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Q Carson May 2014
I've never seen so much hate
Than in my mother's two eyes
At the sound of my father's voice

I've never seen so much pain in his cracked and chapped smile
Than when my mother
Screams him worthless

I've never seen so much self-disgust  
Than in my young brother's eyelids
When my mother deems him a disappointment  

I've never held so much anger
In my one beating heart
Than when my mother enumerates her burdens
Q Carson Apr 2014
hey, it's really late and we just talked
but i think i should let you know
or more so, let me know,
--allow me to know
that i really miss you
that i could very well love you
that i wish you were here
hey, but it's really late
and i'm never really in the right mind
and i could be very lonely
and i feel really messy with a taut rubber band for a conscience
and picking you like this could make me snap
hey, so it's really late
and i wish we were talking
hey, it's getting late and i'm getting needy
and i'm getting desperate
and i'm becoming pathetic
and soon i'll be unwanted
hey, it's almost morning and i still miss you
but i swear i won't say anything
hell, i won't even look at you
hell, i don't need you
hey, it's morning
and i want you
hey, it's getting late and i hope we talk
i hope you want to see me
hey, it's getting late and i need you
hey, do you still need me
Q Carson Feb 2014
I feel a burden
But that's only a reminder of existence
More so, of purpose
But Meaning is overrated
Sometimes you can be so cynical
I'm here to let you know
That your lightness, although beautiful
Will only occur now
Right now
Legacy means pain
Life is suffering
So they say
So plunge deep
And let the salt water sting
Pull your head above the water
And in the struggle for breath
Feel your lungs fill salty
Inundate heavy
Self-infliction is the most righteous
Defense is polite
Submerged, nothing is heard
Composed, silence feels
Meditations distract
This lightness is nice
And your place not too weighty
You'll rise
Salt sits on the tongue
Reincarnation is beautiful
But propagates the lightest of all existences
No experimentation
Permanent, make a decision
With only one life to live,
We might as well have not lived at all
Forces of opposition
Feel a burden
Feel a burden to recur
What happens but once
Q Carson Feb 2014
Sip your tea
Don’t look at me
Close the door
Just ignore her
But only for today

Because tomorrow starts
Nothing hurts in the
Fog of daybreak
Hazy minds

Make a promise
For difference
For change
For abandonment
Of Old Ways

They’ll take you in
It hurts and it’s suffocating
But they’ll take you in

Don’t take their pity
You know you’re better

Self-hate, self-loathe
Play the martyr’s game
But you know you’ll never win
Despite your timely tries

Please take me in
They’ll take you in
Less than guaranteed
Please take me in
Q Carson Feb 2014
Hi my name is
And you?
Who cares?
When all I crave
And hopefully all you demand,
Is to see
In the entirety of form
In the impassivity of action
In the passion of voice
In the frustration in a red-faced
An explosion of natural curiosity

Explain to me what you believe
And why you no longer believe
What you did just a second ago
Show me the change
In your skeptical ways
And cynical tendencies
Tell me why I’m wrong
And then allow me the privilege
Of debate and dispute

Truth cannot be absolute
In a sea of change
On a planet of alleged falsities
So I ask, what could be ultimate truth
When right and wrong can be compromised
As long as “desperation” is declared
In a place of time
That will change as swiftly as the breeze

My existence is questionable
So is his, so is hers
So is yours
And too seldom certain
Though arrogance of truth
Confidence in persona
Stagnant sense of self and surrounding
Make for a fantastic façade

Yet, despite this pretense,
Veneer, or masquerade,
Depending on your taste,
One anomaly remains.
The inherent spirit of inquiry
Cannot be smothered nor veiled.
Thus curiosity remains
Within you
Within me
Q Carson Feb 2014
It’s funny
You and me
It’s funny
I’m funny
It’s hard to take me seriously
Because it’s hard to take any of this
Don’t take me too seriously
Love me
Write about me
Good lord, delete
I pray to god I’m not so
Cocky as to ask for such praise
Though we all have to admit--
Ok fine, I won’t tell you to admit
I know how you hate to be told
--Validation can be pretty **** nice
Copy Paste
No No
I’m all over the floor
Spilled out for you
Oh ****, you’re coming
Quick, clean up
Get it all together
Select All
Q Carson Feb 2014
It’s the place we live
A place of treachery
A place of trembling hope
And sorrow

A place where centuries of salty tears
Have cried the oceans high
Where the pines, the redwoods, and the oaks
Have fled high to the skies—learning from their earthly mistakes

I want to know it all
But I know I never will
And I want to feel strong
But a feeble human existence can never fulfill

And when the thorn ******
That’s when I’ll feel pain
But to the pain I feel when I lose you
Every few months-it is nothing

You were here on the first day
And we know-- and He knows
You wont be here for the last
But I hope you will be, for the talks in between

We don’t really talk about it
Instead we talk to talk intelligently
And I like that
And you like that

And that is why we’re the same
I wonder when I’ll have faith
Perhaps, when you have faith
Have faith in me and have trust in my words

Sorrys spread themselves wide—too wide
With every rise of the sun and turn of the tide
Despite the try, despite a determination of independence
They are taken

I worry I lack some sympathy
For I did not cry the day I heard
But you do not cry on the days you die
And you die for quite a few of them

Do you know who knows?
Or do you not care
Does it matter?
For me, it does, and you know, and he knows, and she knows

I scoffed the day I heard you believed
I laughed that I figured you a man of reason
You said you could be both
I still scoff

When I shall count the stars
When I shall breathe evenly
When I shall free the butterflies from the pits of me
That’s when I shall—when I shall free you of the blame

I know you deny it
And you may right not deserve it
But when I’ve read of all the little live things
We too, will be alive

Do you count your lucky stars
Or do you rest assured
I call the arrogance a bluff
I call it today—for tomorrow

The blanket of grey
Which comforts me so nicely
Will always remain a compliment
A compliment, remembered, and not deserved

It’s a humbling experience to realize
Not one idea you will think
Will ever be

And it’s a disappointment to realize
Some ideas
Ideas of others
You will never even think

In that I call injustice
But no one will make it just
And I will rest aside
Quiet… less than robust

My existence is frightening
So is yours
So is his, so is hers
Though arrogance makes for a fantastic façade

And we’re all incredibly concerned
That today will be lost before we have achieved something--anything
Yet too distracted by tomorrow
We fulfill the prophecy, and yes, we lose today

Pride is a thing to tussle with
I want to be proud, but more so, I want you to be proud
Of me
We’ve been told to not be so proud

To be humble and oh so very honest
Though those before me have proved, time, time again
That to be anyone and to get anywhere,
Humility just won’t do

And that’s the juxtaposition I live
The contradiction I’ll never escape
How to make it all of worth
While upholding a worth of self

Your mood changes with the moon
And I try not to mind
For I know that mine
Is as steady as the tides—not very

— The End —