybe making peace with it will just be elusive
but I believe you can do it
you see it, don’t you?
it sits in the corner waiting for you
take those few steps forward
and look at it in the eyes
even if looks daunting and morbid
you can’t let it strangle you with the hands of your past
it may be struggling for you but confront it is the only way to reclaim your control
gain back that sense of peace that was lost
you know that it’s there, right?
so face it

When I heard you ripping off the wrapping paper keeping me hostage
I knew you were just as excited as me
when I saw you for the first time there was a big smile on your face
and so every day when you come back from school you’ll take me out of the toy box and we’ll go on our little adventures until the sun sets
those were times I could never forget
when you dress me up as a pirate and made me go down the slide with you while you screamed “AARRRR!!!”
when you would dress me up in little outfits
to match what you’re wearing almost everyday day
and I still remember those nights when you would read stories about fantasies and superheroes until you doze off to sleep
with me right next to you
hoping that no nightmares disturb your precious dreams
back then I see those as memories of nostalgia
but when you got older you started acting strangely off
it was as if one day you were leaving the door to go to school
and suddenly the next day your replacing almost everything that looked “childish”
but that didn’t bother me at all
when you replaced every inch of your wall with band posters
removing all your clothes that were filled with color to colors that represent the meaning of shallow
to taking out every toy and putting unfinished homework that you’ll never touch ever again
even those nights that I thought were still in our schedule for bedtime stories are now replaced with nights of you taking pieces of your unfinished homework, putting a weird substance on top of it, rolling it up and smoking it outside the window
the smell disturbed me and left the little remnants on my fur overalls
and on some days your parents who would yell at you when catching you do it out of sight
which led to you slamming the door on them multiple times
before I would watch this all this happen on the corner of your bed
but now you changed my location to where I am now next to the night lamp you don’t use any more
during this period of our lives it was like a roller coaster
until one day you slammed the door
and came back again with a sign of maturity around you
with band posters ripped off the and your secret stash thrown away
I observed you putting things away in boxes with your parents watching you with small smiles on their faces
I didn’t understand what was going on
until I saw a college paper near my line of sight
before you took off and said goodbye to your parents
you noticed me for the first time in a long time
I was collecting dust on my fur
with cobwebs piled on my buttons eyes and overalls
with the particles of that weird substance still lingering on me
you picked me up for the last time and tidied me up so I looked new
and instead of putting me the numerous of boxes you put me in a separate singular box
you carried me away and put me in a car
then we drove away for a couple hours
until we reached a new destination
you knocked on a door and a woman appeared and you guys talked for a while but before I knew it you put me in her arms and watch you leave
I finally realizing I will never be in your arms again
soon a few days past by
the woman wrapped me up in rainbow paper with a bow on it
and carried me away to a celebration of some sort
before I could question what was happening
I heard a young voice unwrapping the paper that kept me hostage again
then I saw a new face both filled with excitement and joy
and so the cycle repeats

It’s watching us
all of us
the eye of the sky looks upon us
as the sun and moon passes
the mighty eye decides which one of us will join it in the heavens
and it shall declare who shall decay underground with the company of maggots
awaiting for the arrival
everyday as we breathe in the air of life
the mighty eye shall open its hands out to the person or people who have reach the final stage of decomposition

I look up at the sky one day
staring into the raging sun
the mighty eye notices me and says
“don’t look into the sun or else your eyes will burn tragically”
I continue to stare into the sun effortlessly
my eyes started to water up quickly
but then I asked
“why is it that you can admire the sun, but I can’t without it hurting my vision”
the mighty eye says nothing back
“this isn’t real is it” I said
“now what makes you say that” the mighty eye responds with confusion
“well even though the sun is piercing through my pupils, the sky is declaring its midnight as we speak right now”
the mighty eye quickly blocks the sun and sets its gaze upon me
“I think it is time for you to wake up” the mighty eye whispers
suddenly and a jolt enters my body
then I wake up from my slumber
with sweat glued onto my face
I look at the sky through my window
the sky was still dark
and the raging sun has passed
yet I had a sudden feeling
that the mighty eye is still there
watching me

There was blood on my hands
but it wasn't mine
even if I wish that were the case for that moment
I couldn't risk it
the choice was to **** or be killed
my palms were oozing with the color red
my adrenaline was racing in loops
the man that I killed was considered my enemy
but in the eyes of my enemies on the other side
he was known as man with a purpose
a dream that he wanted to fulfill
he wanted to become a singer
to be the main lead in his church choir
singing chants of the holy name till dawn
but ever since the war
he had to put his dream on hold
now he had to sing for a new revolution

With the sound of the trigger
I caused his dream to be silenced forever
but it's not like I wanted to do that
It was either me or him
I drop my gun onto the ground and run towards him
his body was cold like ice
but his eyes were still shimmering
his head was looking straight at the heavens
I cradle his head gentle
whispering my sincere apologies in his ear
my comrades reach to where I am
asking me if I was okay numerous of times
but I was too ashamed to speak
I bury my head onto his chest
hoping that I can find a heartbeat
but it was too late to check
he is now singing with the angels

After the war has finally passed
I walk across death beds of the fallen
I put flowers on each of their graves
until I reached to his
I put my hand on his tombstone
my hands are now forever dry
but the memory still aches between my fingertips