You are not exactly a sibling of mine
However, you are my sister
And that's all that matters, according to me
What would I do without you?
I rant and rant
Knowing that you are an amazing listener
And a shoulder to cry on
However, it is providing sound advice
Where you are really in your element
Not to mention, you don't beat around the bush
Nor do you sugarcoat things
Both of which, are qualities that resonate with me particularly well
Moreover, you always offer a fresh perspective
Whether it be work or personal stuff
Best of all, though, you are ice cool
I seriously don't know how you manage to do it
Because, in these two months, I've been behind you
And there hasn't been a single week
When you haven't been subjected to a barrage of messages
Would I have taken such liberties with you
If I weren't sure how you would react?
The answer is a resounding no
Moreover, not only are you cool with it
You also come up with solutions
For each and every problem
As I write this, things are looking up
And in no small part due to you
I'm extremely grateful to God
For giving me a sister like you
As I said earlier, what would I do without you?

You people never took me seriously
For you, I was just a problem child
Who needed to be molded
According to your whims and fancies
You never saw me as an individual
Who has his own thoughts, feelings and emotions
My opinions never mattered to you
You wanted me to improve my verbal communication
As well as my body language
But you never even tried to understand me properly
It never occurred to you
That there is a reason why I am different
Or even if it did, you never truly cared
What bothered me the most, though
Was the fact
That you believed you were acting in my best interests
Of course, it was my mistake
Not to leave this accursed country
While I had the chance
And seek my fortunes elsewhere
A mistake I may probably regret
For the rest of my life
Anyway, as Arabella Figg once said
"There's no good crying over spilt potion"
I was a fool to listen to you
But I have progressed in life
Far more than you would've expected me
And not because of you
But in spite of you
Well, I would love to meet you one of these days
And prove to you
That verbal communication is overrated
Just like you yourselves are
We autistic people can do equally well, if not better
As compared to you neurotypicals
Who are obsessed with correcting others
Well, please look into the mirror
And just leave us alone
Worse than an enemy, is an NT with a saviour complex
Well, we can see right through you
You may think you are being kind and empathetic
However, in reality, you are just a bunch of condescending wankers
Who believe they are always right
Well, there is nothing wrong in having your own views
Just try not to force them down our throats
I will end on this note
Autistic people are human beings too
It is time you learned to appreciate that

You are seen as weird
People often call you "Loony"
But they couldn't be more wrong
Yes, you are indeed different
But then, every individual is unique
And I like you as you are
With all your pros and cons
Yes, you may believe in things
Which do not really exist
But then, who doesn't?
What truly matters
Is the fact that you are a beautiful human being
With a heart of gold
Who doesn't judge anyone
Sees people as they are
Doesn't shy away from speaking uncomfortable truths
Is modest to a fault
And last but not the least
Values friendship above everything else
You know, I can relate to you
I am also different
And got bullied for that
Just as you did
However, your mental strength is remarkable
After losing your mother at a very young age
That too due to a freak accident
You have shown the courage and fortitude
Not to mention, resilience and tenacity
To carry on with your life
Do your best to excel at magic
Display the natural curiosity and aptitude for learning
Which is expected of every Ravenclaw
Develop and sustain friendships
And finally, put your life on the line
In order to try and make the world a better place for all
You are not only a true Ravenclaw
But also possess the courage, nerve and daring of a Gryffindor
And the loyalty and sense of justice of a Hufflepuff
You only lack the cunning and ambition of a Slytherin
Not to mention, you were kidnapped and held hostage by Death Eaters
That too for a few months
And somehow emerged almost unscathed
After such a traumatic experience
You really are an incredible witch
Please remain the way you are
No matter what people say
And I will be a fan of yours
Until, as Neville would say, "Hell freezes over"

Though you didn't exactly give birth to me
You raised me, right from the start
Ensured that I was always happy
Took me to countless places
Sent me to the best schools possible
Put up with my tantrums
Scolded me when I was out of line
And at the same time, pampered me every now and then
Moreover, our bond strengthened over time
I began to share things with you
That I'd previously shared only with Amma
And I found, to my delight
That you were an equally good listener
Understood me to a great extent
And showed a lot of empathy
Especially during crisis situations
Such as my divorce
I really enjoyed our trip to London
Which brought us, if possible, even closer
Of course, I also had the company
Of my sister and a couple of relatives
However, it was mainly due to you
That I had such a good time
I'll end on this note
Please be the way you are
And wish you a very Happy Father's Day in advance!!

I have never met you
And you don't even know I exist
But you have cast a spell on me
From which it would be very difficult to recover
Your eyes blaze with an intensity
That can even melt steel
Your smile is so beautiful
That it cannot be surpassed
Even by that of Mona Lisa
Your laugh is so musical
That even the songs of AR Rahman
Would pale in comparison
Your hairstyle is an art in itself
Your dress sense is so impeccable
That it would put even the finest Italian designers to shame
And last but not the least
We come to your acting
A Sri Lankan Tamil dancer *** revolutionary
In the movie "Jagame Thanthiram"
A humble and yet powerful boatwoman
In "PS1" and "PS2"
A fierce wrestler with short hair
Forced to become a submissive housewife with long hair
In "Gatta Kusthi"
And finally
A teacher dealing with troublesome students
As well as impending layoffs and rejected marriage proposals
In "Archana 31 Not Out"
Given any kind of role, you play it to perfection
Born with oodles of natural talent
You nevertheless refuse to rest on your laurels
And put your heart and soul
Into the profession which you hold so dear
You are an inspiration to one and all
Forced to do an MBBS
By your extremely conservative parents
You have nevertheless the courage
To break free of the shackles placed on you
And pursue your own dreams
What's more, the risks you have taken off
Have ultimately paid off
You are the numero uno of present day Mollywood
And flying high in Kollywood as well
Yes, you have cast a spell on me
But it was a spell, that I refused to resist
And rightly so

I initially came to know you through Tamil
This was more than eight years ago
Since then, a lot has happened over the years
You and Tamil are one of my favourite couples
The understanding between the pair of you
Is deeper than the Pacific Ocean
And stronger than the Rock of Gibraltar
You are not only a very caring husband
But also a proud father
Of a very spirited child
Who is rather naughty
But at the same time, rather sweet and innocent
I am extremely thankful to you
For taking such good care of my best friend
But it's not just about Tamil
You yourself are a good friend of mine
Always supportive and encouraging
I can never forget the time
When you and Tamil were instrumental
In saving me from a disaster of a marriage
You are also extremely hardworking
And put your heart and soul into your profession
Please remain the way you are
Keep rocking and see you soon!

I've known you for close to two years
We've had a great rapport as colleagues
Though I am technically your senior
I've always seen you as an equal
In fact, we often think on the same lines
You've helped me out on numerous occasions
And in turn, I too have helped you
More times than I can count
I can never forget your words of encouragement
When I was going through a difficult phase last year
And after meeting you in person
We've learned a lot more about each other
For some reason, I feel I can tell you anything
Whether it be professional or personal
You are extremely cool and level headed
And capable of handling any situation
On top of that, you have a fun side as well
Which ensures that a conversation with you would never be boring
Not to mention, you've suffered quite a few losses
Which has made you battle-hardened
As far as I know
Nothing is impossible for you
You are also very warm and friendly
And thus talking to you
Feels like talking to a family member
You are not merely a colleague
But also a good friend and sister
Please be the way you are
And continue to do your very best
That's all I have to say for now

You may not remember me
As it has been ages
Since we last spoke
However, I probably won't be able to forget you
Right from the moment we met
I was drawn to you like a magnet
You were shy to a fault
And extremely sweet-natured
As I got to know you better
It didn't matter to me
That though you were a Tamilian
You spoke only in English
Because you were a great listener
And when you did speak
You were able to articulate your thoughts
Better than almost everyone in our college
Your mere presence was enough
To ensure that I didn't miss a single class
Except when my health was down
It is often said
That people lose focus
After falling in love
However, on the contrary
Thanks to you, I was able to develop extra focus
And achieve better grades
You inspired me
In a way that no one could have done
We once had a debate
On a rather forgettable movie
It didn't matter that our views were different
What mattered was your energy and intensity
And that fact that you took time out
To debate with a person whom you didn't know very well
You even taught me some tax calculations
Of course, it was a case of unrequited love
But totally worth it
And what was even better
Was the fact that you had known all along
And yet didn't shy away from talking to me
You really are one of a kind
As I mentioned earlier , I will never forget you

Ever since I watched you act in the movie "Jagame Thanthiram"
I knew there was something special about you
You took on a very complex role
And brought a lot of character into it
Next came PS1
Though your role was limited
You did full justice to the character of "Poonguzhali"
Right from the moment you emerged from the water
To your feisty dialogues with "Vanthiyathevan"
However, your finest hour
Came in the film "Gatta Kusthi"
Where your character "Keerthi" had to undergo a number of transformations
From a fierce wrestler with short hair
To a simple housewife with long hair
And back
The scene where you singlehandedly fought off all those armed goons
Is one I'll never forget
For the rest of my life
Then we come to the movie "Archana 31 Not Out"
Though, in my opinion, there wasn't anything remarkable
About the movie as a whole
You again did full justice to your character
Right from the travails of your job as a teacher
Including handling a class full of troublemaking students
And dealing with a lot of uncertainty
Due to the impending layoffs
To facing a number of rejected marriage proposals
For all of which you assigned cricketing terms
And finally the ****** scene
Where you delivered a speech
That brought goosebumps to one and all
You are not only an amazing actress
But also a wonderful human being
Bold and brutally honest
And humble and down-to-earth at the same time
Yes, you don't know me
Nor would you have even heard of me
But I can say with a lot of pride
That I will always be a fan of yours

You come from God's own country
And radiate such a beautiful aura
That, unless my eyes are deceived
It seems that you are God herself
Just kidding, you are a human being like any other
A rather beautiful one, though
Your smile is so divine
That it can melt even the hardest of hearts
Your laugh is so infectious
That it can send the entire planet
Into a fit of violent giggles
Your glare is so intense
That it can even **** Lord Voldemort
Faster than it takes to utter the words "Avada Kedavra" !!
Your Tamil accent is so cute
That even a newborn baby would pale in comparison
Your English is so brilliant
That it would put even the Oxford dictionary to shame
Your acting is so superlative
That it would surpass even the drama of Shakespeare plays!!
And finally, I have to shamelessly admit
That I wish I were born in an alternate universe
Where you and I could be together
For the rest of our lives
Because you are not only an accomplished actress
But also a beautiful human being
The heroine who captured my heart

To quote Athos from "The Three Musketeers"
"You are not a woman
You are a demon escaped from Hell"
When I first met you as a colleague
I made the mistake
Of getting friendly with you
When I should have ensured
That our relationship was going to be strictly professional
Of course, you had your own ways
Of charming those whom you came in contact with
That is something for which I have to give you credit
Albeit grudgingly
And you were an expert
At playing the victim card
Nevertheless, after I changed jobs
I thought I had seen the last of you
However, you came back into my life
As unexpectedly as the recent rains in Chennai
Initially, it seemed kind of sweet
However, I should have realised sooner
That you had certain ulterior motives
Unfortunately, I got fooled by your sweet talk
And started helping you financially
Because you looked up to me as a brother
I never doubted you in the slightest
Which was probably the biggest mistake of my life
You took advantage of me
In the worst way possible
And kept draining my bank account
Your lies kept getting taller and taller
And I kept believing them
Because, you had me well and truly under your thumb
However, even the most credulous person in the world
Can develop suspicions at some stage
Thus, after years of being in a psychological coma
I finally managed to wake up to the harsh reality
And told my family everything
Of course, with the help of a dear family friend
After we finally confronted you
You signed a written agreement
Promising to return all my money
Within a certain deadline
That deadline has long since passed
And you have not paid even ten percent of your dues
What is worse
Is the fact that you are absconding
And giving absolutely nonsensical reasons
Which even an utter fool would find it difficult to believe
You ruined my life
Destroyed my happiness
And shattered my self-confidence
Is this the way you treat a person
Whom you have addressed as "brother"
Not once, not twice, but several times?
I am giving you one last chance
Not for your sake
But for the sake of humanity
You had better take it
Because, if not
Then you will soon find yourself in prison
Again, to quote Athos
"You are not a woman
You are a demon escaped from Hell"

I had really hoped
To forget you, once and for all
However, it seems you are always hovering around
Like an annoying little mosquito
Ready to **** the blood
Of anyone and everyone in your vicinity
And looking for that perfect window of opportunity
To mock my shortcomings
Which apparently do not exist
For your precious little "best friend"
Who has a smug smile on his face
Ready to defend you at the drop of a hat
Of course, it will only be a matter of time
Before you tire of him as well
Because, people exist merely for your needs
Which are about as realistic
As Telugu action movies are
Therefore, it is a huge irony
That you were my first female friend
Of course, I am not sure you understand
What friendship truly means
Because, you promise one thing
And then proceed to do the exact opposite
May God help that unfortunate soul
Who truly cares for you
Because s/he will be in for a rollercoaster ride
Which will never end
Until your delusional fantasies are satisfied
By the time that eventually happens
S/he would be dead
Anyway, it was you
Who wanted to be friends with me in the first place
I, being a naive idiot
Readily accepted your offer of friendship
And was with you
Through thick and thin
However, you cut me off
When you needed me no longer
I apologised to you a number of times
Not because I did anything wrong
But because your inflated ego required a massage
Alas! To you, I was nothing more than a problem child
Whom you wanted to mould
According to your whims and fancies
I was never an independent human being
Who could make his own choices
And live his life on his own terms
Your own Brahmin sensibilities matter more to you
Than a friend who genuinely cared for you
Unlike "Mr Smug Face", whom I had mentioned earlier
You destroyed my self-confidence
And turned me into an insecure wreck
God knows how many more people exist
Whom you've treated as "use and throw"
Just keep one thing in mind, though
There will surely be a time
When the tables are turned
And it is you who will become a lonely wreck
Then there will be noone
Who is ready to rush to your aid
Because, you will be forgotten; once and for all
As you deserve to be

Your expressions can ****
Before one can even utter the words "Avada Kedavra" !!
Your eyes sparkle with an intensity
That can melt even boulders
Your smile is filled with a dazzling light
Which is so bright
That it can even turn Hell into Heaven
As we are often told
"Laughter is the best medicine"
Well, your laugh is so divine
That it can even bring people back from the dead
Your sense of fashion is an art in itself
And can even put London and Paris in the shade
Most of all, you gave up a career in medicine
In order to pursue your dreams
With a courage that would have made Godric Gryffindor proud
I can't wait to watch you on the big screen
Because there is absolutely no one
Who can do justice to the character of Poonguzhali
With such a silken grace
As I am sure you will

We have never actually met
I mean physically, of course
But we've got to know each other well
Over the course of six years
When we had our first conversation
I looked up to you, as a senior colleague
In fact, I still do
Especially considering the way you handle certain clients
Who have given us a lot of trouble, over the years
And the way you manage your work
Given that you have to deal with a lot of family matters as well
Is nothing short of exemplary
However, you are not just my senior
You are a good friend of mine too
That's why I rant a lot
As far as work is concerned
Because I know you will listen and understand
And many a time, I find
That I feel much better
After sharing my issues with you
Of course, it works both ways
I am always ready to listen
When it is your turn to rant
Hopefully, it is only a matter of time
Before we eventually meet
Nevertheless, our relationship goes on to show
That it is definitely possible
For two people to be good friends
Without meeting each other face-to-face

It has often been said
That true love doesn't exist
But that doesn't stop me from dreaming
After all, I am a romantic
And it's not like I believe in true love
Only because I've read about it in books
Or seen it happen in movies and TV shows
In fact, I've experienced it myself
Not once, but twice
On the first occasion, I was young and naive
Enjoying life to its fullest
And when the love bug bit me
It was one of my happiest moments
I looked forward to every single day
And for the first time in many years
I actually made a concerted effort
To excel in academics
However, to cut a long story short
I missed the bus by a mile
When it came to confessing my feelings
Right, let's come to the second occasion
Technically, it was an arranged marriage
But for me, it was as good as a love marriage
Because, after our engagement
I grew so deeply attached to the girl
That I was blind
To all the red flags thrown at me
Every now and then
Again, to cut a long story short
It eventually ended in a divorce
However, as I've mentioned before
I have not lost hope yet
After all, time is still on my side
However, I need to draw a line somewhere
Firstly, being open and honest
Is an absolute must
I will tell you everything
But I expect the same from you as well
Secondly, I am looking for someone
Who is loyal till the very end
I will be with you
Through thick and thin
But if you cheat on me
Then it's over, once and for all
And finally
You need to accept me as I am
With my pros as well as cons
That includes understanding my autism
And the limitations it places on me
Especially as far as social interaction is concerned
Of course, it works both ways
I am not looking for a perfect person either
After all, if it's perfect
Then it's not true love
And one of the major reasons I still believe in true love
Is that it's full of imperfections
That's what makes it so endearing
And so human

We started off as colleagues
At that time, working from home was something
That was almost unheard of
Yet, we met only once or twice
In an entire month
Because you stayed really far away
Moreover, you had a family to run
We'll come back to that later
Anyway, when we met for the first time
I found you to be warm and friendly
And I said to myself
"Here's someone I can trust
Without a second thought"
I also loved your dedication to work
However, it wasn't as though you were a workaholic
On the other hand, you were quite lively
And ensured that our spirits were high
Even when there was a lot of work to be done
As I had mentioned earlier
You had to take care of work
And manage your family
At the same time
A daunting task, without an iota of doubt
Especially when there are kids involved
As well as in-laws!!
However, the way you handled the pressure
You almost made it look easy
Though the reality was vastly different
Moreover, we had some great times
I remember one occasion in particular
When we had a team lunch at Canto
The pizza we ate was extremely delicious
And full of veggies as well
Another thing that is impossible to forget
As far as that day was concerned
Was the fact that it just kept on raining!!
It was really good that you left early
Because it took me three hours to reach home!!!
I always enjoyed working with you
Because you somehow managed to find a way
To keep boredom and stress at bay
Especially that RM-Wealth mandate
On which we both struggled like anything
But you ultimately managed to close it
Hats off to your dedication, patience and perseverance
Then the pandemic struck
While I was dealing with work pressure
As well as the cloud of uncertainty
That hung over my indefinitely postponed marriage
Your words of wisdom helped me stay afloat
In those troubled waters
Meanwhile, you took a sabbatical
Thus, I missed you at work
But felt relieved for you
Since you finally got the break you deserved
After working so hard, for so long
Nevertheless, I was glad when you returned to work
Because you are not just a colleague
But a really good friend of mine
Of course, we haven't met in the last three years
Since you've permanently shifted to Udaipur
However, a friendship with such a strong foundation
As ours is built on
Does not require proximity in order to survive
Coming back to work
Just about a month ago
We were working on a huge research project
Which was extremely challenging and stressful
Yet again, you were a source of comfort for me
And ensured that I was able to keep my wits about me
And complete my work on time
Without letting pressure get the better of me
Moreover, at the same time, you did a great job yourself
Once again, hats off to your dedication, patience and perseverance
Just be the way you are
Because you are a friend to treasure

As we all know
Life is full of ups and downs
However, a lot of people advise you
To see the positive side of everything that happens
Well, it's not exactly an impossible task
But easier said than done
For instance, if you've lost someone close to you
You'd be hard-placed to find any positives in that
After all, once someone is gone
S/he is gone forever
And all that remains of him/her
Is the memories that you carry with you
Of course, you do need to move on
And you become stronger in the process
But that's still nothing
Compared to the grief you've gone through
And the pains you've taken
In order to overcome that grief
And get your life back into top gear
Anyway, let's take a less extreme example
Imagine you are in Recruitment
And handling an extremely difficult requirement
Where finding the right people
Is even more difficult
Than booking a tatkal ticket through IRCTC
You do your very best
Search frantically in various portals
Talk to a truckload of people
Face rejection after rejection
But refuse to give up
And keep on searching
As well as talking
Till you somehow manage to find a couple of relevant candidates
Who are genuinely interested
However, your client rejects them
And thus you are back to square one
Well, there is a positive side in all this
You've now got more clarity on what the client wants
Or rather, doesn't want
But look at what it has cost you
All those hours you've spent
Are not going to come back
And on top of it
The requirement has become even more difficult
So, all those people who advise you
To see the positive side of everything that happens
Need to understand, once and for all
That it may be easy for them to say such things
But actually following their own advice
Is a different matter altogether

This incident happened more than five years ago
It was a Tuesday
And I'd gone to office as usual
Which involved a long commute
From Powai to Lower Parel
By the famous Mumbai locals
A typically exhausting commute
Made worse by the fact that it was the month of August
And therefore I had to deal with the rains as well
Something seemed to be off
As far as that particular day was concerned
Quite a few of my candidates
Were not responding to my calls
And what was worse
Was the fact that it was raining cats and dogs
In fact, my boss, who was on the way to office
Got stuck somewhere in between
And ultimately gave up the ghost
Deciding to work from home instead!!
He also instructed me and my colleague to leave office
As soon as we were done with all our critical work
Since we both had brought our lunch
We decided to leave after eating
However, our troubles for the day
Were just about to begin
It was raining heavier than ever
Just as we left office
Accompanied by an acquaintance
Trains were not running on the Western line
Thus, we were forced to walk all the way to Currey Road
Instead of Lower Parel, which was much nearer
Meanwhile, my colleague, who was residing in Girgaum
Decided to take a taxi home
While our acquaintance gave me company
Since his home was near Sion
Which falls on the Central line
And is on the way to Vikhroli
Where I was supposed to get down
However, just as we entered Currey Road station
The enormity of the situation
Struck us with the force of a bullet
There was a sea of people
And a rope was placed in the middle of the platform
In order to control the crowd
On the left side of the platform, there was a local
Which was apparently stuck there for quite some time
And on the right, the track was heavily waterlogged
All these were ominous signs
That something was seriously wrong
Well, we boarded the local
And were lucky to get seats
It was a silver lining
In the darkness that was about to follow
The train was in no hurry to depart
Whenever I heard the sound of its motors
My heart would leap with a mixture of joy and relief
Since it seemed to indicate that we would start soon
However, it didn't take me long to realise
That all my hopes had been dashed
The fact was that the motors had to be switched on and off
Every now and then
Just in order to keep the engine running
In the middle of all the chaos caused by the rains
Yes, the situation was so chaotic
That a few reporters had a field day
Meanwhile, I checked in on my colleague
And his feeble voice told its own story
He had to walk all the way
From Mumbai Central, where the taxi was forced to drop him
Till his home in Girgaum!!
Moreover, our acquaintance invited me to walk with him till Sion
So that we could have an adventure!!
However, I was in absolutely no mood for such stuff
As all I wanted, was to reach home in one piece
No matter how long it took
However, the hours slowly tricked by
And the local showed absolutely no signs of moving
Again though, there was a silver lining
In the middle of all this darkness
A Marathi NGO magnificently rose to the occasion
And started distributing packets of food to the stranded passengers
It was truly like a godsend
And helped me keep my wits about
As afternoon turned to evening
And evening to night
While the water on the right side track
Was rising higher and higher
And it soon dawned on me
That the unthinkable was about to happen
That is, I had no choice
But to spend the night at Currey Road station!!!
Yes, it was an unpleasant situation indeed
But I decided to face it anyway
Since the station was a safe place after all
And as we all know
One is always safer in a crowd
Of course, sleeping wasn't going to be an easy task
I tried various positions
Each more uncomfortable than the other
Before finally dropping off to sleep
More out of sheer exhaustion than anything else
When I eventually woke up
Things were slowly limping back to normal
Trains had started moving in the opposite direction
Eventually we departed as well
Though at a snail's pace
And had a few unscheduled stops on the way
When we reached Sion, there came the next twist in the tale
We were stuck for one and a half hours
And I began to fear
That history would repeat itself
However, God was merciful enough
To ensure that it didn't happen
In fact, after we crossed Kurla
We resumed our usual pace
And reached Vikhroli in almost no time
I was home by around 11 am
And was greeted by my family
Who were thoroughly relieved
And also full of praise
Since I had maintained my cool
In such a difficult and unforeseen situation
Ultimately, it had turned out to be an adventure worth reliving
Even if not the kind of adventure
That the acquaintance had embarked upon
And wanted me to be part of

When you are stressed, upset
Angry, sad, depressed
Or just not in a good frame of mind
You usually turn to music
In order to calm your mind
And uplift your soul
Well, it is the same for me too
Except that just any music won't do
It has to be music composed by Harris Jayaraj
He comes up with songs
For almost all kinds of situations
Action, drama, suspense
Romance, love failure, family bonding
Comedy, friendship, school life, college life
Tragedy, war, crime
Urban, rural, semi-urban
The list is endless
His music has an undefinable charm
That makes you sit up and take notice
And appeals to the masses
As well as the classes
The softness of the instruments used
The variety of playback singers
And the unique fusion of Western and Indian music
Separate him from the rest
However, what he truly excels in
Are the melodies
Just listen to a few of them
And you'll feel like you've entered a different world altogether
You'll forget all your worries
And just live in the moment
In fact, that's how life should ideally be
Of course, he will also make you dance to his tunes
Just like a snake charmer
Except that the snake actually doesn't give two hoots about music
Rather, it focusses on the movements of the snake charmer
Anyway, coming back to Harris
For me, his music is the next best thing in the world
After trains and the mobile video game "Choices"
It always makes me feel better about myself
Like I can do anything in the world
Without getting swayed by the opinions of other people
Of course, there are other great musicians too
AR Rahman, Ilaiyaraaja, Hans Zimmer, John Williams
And top bands like Linkin Park, Evanescence, Boney M etc.
To name a few
However, as we say in Tanglish
Harris Jayaraj is "vera level"
And will always be

It's always good to make friends, wherever you go
After all, every new place has its set of challenges
And in order to overcome them
It's better to have someone at your side
As they say, you don't have to do everything on your own
Well, making friends may not seem all that difficult
But keeping them is a different matter altogether
There must be some common ground
The place where you meet
The company where you work
The college where you study
Your hobbies, passions etc.
And I can go on and on
However, the point is
You and your friend must be compatible with each other
Being an introvert, I don't have many friends
However, the few I do have
Can be entrusted with almost anything in the world
This poem is about one of them
We met as colleagues, six years ago
And hit it off almost from the word go
Thanks to a few common interests
Such as cricket, movies, food etc.
We even went to a storytelling event
Where he was given a chance to take the mic
And spoke about me and my passion for trains
What I particularly like about him
Is that he is very easygoing
And rarely gets angry or upset
Even when dealing with cranky clients
And he had a whole lot of them
Every client was a story in itself
We would bond while trashing these clients
Often over a cup of cutting chai
Down at the cafeteria
As the months sped by
We grew closer
Finding more and more common ground
In the form of issues we faced at work
Especially the frequent salary delays
And non-payment of incentives
We always had lunch together
Except when either of us worked from home
Eventually, my friend shifted to Pune
But we stayed in touch on a regular basis
In fact, we met on at least five occasions
And continue to speak over the phone
Almost on a monthly basis
Even after he got married, about a year ago
He, in particular, makes it a point
To call me every now and then
And we exchange news
About our respective lives
This close friend of mine is proof
That you don't necessarily have to keep meeting people
In order to maintain friendships
Of course, it is always good to meet your friends
But sometimes, all you may need
If you're missing someone
Is a simple phone call
And in this case
Our calls are usually long
Long enough to ensure
That we sustain our friendship, no matter what

I am one of those guys
Who are reticent at first
But open up, as you get to know them
And once you've loosened my tongue
There's no stopping me
As I will go on and on
Till you die of boredom
Jokes apart, I am autistic
Which means that I may struggle
When it comes to social interaction
And can often be absent-minded
However, on the brighter side
My long-term memory is really good
And autism doesn't impact my work in the slightest
I am a good listener too
You can trust me with secrets
And I'll take them to the grave
Without a second thought
You may mock me as much as you like
But lay a finger on my close friends
And I will send you back to your maker!!
On that warning note
It's time for me to wrap up this little monologue
However, if you've attended job interviews
You would know that they usually begin like this
"Tell me about yourself"
Well, if you want a suitable answer
Then use this poem of mine as a reference
Just joking, don't even think of doing that!!

You are used to being overloaded with work
That's what happens when you work in a startup
Especially a startup dealing in Recruitment
That too, not run-of-the-mill Recruitment
You specialise in niche roles
Thus, you need to invest a lot of time and effort
In order to pull off closures
Yes, a recruiter's life is never going to be easy
But Recruitment pales in comparison to Research
When you are working on a major research project
You are essentially taking part in an almost never-ending race
Against that elusive devil, Time
A race you can ill afford to lose
And the race track is far from straight
In fact, it is full of twists and turns
Some of them are even more dangerous
Than those hairpin bends you often encounter
While driving up the mountains
There are also numerous obstacles along the way
And to cap it all
There are no prizes for winning the race
On the other hand, if you lose
There will be a stiff penalty
In the form of losing the client, for ever
And what's worse
Is the fact that your credibility will take a massive beating
From which it will be quite difficult to recover
Life will never be the same again
So, you have to win, no matter what
Of course, you are used to working hard
Whether it be Recruitment or Research
So, you put your best foot forward
And work out of your skins
Putting off sleep as much as possible
Even when your body is protesting vociferously
Against this blatant abuse
To add insult to the injury
Your laptop shows you the *******
And your phone literally dies
Sending you into a brainfade
That would have put even Australian cricketer Steve Smith to shame
Luckily, your father's presence of mind saves the day
But your troubles are not over yet
The harder you work
The more confusing the project gets
It's like being trapped in a maze
Except that it's a thousand times worse
Because the maze is controlled from outside
As if it were a puppet
With your boss pulling the strings
Thus, the harder you try to find a way out
The more you get trapped inside
With every passing hour
Hope slowly drains out of you
Until you are forced to admit
That all you can do, is pray
And keep praying for all eternity
Hoping against hope
That Harry Potter and his friends will save the day

After working hard for hours and hours
Days and days
Weeks and weeks
And months and months
One would have thought
That I deserved a break
Of course, a short one
But a break nevertheless
However, I was in for a rude shock
Instead of being given a break
I was assigned to a new project
And a huge one at that
Involving oodles of intense research
Followed by a truckload of calls
In order to extract critical information
From a bunch of highly reticent people
And finally
Drawing an extremely complicated chart
Yes, I'd done all this before
But that was nearly a year ago
And going through the same process, all over again
Was always going to be a herculean task
But hey, I was not going to give up that easily
That too right at the beginning of the project
So, I sat to work in right earnest
However, after a few hours of hard research
My head was spinning
And my eyes were burning
Thus, it was a relief to leave the office
However, there was still the small matter
Of commuting back to my home
By the dreaded Mumbai locals
I was squeezed so thoroughly
That, by the time I finally managed to reach home
All I wanted, was to crash on my bed
And sleep; for a long, long time
But hey, I decided to write this poem instead
In order to record my thoughts
And more importantly, provide an outlet
For all those bottled up feelings
So that, by the time the next day arrived
I would wake up with my batteries recharged overnight
Ready to tackle the monumental task in front of me
After all, as the oft-repeated cliche goes
It is better to try and fail
Than not try at all

There are many kinds of love
Romantic love, the most common
And also the most overrated
Family love, probably the most beautiful
And most unconditional as well
Platonic love, or friend love
Again, simple and unconditional
Something that has become very popular these days
Which leaves us with.....cousin love
Yes, one of the most underrated forms of love
Seeing as it is not frequently talked about
Well, most families stick together
So do best friends
However, there are a few things
Which you may not feel comfortable sharing with your family
Usually, the best option is to share such things
With your friends instead
Or rather, your best friend
But then, it is also possible
That you may not have a best friend
In such a case, your best bet would be your cousins
Cousins are part of your extended family
And they also know your immediate family well
Remember, you don't always have to choose between two extremes
Sometimes, you have to take a middle path
That's exactly where your cousins come in
Because they will listen to you fully
Without getting too emotionally involved or overprotective
And in addition, they may have suggestions
That might not have occurred to your family or friends
So, cousins are more important
Than most people might think
And it is high time
That we start showing love to our cousins as well
Along with family and friends, of course
But yes, not all cousins are the same
Just as it is better to have a select few close friends
With whom you can share anything
Rather than a big group of fair weather friends
It equally makes sense
To maintain close relationships with a select few cousins
Who mean the world to you
And always have time for you
Yes, cousin love is extremely underrated
But at the same time, very valuable
And something to be cherished, forever

In order to achieve results
You need to work hard
That should be easy enough to understand
The difficult part, though
Is how hard you need to work
Especially when it comes to Recruitment
You see, the nature of the profession is such
That you can't predict anything
Because everything depends on people
And every individual is different and unique
In his/her own and special way
Thus, luck is very crucial
When it comes to hiring people
There are times
When you work out of your skins
And still fail to achieve the desired results
Because luck is not on your side
There are also times
When you do the bare minimum of work that's required
And are able to achieve positive results
Because you are kissed by Lady Luck
On both cheeks
These contrasting scenarios are common
When it comes to hiring Investment Bankers
You spend the entire day calling people
But very few show interest
And apart from those who are not keen
There are quite a few
Who don't even bother to answer your calls
Or call you back
There are also some people
Who say "I will think about it and get back"
Either they get back with a negative response
Or they don't get back at all
That is to say, they just disappear!!
Thus, you have to start all over again
And since you also have tight deadlines
You are forced to work almost till midnight
And sacrifice a few hours of sleep as well
Since you have to go to office the very next day
And it does not end there
Your work forces you to stay at office till 7 PM
Almost an hour later than usual
And to add insult to injury
You get a mild reprimand
From the security staff
Of the business centre which houses your office
For not leaving on time
If you thought the worst was over
Then you were wrong
Because you are forced to work on Sunday as well
In order to ensure
That at least one resume is sent to the client
At the start of the week to follow
If only if you had some luck
That is to say
If even one of the candidates who had said "No"
Had said "Yes" instead
Then you'd have enjoyed a weekend free of work
And got some valuable rest in the process
For all your efforts of the previous week
Yes, in order to achieve results
You do need to work hard
But how hard you need to work
Is something that is almost impossible to answer
When it comes to Recruitment
Particularly when you are hiring Investment Bankers

The most beautiful relationship of all
Is not romance
It is friendship
Because there are no rules
No layers or complexities
Just shared understanding
Which is unconditional in nature
When I think about friendship
I think particularly about you
Whom I've known for ten years
Mind you, I've known quite a few friends
For a longer period of time
However, none of them are as special
As you are, to me
Very humble and unassuming
And yet having an enthusiasm
That is hard to match
When it comes to your favourite topics
Such as gaming, movies, animes and Hindu mythology
You have an easygoing and amicable nature
That would appeal to most people
Which is why I'm surprised
That you don't have a lot of friends
But then, it is better to have a few friends
Who mean the world to you
And would do anything for you
Rather than a large group of friends
Who are only there to share your joys
And are unable to support you
When you need it the most
I follow this principle to the tee
In fact, we both are in the same boat
You have always stood by me
In my hour of need
In fact, you are more of a family member
Than a friend
And I am really glad
That your family sees me the same way as well
In fact, your mother was a very close friend
Of my late maternal grandmother
And it is no coincidence
That Patti came in your dream
Just before she left for her heavenly abode
Our friendship is indeed a beautiful relationship
One that will last
As long as we ourselves do
Just be the way you are
And have a little bit more faith in yourself
Most importantly, thank you for coming into my life
And staying with me
Through good and bad times
Because that's what friendship is all about

Does expectation ever stop?
When you are at school
You are expected to get good marks
In all the subjects
Your life is decided
By your ability to memorise things
You are compared with others
Your cousins, your neighbours
Your friends, your classmates
All the time
You, as an individual
Are reduced to a mere shadow

Does expectation ever stop?
When you are at college
You are expected to achieve a high CGPA
Never mind the fact
That not getting arrears
Is practically an achievement
Especially as far as engineering is concerned
And if you happen to fail
People speak in whispers or hushed voices
When referring to you
And when you graduate
But fail to land a placement
You are seen as "that jobless guy"
And your character traits, whether good or bad
Turn out to be immaterial
In the mad race for status

Does expectation ever stop?
When you are a working professional
You are constantly asked about your salary
And it is compared
With that of every frigging relation of yours
Whether close or distant
Not to mention, neighbours
And their families as well

Does expectation ever stop?
When you are single
People constantly bring up marriage
As though it is something
That any decent human being must go through
And when you are married
Your wife also becomes a victim
Of all these crazy expectations
And you, as a couple
Are also compared to other couples

Does expectation ever stop?
When you get divorced
People keep poking and prying
Until they finally manage to extract from you
All the juicy details
But these vultures don't stop at that
They also want to know
When will your next marriage be
Your freedom means absolutely nothing to them

Does expectation ever stop?
When you are overweight
You are constantly advised
To go to the gym
Go for morning or evening walks
And again you are compared
With everyone who is slimmer than you
In the entire neighbourhood

Does expectation ever stop?
Being a good person is not enough
Having a good job is not enough
Earning a decent salary is not enough
Having a good family is not enough
In fact, nothing is ever enough
You practically need to become God
In order to satisfy the expectations
Of our ultra-greedy society
A society that never stops expecting
Until you are dead
Seriously, does expectation ever stop?

Failure hurts, no doubt
Especially when you are in Recruitment
A profession which depends on people
As much as India used to depend on Sachin Tendulkar
In the late nineties
But you know what hurts more than failure?
Imagine a T20 match
Where your team has dominated
From start to finish
And still managed to end up on the losing side
Due to a couple of bad *****
From your best bowler
In the very last over
Now, apply the same analogy to Recruitment
You have put your heart and soul
Into a particular mandate
Done a thorough search, through various portals
Called up as many candidates as possible
Presented quality profiles to the client
And lined up interviews one after the other
Everything has been worked out
To the tiniest detail
However, at the eleventh hour
The candidate backs out
Thus, you have no choice
But to start all over again
And this happens not once
Not twice
Not even thrice
But a frigging four times
However, you are no ordinary recruiter
You are a recruiter who possesses the heart of a lion
Thus, you prepare yourself for the long haul
Determined to do whatever it takes
To close this mandate, once and for all
And your efforts do pay off
Or at least, they seem to
For the client, it is a choice
Between two worthy candidates
However, as always, there is a hitch
One of the candidates has started showing signs of cold feet
While the other has to take a pay cut
That too a big one
This mandate now hangs on a knife-edge
So, it is not failure that hurts the most
But coming within an inch of success
After months of hard work
Only to have it slip through your fingers
At the very last minute

You wanted me to be your brother
To be a part of your extended family
I believed you
Since you seemed sincere enough
And got along well with most people
Thanks to your lively nature
And the dedication you seemed to show
As far as your work was concerned
I was in awe
Of the way you managed your life
Juggling work and studies every single day
And yet managing to keep a smile on your face
I should have got an inkling
That there was something amiss
However, thanks to my ignorance
Induced by my autism
And because you played your part so well
I never got to see your true colours
Until it was almost too late

You wanted me to be your brother
And I was indeed a good brother
I was always there for you
But never did I imagine
That you would take advantage of me
In such a callous and audacious manner
When you had that rather painful shoe bite
I took care of you
Even though my other colleagues advised me against it
But you were never truly grateful
In fact, you kept your distance
And came up with a silly sob story
To prevent me from interacting with you at office
I should have realised by then
What kind of a person you really were
Then again, I was woefully naive
And only wanted you to be happy
Even if it killed me from inside

You wanted me to be your brother
Well, I did my part
But you never did yours
When I first started helping you financially
I was doing it because I truly cared about you
And had a strong belief
That you would repay your dues eventually
Once again, like always
I was horribly wrong
You came up with story after story
And I kept believing you
Thanks to my incredibly credulous nature
And thus ended up draining my own bank balance

You wanted me to be your brother
Except that, instead of being your brother
I ended up being your sugar daddy
But then, like my mother said later
I was in a trance
And thus became your ATM
I have to admit, though
That you were a really good actress
Modulating your voice
To a mere shadow of what it usually would be
In order to induce me to believe
That you were suffering from blood infection
Just one out of hundreds of lies
That came out of your pathetic mouth

You wanted me to be your brother
Except that a true sister does not lie or cheat
That too, not once
Not twice
Not even thrice
But a thousand times
You have absolutely no idea
How you've ruined my life
And brought distress to my family
As well as a very close friend of mine
Through your utterly despicable actions

You wanted me to be your brother
And it was the biggest mistake of my life
To take you seriously
You even had the nerve
To make me travel for 16 km
In the hot sun
Right in the middle of summer
In order to meet you
Just so that I could keep trusting you
Or rather, keep getting fooled by your lies and half-truths

You wanted me to be your brother
But you lied to me all the time
And cheated me of my entire savings
After all that you've done
You still have the nerve
To beg for my sympathy
You are a disgrace to women
In fact, a disgrace to the entire human race
Even ISIS is far more worth sympathising with
Than you will ever be!!
Well, I would have ideally wanted you to suffer
In the most painful manner possible
But I need you to return all that you took
I don't care how you do it
Do it, and we can go our own separate ways
I can forget that you exist, and vice-versa
But until you do it
I will always be your biggest nightmare
In this entire planet
When I am good, I am very good
But when I am bad, I am the worst
So, you had better watch out
My so-called sister

How would I like to be loved?
It is a very difficult question
Because, though I appear, at first glance
To be "The Guy Next Door"
The reality, I assure you, is entirely different
Firstly, every individual is different
Secondly, I am autistic
And finally
There is so much about me
That you will get to know
Only if you are a good friend of mine

How would I like to be loved?
Well, let me tell you
Love is not all about candlelight dinners
Nor is it about *** in the bedroom
It is about being there for each other
No matter what
If I truly love someone
I would be ready to go to jail for her
Of course, not if it is for something ethically wrong
But you get the idea

How would I like to be loved?
If you have seen the Tamil movie "Thiruchitrambalam"
Then you would understand
If I were to say
That I want someone to love me
The way Nithya Menen loved Dhanush
In that amazing movie

How would I like to be loved?
If you've seen me at my worst
One of those days
When I am in one of my rages
And keep shouting and breaking things
Or I lose my focus at work
Due to all my insecurities
Rearing their ugly heads
Or I simply drown myself in my thoughts
Refusing to come out of my bed
Or I cry like a child
Drowning myself in a tidal wave of self-pity
And you still love me the same
As you did when I was at my best
Then it is indeed true love
Enough said

How would I like to be loved?
When I hear one of Harris Jayaraj's romantic melodies
And can instantly relate to it
I know that I am in love
And that love is real, not reel

How would I like to be loved?
If you ask me how was my day
And I go on and on
Droning about the technicalities of my work
Or cribbing about various issues
Such as candidates, clients or my boss
And you never tire of listening to me
Then I know you are truly in love
Also, if I keep asking you how was your day
Every single day after work
And you never once tire of answering such a mundane question
If that is not true love
I don't know what is!
And on that note
It's time to wrap up this little monologue
And return to hard reality

After a thoroughly enjoyable weekend
Which involved watching an animated science fiction thriller
Followed by a Football World Cup Final
Which turned out to be even more thrilling
I had to face the dreaded prospect
Of returning to work on a Monday
Yes, the notorious villain of the week
Which can ensure sleepless nights
Even for the strongest souls
Well, the day was actually not that bad
To begin with, at least
After a hot bath
Followed by an even hotter cup of filter coffee
Prepared by my dear mother, as ever
I had a simple breakfast
Consisting of a plate of chapatis
Mixed with some rather tangy marmalade
Thus, I was ready
To face the grind of work
Or at least, I thought I was
The reality turned out to be as different
As apples and oranges
It started with a few phone calls
However, the response was not flattering
Thus, I headed to lunch
In the hope of making some progress
In the second half of the day
However, I couldn't have been more wrong
The phone calls failed to achieve their purpose
As I was unable to obtain slots
For the interviews to be scheduled
Moreover, I was dealing with multiple stuff
At the same time
Which proved to be even more difficult
Than obtaining a seat in one of the IIMs
Time was playing a cat-and-mouse game with me
The closer I got to him
The more he would evade me
As the hours flew by
I kept meandering aimlessly
Without achieving anything tangible
By the time I finally got the hang of work
It was already well past 6 PM
And I felt as though I had wasted more time
Than a certain Sunil Gavaskar had done
In his infamous innings of 36 not out, off 175 *****
In the inaugural 1975 Cricket World Cup
Thus, I was thoroughly relieved
When the day finally ended
Returning to work on a Monday
Especially after a thoroughly enjoyable weekend
Is never good
Full stop

I thought you considered me a friend
You were always nice to me
But I am afraid
That I thought wrong
Well, being wrong has become as common
As India failing to win a global cricket tournament
Especially as far as people are concerned
Thanks to my autism
Though I was not aware of it
When I was in college with you all
I was always seen as different
Well, it is true that I am different
But I was never one of you
I was a lone wolf
Left to fend for myself
At the slightest hint of trouble
You never took me seriously
I was always the problem child
Who just needed to "grow up"
And then everything would be taken care of
It also didn't help
That I was a South Indian
Though my Hindi was decent
You always saw me as a "Madrasi"
But I saw you all as human beings
Not fair-skinned North Indians
Anyway, you must understand one thing
Friendship is not a joke
It is a serious relationship
If you can't be friends after college
Then you can never be friends at all
Don't call me a friend
And then take me for granted
Leaving me to drown
In a pool of my deepest insecurities
Which, by the way
Would never have been created in the first place
Had you possessed the guts
To be honest with me
Right from the start
Instead of playing your precious games
Just call me an acquaintance
And be done with it
Full stop

Recruitment is an utterly thankless job
Especially if you are handling an Investment Banking role
That too when working in a startup
You spend hours and hours
Searching frantically for candidates
Who possess the requisite skills and experience
Followed by days and days
Speaking to a plethora of candidates
Facing rejection after rejection
Watching your own confidence nosedive
After almost every conversation
And then gritting your teeth and continuing to burn the midnight oil
After you finally manage to share a few relevant resumes
By the skin of your teeth
You breathe a sigh of relief
Knowing that your job is half done
Everything runs smoothly from thereon
Till the offer stage
When the candidate decides to back out
Having received a better offer elsewhere
And you are back to square one
However, you resume the search
With a renewed vigour
And put your heart and soul
Into finding a suitable replacement
Your efforts are duly rewarded
However, misfortune strikes again
The candidate develops cold feet
And gets retained by his present company
You have to go back to the drawing board, yet again
However, you refuse to give up
And work harder than ever
Determined to be third time lucky
Alas! Fate turns its back on you, yet again
The client proves to be a tad too miserly
Thus pushing your candidate away
However, you continue to resist bravely
Against all odds
Determined to prove a point
More to yourself, than anyone else
However, history repeats itself
For the fourth time in a row
And you are left bruised and battered
In the face of a year full of bad luck
Which has brought you a record seven backouts
And all you can do now
Is to pray, and keep praying
For 2022 to end as soon as possible
Recruitment, is indeed an utterly thankless job

It is easy to talk about motivation
Nowadays almost everyone does it
In fact, being a motivational speaker
Has become a quite lucrative profession
However, actually motivating yourself
Is easier said than done
You may think I am being negative
Be my guest
I would rather be a pessimist
And thus risk being called a negative person
Than take a step
Into the pool of toxic positivity
Which is so deep
That even the Pacific Ocean
Can't hold a candle to it
Every time you raise an issue
It is brushed aside
With a mere flick of the wrist
As though it were a pesky fly
Buzzing around the dinner table
Whatever you're going through
Means nothing, absolutely nothing
To these motivation experts
Who keep gaslighting you at will
Until you forget that you even exist
These people brainwash the public
To believe that no one really has a problem
And that all problems are self-created
However, the reality is vastly different
Everyone has a problem
Or rather, a condition
Autism, ADHD, Down's Syndrome
Bipolar Disorder, OCD, PTSD
Selective Mutism, Paranoia, Depression
And I can go on and on
Of course, it varies by degree
From mild to severe
And from person to person
Nevertheless, a condition is a condition
And has to be acknowledged by everyone
Including these so-called motivation experts
Mental Health is indeed a serious issue
Especially in our country
And it is a real shame
That it has taken the suicide of a celebrity
For people to understand its significance
Of course, not everyone may suffer to that extent
So as to take such extreme steps
Instead, someone may lose his job
Another may be dumped by her boyfriend
Nevertheless, a suffering is a suffering
Even if the society doesn't consider it serious enough
As my therapist would say
When your brain chemicals function differently
As compared to those of the people around you
Motivating yourself is easier said than done
Especially in a country like India
Where the support system
For people suffering from mental health issues
Is still a work in progress

You may think you are special
Because you are rolling in money
And have lots of boyfriends
But the reality is as different
As chalk is from cheese
A person is special
Due to his/her character
Or what s/he does
You have a personality that is so shallow
That it would put even the Kardashians to shame
And that is saying something
You do not know the first thing about friendship
And yet consider yourself an ideal friend
To one and all
While you proceed to ghost someone
Whom you've known for years and years
All because of a silly comment
On a photo of yours on social media
Someone may be your BFF one day
And turn into a mere acquaintance the next day
For you, people are like bubblegum wrappers
To be used and thrown at a moment's notice
Of course, as we all know
There's no point in breaking your head over people
Especially in a our rather fickle-minded society
But when you act all high and mighty
As though you're always right
And everyone else is wrong
It really gets my goat
Again, you may think you are special
Based on money, good looks or the number of boyfriends you have
But all these will get you nowhere in life
Because, there will be a time
When you are in desperate need of help
And you will find
That the only people who can be of use
Are the ones whom you've already chucked

These are tough times
As far as Recruitment is concerned
Of course, Recruitment is never easy
Especially when you work in a startup
But a year like 2022
With backout after backout
And consequently rework after rework
Really takes the biscuit
Here I am
Without a single closure
In the last ten frigging months
And thus having my confidence shredded to pieces
One would think
That I badly need a break
In order to recharge my batteries
You, on the other hand
Decided to add to the burden
By assigning me, not one
But three extra mandates
Mandates that are not only difficult
But also rather time-consuming
And require dealing with a client
That has tested our patience
On multiple occasions
And on top of that
I have to come to office as well
Of course, it is all smooth sailing
As far as the onward commute is concerned
Thanks to the ever reliable AC local
The return, however, is a different ballgame altogether
Because you always make me late
Thus, I never manage to catch the AC local
And by the time I reach home
I end up hating you to the core
You are lucky magic doesn't exist
Because if it did
You would have been dead a long time ago
I would have seen to that
Anyway, coming back to reality
I have always been tolerant
But, as my grandfather would say
There is a limit to everything
And if you are expecting me to work on Saturdays as well
You are exceeding that limit
And then I will have no choice
But to leave, once and for all
As I've already mentioned
I have always been tolerant
However, my tolerance now runs thin

After hours and hours
Days and days
Weeks and weeks
And months and months
Of sheer hard work
You would have hoped
To achieve at least one closure
In a year
That has been disappointing at best
And abysmal at worst
With backouts becoming as common
As India beating Pakistan in a Cricket World Cup
However, Lady Luck disappoints you
For the third time in a row
As the sheer miserliness of your client
Pushes your candidate away
And it is ultimately you
Who ends up being the loser
But that's not the worst part
The worst part is
Having to start all over again
With a rather limited pool of candidates
Still, it is not in your nature to give up
Especially after having come this far
So, you make a concerted effort
To find fresh candidates
And after a lot of searching
Followed by a lot of calling
You finally land a good candidate
But the client rejects him in a flash
Undeterred, you continue searching
However, the already limited pool of candidates
Starts shrinking rapidly
And just when you're about to lose hope
You manage to find a decent profile
However, the client rejects this as well
Quicker than the speed of light
And with every rejection
Your confidence dips
Slowly but surely
Until you can stand it no longer
And scream at the top of your voice
"Investment Banking Hiring Is Not For Me!"

You have no idea
Absolutely no idea
About the amount of work
That goes into closing a position
Especially if it is an Investment Banking role
Scouring portal after portal
In order to hunt down the right candidates
Making call after call
And subsequently facing rejection after rejection
However, as we all know
"There is always light at the end of the tunnel"
So, you somehow find a way
Yo snag some decent candidates
Who may not be "perfect"
But fit the role well, nevertheless
When the closure ultimately happens
You heave a huge sigh of relief
Knowing that your hard work has paid off
However, there is a twist in the tale
The candidate receives another offer
Which turns out to be more lucrative
Than the one provided by your client
And he gladly takes it
Therefore, you are back to square one
Of course, backouts are common nowadays
So, you work harder than ever
Determined to turn things around
And your efforts are duly rewarded
However, just when you are sure
That nothing can go wrong this time
The candidate develops cold feet
And chooses to stay in his present company instead
Boom! Just like that
Your hard work has gone down the drain, yet again
But you refuse to give up
Believing that it will turn out to be a case of "third time lucky"
However, as always, you are wrong
This time, the candidate is genuinely interested
But the client is too stingy
Thus pushing the candidate towards taking up a better offer
And you are left in the lurch, as ever
The only difference being
That this time, there will be no comeback

At the moment, I am fine
I am part of a rich family
But more importantly, a loving family
I have a decent job
And a stable career
Most of all
I have a few close friends
Whom I can count on, anytime
So, you can say
That my life is pretty much sorted
Except, of course, for a bit of work stress
Which is one of the occupational hazards
Of being a recruiter
So, is there anything missing?
Surprisingly, the answer is yes
Romance
What wouldn't I give
To fall in love?
My heart yearns for that chance
To meet a special someone
Who has the potential
To change my life
In ways that I would least expect
It can be anyone
A friend
A colleague
Someone in my poetry circle
Or for that matter, comedy circle
A friend of a relative
A friend of a friend
Or even a total stranger
Of course, the last option is rather unlikely
Anyway, the point is
I would love the chance
To share my thoughts and feelings
My beliefs and ideas
My darkest secrets
And most importantly
My love and affection
With that special woman
Of course, only if she is okay with it
Because, true love works both ways
Well, it's not like I haven't fallen in love before
In fact, it has happened to me twice
But on both occasions
My love wasn't reciprocated
Therefore, what wouldn't I give
To fall in love once more?
I am keeping my fingers crossed
That it will turn out to be a case of "third time lucky"
Assuming, of course, that it happens in the first place

After a rather enjoyable holiday
During which I had loads of fun
Playing my favourite mobile video game
Reading an Agatha Christie ****** mystery
And last but not the least
Having a long afternoon siesta
I was ready to resume work
Even if it meant going to office
Which involved a long commute
By the dreaded Mumbai locals
Well, getting to Dadar was not an issue
However, it was then
That my troubles started
There was a wait of ten minutes
Followed by a bit of chaos
As I barely managed to board the train
Getting thoroughly squeezed in the process
By the time I reached office
I was drenched in sweat
The second summer of Mumbai
Having well and truly begun
Things did not improve
As I started work
I was really hoping
That my hard work over the last few days
Would eventually pay off
However, I was in for a shock
With every call I made
My confidence nosedived
As candidate after candidate
Failed to pick up the phone
Those who did respond
Were either not interested
Or didn't possess the requisite skills
After a rather welcome break
In the form of an excellent lunch
Packed by my mother
I was hoping to turn things around
However, the status quo remained
And by the end of the day
I had drawn a blank
As far as my CV count was concerned
Thus, it was quite a relief
To leave the office behind
And return to home sweet home
Of course, there was the small matter
Of the return commute
To be taken care of
And once again, Fate showed its hand
As Dadar continued to be the centre of chaos
And I kept missing local after local
While waiting for an AC local
That eventually never showed up
Thus, I was forced to board an ordinary local instead
Thankfully, it was all smooth sailing
At least until Ghatkopar arrived
And I was squeezed once more
This time though, it was brutal
Luckily, the next stop was mine
And the icecream that I had
At a shop just outside the station
Was sufficient compensation
For whatever damage Ghatkopar may have caused
Mental as well as physical
After a rather uneventful auto ride
I was home at last
And I must admit
That however good or bad the day may have been
It has at least given me the inspiration I needed
To write this poem

You all may think
That autism isn't a big deal
Am I right?
Well, when everything goes your way
You are "normal"
Just like everyone else
But the moment things start to go south
As my therapist would say
The brain chemicals would kick in
And you would be trapped in your own world
Fighting the madness
That threatens to surround you from all sides
In the form of a cacophony of loud noises
Different people shouting different instructions
One phone call after the other
Being assigned multiple tasks at once
The list is endless
Of course, the solution is simple
You just need to embrace your autism, don't you?
True, but it is easier said than done
Especially when you tend to forget things
At the worst possible time
Misread a number of social cues
Fail to detect sarcasm
Say the wrong thing at the wrong time
Crack under the slightest signs of pressure
And last but not the least
End up with labels such as "******" and "absent-minded"
Now, do you finally understand
Why autism is indeed a big deal for me?

I know it's just been a week
But I'm already beginning to miss you
And I'm not the only one
You do make an impact
On anyone who has been lucky enough
To get to know you
Whether it be family or friends
Or maybe even total strangers!
Anyway, we've had some great times together
I shall never forget our trip to the UK
And the fun we had there
Especially the Wimbledon camping experience
Would you have believed me then
If I had told you
That you would end up returning there to study
In a matter of three years?
Mysterious indeed, are the ways
In which Fate works
Our trip to USA was equally memorable
Who will ever forget that iconic moment
When you identified a McDonald's cafe from the plane?
Nothing, absolutely nothing ever
Escapes those beady eyes of yours
This is one of the many things I love about you
We may not spend a lot of time talking to each other
But you understand me very well
Perhaps more than I understand myself
And I know that I can always count on you
Anyway, I am getting too sentimental
Have a good time out there
I'm sure you'll find new friends
In fact, as I write this
You seem to be making progress on that front already
Try to balance studies and housework as much as you can
And most importantly
Take care of yourself
Whatever problems you might face
Know that you're not alone
We have your back always, no matter what
It is your happiness
Rather than what course you do
Or what job you may find
That matters to us the most
So, on that note
Let me wish you all the very best
Take care and stay in touch
Miss you loads

What is the greatest gift of all?
You can think of a lot of things
A house, a car, a mobile phone
Money, power, fame
Food, drinks, sweets
And I can go on and on
However, as you all know
All these are indicative
Of a materialistic state of mind
In my opinion, the greatest gift
That a human being can receive
Is none other than empathy
There is nothing quite as impactful
As putting yourself in the shoes of others
To show love, you need to show empathy
Imagine the struggles your loved ones go through
Every single day
In order to be successful
When a friend tells you her problems
Listen, not simply to provide solutions
But to understand her perspective
And it doesn't apply only to family and friends
It can apply to anyone
For instance, if you are a counsellor
You need to put yourself in your patient's shoes
And understand why he reacts the way he does
So that you can advise him suitably
If you are a doctor
You need to think the way your patient does
So that you can reassure her
Therefore, it is very important to be empathetic
Because you will then be doing your bit
To make the world a better place to live
Of course, it will not happen overnight
But slowly and steadily
The impact can be felt
However, not everyone is blessed with empathy
There are so many of us
Who think of only themselves
It may help them in the short term
However, they will not be able to find happiness
In the long run
What's the use of wealth or power
If you are not surrounded by people
Who will stick around
Even when the going gets tough?
Hence, as I've said before
The greatest gift
That a human being can receive
Is empathy
Full stop

I have been putting up with you
For days and days
Weeks and weeks
Months and months
And even years and years
Your service has been average at best
And appalling at worst
Issues here, issues there
You name them, you have them
Frequent call drops
Truncated conversations
Total silence at the other end
Whatsapp calls getting disconnected
Nearly every minute
My own voice echoing
And I can go on and on
Every time I complain
You have your excuses at the ready
Geographical conditions
Mobile network settings
Problems with the SIM card
Or for that matter, the handset
It's a miracle
That I didn't die of sheer boredom
After listening to your nonsense
Anyway, I decided to give you a few chances
And thanks to my frequent complaints
There finally seemed to be a bit of improvement
In the overall service
However, I should have known
That it would be too good to last
The same issues started recurring
As always, I have been exceedingly patient
But now things have really gone too far
When a customer is deprived
Of a service as basic as sending a text message
It means the time has come
To end the relationship with the service provider
Once and for all

Recruitment is like walking on a tightrope
You have to maintain your balance
Every minute, every second
While different people try to distract you
From different sides
The candidates, the clients
And finally, the boss
One mistake and it will be the end for you
You may think I'm being overly dramatic
But trust me, you'll soon understand
Handling multiple roles
For multiple clients
And speaking with multiple candidates
Is enough to send your brain into a tizzy
And cause your heart to beat
Way faster than what is considered normal
When you successfully close a role
It is considered "all in a day's work"
On the other hand, when something goes wrong
You're on the chopping block right away
Recruitment is indeed like walking on a tightrope
But it is also a tug-of-war
In which you get pulled from three sides
Yep, you guessed it
The candidates, the clients and the boss
A war in which there is only one loser
And that is you
I am sorry for being such a killjoy
But I believe in laying before you
The harsh realities of this profession
Rather than giving you any false hopes
After all, as a famous professor and wizard once said
"Numbing the pain will make it worse when you finally feel it"

You know how I work
You know the amount of work I put in
Every hour, every day
Every week, every month
It would be the easiest thing in the world
To slack off, for a change
Or work at a snail's pace
After all, I've worked with you
For a long, long time
Therefore, it would be easy for me to think
That I am indispensable
Or that I can take you for granted
But if I do that
Then I wouldn't be Ashwin
So, coming back to the point
You know I am overworked
In fact, we all are
You have even acknowledged it
At some point or the other
And are trying to set things right
By adding more people to the team
However, for some reason
Things have always ended up going south
At the eleventh hour
While I do appreciate your endeavours
What I would really like
Is for you to appreciate our efforts
On a regular basis
And try as far as possible
To ensure some balance in the workload
So that we don't end up biting more than we can chew
After all, a few people have recently left
You don't want to add to that number, do you?
So, please think twice
Before assigning any new mandates
Especially to someone who hasn't fully recovered from COVID yet

What do you really want from us?
We've been working our arses off
For hours and hours
Days and days
Weeks and weeks
Months and months
And we've faced numerous obstacles along the way
Obstacles placed by the market
By the candidates to whom we've been speaking
And by even yourselves!!
In spite of all these hurdles
We've done our best
To ensure that you get the right people
For the requirements you've assigned us
However, the way in which you reciprocate our actions
Is bewildering, to say the least
As far as decision-making is concerned
You're even worse than Hamlet!
You reject a lot of quality resumes
Without any rhyme or reason
You change your requirements
As per your whims and fancies
And then cry foul
When you lose a few good candidates
Due to your inexplicable actions
You put roles on hold at random
And keep the best candidates on tenterhooks
Waiting for an interview that'd never happen
And then blame them for dropping out eventually
You demand resumes at the speed of a cheetah
And provide feedback at the speed of a tortoise
All in all, you ensure that we tear our hair out
By its very roots
Every waking moment of our lives
In order to satisfy every whim of yours
But will you truly ever be satisfied?
Let me ask you again
What do you really want from us?

It's been a long, long time
Since I went to school
Therefore, my memory of those days
Is hazier than a cloud of fog
However, whatever I do remember
I remember vividly, as though it were only yesterday

Such as, committing the biggest faux pas of my school years
When I was in the fourth standard
By wearing a t-shirt and jeans one fine day
While everyone else was dressed in uniform

Disturbing the whole class by talking about cricket
And thus getting a nice scolding from the principal
When I was in the fifth standard
Crying in front of the whole class
Later during the same year
Exam tension getting the better of me

Enacting the role of a princess in a cartoon show
While on the way home
During the seventh standard

Failing in quite a few subjects
At the beginning of the eighth standard
After switching from CBSE to ICSE
Being forced into a trekking adventure
Thanks to the annual cross-country races

Scoring an own goal as a goalkeeper
During the ninth standard
Failing in a record number of subjects
During the same year
Thanks to my obsession with cricket

And last but not the least
Making amends for my past failures
By clearing the tenth boards with flying colours

I can go on and on
But I think that's quite enough for today

Returning to work
After a rather enjoyable weekend
Is hardly something to rejoice about
Especially when you are handling Recruitment
And particularly when you work in a startup
A startup that supposedly gives you freedom
Freedom for the employer, that is
To keep nagging his employees
From time to time
But not freedom for the employees
To work as per their convenience
You feel like a balloon
Pressed on all sides
By the boss, candidates and clients
One false step
And Boom! you are back to square one
And left with a mountain to climb
At the speed of light
You know, though, what's the worst part?
It's the uncertainty
Whether it be in finding relevant resumes
Or speaking to a bunch of candidates
And trying to convince them
Or, if you do somehow manage to convince someone
Waiting for him/her to share the CV
Is like watching that infamous innings of Sunil Gavaskar
In the 1975 World Cup
It kills you from inside
Such that, you just can't wait
For a miracle to happen
Which involves the client
Uttering the magic words
"This position is temporarily on hold"

Oh wisdom teeth, why do you hate me so much?
What have I ever done to you?
It is thanks to you
That my life has turned topsy-turvy
You should never have been born
For all you do, is cause pain
Metaphorical as well as literal
It was ten years ago
When I was first advised by a dentist
To finish you off
I let it slide at that time
And decided to give you a chance
Four years later
I was given the same suggestion
By another dentist
That too in a different city
Yet again, I decided to spare you
And four more years later
History repeated itself
Thus, you turned out to be luckier
Than a cat with nine lives
But you never made use of all that luck, did you?
On the other hand
You had the nerve
To bite the hand
That has been feeding you for so long
Thus, I had no choice
But to send you back to your Maker
Where you truly belong
Of course, you wouldn't surrender without a fight
The anesthetic injection was painful enough
But little did I expect
That you would continue to haunt me
Even after you were gone
For good
I had to take painkiller after painkiller
And even that was not enough
For monsters like you
Who made sure
That every meal was an ordeal by fire
And so was every phone conversation
Oh wisdom teeth, why do you hate me so much?