"sorrys" poems
Dear father,
I still remember the last time I saw you
It's funny, because you looked just the same as you always did
Like someone
Who was never really mine.
Like a stranger in disguise
Who's reality only exists
When I close my eyes and fantasize about you being in my life
But I guess
When you heard you should live your life without
Regret
You mistook that for my name
And I wonder if you will ever understand the pain
Of knowing someone only when you imagine them
Or loving someone who thought
Never talk to strangers
Was a lesson best learnt by example
But they say actions speak louder than words
And you became so consumed by your own self worth to really give a **** about who you hurt
So you became the expert
At manipulating words
Like turning
I love yous into sorrys
And
Tomorrows into yesterdays
Until it was safe to say I couldn't count on you
Dear father,
Because of you
I constantly found myself falling in love with things that could never love me back
I became infatuated with sandcastle and snowflakes
Addicted to temporary moments
Addicted to broken
Thought if I learnt to fix things
Then somehow
I might find the manuscript
To piecing the shattered part of my being whole again
Because of you
I spent years trying to cover this skin that you left me with
Tried decorating these scars
With tattooed hopes
To remind myself
That sometimes
Some things
Were made to last forever
Because of you,
For years I avoided looking into the mirror
Because I never truly knew
If you could love someone
You only ever met in passing
You see
I mistook your ***** for water
I never realised I was internally drowning in your poison
I thought I needed you to stay afloat
It took me a long time to realise
That ***** was just your way of relieving yourself from blame
You became a box full of things
I packed away the day you left
But I've stopped trying to hold on to your burden
So I've taken out my smile
And I'll wear it with pride
And Dear father,
Did you know
That if you repeat a word enough times
Then eventually the word will start to lose it's meaning?
And I've stopped wishing I was still young enough to understand
What the word father meant
And now no know
That if I ever see you again
Then you will look just the same as you always did
Like someone
who doesn't deserve to be mine
Jan 16, 2019
Jan 16, 2019 at 9:52 PM UTC
Some people say life is a game, like Monopoly, but for most of us, our lives are sorry.
Sorry you've been abandoned, sorry i can’t see you any more, I’m so sorry for your loss. Sorry, sorry, sorry is as sorry does.
Sorry’s mean they didn't love you, he didn't care, and we couldn't save her.
Sorry's ****
Sometimes sorrys feel good but most of the time they feel like crap.
Sorry's mean guys are jerks, people hate me, and I. HAVE. NO. FRIENDS.
Sorry, sorry, sorry, say it three times over a wound and it won’t make it heal, it’s just a five letter word, but it's a four letter word to me, it doesn't do anything.
It doesn't heal scars, or take back the words, or take the razor blades that end peoples lives from their shaking hands as they draw their last breath.
Sorry, sorry, sorry, it doesn't make life any better, it doesn't make it right.
Jun 5, 2014
Jun 5, 2014 at 10:47 PM UTC
I got out of bed with a bit of uneasiness,
I decided that it's been too long since I've written.. I think the last time I did was last week
...or the week before ?
I looked at the date, and make me twitch,
Made a tear, or two fall
Made my heart break in a few more pieces.
DID YOU KNOW THAT IT'S BEEN A MONTH SINCE WE MET ? Figuratively that is ..
DID YOU KNOW, that you've broken me into minute pieces ??
Pieces unable to be detected by microscopes ??
Pieces that can't be felt or touched with your naked hand?
DID YOU KNOW ?
No you don't.
You've been too busy missing her every second, like you did with me.
Been too busy upset with her, like you were with me.
Been too busy telling her how much you like her like you did with me.
HECK, YOU'VE BEEN TOO BUSY WORSHIPPING HER ANGELIC FACE, LIKE YOU DID WITH ME !
YOU'VE BEEN TOO BUSY BEGGING HER, TO SEE HER FULL BODY, LIKE YOU DID WITH ME !
YOU'VE BEEN TOO BUSY telling her of your childhood, and how you missed your dad
..too busy telling her how suicidal you were, and how placed a gun to your head.
And you're probably too busy, telling her of me.
YOU'VE BEEN TOO BUSY, SITTING, FORMULATING THE LIES YOU'LL TELL ME NEXT, AS TO WHY YOU'VE HAD NO TIME FOR ME : "I was helping my mom with the Christmas tree" "Someone was using my phone" "Sorry I was sleeping" - (WAIT DIDN'T YOU SPEND NIGHTS UP WITH ME TELLING ME YOU HAVE INSOMNIA ? ) "Sorry I was out" "Sorry I was on a call" . AND I DON'T CARE IF THEY'RE TRUE, I DON'T CARE IF I'M EMOTIONAL BUT THAT'S TOO MUCH 'I'M SORRYS' . TOO MUCH EXCUSES, TOO MUCH LIES.
And I'm sorry that I made a mistake and liked you so much. I'm sorry for letting you taking up my phone space,
With pictures of you that an artist would find hard to formulate.
Sorry you were my screensaver.
Sorry I told my sister about you ..yeah I told her how adorable you were
And I told her you were my ''soon to be boyfriend" ...
And I'm sorry that I pushed another into the fire because of you
Yeah I'm sorry I pushed him aside.
But karma's a ***** and I knew it would get me, I told you it would AND I TOLD YOU IN THE END I'D BE HURT, and you told me no, and I would be.
Darling being replaced doesn't bother me, it doesn't make my bones crack,
It doesn't make my heart cry ..
It's the mixed signals.
Today you're all flirty with me, tomorrow you're calling me names.
WHY DON'T YOU MAKE UP YOUR MIND ?!
I know you no longer need be, and to be honest you never did,
So be honest with me and let me leave you alone ??
I'm also sorry for listening to your lies.
I should've known though, by the signs you gave,
"Let's be friends with benefits?"
FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS WHEN I WAS HOPING WE'D GO SOMEWHERE ?? F.W.B, WHEN I WAS HOPING WE'D BE TOGETHER ONE DAY ? F.W.B, WHEN YOU SAID YOU LIKED ME MORE THAN YOU SHOULD'VE ??
Special to be used then thrown aside ?
What did you want ? A piece of me ?
I should've have know when you said I was special, after I said you were my "soon to be boyfriend "
And I'm sorry you'll never get to see this.
But I hope you suffer from your mistakes
And rot in the arms of any other you come across,
Because no one will EVER adore you like I DID.
Dec 14, 2014
Dec 14, 2014 at 5:48 AM UTC
Dear Harry,
I see you're doing well these days.
One year later and I still watch as you grin and laugh with your friends.
Sometimes I just grin as well knowing the truth behind the plastic you call a smile.
You once told me that you feel like you don’t belong.
You get a burning in your chest thinking of how awful humanity is and how you wish you were a robot so your brain would match your body.
But when I told you from the anxious walls of my heart that I sort of feel the same but I'm not making a metaphor, I'm transgender
You said that I didn't feel it as intensely as you did so my identity wasn't that important.
I suppose I can tell you now that you became the reason why I agree with you about humanity.
Your face sickens me.
Sort of funny how everyone calls you Harry Potter because of a scar shaped like a lightning bolt on your cheek and it was a big joke and I always laughed because what a coincidence even though I never read the books or watched the movies and now because of you:
I never will want to.
I don’t know if you realise that you’ve shattered me.
Shattered me like the board you can cut in half thanks to years of karate and your hand crafted swords are part of the reason I never crossed you because if I just change myself hard enough maybe you would stop saying you could use them on me if I kept talking about how much I love everything if everything isn’t you.
Sometimes I would wonder if you could hear my knees fighting not to snap in half.
I would wonder if you knew that you are like a hurricane; strong and unpredictable.
And like a hurricane, you came storming and when your thunder rumbled and rain paraded all over me it left nothing untouched.
I could say you're a forest fire but that would make it hot and quick and emotionless.
No, you are a hurricane because hurricanes are wet and windy and raw and wild and it left me drowning.
Unlike a hurricane, your damage can not be fixed with teamwork and donations from those that feel sympathy.
The damage you’ve done is permanent and even with all the repairs I’ve made in the form of therapy sessions and promises that I shall overcome,
I.
I am still in ruins.
You are bitter but not sweet.
But for 17 torturous months I only saw it the other way around.
Reaching out to try to catch onto something worth fighting for
But this isn’t worth fighting for
Because my hands hurt from writing I’m sorrys.
Because my brain hurts from pushing out reasons you’re not worth it.
Because my soul hurts from fighting the back of my mind that still loves you.
You have rendered me obsolete.
Mar 24, 2017
Mar 24, 2017 at 3:34 PM UTC
You described your love for me as scary
Something that woke up little children at night, whimpering to their mothers.
You describe my reaction to your saddest story as cold
Like a forest dead and quite in the winter
I left you alone in the cold dead forest, scared and lonely
I left you quietly in the dead of night
I send to you endless amounts of sorrys
I hope that they might come in handy in the dark
ER
Nov 30, 2013
Nov 30, 2013 at 11:14 PM UTC
*hard skin of life to penetrate
soften that piercing stare*
1.
seems a shot spiked with kindness does the trick
that’s how we button up the moon’s sides with silver thread
to keep its seams from splitting solemn sides
and spilling all its jolly secrets: whorls of fingerprints sinking steadily into luna-grooves
like a neat domino-stacked roll on a never-ending trip into black holes
not far from Ursa Major
2.
to grant a delightful hop up and throw seeking eyes over the orb’s gentle curve
take a little look-see
the tiniest peek into Tucanae
where tidal forces push small clouds
and outstrip the western winds
towards cunning straits
to subtly tie into bows
cut ribbons of fate
drink a dram of mercy from a well-behaved thimble
yet poems don’t pay no bills now
when words tinker with heart’s mettle
3.
wonder if sagacious rue repays in full
or satisfies the exceeding cost
of the hankering in a vessel
caught eddying in giant nacred jetsam
while casting minute gems before the moon’s eyes
it’s nigh impossible to hide behind the sun
4.
best be ready with prêt-a-porter life-pennies
and be
wise to always carry a pocket full of sorrys
*stitch 'em seams together now
it all comes together
nice and neat*
S T, Moonday, 15 July 2013
Jul 15, 2013
Jul 15, 2013 at 6:08 AM UTC
The struggle of being broken
No, not physically
Mentally
When you've been played with
Been dropped
And shattered
Many times before.
The "I'm sorrys" I always fall for
The forgiveness I can't take back
The knife that's still in my back
Five fingers held up, only one
is deserving to be seen by you
One finger, two finger, three finger, four
I ball each one like before
Hold back the tears of being left again
But nobody should know
Because I'm not the one who
Should struggle now
I have to be strong for those around me
Hold up my fist in victory for all to see
Smile on my face
No one can see the fate
Of the girl
With a struggle
Apr 26, 2016
Apr 26, 2016 at 10:43 PM UTC
How did we get here
where vitamin water turned into ***** and the power of innocence changed to the courage of
alcohol. The boys no longer opening car doors and the girls trading in t-shirts for crop tops that show off
what they were or weren’t wearing.
Where sneaking a soda after dinner turned into hiding a flask at the family party where we used to play games
like hip-scotch and dodge ball instead of drinking hard whisky and Jack.
The promises made in the D.A.R.E. program about not doing drugs or drinking
were traded in for drunk driving and “just one hit.”
How did we get here
where grape juice turned into white wine and a nervous kiss under the bleachers
at the Friday football game moved to steaming up the windows in the back seat of that car
at the party on Saturday night.
The knocking on your neighbor’s door for them to come out and play moved to texting
in the driveway and hanging out means sitting on your phone
while sitting on the couch next to someone else.
How did we get here,
where root beer turned to Busch lite and being home before dark
switched to struggling to be home before the sun came up.
The parents not knowing their innocent children are making children and kids being too drunk to remember
they promised to go to Church on Sunday morning.
Where asking for forgiveness overpowered asking for permission and sorrys turned into whiskey shots
and make up ***
How did we get here
with a drink in one hand and the other around my waist while you lean into me too drunk
to stand on your own.
This is the first time we’ve spoken since that day last June and I can’t help but notice why.
How did we get here
where the power of innocence changed to the courage from alcohol?
Jan 25, 2016
Jan 25, 2016 at 2:24 PM UTC
my misread compass
-harley ginsberg
obsessing over what I wanna do
making decisions for me
and solving my problems too
why can't you just leave me alone
I need a thinking place and some time of my own
need tons of space away from you
sick of being trapped in your zone
feel possessed by your power
too controlling for me
I'm just a broken hearted soul
keep taking advantage of the
tears in my eyes rolling down my cheeks
as I'm screaming and running
I just want some peace
it's my own ****** up life
don't want you living in it
keep blowing out the flames of the candles I lit
and when I'm finally happy
you wanna know what you do?
you destroy it like a tornado
pretending you had no clue
of the smiles on my face
the glow in my eyes
but it comes as no surprise
people say you mean well
but I know the truth
you planted yourself in me
from each toe to every tooth
and you use my weakness
to put yourself on a high
but I'm done with the sorrys
and every single lie
I know better now
then to sit and watch it happen
I know not to give you any satisfaction
you take it all from me and leave me with nothing
you break my heart at the push of a button
and as I'm trying to push away all the pain
it's always gonna be the same
and as blood trickles down my arm and through each vein
I'm trying not to go insane
cause you're stuck on my mind
for all the wrong reasons
leaves are in my path
falling for those changing seasons
wishing you would change too
and back away from me and my old life
and the way I was living
I'm done with never getting and always giving
I need love in return to mend my broken heart
but only thing you sending my way is dart after dart
they go through me like air but get caught in my lungs
now I'm choking on lyrics that can't even be sung
I want to forgive you believe me I do
but how can I let go of this when you're the only direction I knew
I'll be lost on my own
I'm so used to being guided by you
but it's on the wrong path
and I'll figure out what to do
so goodbye forever to my misread compass
I'm hopping in my own lane
I'll be okay
I promise
Aug 27, 2014
Aug 27, 2014 at 8:17 AM UTC
i had this dream that they
had thrown me into a hole,
and by a feat of bravery I
had managed to escape,
out the window and through
the azalea bushes--
but I returned with a raging
hatred, an unquenchable vengeance
that manifested in red clay that
settled over the creases in my palms
and poured south in waves shaped
like old angers and great mountains
giant bison that snorted and plowed
forth--
but I was the bison and I was the clay,
greeting visitors with crushed eggs, yolk
weeping through my knuckles, the voice
of a hundred i'm sorrys creaking through
the speakers in the living room,
and i'm wiping blood from the meat in the kitchen
on my dress with the yellow fade near the hem
telling visitors yes, come in
yes, come in
when they shouldn't
and I shouldn't
but I could shake the earth, father, I'm so angry.
I could shake the earth.
Aug 14, 2016
Aug 14, 2016 at 3:35 PM UTC
The faded flicker of the far off clock was my only source of light. Until I picked up my phone and let my 2 A.M. thoughts run rampant. They made my fingers race across the screen. Made them play tag. They swiped and pinched until finally there you were. At 2 A.M. you were in my hands again. You're smile was as wide as ever and your eyes held the same glitter like they did when you used to talk to me. And You spoke about me even more. People would often come up to me and say that my name was all that would slip off your tongue. And I remembered that snake. The first time it brushed against my lower lip wanting access like a lion knowing that there was more to life than it's own cage. But to everyone, you spoke of me like I was the one who made the sun rise, who put the stars in the sky, who made the wind blow, and who made your world as you knew it turn.
My 2 A.M. thoughts made my fingers dance again. And another you appeared before me. All dressed up. Like we were married. But far from it. We sat like we had to save space on the Mayflower. I was in your lap and your arms were around my fragile frame. And I knew I would never love someone as much as I loved you that night. And my 2 A.M. thoughts brought me to the messages. Where are little "I love you more" fights were held and our futures were voiced. Remember that?
I was only a few months older than you. And I remember saying that I had to wait longer for my soulmate to come to me. And there you were again. In my head talking to me when we were bestfriends. While tapping on the plastic on the screen, the fingers fought for their right to voice the will of my 2 A.M. thoughts.
And I wrote about how I met you so far, way back when. I wrote about the dances we went to, the dates we laughed about. And then ultimately the 2 A.M. thoughts brought me to the deepest places I never wanted to let set free again.
And they scrambled on the keyboard of the phone! CAPS LOCKs, sorrys, pleads, and begs. Explanation after explanation and so many what if's. And I read it and read it. And only now did I realize that I was choking on the tears that you left me with. And I continued with the rant, and blamed you for what happened and blamed you for the causes. And then I stopped. And wept into the cold tear stained pillow, screaming into it like it was my last shot at everything I could ever have been. And once I felt numb enough to pretend that it wouldn't bother me anymore I let the small sobs escape my quivering lips and I destroyed the barrage of words that was my 2 A.M. thoughts. And instead willed my hands to let the fingers dance once more as I typed:
You're coming back, right?
_________________
You're coming back right (sent 2:35 A.M.)
(read 2:36 A.M.)
. . .
And the dots they came.
And I waited.
But inevitably,
Just like you,
They left me with the question:
You're coming back, right?
Nov 22, 2014
Nov 22, 2014 at 3:59 AM UTC
*Even when I know they're but unfinished stories,
accepted pain and acknowledged sorrys,
virtual realities reflected from mirrors of a lost paradigm
and engineered metaphorically vocalized pantomime
even when I know that they're not the end of the road
(that there're even many more miles to walk)
or even blossoms of life within a spectral pod
but merely a beautiful view of the vast and
rough ocean from the calm of a floret mental dock
through tinted glasses in pink of perception with utmost optimism
a fairy born of refraction through a phantasmal prism
even when the universe disputes the truism of a magic wand
I still fantasize about holding your hand
and matching with you through thick and thin
for better for worse, against the torrents from foe and keen
in turbulence of rage and storms of tears till we find laughter
until the bruises of souls and hearts shattered find mending
in the enema of our blending so we can have a happy ending
even when I know forever and for always is just a true lie
and we are likely to more than anything make us cry,
I still believe in pulchritudinous endings, in happily ever after
in you and I, in the beauty of wilting roses and those in the rain
in sticking together through the pleasure and pain...
Even when I know love is just a word,
we can lend it every meaning we've ever dreamed
I still believe in real romance, in the broken being fixed
in forever being now and now being forever
in never saying never, in you and I
truth or lie, do or die... roads and bendings
long as it's with you, I believe in Happy endings...*
Jan 11, 2017
Jan 11, 2017 at 7:58 AM UTC
You broke the girl with the golden smile.
You watched the light drain from her eyes.
A thousand I'm sorrys could never reclaim
The one who was your rainbow after the rain.
Jul 16, 2014
Jul 16, 2014 at 8:55 AM UTC
The parents row again, but
You just sit in a corner like
The good little girl you are,
Watching shadows cast by
The sun flow through the
Kitchen window. Your dolls
And toys are in the other
Room where the row is;
So you just sit and listen
To birds sing from outside
The house, like the patient
Little girl you’ve become,
Playing with dark dancing
Shadows in the cold hall.
The words of rows seem
Harsh and loud and vibrate
The walls causing your ears
To ache and invisible friends
To depart. The words are
Unknown to you: the ****
Yous and cruel ***** fill
The air; the loud blows will
Come next and Mother will
Cry and the rows will stop
And the there theres and oh
I’m sorrys will flow along
The walls where you sit and
Watch the shadows on the
Cold linoleum floor play
As you and they have before'.
Apr 23, 2016
Apr 23, 2016 at 3:53 PM UTC
From my bedroom window,
I can see a lime green ribbon
Constricting itself around a tree.
Lynching the last inch of life
From a being
That stood strong for a half of a century.
As each leaf wilts and falls it is a reminder that nothing is ever permanent.
Everything dies eventually.
In our family,
Green is worn proud
Above our hearts
The star of David guiding us on our way
But something to be ashamed of.
A color that condemns our family to endure your sympathetic stares
That follow us everywhere.
It is as if we are the main attraction of your circus:
Come see the dying, the crying, and the bald.
But to us, one ribbon wrapped around are hearts
Represents a million words wrapped into one.
Especially the ones never said.
The I love yous
The I need yous
The I’m sorrys
And the goodbyes
It is an endless cycle
Of CAT scans, and chemo, and radiation, and surgery, and blood tests, over and over.
If only to slow the process of
Cells detonating themselves
In a body that was never strong enough to fight it.
Strong arms cannot hold the weight of their daughter’s broken hearts
Or their sons missed football games,
Or their wives plan less anniversaries
When they carry their own mortality
We never knew that our man of steel,
Would become our man of sleepless nights,
No longer able to carry his children to bed at night.
The only person to guide through our disjointed lives
What ifs become your safe haven as well as your nightmare?
And your reality becomes mixed with fatality.
And eventually, you don’t know the difference.
Prayers become a lost hope,
Church becomes a last resort
And treatment becomes useless
Because it is a diagnosis that no one can escape.
I never understood “When someone is diagnosed with cancer, everyone around them is as well.”
And dad know that when I look into your lifeless eyes
Mine will mirror it.
Jun 24, 2014
Jun 24, 2014 at 10:25 AM UTC
Is life imitating art or is art imitating life?
Eventually there will be nothing left to hide
Save your sorrys
It's time for me to cool your mind and tell you it's all alright
We're the pop-up's on your phone screen
Sending you little blurbs
Memes are funny because they're true
At least to you
You're the hypochondriacs
Who convinced yourselves you need to be healed
With a numbness cure by posts that make you feel
There will be a new one, if you like the last
Is life imitating art or is art imitating life?
Eventually there will be no where left to hide
Save your sorrys
It's time for me to cool your mind and tell you it's all alright
This is a beat generation
But with less respect but way more dope
The question is "why should I?"
Our answer is always "I don't know"
We're yesterdays news and tomorrows punchline
Never even had chance
Self-entitlement won't ease the situation
Of our need for instant gratification
I need a drink in my system to take off the edge
I need a lie to make me feel safe
I have an axe in my skull splitting my brain
Is it me or the world who's insane?
Upload, like, follow
Reblog, comment, unfollow
What's hot is hot now but not tomorrow
Will your words hold up or drop out?
-Tommy Johnson
Oct 20, 2015
Oct 20, 2015 at 8:57 PM UTC
my mom told me to explain
so i did, i explained every pain.
everything, but she didnt believe me again.
she said she knows im lying, im insane.
im telling you i was telling the truth.
but no one believed me.
she gave me a second chance
she said explain everything and tell me the truth
i just sat there
not even looking at her
she shouted im only gonna say that once
so i gave her a glance
i didnt bother to speak
for what?
even tho
i'll explain everything, the truth
she still wont believe me.
im over it, cause i said my sorrys
she said her sorrys too.
but still, i felt miserable.
cause *the one who i thought would always believe me
just told me that no one will believe me.*
Apr 14, 2014
Apr 14, 2014 at 1:12 AM UTC
Nobody noticed when she purged herself of her lunch though the scent of ***** was still recognizable through her mint gum.
Nobody noticed when she tore through her untouched skin despite the trickle of blood she forgot to wipe clean.
Nobody noticed her cries of help through her sobs of sorrys.
Nobody noticed the pain in her eyes.
Nobody noticed when she broke.
Nobody noticed and for that she is gone.
May 11, 2014
May 11, 2014 at 3:03 PM UTC
She cried a single salty tear
all her hurt bound over the year
She realised she'd turned her hand
a footprint left behind in the sand
and all you goners, you left her from here
left her crying one salty tear
and she never left or walked away
she took each step, made it day by day
She took a hand and it was not yours
left your memory on distant shores
drowned your sorrow in sweat and blood
stayed a good girl, like all good girls should
and you took her more than she baragined for
left her naked and shivering on the floor
left her alone with her salted eyes
left her loving all she despised
no love song for you
and no glory be no more
she left your mercy washed up on the shore
no more are you here
no more i wonder or try in vain
no more should i let my love be my shame
She smiled a good smile and all was good
she stopped being a good girl
like all good girls should
she drank from her life and felt the burn
remembered all that she had to yearn
she lived a good life when all was said
left you lying there in your bed
and ****** on your sorrys and i wonder and what fors
didn't wait around for locked hidden doors
She fell full forwards and backwards a mile
she hit a battlefield when she saw your smile
but no alas, alack, you are no more
your love is like sand, washed upon the shore
good evening, good morning, good night
you lost me within the range of your sight
it took me 6 months and 6 months no more
to realise you are nothing, nothing no more
Apr 18, 2013
Apr 18, 2013 at 5:44 PM UTC
I ,
yes I the traveller have long seeked the sun ,
moon and the clouds yet they again have slipped my gaze and only
darkness covers my eyes .
The story teller of the great God of “IAm “ about his tales should I
tremble as I listened with many others in the great hall ,
Speaking of a God who one day even his patience will like sand
drift from his loving blood stained hands .
Begone with you for even i have to sleep and find comforts that no man should seek ,
let alone find , for the monsters of the deep loneliness , bitterness ,
and pride leave me captive in chains .
Sage if you see him tell him what might have been ,
and sorrys only purpose is love.
Please don’t burden me again with you’re story’s of woe my darkness is full of tempting visions and to sleep is to indulge .
What’s wrong with me my eyes are dim when they used to love the light and fair grounds with hymns and songs ,
tales from the book ,
the story tellers I must find and end this Blessed night .
Chain mail of Norman men rise from the river ,
skeletons of my past rattle like snakes in my head .
When in sleep do they arose me and darken my forest in this cold winters night .
Captive only to the light how my soul seeks rest from this
besieged fortress ,
dare I surrender to my foe ?
Holy Spirit freeer of the night thy captors await thee ,
for this tale must end in heaven or hell .
Look again the jailer comes and light once again must set me free .
Aug 28, 2018
Aug 28, 2018 at 2:20 PM UTC
woke up at a reasonable time.
doesn't seem like I can sleep
in anymore. everything about
my home seemed emptier- as
if you had been with me all day
and all night and had up and left
at the crest of dawn with no more
than a kiss to the forehead and an,
'I'm sorry, my love.' the sun-porched
city skyline in the distance (church
steeple next to apartment block) looks
more beautiful than usual. I contemplate
how you called me last night at 3:30 in
the morning, your eyes Victoria Falls with
sorrys and I love yous. I contemplate how
we both imagine we'll meet again someday,
how we'll fall in love again someday, how
we'll be together again someday. a very large
part of me hopes this is true, despite everything
you have put me through- - despite everything
I have put you through. but for the sake of lack
-paralysis, I will move on. and I will love you. I
will move on. and I will love you (again - - and
again - - and again - - and again - -)
there will be others, but you have a part of me
not even I can get back.
Sep 8, 2013
Sep 8, 2013 at 12:43 PM UTC
If my words could bring you back
I'd tell the mirror that you've gone away to battle
My noble prince will return
(Though your best weapons were always cold words and cold shoulders)
I'd inscribe my name into the bindings of all your favorite books
As though some part me could find some part of you in them
I'd yell at every pillow
That couldn't manage to muffle my cries
Every song that sounded just too much like us
Every fairy tale that seemed mocked us in it's polarity
(Dear, I wish I could've spun us in gold)
Every picture we took
That now look too much like broken promises
I'd sweet talk the fridge
Into making me feel worthy of more comfort food
I guess
you always said you like them "thick"
After you told me I'd gotten rounder
I'd scribble ***** sick sorrys into the floorboards
Serenading the floors you walked
(I think they turned to water on your final gracing of them
Because now I'm falling through)
I'd tell the fractures in these walls that you were the best filler
The fractures in my chest the same
I'd speak of you in the highest regard
My bourgeoisie balance act
Always calling for a coup d'état
And maybe that's why when I see you
I'm so choked up
I gargle these words in my mouth
But they fall into a silent drone
And If my words could bring you back
I still don't know that I could say a thing
May 19, 2014
May 19, 2014 at 10:33 AM UTC
You wanted me out of your life
You broke your promise
You broke my heart
After everything we've been through
you simply tossed it away
With cruel words and actions
You broke me down
You made your choice
you knew what you were doing
You left me there "bleeding"
You hurt me
And I'm still here reeling
in the aftermath destruction
I'm sitting here, Trying
Not to fall in the gaping hole
That you left behind
You left
when I needed my big brother the most
Its too late
to be looking back now.
its too late
for the I'm sorrys and apologies
So to Answer your question
YES
the door back in is really shut
and to answer your other question
NO.....
......I don't think It will ever open back up
Sep 30, 2014
Sep 30, 2014 at 2:46 PM UTC
I read a book once that told me
"I love you means never having to say you're sorry"
So if I love you so much
And I do so incredibly beyond these words..
How come I feel as if I need to apologize,
Please just let me.
It needs to be said from these lips,
the same ones that have kissed the entirety of you and left bruises on your neck.
Let me use the same voice that whispers I love you, into your ear and the same voice that sings to the radio in the car,
the same voice that has formed hurtful words that furled out of my throat like leftover cigarette smoke when the window is suddenly slammed shut and you can still smell and taste the bitter burning tobacco.
You look at me and you can't stop sighing. I look at you and I can't even see you. Your body to me has broken and I can't pick up the pieces because you won't stop sighing.
I love you means never having to say you're sorry.
I think in my head all the hate and every single sorry I would like to say
But you say sorry first.
It comes out of your mouth burning my insides quickly before the match has even reached the candle. I know before you even say it, turning me into a melted puddle of tears, more hatred, more sorrys.
The body that was once bits has been picked up and built together again and now reaches for the body that is a pool of lifeless clay and holds her hand and molds her back together. He holds her fragile body and wipes the hot tears that could make her melt again and she mutters:
"I'm sorry."
Sep 12, 2014
Sep 12, 2014 at 12:03 AM UTC
Buried rabbit hole, you never knew what was there
a crushed mirror brings bad luck, sorrys won't save you
This is like kindergarten, I'm trying hard to understand
"Why you didn't tell the obvious"
Abandoned playground, you never come to play anymore
a broken swing that can't be fixed, the ropes won't hold you
This isn't fairyland and I'm finding hard to tell you
"Some day the dreamers wake up"
Open book, you never read between the lines
hell is bringing its demons, secrets won't trust you
This is our twenties, I'm trying so hard to laugh
"How I wish I was dead"
*And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4N3N1MlvVc4&feature;=share*
Apr 22, 2015
Apr 22, 2015 at 6:07 PM UTC