My chamber teems with tensions, taut, that logic can’t withstand,
fragmenting mental masonry with memories unplanned,
as bitter tears from hazel eyes reduce the stone to sand.

Dim shadows cast by candles flit across the haunted room,
beleaguer apparitions, pale, that stalk me through the gloom,
usurping purloined purple forms forgotten ghosts assume.

The tick-tock clock of time rewinds within the mirrored hall
and pendula suspended, pause, while creatures creep and crawl
on images of effigies, through memories that maul.

The madness of the midnight mass! Perchance it interferes
with spiders spinning spiral threads which bridge the chandeliers
when weaving minds' discarded coils to silken souvenirs.

Reflections graced the vacant gaze of idols as they fled!
Their futile, feigned, far-flung farewells now hammer in my head,
marooned like frozen silhouettes in footprints of the dead.

My lovers smile through marbled masks before they turn their backs
(like furnace flames deserting ash or phantoms fleeing cracks)
with faded, painted, wrinkled faces nightmares carve in wax.

Sometimes a gust disturbs the dust and secrets reappear,
which dance in silver slippers through the dusk of yesteryear -
it's not the screams that drown my dreams, but whispers which I fear.

The hangman posts a letter home, his message indiscreet
about the vestal ****** in the café (where we meet
to savour tea and crumpets) down a one-way dead-end street.

The rapping and the tapping at my tattered, time-worn door
repeat reports of migrant myths, of tales of nevermore,
strung far across a sullen sea, most shipwrecked near the shore.

Forget-me-nots, enwrapped in rain the while a wan wind blows,
recall the faintly fickle fates this drifter undergoes –
alone, unknown with tracks interred in teardrop undertows.

My feet, no longer tied or tethered, traipse within a squall
pursuing profiles long forsaken, buried in the sprawl
of spectres spread amongst the dead, some tattooed to the wall.

At times, the belfry towers toll of anarchy and gin,
of smoke and mirrors, rolling dice and other things akin,
impaled on forks down byway roads, and things that might-have-been.

The skies outside, beyond the night with shutters shut and drawn,
begin to glow on shattered shapes escaping ’fore the dawn
as clouds undone beneath the sun release this captive pawn.

Last night I cried myself to sleep thinking about you,
the ******* chemistry that we used to share over
the midnight campfire, our sleek bodies rising in passion
with each bursting flame, deep shifting fingers pressed
up against thick sheets, as our ankles and thighs
harmonized and smiled, glossy green eyes filled
with lust and immense thoughts.  Your soul was
calling out to me in the nighttime sky,
vibrant skin sifting inside timeless climaxes
and rewinds, shimmering lights and hypnotic
gleams, an ocean of water and poetry gliding on
booming beats.  The world began to sink inside
our romance, the horniness of our hot flesh sizzling
in sparking temptations, deep designs and glimmering
patterns.  And as our nations made music over earth’s
creation, brilliant escapes and captivating depths,
you were the magnificent star inside my kingdom,
the purest existence that could illuminate the fire
inside eyes.

It's dark and the light leaks out
like the change in my pockets;
like the blood from her nose;
like knowledge from my head.

And I can feel myself being
  swallowed by this systematic
long dark. I cannot remove myself,
  a gut-worm in the lower-mantle
belly. Watching video-cassettes of
  my birthday. I don't know what
happened to my birthday video.
  I don't know what happened to
my parents or what I did to happen
  to them.

The light leaks, again, and I
choke on my celebri-thoughts;
mentally-******* to the
waves I'd give on a book tour
or studio lot. Talking about some
movie that made some money,
somewhere in Santa Fe or L.A.

The news is channeling my president:
a swollen man that is the physical representation
that a lot of American people are parasitic;
lovers in racism, xenophobia, transphobia, Islamophobia,
homophobia; scared of everything except the 'straight-talking'
magnate they put in office. Not playing president; playing God.

I'd hate to get political, though. I'd hate to ramble on
and on about something I don't know enough about to
**** myself over. I can feel myself picking up steam.
I can feel myself getting redundant but embracing the
bruised ego and poor technique. Loving the entrails
spilling out of the splits of my fingertips;
more beautiful than the brains I bashed on the sidewalks
of old Morgantown. Morgantown, a town so kind you
are gently destroyed by its over-crowded masses,
dying to be different or drunk -- I suppose that's not very
different than most places.

But let's get back to these trees that I haven't even talked about.
Let's get back to the kitchen table with the hollowed hard-drive,
with wires and cords flopping to the sides, like a
gutted spaghetti eater with poor stomach acid.
How terrible. I'll never forgive myself for that last line.

I feel so rudderless. So cynical with a touch of cliche.
I keep pushing back that age for success, thinking
that I have the luxury of choosing. My vocabulary is
limited. My intelligence is assumed; probably a void,
where delusions manifest and asian **** rewinds and plays,
  rewinds and plays.

I crave
Your lips on my neck,
Your taste on my tongue;
A night that has no end.

Your scent in my nose,
The perfume you chose
And our lust, staining the bed.

Your moans in my mind,
Rewind as you mend,
While my clothes carry your hair,

Your hand clasped in mine,
Builds the strongest of shrines;
For love,
Until time rewinds

I wish apologies were rewinds
that could go back to that place in time.
& make everything alright.

To go back to that kiss,
In your arms,
And feel blanketed in your warmth...

But instead I think back to that point in time,
Where unfortunately there is no rewind.
Forgiveness is in my heart,
But it also remembers to tread lightly.
It makes me think.

Think about you.
Think about me.
Think about the way things used to be.

I wish apologies could take it all back,
but in reality there are no rewinds.
Thankfully,
Things continuously move forward.
Even with trepedity.

A girl with arms and legs
A brain
A liver
A heart
 
A broken one
The liver I mean,
Not the heart!
Lost, but never in-pieces
 
She doesn't personally own one,
Or she does, it was stolen you see
The one she has now, she loaned
Just until she finds her own!
 
Though the time she uses to pay back her loan
Is time away from finding the stolen core
She pays through her liver
And her innocence
 
Speculating where her heart actually went
She gradually rewinds her life
To see when it disappeared
 
Maybe it was beaten out of her by her father,
Or flushed out when she put her finger in her throat.
Maybe she left it with her virginity,
Or she threw it away with her dignity?

I remember late nights when you
used to spend the night at
my house sitting on the living
room floor, pecan brown eyes
filled with flight and freedom,
vibrant dreams and serenity,
almond hipped shoulders
in tune with the spinning
soundtrack, as I gently
massaged your head,
thin fingers wedged
in between brilliant
worlds, supersonic
galaxies spinning in sight
beyond Neptune and Venus.
And every part of my soul
was fading inside your
existence, cosmic cheeks
rising in upbeat melodies,
atomic hips over jazzy
diction, iconic infinities
grinding in timeless rewinds.

Not in the way I
Look through these eyes
which water but instead
Of sadness entranced upset
Near to death love
making where though and
Design laugh at their own
Gluttony and ill usage and
away from me i say no not here and
away from itself i hear nothing for you
are here within me but away
Comet and the see to hear blues with
Everything to give but nothing to lose
And the far off sights are much too bright
And inside you hear yourself crying
Not to mtters or mold your soul
With what your parents said to you
Ordered you to be bold and
The aftermath of your own tightened slack
Makes you wonder if growing up was an actual
Choice in the matter of the batter which is
The family foundation were games are played
For keeps and children weep as they keep
Toiling on as adults just for bigger and better things
Come into the waves of a brain malfunctioning
No face for ye' faith meand nodding to the higher
Ones whose noses are broken and the lips cracked
The spinning brain of hurts doughnuts and Americana
Rip offs selling the flag by the millions to turn a profit
For the moronic billionaires who think no one is watching.
Watching with their hats turned sideways and trying to
Escape old age and grey hair and sagging ball sacks and
Poor english and worser bread, stale with their mother's
Ghost hovering on the shoulder of their pouting diamond
Drenched wife as if madness grew a larger pair **** within the
Hilarity of connection of concoction of happiness and
Satisfaction and a longing to burn the entire ******* down
Just to rebuild it the way you see and you do see it and the way
You feel it used to be and perhaps, maybe, could be and where
Experimentation is now a center fold for the dock workers and the
Laborers of the world to spit and ******* and cry over in their
Twisted and rusty beds for inside their pea brains and melted
Mouths filled with colgate and beer, they slobber over the excess
And humiliation and celluoid dreams of **** and *** and spreads
That would make any grandmother of 37 weep and Mozart meander
On the veranda, contemplating smooth jazz and the way he would like
Not to be buried with the hat trick hockey nick who swore he saw
You fall in love before and that sobriety was the touch of the Christian
Way of life and ye' far out and tormented young ones meant nothing
By what they said at the rally and they do believe in the good of the
White government and we are headed toward a technological maelstrom
Of the golden age of the HUMAN RACE but alas I hope I decipher I pray to
No God but whoever has the ears and eyes and arm fat to listen with their
Splintered consciousness and their painted red toenails and girlfriends who
Whisper they have always loved another and how TRUE UNTRUTH IS and
How vindictive we rant on and read on and hope and believe that the end
Is the end but it is only the end for you and their will be new blood and new eyes
And new minds and we will grow old but the rivers water will be recycled, as we
Will be recycled into the dust and the mud and the rubble to further build the streets
As the street makers and the bread winners will smile as they think they are the
First ones to think up such a crafty, inventive invention but hierarchies are on the horizon
And I remember I was born with a name that I never grew to know or fall in love with
Or defend or keep close to my heart for the heart is weary hunter and it ventures on
With or without the body.
Note to self.
Recall the last rite before you begin on to the next one.
History has spilt its blood and its fair share of orange juice, try not to remember the numbers but remember the amount of burned chairs.
Note to self, returned.
The heaters on and the soul is not dancing but jiving like icing on a three year olds birthday cake.
Submission time to the chief, submission time
To those other guys, whose faces I've never smelt, but who are there waiting and whining that the times are no longer a changing.
Keep up the smiles, keep out the frowns.
Negativity is the attribute of the terrorist. Don't be a terrorist.
All fine men and women have once in their life been truly scared.
One ten till the train leaves.


Good night major split hairs.

On the second of the fort
Nights beckoned a call dim
Lit by ill fated mechanisms that
Were men and women and
Children and the forgotten dream of
What was meant long ago and was is
Meant now but not followed through.

With heaven comes hell and hell fire and
Clouds of white with shelling from
Wars not of this world or the next or
The one's thereafter and lingering history,
With its bells and trinkets and tombstones,
That have been weathered but are still not gone.

Memory not mourning, pictures in a frame lit
From the inside out and drinks were there
When we were not meant to be there like a
Kiss on a flower you picked at an age where
Life was not known and death was even
Farther away for it existed not in the eyes of yours
But in everyone else around you, except for the
Other children of course but oh' of course.

If your trying to get the part of the stuff
That makes you recall the upstairs of the
Idiocies of the room romance that restricts but
Contains life and halters life and stifles life with
That one must recall a past life where tears
Mean nothing when you produce them too often.

Can of the hypocritical malice of mis-informed family
Foundations and we break into the minds of the way
It should be and the way it shouldn't be and yet here
When we gaze out across the wide spread of the world
And its many ways it spells out with a God's own language
The morning of the ear who listens and speaks when not spoken
To breaking every single rule of the word and smiling
Throughout the whole ****** thing.

Canons of repetition where life winces and the wife begins to wheeze
And fall, her dress is now clear and her eyes just don't seem to be
Where we are now I believe that money is the root of this soon to be dead
Tree and streets are now empty as the moon casts its silver glaze and
The breeze is now naked with her bra on the floor cast in straw while
The wizards write their spells and comb their hair and draw out plans
For the next great fall but watch the fireworks and the way they hail and
Crawl throughout the entire bawl and Ol' Ezra P. mass amounts of rage
To bring to the stage but here ye' O great one this place is for us all.

Here in the house of the not that is shared but all is seen here
Where the wind blows to no east and no west and no south and
No other way that you believe to get headed to the world of
The no names and experience makes you wise and yet old
And remembered for the drinks you paid for but especially for
The ones you forgot to pay for but that is what friends are for.

Omnivores in latitudes that matter not to the public eye but
To the ear of the Lord that is not everyone's savior but
Chosen just for the right eye so within that decree of mastery
We entrance the light and shovel up the leaves leaving the last
Way of things to be the first way of things when the lights
Are quickly turned off and on and off and on again and again;
Stars are naked until the sun rises in your hometown and the radio
Turns on.

And the background music chimes with a willingness of a cockroach but
Holds the beauty of a **** statue found in the under toe of a lost
Beach in a lost land forgotten in time but embraced by eternity and
Though does not dwindle its numerous names or its many ways
Of being for the hour does shackle us all but here in high array of
None other then eight times the way through the cobbled up in the
Attic of the fiercest neanderthal dictator with ideas holding truths upon
Truths that in the end mean nothing  for advancement is not determined
But continued upon as long as we forget the past and look to the future hymn
Of the childless winged' beasts that were once forgotten but now embraced
Angels.

Not of this world but of the entirety of the reality of banality
Breathing back and forth inhaling and exhaling releasing the
Mind of the mares of the wandering rewinds of infinite space
And inside the eyes of the highest levee which has broken but
Has not yet spilt holding back its power for the remainder of the
Year and catacombs upon catacombs of forgotten text of never
Forgotten men recalling their former lives and their former passions
And the hastiness of their possession of the word and the avoidance
Of the death touch the death mark the black spot upon us all.

Dog on a hill cloud high in the sky nut on the ground no not a sound
Frost on your fingertips toe of the boot covered a steel dull mud
Suds from a water rushing miles away nodding branches of a dead tree
Wind through the high grass birds in the sky that fly but not chirp
Sun in the sky rice fields burn brown crickets rub their thighs together
Not here but in the corn stocks and pig stocks brown in the reverse order
Platters of pinch salt and pepper underneath the floor boards creek for
Creak and dollar for dollar we make the rounds and we do not frown.

And the meet of the neat make their rapid conversations in dual order
Where they tell themselves this but I hear that and you make what you want
Unless you ain't got the stuff but if your lucky and if your smart you'll
Grab the oven and bake that **** but in case you don't see the sunset and
Your buried without your toes look for your voice because that's the only
Way you'll get to know the stars in the sky or the dirt on the ground for
The fun is growing but the lurkers are smirking for they got the pennies and
They got the nickels and these streets are breaking so you gotta' start thinking
Of a way to get outta' this place and FAST or else you'll be staring down the
Barrel of a 33 to ONE typing and writing and peeping around the corner of
Your dear old ***** that hasn't found in a home in years but don't look too
Down because one day that ONE will come around either by taxi or by train
Or by some kind of war and if you've got the gut and the money and the honey to
Keep her tight and alright and flying that lovers kite then your bound to keep
Yourself from the giggles and nearer to the harmony of the way things ought to
Be but may not really be but perhaps can be if you will it around and swill it with
Your will making sure your lies and that white or ain't that black or ain't that real
Or you ain't lying at all but stay truer to the truth with the water resolution of the
Insipid insecurity of the first love you thought you knew but now see that it was
The one three or four later and how right I am in knowing nothing and knowing
Everything and letting the mind skip and play and register new friends in the new
Cities and the new alleys and the smiles that break across the ice like a crack of of a
Whip and counting the days ones gone blowing through the high valley and the low
Trenches of war I do not wish to go to but may be forced too because this man believes
Just what he says.

It's cold outside,
rain falling down the sky,
foggy view, blurry sight,
I tremble with every step taken.

Not dream nor reality,
my consciousness fades,
words dance around their letters,
my beliefs collapsed.

Shapeshifting,
a brighter world sprouts,
limitless possibilities,
junctions merging their paths.

Efforts rewarded
with the sand of time,
barricades undone
time rewinds.

Splashs of water running down my face,
worlds drifting apart,
existence reentered,
my walk proceeds.

sustain inner spirit
through the winds of time
the changes will sweep
you through eternity
                                       ॐ पूर्णमदः पूर्णमिदं पूर्णात्पुर्णमुदच्यते
                                       पूर्णश्य पूर्णमादाय पूर्णमेवावशिष्यते ॥
                                       ॐ शान्तिः शान्तिः शान्तिः ॥
but sustain yourself
through love and hate
sustain through destiny
through monotonous fate

countless rewinds and
fast forwards  -
life is always
the same old play

and one day rise
above it all
onwards towards Brahman
with yourself reunite

            Om, That is Complete, This is also Complete, From Completeness rises that Completeness
            From Completeness Subtract Completeness, and Completeness Remains
            Om Peace, Peace, Peace.

-Vijayalakshmi Harish
  05.09.2012
Copyright © Vijayalakshmi Harish

In the searing airless midsummer-
Clockwork morning rewinds
cobalt into a bleeding orange yolk dripping across
the canvas of the world.

Sky, turn the colour of dreams. Heart, turn the colour of love-
I’m posed over a skyscraper
Because I wanted to touch the stars. Because I wanted to touch you.
There’s a beauty found in the smallest spaces
Gaps in your heartbeat, getting your toothbrush mixed with mine
Honey-lemon on my tongue

So maybe you loved me, but not in a way I comprehended
I’m thinking of your lips, your eyes
and the way you said goodbye-
The word wrapped around your tongue like a prayer.
Pink bleeds into violet and it looks like the 5 a.m. Berlin skyline
might tear itself apart, like a heart bursting or a car crash.

So it’s dawn. So I’m inconsolable.
And if the angel sun sets,
then so be it.

Idk the rules of love
  If there even are any
I never been in love to compare to what I feel today
  But the pain I feel from the loss of you is greater than my strongest feelings for them
  Idk if it has to be weeks
Months
  Years...
Or you just fall in love in a moment that takes your breath away and captures your heart
  Takes it from you, so when they leave... You're lost, and they can't hear it's beating but, you never stop feeling it
Silly as I feel
  It's just you
I ache missing you
Will it stop?
Do you even remember when your heart beat next to mine?
   I never ever believed something couldn't be lost
Until you
I just saw life stretched out with you by my side
But you're not
  You're long gone, clueless to what you've done to me
  It fills me up with emotions I want to stay but, they drain away when   my eyes open in the morning light and your spot on the beds empty
  Empty, empty I'm just empty
My mind rewinds us daily
The grip I have hurts my soul because your soul I didn't get to keep       I'm alone
  Without you, it just doesn't make sense
  Do you feel me at all?
My nails on your arm, or running through your hair as I laid on your chest?
Do you remember wiping my tears, holding me tight, choking on goodbye?
  Do you remember the way my eyes made you melt?
And how we just talked and laughed for hours?
Do you remember being home?
  I know my shatter heart cut you to pieces
But you never said you'd leave
  I didn't think you'd just replace me  but, grip my hand so tight
Our we lost at sea? Drug out by the ocean tide?
  Is missing you my fate?
Will I be different if I see you again?
Will you?
You, you, just you
I met just you
  I had just you
I fell for just you
Eyes only for just you
Fear for losin just you
These I'm sorry's for just you
  These tears are only just for you
Life gets in the way
We get in our own way
Idk if this is love...
  But, I do know this pain consumes me and my heart is heavy and barely getting by
  Idk the rules of love
If there are rules
I broke the biggest one..
I lost you
I lost shaking loves hands wrapped in your arms
  I lost just you
Just you
I miss you so much, I still hear your voice, see your smile, feel your arms    around me, your goofy giggle, your guarded but protective heart, your  weaknesses, the awful storm you put me in
  The selfishness when you wouldn't just let me go
Why did you want me to stay?
Will I ever know?
Do you see the same bright star I see?
Do you ever turn around and catch a glimpse of my eyes, or smell lingering
  To just float away
Idk the rules of love
But, my heart won't change it's beat for you
  And We're oceans apart
My hearts scattered in tiny pieces floating with the waves
To you? Idk.
  Would you put it back together?
Idk the rules, or if love has any
I just wanna find the exception
Every rule has an exception
  It's just you
Just you
My eyes slip shut, and for just a little while.. It'll be just you....
  And me
Love will be there
  Just you&Me; again
Idk the rules of love
  But, maybe if I stop searching for answers, next time I open my eyes
It will be Just You&Jus;; Me
  For now, I'll just dream....
I just don't know the rules of love

Plays the music
of sweet symphony
Glowing, growing hearts,
my genuine melody
The song goes on
with awe and excitement
perfect and clean 'till
A tick here, a tick there
Where is that from?
Never knew there's a beat
says the metronome.
And it begins, it fades
must crank it to go on
harder and faster
But it stopped.

Scratching and screeching,
give it a little tap.
It plays once again,
but rewinds and rewinds
"Nobody loves you,
Nobody did."
Words I've never heard,
tune was unknown
"It was your time
yet you awoke."

The song intensifies

Walls are crashing,
dreams drifting away
I knew it had to stop.
My ears were bleeding,
eyes were tearing
I didn't have the power
so I let it be...
It never stopped,
but my heart did.
My body, fresh and pure
hiding the decayed inside.

Lied awake
Staring into nothingness
Cried in your arms
Tears falling
To a black abyss
Killing me
We don't exist
It's you and I
Felt safe moments
Hours fly
Your chest expands
To let air in
Ive stolen your breath away
Thief of all sorts
Heart,body,mind
NO backbone to stand up for us
Skeleton without spine
Let time move forth
As memory rewinds
For a love
Sparking gold
Without a shine
Gleaming bright
In darkness
Fight  
No backbone to stand up for us
Skelton without spine
Let time move forth
As memory rewinds

The sad saga
and brittle memories
for the cast and crew
of a sinking melodrama.

No badinage
their faces turned away
silent as secrecy
in the bright artificial light.

Rewinds of prototypes
of decaying greys
with visions
that glare at shadows.

stained glass windows in my mind,
the light shines through & it all rewinds.
once more crying tears of yesteryear,
why must you have this power?
your voice remains in the back of my mind
even after all this time:
berating,
judging,
questioning reality.
have I really been hurt at all?
could i possibly be mistaken?
but then I remember I was just a child:
innocent,
in need of love,
seeking comfort.
and where were you?
too inebriated to have a clue.

What does it mean

To be a Mommy, a Mom, or a Mother?

A Mommy…carries you for nine months.
Her feet swell and she can’t sleep well.
She sings to her belly waiting for her miracle to come.
She rushes to the hospital, staying strong but scared all at once.
She lets your older sister hold you before she even does because your sister was so excited to finally have a little girl in the family.
She spends sleepless nights trying to persuade you to close your eyes.
She sings “You are My Sunshine,” “Once upon a Dream,” and “An Irish Lullaby” as you drift off to sleep with her comforting voice.
She cradles you in her arms, hoping the tight blanket wrapped around your tiny body will prevent you from growing up too soon.
She lets your hand go as you take your first steps, the little bells on your shoes jingling away.
She watches your bright eyes discover the dark world she was afraid to bring you into.
She teaches you everything she knows.
How to be kind, how to tie your shoes, how to apologize, and mean it.
She sits on the edge of the bed reading The Very Hungry Caterpillar and rewinds Mulan for the hundredth time that day.
She showers you with love and you don’t realize how lucky you are.
She holds your tiny hand in hers as she shows you what life has to offer.

A Mom…helps you with all the school projects you bring home, and let’s be honest, she does it all for you.
She picks you up from school every day, an hour after school was out. The teachers started to become accustom to this routine.
She makes dinner for you every night. You never went to bed hungry.
She asks you to pick up your toys and to not leave them laying around the house.
She scolds you for constantly picking on your little siblings.
She jams out to Tim McGraw, Faith Hill, and Eminem in her big red van with the windows rolled down on a warm summer day.
You stay up until the sun rises the next day watching whatever came on TV because you’re both night owls.
She makes you a pink heart shaped cake every year for your birthday decorated with your favorite princess figurines.
She reminds you when you get on her nerves that she gave you your life, and she can take it away.
She sits on the edge of the bed, blow drying your hair, while you doze off from the warmth and security of her love.
You look at her and know she is the woman you want to be one day, so you live each day with the kindness and compassion she bestowed upon you.
She is quiet but you’re too young to think anything of it besides being soft spoken and modeling yourself after her.

A Mother…reminds you to finish your homework before you watch TV.
She sits in the passenger seat, telling you every five seconds to “slow down” or “don’t get too close”.
She gets mad when you don’t help out around the house as much as you used to.
She says you spend too much time with your friends.
She’s waves proudly from the crowd as you walk across the stage, accepting your diploma.
She tells you, “Why don’t you pay for it? You have a job.”
She says you spend too much time with your boyfriend.
She tells you that you don’t need all that makeup to look pretty.
She asks you where you’re going but you just want to be independent.
She feels like her little girl is slipping away.
She sits on the edge of the bed, but this time you’re all grown.
You’ve been hurt badly. A cut so deep you think it won’t ever heal
You’ve been crying for days because a boy broke your heart.
You’re confused and lost. You feel like you could never be happy again.
She sits on the edge of the bed.
She listens as you sob, asking yourself what you ever did to deserve such cruelty, all the while still hoping he’ll take you back.
Then she tells you
About the boy that broke her heart.
How she thought that was the end for her. She didn’t want to go on after he left.
And then you realize that your mom is human.
She isn’t superwoman, a princess, or an angel.
No.
She’s you.
Because everything she’s experienced, she’s survived, and it made her the woman she is today. Faults and all.
And she raised you to be like her.
She raised you to realize that sorry little boys don’t deserve the time you give them.
She raised you to be strong, honest, loyal, and most importantly, kind.
And after that night, you never loved your mother more than you do now.
Because she’***** rock bottom, but survived.
And you now see the courageous woman that she is.
And one day, when you’re sitting on the edge of the bed singing to your daughter, “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey. You’ll never know dear how much I love you. Please. Don’t take my sunshine away.” You realize that the sunshine doesn’t last forever, but it always comes back after the dark nights.

And after that dark night, the sun rose.
And you gave your mother a hug.
A real hug.
One like that little girl who called her mommy would give her.
Because you never want to lose your sunshine.

Happy Mother’s Day Mom.

Love,
Ashley

It's almost like I want to keep you tucked away in my shirt pocket
Not all the time but occasionally
Just on the days when their words are too sharp
Or when the mirror isn't kind

It's almost like I want to breathe you in
Your love and your warmth and your spirit
Everything that makes you lovely
Traveling along my bones, collecting in my fingertips
Purely you

I'm moving too quickly
My brain constantly set on fast forward with occasional rewinds
Just to stress over things I can't change
Let me know if it's too much
I hope you know how much I want you to stay

I cannot comprehend how lovely you are
Everything about you is like a dream
Bright eyes and dandelions
Soft skin and warm breath
You carry the kindness that this dull world needs

i  met a man who answer
"i dont know"
when watching rerun tapes
of his  love kissing under mistletoe
surrogate the times being drunk at home
petrified
as if he became a ghost
cause these days find us
when we track down truth
not the processed kind
capitalized behind a golden tooth
i mean the genuine taste of something real
Things untouched, kissed and sealed
oh in this world its too pure to find
one who holds such a beautiful mind
with schizophrenic intellect
words, colors and space combined
all would then been seen clearly
When i met
this man who answered
"i don't know"
He was suiting up for his daily show
staring at the screen
wishing it was real
pressing  play
whispering
"We meet again my needle  in a hey"
But as the tape rolls to an end
Reality never seems to bend
So instead of searching for somthing real
He waits till his love rewinds backwards on a  wheel.

A monochrome film plays
Over and over.
To a singular audience.
It rewinds.
Pauses.
Fast-forwards.
It sticks on one frame
Over and over.
In the scene
It's me, lost in a
Labyrinth.
It's walls lit with
projected clips
of a monochrome film.
Playing.
Over and over.

When you're 10 all you wanna do is wear those high heels,
those adult clothes, the make up to cover up,
all you try to do is grow up and time speeds up,
with no pause button, no rewinds,
You simply run out of time.
Before you know it you'll have that cigarette in your hand instead of that doll,
that short skirt instead of those ripped up old blue jeans,
You'll have mascara running down your face trying to figure out how time took it all away.
Before you know it you'll be exactly where you were when you were 10 but everything and nothing feels the same.

It is the late afternoon
The sun is setting over the city of Seattle and shadows fall underneath buildings
One after the other, lying on their backs mimicking jealousy to the tall giants
She will be in her kitchen stirring lemon grass tea, humming a song she'd heard earlier that day
Perhaps on the radio, perhaps on television, perhaps on the train
She'd glide onto her balcony over-looking endless roofs of houses, buildings and cars
She will never jump, she will never lean
She will simply sit and read books, mystery books, love books, books about everything, books about nothing, she read it all and he loved that but he hated it too
Wondered how someone could detach themselves from the real world to live in one made of only words
Yet though he questioned her motives, she continued
It has been a year, 4 months, and 3 days since her eyes last met his
Time has moved slow, crutched along, eased forward, never taking steps back
The tape hardly ever rewinds and if it does, only for a brief moment
She will be on the train and suddenly he steps inside
He looks just like him from behind
The jacket, the hair, the shoes and then he turns, revealing nothing but a stranger on a train
She will be sitting in a café and suddenly, the sweet and distinct smell of him reigns over her
And she will look around frantically, perhaps he is here
But then reality reminds her that he is back home, swimming in the little city
Accustomed to every street name and curve in the road
She is in Seattle, a runaway, a dreamer
It is late afternoon
The sun is setting over the city of Seattle and shadows fall underneath buildings
She will be in her kitchen, stirring lemon grass tea, humming his favorite song

Dear You,

The universe can sometimes become too playful. It let’s you experience things that you wouldn’t want to experience, just for the plain reason that you must be able to feel the pain or the pleasure of it. You meet certain people in your life for certain reasons; some people that you don’t intend to meet and yet they suddenly become an extraordinary person in your life. Some you can keep, and some that you would just have to let go. You might think of it as something that generally *****, but it’s doesn’t **** really. It’s the universe’s way of showing you of what you might miss if you decide to prolong that exhilarating feeling, that it will somewhat bring awe, anxiety and even death – death of something that you wish would last for a lifetime. Because in life, you have to make decisions, you have to make choices, and those are facts that you cannot change. What is important is that at the end of the day, you don’t feel any regret for all the things that you did – intentionally or unintentionally. You might not want to admit this but, for that moment in your life, you felt high, you felt alive, you felt happy, you felt real, you felt wanted, and you felt loved.

If by any chance, you would want to make a rewind of every little memory just because you feel like it deserves a proper conclusion, don’t. It is a terrible idea; it may even be the worst thing that you would ever do to yourself, to your life. Because in life, there are no rewinds and there are no playbacks. We just have to move forward, forget a little maybe and learn to forgive, most especially if it’s yourself that you would want to forgive.

All the best,
Your own self

let's fall tragically in love
drink too much
and then fall tragically in lust
because I would like to stop and take a break
from destiny- I would like to pause and stop
who I must be, for just a moment,
let it go, forget it all, make this night
like it never happened, no rewinds
marked from the record,
just kiss me, for now;
I'm tired of being dependable
***** filling expectations and following the path
moral obligations and saying the right thing at the right time
I'm tired of being looked up to
'oh, maddie, with the good morals'
**** being respectable
**** being responsible
**** having a reputation
**** it all- just **** me.

I feel them staring, glaring --
I'm never sure.
My mind rewinds
to a different shore,
where fish have armored skin
that protects them from
pressures of Earthen spin.

They have legs like fingers,
the fish, the people,
that tramples me, samples me
until I'm withered, feeble.

The stares are like bugs,
striding across with curious rage.
Biting, learning, living
in the hollow of my rib cage.

Scrying on the Moon (for Brigid)

By sibylline light
images I recognize,
creviced captures of my life.
I know her judgment to be my own.

"Nourished by Moon rivers
mythical cavern blooms
unseen by sunlight
glow green."  
Thus she sets the scene;
becomes the prophecy.

"Purest white simplicity
curved to suggest fragility
faith fed maiden ready for
plucking,
given in ******* to womanly woes,
hard rows to ***
for that human hug through  
crying of night.

Fate of mortal soldiers, sacrificed to lust.
Seeking relief, beg for the boon of drama
high adventure
sneaking into sad hotels
for a fix or a tumble.
Laughs,
deadly play,
danger, a real chance.

Barefoot in the snow
icy roads
winds so strong
I could not make you hear.
I thought you were my destiny.
Crazy thoughts, far from clear;
but I believed
song lyrics from Saturnine deities
would not lie, leave me
dying, fading into winter's grey
drifting clouds,
endless sorrow endured for naught.
Lost on this careless corner,
dreaming of oblivion, intent on visions
like rain
tapping against eternity's
vast windowpane.
Scenic serenity.
Nature's gradations of green
soothe tired eyes,
trembling nerves, throbbing  veins.
Slivers of moonlight reflect
in withered refrains, unearth secrets
embedded in song
effervescing through cool pure air

cleansing the uprising nestling
set aflame
resurrected
tempered mettle,
pure, wise, tested
engorged with the will
to rise"

revised February 1, 2010


twilight of the goddess, call to song to aery dancing, lady fair your firey trance rewinds our souls, enjoy these offerings, flights of fancy, all art is yours

Inly, she defines what a soulmate is. Divinely; timely she rewinds the time, so thy soul is fixed in bliss. On earth, stuck; confined in Limbo, trapped behind window's amiss.
O' to her abode; I wish.

In this beating blood holder, the beats bounce a skip, I want her grip to hold and stride; I hold inside patience, as tears hold back the time.

Erelong, ourn spirits wilt pervade, two silhouettes of a light that never Set's; a romance eternal, one that shalt not fade, romantics of poet's pages, where ourn love stretches every page, every stage of living comes with smiling faces.
Holy being's, with an undying
Age.

Sage wilt rise in secret places,
Smoke aroma; roses go unwasted.
Glory, glory, none more waiting
Stations, I'll await with patience;
As with patience
Only good
Thing's
Come.

©Brandon nagley
©Lonesome poets poetry
©Earl Jane nagley dedication( agapi mou)

As I see you my queen
Each day and yonder
I am soothed, very much graced
At your angelic presence
I see your face
And everything's new again
I am delighted to be..
Upon your golden threshold
Each second I'm away
I am missing you terribly
Your beauty grows daily
Every morning I awake to you
The effect you leave with me
Has me feeling like old times
As though they've never left
The second we fell in love
You stir up feelings I never knew
Just like our first meeting
As we grow in age and love
The feeling of newness
Has undoubtedly never left
I remember as our first kiss
Comforted my eager being.
And each time after that
Feels exactly the same
As the beginning
The first time, everytime.
Every time I hold you
My mind rewinds to that time
That day flashes within my mind
Nothing has changed
When love meets its completion
That resting memory is awakened
Over and over again
Times have become older
But still seems younger
Each time we're together
It gets better and better
Like a bed made of tulip petals
Your love is tender and smooth
Our years will someday catch us
But even when that day cometh,
It will always be, like the first time..

©Michael P. Smith

Where hides my creator? All these open doors only lead me to nowhere.
Outlines of memories, like furniture that once sat at the center of this empty, dusty room.
Sun-soaked curtains project shadows, of all I once knew.
With each gust of wind, the projection rewinds back
to places I had forgotten I had ever been.
A twinkle through the glass presents her ring, but before an answer,
I become the shadow of a kid again.
Sitting alone with my only friend, a pen, playing pretend.
Lucid dreams of my past being viewed from the future.
I place a quiet hand on the shoulder of this passing shadow.
A silent gesture,
for all the wrong turns and cloudy climates awaiting ahead.
My frigid touch only feels a crumbling wall, and the one building up
inside the child of this past life. Never blind to hindsight,
I trace the wounds life has left me.
Self-inflicted regrets trapped inside this dingy room.
I burn it down and leave no semblance of remembrance.
Memory lane is just a pastel retell of an empty shell.
Be yourself.

Describe Vibe...

That feeling you get when two worlds collide// four hands eating off of one single plate// she reminds him of the most beautiful horizon on a overcast but still sunny day// almost as if super powers of hers came in to play// he rewinds every single thing she says, his brain so intertwined with her lines// their *** so powerful, eager to touch flesh// him cringing at every moment he gets to see her naked in bed// appreciating every aspect of her anatomy, curves to die for and he'll sacrifice for her breathe to keep flowing// love is in the air, but while both mouths shut, somehow life found it's way from despair// hopeless distance but the gaps close constantly// she asked do you love me? He replied obviously// love is thick, like the grooves of her hair// curly and uncertain how to act when his hands touch up there// pulling with every muscle, he reminds her she's his// possession is a mainstream thing, and somehow underground they remained//

Describe Vibe...

That thing you get when two souls guess on the same emotion...// knowing each other's step before their feet get to sloping// she got that medicine, unheard of, so potent// poisonous but yet he continues to smoke it, when she releases vapor of liberation// dreaming of the same revolution, they march as one to solutions// solving every problem, like the world never had em// creating memories of orchids in the front yard....// beautiful children in the grass singing along// organizing records, and playing the same song// love is through the roof, we made it the top//

It wasn’t the usual face of yours, you weren’t you
Never did I dare to show that I had got the hue
Though I wondered why your smile was fake and words so few
I searched in vain for your warmth but was frozen by the new you !

I should have known that happiness has a moth’s life,
One moment it flutters and the next moment it dies.

In your eyes swam the pain , brought by the unsaid
Your sight, a vaccine for my sorrows now felt burdened instead
Then I realized, with each passing second in my presence your burden was being fed
I forced a smile , and orphaned my eyes to survive this moment I always dread

I should have known that I was sailing in the mercuried lake of fantasy
Though my mind has drowned, am no wet, am forced to deem it all a fallacy

Ages have passed , but my mind still rewinds and plays the scenes of the time
You said it was over, deafening my ears with the sound of broken chime
I tried to flee,but my legs wont leave until i bear the bitter punishment of my sweet crime
Oh no !..those were not words of love, but an arbit stanza from a rhyme

I should have known that eternal love can exist with only ones own soul
So wrong was I to believe that I will be accompanied in my every stroll….

My mind’s tape rewinds to seasons of impromptu travel.
Watermelon juice adhering to chins and freckled legs.
Bike rides.
Scraped knees oozing sanguine fluid.
Hot nights.
Swimming. Open eyes. Chlorine burn.
Hiking all morning; burgers in the afternoon.
Cheeks mimicking the color of Red Delicious apples.
Sparkling eyes reflecting the burst of fireworks.
Teasing cousins and word-spinning aunts.
Snow Cones dyeing tongues blue coconut blue.
They were happy young Summers,
Happy young Summers.

Free Time I'm 3 Mind
Right Now No Rewinds
Im In A Place With A Numbered Race
I Don't See Time
I'm On The Beach In The Sandy C
The Waves Gaze Does Some Something To Me
Colorado Creeks
The Peaks Steep
Its A Warn Snug Hug In A Winter Scene
Trees So Green
Life Is Beautiful Let It Be
Take An 8th To Outer Sprace
SHrooms Will Wake & Help You See
No Window No Screen
The Vaunaruble Honorable
Behind Intolerable Screams
I Don't Ask Why
Although I Question Every Thing
Like Some Will Hearing The Real
Like What Does He Mean
7 Beam Extreme Connecting Wings
With Streems
The Moon It Glows Shows In My Dream
Embers In December
Sniker Doodle Ice Cream
I Turtle Through Threw Black Flames
I Scream Opera In Acid Rain
Green Heart Enlarged With Beings That
Riase
Harmonic Rays
Life Is Just 1 Really Long Day
The Sun & Moon
Please Our Moods
Shift To Okay When We Wake
Mother Earth Father Sky
Hyper Dimensional Presence
Suggest Leverage Where Are We Headed
Orion's Belt Tell It
No Seperation Through My Perception
Idea Is Were Passing Through
To Learn A Few More Lesssions
We Become Creators
& Make Our Own Heaven
Focus On Interactions In The Present
Its A Present
Not Back When
Don't Stress If It Went Unexpected
You'll For Get It
I'm A Light Pole
& My Nights Glow
Vindeseal On A Mountain Peak
In The Theatere Show Riddick
When Ego Egals
Were Awesome We Blossom
Gardens With Silver Grass & Purple Trees
Green Leaves
Mushrooms Stuck In My Teeth
Its 3 Sun Gazing
Amazing I Don't Need To Eat
I Don't Like Sock & Shoes On My Feet
I Don't See Fashion Queens & Kings
Fresh Hygiene & I Mean Neat
My ***** Smell Better Than My Breath
Might Be Mushrooms That Nest In My Cheecks
Lightning All Through This Skin & Flesh
My Current Complete
Light Poles In The Sea Fliker
When I Swimm Passed With My Mermaids
& Tea
Vibrating At My Highest Frequency
In tune With My Key
Universal Downloads I'm All Know
I Don't Suppose That I Read
Oh Then My Ideas Are Wrong
What's That Supposed To Mean
I'm A Consciousness Projecting
A Cognitive
Your A Controlling Opertive Inside Your Idols Jeans
Bianry Beats Healing My DNA
Okay Transcending Our Genes
Energy ***** Are Ways To Make Calls
No Electrical Subliminal Mind Altering
Things
I See A Dream Like Old Filmed On A Beach Black & White Sceene Type In My Minds Eye & The Swings Drys
No Body Sitting Down But It Looks Like The Place To Be, Place Of Peace, A Space To Lay A Quilt Down Eat & Drink, A Safe Place To Sleep  Die Or Even Drown
My Emtions Are Oceans Of Potions
Although I Am Miss Underatood
Its All Good
I'm A Head Of My Time
I Won't Come Down From Ethers
Who I Am Is Not On This Ground
But The Pen Js So My Lyrics
Seriously The Only Thing Coming Down
If I Seem Distant When People Come Close
I'm Still Listing In Side Of Your Soul
My Verbal Emotions Are To Giant Their Silent
When Projected So,
If My Response Seems Of Its Not I Promise Inide I'm Feeling More Than What's Out Side
I Am Deeper Than The Sea Floor
Higher Than The Clouds Depth
I See More Fire On The Mountain Set
I Don't Need A Monk To Confirm & Bow His Head I'm True To Me Till This Owls Dead
Not Dressing Up
No Cap & Gown
No Towel Head
Intentions To Lessen Defesive
& Seperation
If Over My Words Your Ofensded With Verbs
You Sizzle Like Saton
Its Obsersd Cos The Physical Is Just
Communication
I Am Here To Do Me
I Don't Need To Bleed An Explanation
Or Reciece ForgiveNess
Our Mission Is Sacred
Kato Telsa
37 Sages

Whole day I carry a burden of load in mind
A way out of this maze I desperately try to find
Rewinds it like a flashback in a slow moving film
Was he at fault or wasn’t I unfair to him?

Then there’re words that I would rather not have said
They raised some eyebrows a few enemies made
In course of the day they make me sulk and fret
Agonizing mishaps breeding gallons of regret!

Add to that my actions that might have caused a hurt
Sweet bonds loosening relationships coming apart
I’m tormented by these diurnal horrors the recurrent day-mares
Be sure they’re much scarier than any of your nightmares.

"You are not special!"
People stood and shouted around me
As I sat and listened to other words of encouragement

"You are not special!"
People shouted trying to break free
As I sat and pondered my bodies torment

"The world around you is a lie!"
People clapped others cried
Not with sorrow but the joy of absolution

"The world around you is a lie!"
The man at the top of the room proclaimed
I listen and my duty as a being seemed to longer remain

There's nothing new out there
It's just TV reruns, reboots and reimagings, reborns and rewinds
There is no future just the past again
And again and again

She was a child and broken to, father gone a mom lost to.

All Alone she took on the world.
She was so young and her surroundings misleading she lived a life of crying and pleading.

Friendly faces mostly grown took advantage of her. She had no home.

A home is comfort, a home is love, a home is shelter. And she knew none.

She grew fast, still a kid pretending to have fun with the older worldly kids.
They took her in, what they could, but they to were broken and didn't do much good.

She played house to pass the time, and didn't realize the game was life.

She dabbled in this and she dabbled in that, she didn't realize how lost a person could get.

Years flew by.
Ahh the things she missed, her daughters first period and first kiss.

She was lost... Off the grid.... She was broken, but no longer a kid.

She played house a long time ago long enough for a daughter to know.

She was broken all her life, but during her game of house, before she left, her kids were loved and it was clear
but now she had to escape a new fear.

She was dealt some pretty bad hands and couldn't seem to trust any man.

She stayed lost a good while.

Then one day she came around.
She was grown, smart, and settled down.

Yeah, she was lost far to long, but when she was found she was her, and she was Independent and strong.

She was lost far to long, but it was never to late to be my mom.

I've held her close in my heart, no matter the time or distance apart.

She was my mom, and she was broken. She missed a lot I did to, but her journey wasn't selfish. I now know. She did what she did, cause she was still that kid.

She was broken And frozen in time, broken by all She left behind. Love and drugs, deceiving friends and long long nights she prayed would end.
I was angry when she left, I was broken within.
But she was lost, she had no home. For years she was all alone.

It took me a while to catch on, that our lives were lives that made us strong.

She was lost, but she was my mom.

She was lost and all alone, but now she's found and has a home.

She found herself and found me to. Even though there's no rewinds we have something special and real. A love that a mothers and daughters feel.

There's no blame, no lost time just a mother daughter love that's hard to find.

Now I'm a mom, that took a different path. A stronger mom because of our past.
God they say gives us only what we can bear. My moms been home for many years. And now all thoughs struggles and her fears are what's lost, because now she's mom and grandma to,loving, caring and free to.